With all my attention to the world, I headed straightly on the lonely street, hoping to get into the school soon. At least to somewhere, where many people were around.

I hated this, I really did. Every morning, I always had the same fear that this group of boy would come to me again. I couldn't even walk but almost have to run, throwing my glances in every direction as if I would see a ghost behind me. I was nearly shaking and my hands hurt from clenching my schoolbag so tightly.

I wasn't overreacting, absolutely not. You could never know, someone could come behind me and splash water on my pants. It had been happening once. And to be honest, I didn't want to witness that again. Thinking of that made me feel like the last loser. Like a damn coward.

I clearly remembered all the giggles and cackling from the other students as I came into school with my soaked pants. Everything was wet at the front because they apparently thought it'd be funny to empty a water bottle onto it. Basically, they had been holding me from behind, zipping off my school pants and threw that bottle in my boxer. My legs almost froze because they put ice into it. My head that had turned to a red tone made everything more embarrassing and believable that I really had peed in my pants like they all had thought. That person who wanted see me so embarrassed had reached his goal. It was absolutely not funny, not for me.

It got serious after a while and I couldn't handle all these teases anymore. I wanted to let out my rage so much but I really didn't know how. I couldn't punch that person in the face nor tearing out my eyes until it get sore in front of people. I was too weak to hurt someone and I didn't want that they see me as a wimp, to avoid that they would hit me down even more if I'd cry. But someday there was just too much of everything and I wasn't able to hold my tears so I let it out somewhere, lonely. I tried to stop myself from crying a servery times because I hated it. I didn't remember when I became so soft-hearted and emotional. I didn't like to blame myself as weak but it needed to get in my head already that nothing could help. I just needed to face that I was just a hopeless coward.

Did I mention that I was stupid, too? It was my fault that all these began. If I hadn't been so stupid and think that this life would be that easy.

I bit on my lips, perking all the way around me. There was no one in my surrounding. I lived in an abandoned place, there was no neighborhood. Every building was already crashed down. There was once a factory but I wasn't really sure. But sometimes, it was creepy to live in this place. Every single streetlamps didn't work anymore in the night because no one would repair everything. I always used to bring my lamp with me whenever I planned to study over hours in the school. There was also someday I could forget it. I would always come home with shaking legs whenever I did. I really was afraid of darkness, actually almost of everything.

It seemed like a good sign that no one was here but it was not. It was very bad and dangerous. Some boys could be hidden somewhere and suddenly surprise me. On top of that, no one would see me and stop them from harrassing me. Actually they wouldn't let someone stop their fun anyway. They always liked to sneak around this place and play with me whenever they wanted. And I, the actual wimp, would always let them do what they wanted because I didn't know how to stop them. If I would have enough money to buy a bike or drive with the bus, I would do this since a long time ago. I would do everything to get into school in safeness, unnoticed.

On the very first day, I really didn't expect it to come. Hard to believe but I was once a normal student being. I thought it began as I confessed to Kim Tae Hyung... I confessed my stupid love to him. I didn't know anymore why I loved him so much that I put all my courage together to do a confession under men eyes. I didn't know that I would blame myself and that he would go as far as to bully me. I'd had never known that he was something like a dark-shaded person, but now I could see it clearly. He hated me because I was gay. His friends already knew about this. Everyone in the school knew it. He had blamed me around just because I loved a person in my same . I didn't understand what was wrong with it and why all those people laughed at me as if I would come from another planet. Somehow, it rose my rage knowing that they bullied me for such a reason.

I froze as I heard steps all of sudden. It wasn't my steps. I widened my eyes, scanning every edged. The sound that came closer made me gulp.

"Yah... It's our Kookie-ah. Surprising, he stops for us," The grinny boy said while heading toward me with two other guys. He had a cap on his head and looked like an ordinary 'cool kid'. It looked like he was going to do something with me, what wasn't really out of my expectation. I decided not to move an inch but clenched my hands tighter in my school bag strap.

"Jimin, go aside," The other said, pushing his friend out of his way, not caring if he stumbled down.

I heard him groaning annoyingly as he nearly fell on the boy who wore a beanie and had a weird name like Suga or something like this. I remembered his name because it was weird. But I wasn't really paying attention to them. My eyes were focused on the boy who was taking steps to me. His hair color was so dazzling orange that you even could recognize him from afar.

I didn't dare to blink. I just stood there, biting my inner cheeks. Knowing that he was planning to make hell out of my day again made me want to step away as he was approching me from steps to steps but I wasn't able to move. My legs were magically set down on the floor.

"Hello," Taehyung greeted me, flashing his angelic smile.

