Note: I was waiting for this song to drop since the teaser. And it totally transcended my expectations guys.

Chapter 47: Somewhere Home

When Naeun regained consciousness, the first thing that she realises is that she isn’t dead, and that the ceiling she was staring at wasn’t the ceiling of her bedroom, nor the hospital, nor the inside of her coffin apparently. She doesn’t imagine she’d been dead in such a pretty place. Was this heaven? Do people who try to drown themselves like Shakespearean characters even get a chance to go to heaven? She pondered for a minute before deciding that she would have to be really dead to know.

But at the moment, she was tragically still alive.

Tragically, that is.

The bed she was sleeping in was a four poster bed with white voile canopies embroidered with white ribbons. It faced a large fireplace that was smouldering in the dim light. She felt the heat radiating towards her and let out a sigh she didn’t know she had been holding back. She sat to face the fire, tucking her chin above her knees and curled her hands in the soft sheets.

Suddenly, the door opens and Kai walks in, crisp white shirt and damp pants and she wonders if he saved her on purpose. 

Perhaps they really did need her alive instead of dead.

She remained unsurprised and unperturbed by his appearance which causes him even more discomfort.  Instead, she relaxed into the sinking feeling of the bed, aware that he would not be at ease after her little stunt.

“I’m not dead, am I?” Naeun is surprisingly bold again, being the first one to speak.

“No.”

“Putain.” She swore and turned to face him with lifeless eyes. She’s secretly enjoying making him uneasy.

“What did you think you would get from doing that?” He asked, though they both know the answer. Naeun decides to make this conversation as fruitless as any of their other conversations. They were always skimming over every topic as it is. Why not?

“Nothing. I would get nothing. I just wanted to prove a point.”

“What point?”

“Did I flood the bathroom?”

“Yes.” Kai sighed and runs his hands through his hair.

“Then you’ll move me to another room.”

“Is that it? Naeun, what the hell were you thinking?!” He raises his voice only slightly and Naeun could see the passive aggressiveness from his eyes. They weren’t angry at her per se. Not directly that is.

“I wasn’t. I don’t like to think in this house. Makes everything more complicated than it already is.”

“You’re so complicated…” He muttered under his breath. Not that he tries to hide what he said from Naeun.  Naeun gives him a small smile.

“Will your mother be pissed?”

“Most likely, not that she isn’t. Congratulations.” He returned the smile with a sarcastic grin and shakes his head.

He kind of missed this with her. The banter, the naivety of their youth, of hand rolled cigarettes and back alleys and cheap alcohol.  How they would always be off sneaking away to drink by the river at 3 a.m. and play basketball and he’d let her win.  He would also be there to drag her out of clubs and sober her up when she hung with her crazy girl friends. Crazy ballerinas.

Their youth was supposed to be easier than this.

And he blames himself for screwing that up.

“I’m sorry.” He speaks softly, as if he’s all too aware of how fragile the moment is.

“For what? I tried to drown myself, remember?” Naeun speaks nonchalantly, being around her family turns her into a straightforward, sharp tongued snake but that’s mainly because she stopped being subtle to such narcissistic people.

“For everything I can and cannot think of. For always turning a blind eye and pretending that I never noticed it when you smiled. How sad you were. I can never stop apologizing for always walking away. But… but Naeun, you can’t keep using that as an excuse to… to punish me like this.”

“Who are you to ask this of me? You demand some sort of mental insurance whilst you watch as they lock me up in my own bedroom?” Her voice rose unconsciously and she watched, delighted at the way his eyes quiver.

“I’m not excusing my behaviour… but there’s no need to cross these limits, Naeun.” He said, looking unsure with his own words. He fiddled with the edge of the duvet.

“I was doing fine! Everything was rosy and bright and I forgot about you. For a moment I forgot who I was and that was the most blissful moment I’ve ever had.  I forgot who I was Kai! And then you people drag me back to Seoul like I had some debt to pay.”

“He’s dying, Naeun.” He said quietly.

As if her father was a legitimate reason for her to do anything. She fought back a laugh, she would sound borderline maniacal at this point.

“He’s always been dead to me.” She scoffed, turning to scowl at the fire.

“He has his reasons.”

“And I presume you have yours.”

“You’ve always assumed too much.” His voice is full of hurt and Naeun almost stops playing with him. Almost.

“And I was right to.” Her words are light and she lolls her head to the side to watch him squirm under her spiteful gaze.

