What a shame. You're letting me devour you bit by bit. 

She lost track of how long this has been going on. Or rather, she didn't want to keep track of it. 

At first, she admitted it was exceptionally hard to keep herself from thinking of food, but nowadays it seemed quite normal for her to skip breakfast, lunch... Dinner. It became normal to refrain herself from eating 'too much' although she was lacking nutritional food at the moment. 

It became a routine. A habit.

As days past by her vision of herself changes. Everything changes. What was skinny and flawless in others' eyes became fat and unpleasant to hers. The worst thing wasn't that however, it was the fact her mother encourages her to go on an extreme diet, unaware of how her daughter's arms have been looking a little skinny lately, of how her rosy cheeks were a tad bit too pale and sunken; her cheekbones more prominent these days.

Her dad, however, noticed these subtle changes. 

"Sulli, are you okay? Is dance school alright? You look a little pale and tired these few days." 

"I don't think you need to worry about that, Seungwon, I'm sure Sulli can handle school well, can't you?" 

"Mom's right. I'm fine, I'm liking it a lot actually. I've just been working a little harder, that's all." 

Well, truth to be told, it wasn't fully a lie either. Sulli was, indeed working very hard in her contemporary classes, although the reason for this isn't quite what her parents might have thought it was. For Sulli's parents, they firmly believe that it is because of her passion. Her passion for dancing. They don't believe there was ever a day where Sulli's passion had ever deteriorated even a bit.

But for Sulli right now, it was an entirely different reason. It wasn't for the passion for dancing. It wasn't for the hunger to express through dancing. It was for the need to be ceaselessly perfect. The reason why she had been practising hours before her classes starts was merely for the constant need to exercise, to lose that extra bit of fat. 

It was as if her dream to become a dancer had never existed. Poof. Vanished. Gone. Disappeared. 

What exists now is just a new mindset that solely wants to achieve perfection in it's whole.

Even though it knows it can't. 

Just reach for that apple, Sulli thought, it's not that hard. 

In all honesty, it really wasn't. 

Pick it up and take a bite, just do it. Yeah, you can do it. 

Are you sure about that? 

Sulli stopped dead in her tracks, her hand just inches away from the red fruit, frozen. Just one question and it had the power to make her question her decision. 

Am I sure about that? 

As if someone was controlling her body, Sulli found herself withdrewing her hand. Pursing her lips together, she made her choice. 

She decided to turn her back against the apple, and leave the house without glancing back at it again. 

Sulli left the house early in hopes of getting to the school several hours before her actual classes starts to practise first, but today, things didn't go as she had planned. 

Waiting just outside of her house was a distinguishly good-looking man leaning on a lamp post while tapping his foot to a certain beat. She briefly looked up and saw headphones plugged into his ears as he casually glances at her. The moment their gazes met, Sulli almost screamed in delight. Her lips parted in shock. His lips curved into a tiny, enthralling smirk. 

Sulli dropped literally everything in her hands: her keys, water bottle and bag before running towards the man. 

His embrace never felt this welcoming before. She missed it. Maybe a little too much. 

"S-Sulli? Your squeezing the breath out of me," the man said in a tight voice, although there was a smile on his face. Sulli let go for a moment for him to breathe before hugging him again, this time more gently. 

"Oh my gosh, Jinki, I missed you so much," Sulli mumbled. 

"Really? I feel so loved," he chuckled as he rocked them back and forth for at least, at least five minutes, before they let go of each other. Sulli's eyes glistened under the sun. 

"Why are you crying, hmm?" Jinki softly asked as he wipes a tear away with his thumb. 

"Nothing. It's just, I'm so happy to see you again. I thought you were only going to come back for Christmas!" 

"Well, that's what I told your dad to tell you. I wanted it to be a surprise, you know? Looks like it worked well. Your expression was absolutely priceless." He said as he threw his head back and laughed whole heartedly. 

"That isn't fair, you gave me the shock of my life!" Sulli kicked his foot as hard as she could, though it hardly inflicted any pain on him. He calmed himself down in the next few seconds quickly. 

"Tell you what, let's go grab something delicious to eat and we can catch up. What do you say?" 

Delicious. Food. Eat. Jinki. 

All of these thoughts hit her like a train and suddenly she had never felt so hungry in her life ever. Sulli had wanted to get to school early to practise, but this was the first time in two years since she last saw Jinki. There was no denying that she really wants to have a good old chat with him. 

"I'll take that as a yes then. Come on," before she could agree to anything she was already pulled towards a black car that was parked at the side of the road. Sulli looked up at Jinki at the same time as he looked down with a wide smile. She blinked. 

A certain familiar feeling was coming back to her again. 

Perhaps, it never went away in the first place. 

Two plates of black bean noodles were served within several minutes to the table of two at a famous korean shop. The aroma surged from the plates to the table, leaving both Jinki and Sulli's mouths watering. They thanked the waiter before digging into the food that was, at least to Sulli, literally screaming 'eat me'!

It was only after they had both swept their plates clean that they started making small talks. Sulli tried hard to push away the tiny guilty feeling in her gut for eating this much since days.

"So Jinki, how was the army? Did they treat you alright?" Sulli asked, eyes harbouring curiosity. 

"Admittedly, it was a bit hard to adapt at first, but after a week or so I was more or less adjusted to it. How about you? I heard you entered your dream dance school." 

"Yes, I did. I worked hard to pass the auditions," she replied. She couldn't keep herself from staring at Jinki's firm arms. He had grew bigger since she last saw him. She found him rather... Masculine now.

"You know, sometimes I like to relive our childhood memories together when I'm in camp resting." She averted her eyes to his face. He was her next-door neighbour. 

"Why is that?" 

"I don't know, it makes me blissful. Makes me feel like I have a little sister who would wait for me to come back no matter what." A tiny piece of her heart broke when he said that. The reason did not lie in the fact that Jinki's mom had left him when he was young or that his dad had promised not to leave him yet did when his soul passed away. It was for an entirely different reason that she knows, but doesn't dare to admit. 

In deep thoughts, both of them left the shop after paying and decided to take a short walk downtown. 

After a few minutes of silence she felt something brushing against her hand. She glanced down out of the corner of her eyes and she witnessed Jinki's attempt to grab her hand. She secretly smiled.

She took the initiative instead. Although she knew it was out of a brotherly act, she could not help but to think of it as a romantic act. The more she thought of it like that, the more she mustered up enough courage to ask Jinki the question she had always wondered throughout their childhood life, their teen years. Now that he's back and they had grown up, it was the right time. 

"Jinki, can I ask you something?" 

"Sure, go ahead." 

"Do... Do you love me?" Done. She can't take her words back anymore.

There was a slight pause; he hesitated for a second.

"Of course I do. I love you like my own sister." 

Shattered. Her smile was wiped off her face. She thought all of these unnecessary feelings had long disappeared since he left, but it never did. It had only been buried deep in her heart, in a cage that was secured until now.

If he had looked her in the eyes when he said that, he would have seen shards of broken pieces. 

She let go of his hand.