That was when it all began, didn't it?

Shoulders back. 

Long neck. 

Stomach in. 

Legs straight. 

Point toes. 

Pull up. 

Square hips. 

Chin up. 

Balance, 

And breathe. 

Dancing is a passion. For some it's the spark that ignites the fire in them, for some it's more than that. For some it's simply a hobby, for some it's their life. 

When it comes to dancing, there's no doubt that there is a lot to think about. It takes countless amounts of practise to make perfect, but when you lose your soul in it as you simply indulge in the music, you find that your whole body interprets the music and turns it into graceful moves. Into a story that has such depth in it, that the audience can't help but to be touched, because they can relate. They can feel. 

Right ahead of you now, is a story. Not just anyone's story, though. It's her story. The story of how she plunged into darkness but came back out with a radiant glow that changed her life forever. 

Up, up and up, she thought. Sulli  pivoted step by step towards the left with her right leg firmly in the air and her left on the ground. With each step she brought her leg up higher and higher. Now let it go. She glided effortlessly across the smooth, polished dance floor and leaped in the air, landing firmly with balance afterwards. Her eyes held so much emotions: sadness, a flicker of pain, desire, longing and sincerity. She digged into her darkest memories in the past, tabbed into those feelings and presented it as if history was happening again. 

She could feel a pang in her chest as she continued dancing like her life depended solely on it, but she chose to ignore it. Her mind drifted to the image of her family - her mom, more specifically, and she could not help but to feel these sort of emotions towards her. This piece was all about losing someone and never getting them back, after all. Except, her mom never left her. No she didn't. Her body was still there, but it's as if her spirit is someone else now.

You see, Sulli has always been a mother's little girl. She was brought up as an only child and therefore was always constantly spoiled by her parents. Sulli had always concentrated on being the perfect daughter, doing whatever her mother tells her to do, and doing her best to get into this music school was her number one goal in life.

The only thing was that, she can't always be perfect. There's certainly no doubt that she is human and humans make mistakes. But recently, she feels as if there's this self consciousness that surrounds her and keeps following behind her like a shadow. She feels the constant need to be perfect, and she tries her best to cover up her flaws, her imperfections. She just couldn't bring herself to accept them. Her pride doesn't allow her to.

Ultimately though, Sulli knows that this started when her mom starts comparing her with other girls consistently, whether it was her body, her tidiness, her grades back in high school, or anything that was worth 'comparing'. Over time, it was as if she didn't know who her mom was anymore. What happened to her, she didn't know either.

The once caring mom seemed to have fade away as if someone pulled that characteristic away from her heart, and instead returns her with nothing but emptiness. Sulli longed for her mom, her real mom to come back. To tell her she loves her just the way she is, and to kiss away her tears like she used to during hard times. Right now, all she could do is try to meet up to her expectations, and hope for her mom to confide in her soon. 

To what extent she is willing to go to achieve those expectations, is solely based on her choice. 

What she's not aware of though, is that a huge, black hole is just right at her tail, waiting for the perfect opportunity to engulf her whole being into nothingness.

"That was phenomenal, Sulli!" Someone exclaimed right after Sulli ended the dance with her falling to the ground gracefully. The story ended with Sulli, being the solo dancer, dying as she waited for her loved one to come back although he never did. Unknowingly, a few drops of tears had escaped her eyes during the dance. To Ms.Song, Sulli's choreographer, that made the dance a masterpiece. Sulli let out a tiny smile as her cheeks turned a little red before she reached out for a bottle of water. If only she could read my mind, she thought. 

"Alright, that's all for today. You've worked hard, Sulli. You should eat a little more, you're looking a bit skinny lately." Ms.Song stated as she gathered her notebook, bag and keys. 

"I'm staying back for a bit," she replied, "and I'll take care of myself," 

"Are you sure?" Sulli nodded. 

"I'm off then, gotta catch the last train back home," she said as she began walking out of the door. "Good night!" 

"Same to you too."

The door closed with a soft click. 

Just when she thought she was all alone in the studio, she heard music coming from the other room. "Moonlight Sonata," she muttered to herself as she listened to whoever that was playing on the piano. She didn't plan on finding out who it was, but instead, choreographed a few moves to cooperate with the song. Although she planned to practise more on her previous dance, she figured she should just go home and rest.

Somehow she just had a feeling that the person playing in the other room wanted to be alone too. 

Dim street lights lighted the street as Sulli walked back home. It was a hot summer night and there was no wind at all.

She dwelled in her thoughts before she arrived home. No lights were on, which indicated that her parents were probably asleep. She hadn't had her dinner yet, so she took a quick shower before opening the fridge to see if there was any leftovers. As expected, there was a big plate of kimchi spaghetti wrapped in cling wrap, so she took it and heated it up. Within minutes, the microwave beeped and it was ready for her to eat. 

However, in the process of eating, her thoughts wandered back to that fine summer day a week ago. 

"Are you sure you want to eat that? The amount of calories in it is unbearable, and you're a dancer, too." Her mother had commented, when she was in her swimsuit outside in the lawn, soaking up all the sunshine while eating a new ice cream flavour she had been dying to try. 

"Well, it's up to you anyway, just don't over eat. You look like you gained weight," she said before glancing at Sulli's flat stomach, making her feel self conscious. Those words were never forgotten by her. 

Snapping back into reality, of her sitting on the dining table with a big plate of spaghetti already in her stomach, Sulli suddenly felt nauseous and guilty. 

Before she knew it, she was already in the bathroom, looking at her reflection before she slowly opened . What came next was her putting two fingers down . Almost immediately, she threw up everything in her system.

She couldn't believe how she felt after that. She honestly felt powerful, in control, relieved. She knew she shouldn't be feeling like this, but she felt good about herself. She felt...perfect.

And that moment was when darkness had caught up with her.

That, was when it all began.

| Author's Note

Welcome to my third chaptered story, guys! Thank you for the comments and upvotes, I appreciate them greatly. :)  I know this isn't a great first chapter, but I tried my best to make it interesting for y'all. Hopefully you guys enjoyed it and have gotten some sort of insight of Sulli's life. I didn't want to just jump straight to her being anorexic so fast. I'm planning to take it slow so I can unravel Sulli's character bit by bit. ;) 

Yeap, I guess this is all for now, I'll see you soon! 

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