November 2005

“Okay Sungmin you can do this. All you have to do is keep calm and breathe... this is just everything you've been working towards your entire life... okay that train of thought is not helping you keep calm at all oh boy.”

Currently, Sungmin couldn't help but feel more than a little freaked out. The past six months had basically felt like some sort of crazy dream to him, drifting from the practice room to the recording studio to the music video shooting – and now here he was, twenty minutes from his debut live performance.

And about 5minutes before that was when all the fear and nervousness came crashing down on him.

Sungmin hadn't felt nerves of this intensity at any time since the announcement of Super Junior 05, and yet here he was, knees shaking at even the thought of walking out onto that stage, let alone being able to properly dance and sing.

What if he forgets the words to the song? Or the dance moves? What if he trips on stage? What if they're booed and laughed at the entire time by the audience?

He wasn't ignorant to what was being said about them by netizens and the media. Since the announcement of the group there had been a continuous amount of criticism – from the amount of members in the group, to their looks, and just plain hate. This was their one chance to prove everyone wrong, and it terrified him to think that if he made even one mistake, that his dream may be over before it even began.

“Are you ready for the – Sungminnie? Are you okay?”

Sungmin whipped around, eyes frantic at the sudden appearance of his hyung. He's supposed to be the strong one of the group, Teukie hyung cannot be allowed to see him this scared.

“I-I am fine hyung, I was just ...umm... trying to warm up a little before we're needed on stage? Yeah, thats all, no biggie.”

Leeteuk gave him a knowing look, walking over and placing a gentle hand on Sungmin's shoulder. “It's perfectly okay for you to feel nervous Sungminnie, today is a big day! I would be lying if I didn't feel nervous myself!”

At Sungmin's attempt at a convincing smile [which just ended up as a grimace instead] Leeteuk chuckled, seating the boy down on the plastic chairs in the studios hallway. “Alright, so you're extra nervous, its still completely understandable. The second you walk out onto that stage it's going to feel like home and you're not going to have a problem.”

“But what if I mess up!?” Sungmin cried. “This is our first big impression and if I screw up everything I've been working towards my entire childhood will be for nothing. This needs to be perfect, and the consequences if it isn't is what is terrifying to me.”

“Oh Sungminnie” Leeteuk sighed, “this isn't all on you okay? You have eleven brothers who are going to be standing on stage with you, who will have your back and get you through this. Just be your usual outstanding self and you'll be absolutely fine, trust me. Now we're about to be called on stage so lets go alright?”

Pulling Sungmin up Leeteuk linked their hands, pulling Sungmin back to where the rest of the group was waiting. Shuffling out onto the stage Sungmin's heart started to race, breath picking up in panic. He felt like he was about to lose it when a hand grabbed his, fingers tangling together.

“I'm here for you Sungminnie, lets do this together.” 

---

[DAY 07]

They're scheduled to perform at the GS Concert a week before the date of Leeteuk's enlistment, down at the Seoul Stadium. Although its just a normal day of press and performances for most of them, Sungmin knew that it was an important day for their oldest member, being his last public performance for two years. Arriving at the venue with the manager, who wished him luck as he hopped out of the van, he waved to the small amount of fans already lining up before making a beeline straight for their designated waiting room.

Walking in he found he was one of only three members there significantly early – Yesung and Leeteuk sat on the small couch talking, just as he thought they would be. He observed the pair from the doorway, noticing immediately how agitated Leeteuk currently looked. Sungmin watched him as he constantly fidgeted in his place, not really listening to Yesung as he went on about something or other [although Sungmin can't really blame Teukie – when Yesung was bored he tended to start going on and on about his slow moving pets].

After his stylists realised his presence in the room the two women grabbed him, pulling Sungmin over to double check they had the correct clothing size for him. While the fussed over him Sungmin watched on as Leeteuk jumped up, muttering something to Yesung before hurrying out of their room. Sungmin hesitated for just a moment before he excused himself from the stylists, shrugging off the sparkling jacket before giving Yesung a small nod, running after their distressed hyung.

He trailed after Leeteuk, following him down the winding halls of the stadium before he found himself in the upper portion of the stadium, looking down onto the stage. He glanced over the rows of seats until he found who he was looking for, figure curled up on one of the rows down the front.  Sungmin walked down the stairs slowly, stepping through the row until he reached Leeteuk, settling down beside him. He put a gentle hand on his hyungs back, rubbing soothing circles to help calm the man down.

Leeteuk looked up at the young man, attempting to give him a small smile. “You always know how to find me when I need you, don't you Sungminnie.”

“Funny enough it just so happened that my Teukie senses were tingling.” 

Leeteuk gave a snort, shaking his head at his dongsaengs quiet giggles. Calming himself Sungmin gave him a tight hug, moving to take Leeteuk's hand in his. “Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?”

Leeteuk looked at Sungmin, giving a sharp exhale before a short nod, looking down that their joined hands. “I'm just nervous about today. I know I shouldn't be but... this is going to be my last performance in who knows how long and I need to get this set perfect! This is going to be the last thing people have to remember to by, and if I screw it up that’s all I'm going to be known as.”

“Oh Teukie hyung” Sungmin sighed, as he pulled his upset hyung into his chest, giving him a tight hug, “You have been the leader of Super Junior for eight years now. You've been a dancer, an emcee, a translator, a singer, an actor and everything else in between. No matter what happens in today’s performance – whether you do an amazing job or have a fall off the stage of Yesung hyung proportions – this won't be what people remember you for while you're gone.”

“Sungminni--”

“No let me finish” Sungmin demanded, stopping his hyung before he could properly interrupt him. “The most important people who will remember you in these next two years are your fans, and they would never forget their angel leader. You've performed this set dozens of times, just give it your all for them. They will always love you hyung, no matter what.”

They sat in silence, watching the final touches being put on the stage before Leeteuk sighed, sitting up from where he was leant against Sungmin's chest.

“How do you manage to see the bright side of everything when I need it the most? Of course you're right, I'm just being silly...”

“It's not you being silly Teukie hyung, you're just nervous. You're the one who taught me that there was no harm in that. Now, we've gone from being super early to being late for styling, plus they're bound to start letting people in the venue soon and I don't know about you, but I'm not that interested in being trampled by fangirls today.”

Laughing Leeteuk rose alongside Sungmin, the two of them making their way back to the waiting room. After being chastised by both the managers and stylists for being so late, the pair got themselves properly dressed and ready, waiting around while the concert was well under way. 

Standing in the wings beside the stage Sungmin watched as their hoobae's finished their set, the directors yelling that Super Junior had a minute before they were due on stage. Allowing the stylists to give his make up one last touch up, he felt a hand slide into his own, gripping it tightly.

Looking over once the stylist had stepped away he smiled at the hyung beside him, tightening his grip on the others hand. 

“Ready Teukie hyung?”

“Thanks to one very special person... yes”

Sungmin just smiled, leading his hyung out onto the stage as the lights came up, screams echoing in the arena.