Reviewer : Sapphire-27 || Story : Click

Title (4/5)
You sold the title to me at the sixth chapter. It was basically dedicated to the title.

Originality (4/5)
Just because of the bottom line of, “girl is dangerous and fearful of herself – guy is different enough to approach her”.

Description/Foreword (4/5)
The description didn’t really entice me.

Grammar (5/5)
Per-fect.

Spelling (5/5)
Congratulations! Perfect score in spelling!

Punctuation (5/5)

Diction or choice of words (4/5)
There were times where I just didn’t feel the impact of what you said. Like on chapter twelve that made me think twice about characterization because of the wording. She barely speaks, never talks, and then a guy comes up to her and talks to her and she’s suddenly in love. I get that she must be happy that he’s willing to communicate with her and maybe somewhat understand her but what he said was about ten words including her name. If she were so alone that she became happy that they talked, then wouldn’t that mean she wouldn’t have enough experience to understand the feeling of romantic love to someone in the first place? If she’s gone through all that bullying, wouldn’t she have been more wary that this might be another ploy to make her life miserable?

For a brutal killer and victim of harsh reality, falling in love seems like an awfully far-fetched thing for them to think about.

With those critical, judgmental opinions aside, I’ll be perfectly unbiased to brutality and tell you everything I love about this story.

This story didn’t feel like cheap. At all. It was poetic, insightful; you described all these things that so many people can connect to – the horrifying reality, self-demons, self-loathing, bullying and pleasure in doing something bad.

Reading through the story, your writing progressed in each chapter. You were becoming more from writing the story into telling it. That’s what I really liked about it. 

Vocabulary (3/5)
Well, I would’ve wanted you to used something more than just the “powerful, different, dangerous” combo. Those three words are so often used that I don’t know what is different anymore.

Characterization (7/10)
My reasoning is for chapter twelve; he says something vague (“I know the feeling”) that can be taken in different ways (feeling of being humiliated or that pleasure of taking someone’s life away) and she instantly falls in love with him after thinking he was a beautiful stranger with an angelic voice. This made her character that I thought was on the borderline of being clichéd (“dangerous, powerful, different” – those are very common words to describe a character and I need concrete proof that she really is different not only in her world but as a character too) lean to the clichéd side.

Flow (9/10)
She just really rushed into falling for him. That’s my biggest issue, honestly.

Plot (6/10)
I’ll be honest and say that the foreword/description reminded me so badly of Death Note.

But that aside, there’s still not much to say about the plot because it didn’t feel like it has really started. You’ve only gone through her character and inserting him slowly. The only bit of plot there is was when she fell in love with him.

If I were to judge with what I have, I’ll assume that this is the normal ‘dangerous one fell in love with one not so dangerous who understands him/her but s/he doesn’t want to harm his/her beloved’. But since the story isn’t completed, it’s unfair for me to judge. So this score can’t be taken as permanent.

Enjoyment (8/10)
I was entertained thoroughly. You had my attention and I was genuinely interested. But I guess I needed a little bit of convincing to start reading.
 

Overall Score (8/10)
I think that wasn’t so bad overall and it just comes down to taste. What the readers enjoy or don’t because this is obviously not your usually written fics. I’ve read only a few of these and I think it’s a good style.

Thank you for requesting. Apologies for the super duper really supercalifragilisticexpialidocious long review. Keep improving~!

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