This is the last time I'm asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I'm asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.

Kris was always away. And being a good girlfriend, I would patiently wait for him. He would be gone for months and when he comes back. I only get to spend 3 days with him, one week maximum. It’s hard dating a celebrity. You can’t tell them you’re dating a star. Your life and career would be a stake. It’s hard but I was ready to endure it. I’ve been with him since he was Kevin up to the time he’s Kris.

Every time I would watch their interviews. It would sometimes break my heart if they talk about their ideal girls or the celebrities they like. I would feel insecure because I start comparing myself to them. I was no match for them but Kris would remind me

“you’re the most beautiful for me and no one could replace you”

But there are times where I want to give up because I couldn’t take it. I can’t be forever a secret right? There will be a point where he has to introduce me, right?

“Yifan, can we go out for date?” I ask him, it was our 5^th year anniversary

“what for?” he asks grumpily. He just got home from a schedule

“it’s a special day” I smile at him and sit by his side

“what day?” his brow furrows

“guess” I smiled bitterly and played with his hands

“I don’t have time for guessing” he says and gets up to go to bed

And I just sat there on the verge of tears. He forgot about our anniversary. That broke my heart. We haven’t spent our anniversary together for three years now. It was either he was abroad or busy with promotions. This was the only day that we could be together and he forgot about it. That broke my heart even more. I had never asked for anything more from him because I’ve always understood him. But can he sometimes ask me for the things I need? I need him. All I ask is for some time with him. A little attention and love would go a long way for me.

I was furious when I learned that the boys were having two months off but Kris told me that he only had 3 days. That pushed me to my limits.

“Kris!” I yelled once I got home

“stop yelling will you?” he yells back

“you told me you only had 3 days off when the truth is you have 2 months?”

“who told you?”

“I went to SMent because I had a meeting! That’s where I found that out!”

“that’s none of your business” he said coldly

“yes, it is.” I started crying “all I wanted was some time with you. I need your love and attention sometimes” I broke down but instead of him answering me or comforting me he slammed the door and left.

It’s been an hour since Kris left. I got worried so I called Luhan

“hello?”

“Luhan oppa”

“oh, hey? Is there something wrong?”

“is Kris there with you?”

“he’s about to leave”

“oh, okay. Thank you, oppa.” Then I hung up

I waited outside the SM building. I was standing beside a lamppost when I saw him.

And what he did next broke my heart.

He was with Jessica. They were standing behind Jessica’s car and I saw Kris kissing her. That was the last straw. I immediately went home to pack my things to leave.

I left a note on the door.

“I can’t handle this anymore. Goodbye.”