My heart began to clench every time I saw him. Especially because of the perfect sharp-shaped eyes that I liked to glance at them, once. But that was in the very past. Now, I felt like escaping whenever I saw them. He knew every way to hurt me. He made me cry a servery of time already. He was also the one whom I wanted to hit hardly for pay back. This boy was the one who changed me.

"Hey. I greeted you. Don't you want to greet me too?" He squeezed my cheeks, not giving a care if it was too rough. "Come on, don't crap your pants. Say it." His voice was deep and challenging.

I pressed my eyes as he began to crawl with his nails. My tears rose as I could feel all his sharp, painful nails on my skin. He had no pity to let his violence out on me. Every touch of him hurts. I moaned quietly to let out the pain that became more intense on my cheeks. I tried to back up my head to escape away from his grip but he was already almost smashing it.

He snored in annoyance after I avoided to say a single word, throwing my head away from his grip. "Ah. So boring."

I was still pressing my eyes, laying my hand softly on my one cheek. I tried hard not to give a single pain sound, so I was gulping a several time. I should be used to this but it rather hurts me even more from today to tomorrow. Not how they used violence on me but how they treated me. It got worse everyday. I felt like a piece of .

"Hey, let's look what our Jungkookie hides in his bag, guys," Jimin finally suggested, then snapped out my schoolbag that I wore on my back. I nearly fell stumbling as he pushed me away.

He opened my bag, emptying it in front of my face. Everything what was in my bag fell down on the floor. Just some books and my case with my pencils was everything I had. But Jimin got as far as also opened my case and cleared everything on the floor. My pencils were straggling everywhere on the sideways.

"What the hell... This crap got cheap pencils." Suga arched his brows, kicking on some stuff. He kept his grin, while Jimin made fun of a book that he found. He busted in his cackling as he realized that he really found the sci-fi novel E.T. Then, he began to smash my favorite book with his foot.

"Stop it!" I tried to stop them, hopelessly, but I already knew that they wouldn't listen to me. I kneed down to collect my stuff before it went out of my sight. I couldn't risk to end up without anything. For me, these pencils weren't that cheap and the book was something important that I always had with me. It was a book that my mom always read for me when I was a child whenever I felt pity. I always read it at school to calm myself, even if it was a child novel. It was my favorite one, after all, and I couldn't let them destroy it.

They began to laugh at me as they see me crawling helplessly around, as if it was the funniest thing to see me like this.

"Look at this," Taehyung deep voice spoke up as he recognized my small lunchbox. He reached it up from the floor and took a glance in it, almost busting in laugh after that. "Seaweed? Are you on a diet?"

I didn't answer him, like always. I was busy with searching my stuff together.

I had wheat allergies, I couldn't eat rice like everyone did. I decided to only eat vegetables since I wanted to save money for my mother's sake. It was really bitter for me not to be able eating rice. As I was a child, I always wanted to eat it because everyone was mocking on me for not eating the same stuff as them. They said that I tried to be different for attention. ing lame judgment. But then, I found myself crying everyday. I was ten years old and sure, I was still immature and fragile. My mum had always cheered me up and told me not to listen them. She always said that it was okay to be different, it was even better to be different from the others. She had tried to make me believe that I was someone special who no one could ever replace. I had believed in her words a long time ago.

Now, I had changed my mind. I didn't feel special and different at all, rather like a something that was unworthy to exist.

I stopped my pace for a moment as Taehyung kicked me slightly on my stomach, as if I was nothing more than a dog. "Yah. You are skinny and weak enough. Wanna end up like a skeleton? Trying to be like an idol?" He snickered.

I let out a slight sigh and continued throwing everything in my bag. I really tried to ignore him, even if he kicked me more and more on my side.

He finally clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes as I avoided to show him any emotion. "You ain't no fun"

One moment later, I could hear that something dropped down. It sounds like something gibberish and I could already sense what it was. I turned my head hastily in shock and saw my seaweed salad on the floor.

My heart sank, I froze like a stone. They could throw away my bag if they want but I won't let someone wasting my food. My mother made this for me and I knew her efforts. I knew clearly that she wanted to make good food for me, so that my day could bright up somehow. It wasn't that easy to cook with one arm, I knew it too. My mother lost her arm by a fire accident that happened a few years ago and our house was also gone because of this. Everything was gone, even my father. We began a new life with just some dollars, which was the rest. It wasn't an easy life living like this. I was also trying my best, helping my mother with some part-time jobs. My biggest wish was to get a good profession after my education, so I can spend money buying a better house for us. Also, maybe I should learn how to cook so she didn't need to cook for me anymore. My mother couldn't do anything else but cooking for me, since it was difficult to find a job with one arm hanging on her body.

