I've got to walk away while there's still hope
Learn to erase the love I know
And let you go
'Cause what I thought was love was only lies
Taking what you want, left me behind
As my heart dies
 

“You can die of a broken heart — it's scientific fact — and my heart has been breaking since that very first day we met. I can feel it now, aching deep behind my rib cage the way it does every time we're together,

Beating a desperate rhythm: Love me. Love me. Love me.”

- Abby McDonald, Getting Over Garrett Delaney

I’m standing in front of him. His expression cold, his eyes soulless. He didn’t even give me a hint of what he was feeling. He placed a mask and a cold icy barrier between us. How did we end up like this? Even I didn’t know.

After 8 years of putting up with him, my heart finally gave out. I was emotionally and physically tired of putting up with him every single day. I never thought that this day would finally come. I can’t believe that I waited 8 freaking years to open my eyes and accept what was happening around me.

We’re standing face-to-face in ‘our’ home. But after all these years, I finally realized that there was never a ‘we’ or ‘us’. It has always been ‘you’ and ‘me’ not together.

-flashback-

While we were in college Kris decided to make the house plans I made in high school a reality. He surprised me when we graduated. We drove to the place where he built the house. I was so happy because I thought my dreams were finally coming true. I finally get to live the life that I have always wanted since high school. A peaceful, serene Life with him.

At first, I was in cloud nine. I could not wish for anything more. I always thought that as long as I have him, I’ll be alright. Kris and I were very sweet with each other. I would cook, clean and serve him every day. I didn’t mind, I was happy to do those for him. I saw it like how a wife should treat her husband. I chose to work at a small hospital rather than my dream on working at the city. Kris convinced me to stay. He lectured me on about how tiring it was for me to travel back and forth. How he didn’t have someone to be with whenever he gets home. How much stressful it would be for me because I had to work 72 hours a week. After everything he said, he convinced me not to work in the city and rather work near home.

Everything was good between us.

Wake up, cook, shower, prepare clothes for both of us, work, cook dinner, sleep.

That had become an everyday routine for me. I never really got tired as long as I see him smile or say ‘thank you’. I was happy. It was my day-off and Heechul decided that we see each other. Kris allowed me to go, which is a rare opportunity. I arrived at a small café and saw Heechul waiting for me

“I missed you!” Heechul says and hugs me

“I missed you too!”

We sat down and ordered drinks. As I was sipping my water Heechul suddenly said “so, when is the wedding?”

I almost spit the water “what?”

“don’t tell me, Kris hasn’t proposed yet?”

“no, why would he?”

“I saw him buying a ring last week” Heechul drinks up

“no. he didn’t” I started thinking

“seriously? The two of you have been living under the same roof for two years now.” Heechul says

“you know we’re not in a relationship.” I sipped my coffee

He wasn’t mine. Why would he buy a ring? Is there another girl? We’re not in a relationship so why would I care?

One morning, I was busying making breakfast when Kris entered the kitchen

“good morning, babe” Kris said and kissed my neck. This was a normal affection from him and I was used to it

“good morning, Kris.” I said as I flipped the pancake

Kris suddenly holds my hand and kisses it

“you’re too affectionate this morning” I tease

“why? Is it wrong to be affectionate with you?” he hugs me

“Kris, I’m busy making breakfast.” I say as I placed the pancake on a plate

He turns the stove off and holds my hand “I know, it’s been years since the last time we were officially together so…” he puts a ring on my finger

“be mine again?” he asks

“of course.” I say teary-eyed

It like I was in heaven. My life was perfect

A year passed since that day and I noticed that Kris was acting a bit strange. He didn’t eat dinner at home. He would live early and come home late. He smelled of liquor when he gets home. And there was lipstick stains on his shirt. I started to investigate. I the GPS on Kris’ phone. I kept track of him once he left the house. Instead of going to work I noticed that he was going on a different road. He went to a hotel. I quickly followed him. I parked the car near the hotel and kept an eye on him. What I saw next broke my heart. I saw Kris hugging and kissing a girl at the lobby of the hotel. The girl looked oh so familiar to me. She had long dark hair, fragile frame and petite. It was Fei. I silently cried inside the car. When the tears subsided, I called Kris.

“hi, honey” I say trying to sound happy

“baby, I’m kind of busy with work right now.” He sounded irritated

“sorry, I just wanted to ask what time you’ll be home?”

“I’ll be working late, tonight” he suddenly ends the call

I immediately call Heechul

“hello” Heechul answers

“can we talk?”

“sure”

“where are you?”

“I’m at home”

“I’ll be right over” I ended the call and drove to Heechul’s house.

When I got there I immediately hugged Heechul and told her everything I saw

“can I stay the night?” I asked after I calmed down

“did you tell Kris?”

“no.”

“he’ll be angry and would be looking for you once he gets home” Heechul says

“I don’t freaking care right now. I just don’t want to see him”

“okay.”

It was 2 in the morning; Heechul and I were still up and having a movie marathon while eating ice cream and pizza when my phone rang.

“It’s Kris.” Heechul says

“just turn my phone off” I say and waved it off

“he’ll be so mad”

I just laugh it off and turn my phone off

“great, now he’s calling me” Heechul says

“don’t answer it. Let him be mad. I’ll face him tomorrow”