iv. boarding
as long as there is love

She woke up with a monstrous headache and cursed herself for being so stupid as to drink alcohol.

She blushed when she noticed that she was in Hoseok's bed and blushed some more when she realized that he must have had to carry her back. She hoped she hadn't been too heavy.

Groaning lightly, she flopped back down.

"You're awake?"

She gasped, her eyes flying open to find J-Hope rummaging through his drawers while shirtless.

He had meant to change out of his blood-encrusted clothes before she woke up but he couldn't find any clean shirts.

With a burning face, she automatically squeezed her eyes shut. But then something registered in her brain and her eyes popped back open. "What..are those?" she asked hesitantly.

He stilled but didn't turn. "What?"

"On your back..."

She forced herself out of the bed, wincing against her pounding head, and stumbled to him. Reaching out, her fingers softly touched the puckered scars marring his otherwise perfectly smooth back. The muscles in his body visibly tensed. There were two long slashes between his shoulder blades. She laughed lightly. "You know what these remind me of? Wings. Like you were an angel who had his wings ripped off."

He snorted at this. "Angel? Who's an angel?"

J-Hope spun around, causing her to squeak in surprise. He smirked and walked forward. She backed away, not out of fear but embarrassment. If he trapped her now, she'd end up doing something crazy like kissing him senseless—or rather kissing the sense back into him.

Actually, maybe that wasn't such a bad idea.

Her legs hit the bed and she gasped as she tumbled down.

She was so trapped.

Her back hit the wall yet he was still moving closer.

"If you don't stop coming closer, I'll kiss you!" she blurted.

He almost laughed. "Is that a threat?"

"Uh—"

"But you don't wanna kiss me. You shouldn't want to." His face was completely serious as hers grew perturbed.

"Why not?"

"Because you don't love me," he stated simply.

She frowned. "I never said—"

"You left," he interrupted. "You said you loved me and then you left."

She froze. She knew it had been the wrong decision; she had always known. And now it was here to haunt her.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I...I was just scared. We were too young, Hobi, and it was too much."

Immediately she knew she had said the wrong thing. His lips twisted into a grimace that looked so out of place on his face. "Too much? What, my feelings for you? They were too much?" He laughed and it was a terrible sound. "I was too much? Why didn't you just say so?"

"No, that's not what I—"

"So I'm right after all. You left because of me. Because I was too much for you to deal with."

"Jung Hoseok!"

"But still, after my parents had left, and my siblings...how could you abandon me so easily?" he continued, disregarding her outburst.

She bit her lip. She had no worthy excuse.

"It almost killed me, you know. Why did everyone I love have to leave me?" He looked at her with a crazed smile. "Now I know it was really because of me. Because I'm not worth it." His voice was so calm, so matter-of-fact, despite the conflicting anger and sadness and self-loathing that flickered across his face.

"That's not true—"

"Then I found the guys. They were great, you know, the best friends I could ever have. And I was afraid of losing them too."

She realized now that she had not just hurt him, she had not just broken his heart—she had also broken his spirit.

"I was so afraid that when their lives started going wrong and they started taking it out on people, I followed. I followed because I didn't want them to leave and I couldn't leave them. I just followed and watched." He lifted his hands into the air and stared, almost disgustedly, as if he could see all the blood he had spilled. "I became a monster."

She made to get up. "Hoseok, no—"

"Don't come near me!" he yelled, backing away. "Don't give me any hope. Just...just go."

She ignored him and slipped out of bed, the pulsing in her head a dull ache now. She stalked closer and glared at him.

And then she hugged him.

"I'm sorry, Hobi," she whispered into his chest, holding him tightly and not caring that his arms did not reciprocate. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was just afraid that it wouldn't work. I was afraid we were being young and foolish and our love was too intense to last. So I ran away. But I shouldn't have. Of course I shouldn't have." She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "I love you, Jung Hoseok. I always have and I always will, and no matter what you say about yourself, I love you and I only want you." She bit her lip shyly after her confession. "If you still love me at all, can't we start over?"

"You don't love me." He pulled away, shaking his head. "You love who I used to be. But I'm not that ignorant boy anymore. I know better."

She stared at him with tears in her eyes. "You say everyone left you, but the truth is that you left yourself. Can't you see that you're not at fault for any of this?"

His smile was grim. "Clearly I am. How can anyone love me? When I'm so stupid and ungrateful and just too much?"

"Stop it," she whispered, the tears now running down her cheeks. "Stop using my words against me. You know that's not what I meant."

"Wasn't it?"

"No, Hoseok, please! I love you. Really! After being away from you for two years, I realized that there was no way I could live the rest of my life without you. I need you, Hobi," she pleaded. "I can't promise I'll never leave again. But I can promise that I'll always come back to you. Always."

His resistance was weakening. He knew it and she knew it.

"But I can hurt you. I will hurt you." He looked away and clenched his fists.

She grabbed his face before he could move away. "No you won't. You would never hurt me."

A harsh laugh escaped his lips. "But I have hurt people. So many people. For no reason."

"I believe in you, Hoseok."

At the sound of his real name, he pulled away, but she followed and planted her lips squarely on his. He made a noise like desperation before passionately kissing her back, pouring all of his frustration and anger and sadness and pain and love into it.

And she took it all.

She pulled him closer, her hands sliding up his chiseled chest and through his hair while he cupped the back of her neck. When she finally pulled away, she rested her forehead against his and asked quietly, "Do you love me?"

"You know I do. How could I stop?" He was almost bitter about it.

"Then how could I stop loving you?" she countered. "Do you think my feelings are that shallow? I really love you. And I want to be with you. We'll work together! We'll make things okay again. You make me happy, Jung Hoseok, and I want to do the same for you. Won't you give us—give me—a second chance?"

He swallowed. He wanted to give in. She had no idea how much he still loved her, how much he had missed her. He couldn't go through that again.

On the other hand, she was right. He had abandoned himself and simply let himself sink into his despair. He hadn't even tried to become worthy of anyone. Could he still save himself?

"After you left," he said quietly, "every time I saw an airplane, I would see you sitting on it, flying away from me, again and again. It hurt every time. And every time, right before it disappeared, I would make the same wish." He smiled slightly at her, and it was the happiest, most hopeful smile he'd achieved in years. "I would wish that you'd come back. And that you'd bring me with you. And I guess...it finally came true."

Fresh tears sprung to her eyes as she smiled a wobbly smile and threw herself into his arms. She knew he had decided to save himself. And she would gladly help.

© Copyright 2014 by skyblaze208