Now seeing her effort on the bare floor awoke my argue. I clenched my hand into a fist, biting on my lips to hold my tears. But I shouldn't cry yet, not because of that.

I suddenly stood up after I had enough of staring at it for a long time. My eyes were filled with rage and also tears as I grabbed his collars. "Why!! Why are you doing this?!" I knew I shouldn't go at him but I couldn't hold myself. He went too far, I wanted to see him dead so much.

"Don't yell around, moron." He frowned, easily managing to pull away my grip.

"My mother made this! If you knew what mother love is, you wouldn't do something like this!!" I just wanted to bust everything out. It felt good. He could hit me after that but he should just do what ever he wanted. I was already used to his cold, awful heart. I tried a servery time already to understand why he likes to see me suffering that much. But it was just hopeless... I couldn't understand. He had the money, he had friends and his complete family. He had everything that would make him satisfied. But what am I? His ing toy?

He went in silent for second. Then, I was packed on my both arms by the two others who were behind me. "What did you just say?" He asked with arched eyebrows, letting his 'recruits' hold me still. He lifted his head, looking nowhere while beginning his snickering in astonishment and disbelieve. "This , how awesome... Love? Mother?"

I tried to struggle myself from those two. My will rose even more. I stared at him, I tried to frown but I was even afraid to look mad at Taehyung because it might provoke him even more. He was laughing like a maniac. I wanted to punch him right now, even if I couldn't go as far as making him blue eyes. I wanted him to feel my pain I had been through because of him, no matter what it will cost.

"Go on your knees," He suddenly gave me an order as he had calmed himself.

I didn't move. My pride was the last thing I wanted to lose in front of him. I would rather walk without clothes around the school by myself, than kneeing for him.

"I told you to kneel!!" He yelled again with force in his voice. In this moment, I was pulled down, roughly. They held me tightly so I couldn't move at all. I didn't want to see him in the face, so I just turned my face aside, not giving a slight sight of fear. I tried, at least.

He kneed down to me, grabbing my chin so he could gaze me deeply in my eyes. His eyes said nothing. They were just empty and lifeless. "This ing stuff called love does not exist," He arched his eyebrows to mark his seriousness. "Remember it in your smart brain, you nerd" He nudged his finger on my forehead, making it back up firmly.

"Of course, it doesn't exist for you!" I barked at him back. "In your dark life, there's no place for love."

Suddenly, his eyes lost their temper. After he threw me his sight of danger, he grabbed my collars and slammed his fist right on my cheeks with all his might.My cheek was overfilled with ache, as if it would never stop to swell. Closing my eyes, I exhaled with shiver to let out my pain from his acute sharp hit.

"You've got the nut saying this, haven't ya?!" His eyes widened like crazy. He stood up and began to kick me. Harder and stronger, trying to stab his foot in my stomach if possible. "Just..." He held for breath, kicking me again. " you..."

The pain began to increase inward and it felt like my stomach would twist. Ten times. I pressed my eyes, trying to catch for air. Every breath I tried to hold stabbed my chest. He punt on me as if he just wanted to see my death. I could sense his aggressive temper, even if he busted in laugh. I didn't know that I would provoke him so much. I couldn't bit down my scream so I just screamed out. His little chuckle told me that he enjoyed hearing my scream and grief. He never hit me so strong before. It hurts twice as it should.

Even if I tried to give up my interest at him, I didn't know why it always hurts to see him treating me like this. If I could remind that memory and forget it for times... I'll do everything for this. Maybe I was so blind and probably fell for his perfect face like some other people. But something was weird. I never felt something like this to male before, neither a girl. I found out that he was my first love. But why couldn't I just fall in love with a girl? Why must it be the one who tried to make the hell out of me, even if I didn't do anything to him?

I began to cough, blood spitting out. I tried hard not to let out the tears that slowly hurt my eyes in pace, so I could let it out later. But it was too late. It fell down from itself. Finally, they gave up their grip but I wasn't in the form to move anyway. I collapsed to the floor. Taehyung's other two friends supported him with kicking my back while they cursed me for being such a crybaby. I couldn't help but crooked my body together for protection, even if it wasn't a huge use. I pleaded them to stop for a several times, but they won't stop filling me with pain. My cries and screaming filled the whole surronding. Taehyung's attacking pants could also be heard. The feeling of being numb and dizzy grew bigger from seconds because I wasn't still able to breath probably. Taehyung must had hit my lung somehow. My whole body felt antsy and it felt like the world would slowly fade away.

With my last precious breath, I called for my mother.