He let out a heavy sigh and stood from his seat, almost in silent surrender. He knew better than to try to  win a fight against her, in whatever the situation. He had never really stopped her from doing anything reckless before, he was just there to fix her afterwards, with a pat on the back and an ‘I told you so’ once in a while. Kai never thought he would be the one who would be damaging.

Or the one needing to be fixed.

“It’s fine for you to stay in my room. Minho will guard your door. Even from me.”

“I don’t trust Minho.” She speaks up sharply.

“I trust Minho.”

“Which is why I refuse to cooperate with my captors.” She ignored the look of pain that flashed in his eyes and he continued, coughing slightly.

“Naeun… this is your home.”

“My home is in the arms of a man I left behind.” Naeun said whimsically, melancholy, folding her hands neatly in front of her.

Kai pretends not to hear her.

“Why are you being so difficult?”

“Do I have a reason to go easy on you?” She asked him, staring at him with a shadow of a smile.

“No, perhaps not.” He sighed in defeat before continuing. “ You’re free to move around the house, this is my room now.” Naeun looked around the room as if seeing it in a new light.

“Don’t worry, there’s nothing particularly personal about this room other than my clothes in the closet.” He assures her, afraid what her actual triggers are. Her room is definitely off-limits.

“The study room is where I’m usually at if you would ever need me. I doubt that you will.” He whispered the last sentence.

“Am I allowed outside?”

“Minho will you around town if you wish.  He holds one of my credit cards, should you need anything… within geographical limits that is.”

“And who pray tell who is setting those limits? Don’t tell me your mother is…”

“Your father was very insistent about you not leaving the vicinity of Seoul.”

“For a man who didn’t care where his daughter went off for four years, he’s certainly caring now.”

“He has his reasons to.”

“You even sound like him now.” Naeun wrinkled her nose mockingly, but her voice was twinged with accusation.

“I should let you rest.” He makes a move towards the door but not quick enough because Naeun grabs his hand. His head whips back to her in surprise. He had not touched her since that night.

And the feeling of skin on skin is almost a betrayal of whatever he felt.

“It wasn’t some intentional sadistic punishment for you. I’m sorry.” Naeun sounds smaller than her usual self, letting her fierce façade drop if only for a minute. He could’ve easily misunderstood her words, but he knew. Some part of him he didn’t know existed would always know Naeun.

Maybe it was that part that still kept his sanity intact.

They were friends before they were siblings.

But the thought doesn’t make him feel any better.

“I know.”

“Where are you sleeping tonight?” He tries to hide his smile but it still tugs at the end of his lips. She still cared. He knew she still cared and no one had managed to convince him otherwise before either. But he was a fool.

“Probably on the couch.”

“Goodnight.” She whispered, giving his hand a tentative squeeze.

“Goodnight Naeun.” He lingered for a moment but decided against every contrary thought and walked out of the room.

Minho is waiting outside and though he had many questions, he merely bowed slightly at Kai. His eyes looked a little sunken and tired but Kai didn’t comment. What happened had took its toll on Minho’s mind.

“I apologise. What happened was under my supervision.” He hung his head slightly.

“It’s not your fault… no one would have guessed what she would do, that this all would happen.”  Minho knew he wasn’t just talking about the bathtub but he decided to keep his thoughts to himself.

“Try to... accommodate her. You know how stubborn she is, hyung.” Kai lets slip the formalities when he was frustrated and Minho nodded in kind.

“Of course.”

“I’ll call you back once I get home.” Myungsoo said as he walked through the gates of Incheon International Airport, luggage in tow, his phone pressed in between his cheek and his shoulder. A bulky winter coat around his frame and lip still bruised.

“You hate going home. Aren’t you staying at a hotel?” Eunji asked on the other line, her voice naggy as always.

“No. I have no reason not to go home.”

“Sunggyu alone is a  reason.” Eunji reminded him of his overbearing brother who would probably flip a table if he found out Myungsoo was in Seoul, or anywhere other than in Paris really.

“He’ll find out sooner or later. Might as well be upfront about it.” Myungsoo shrugged and almost dropped his phone.

“Just be very careful about the topic. He’s a difficult man.”

“You would know. Don’t worry.” Myungsoo snorted and he can almost imagine Eunji rolling her eyes and hitting his head.

“You haven’t even been properly resting. How am I not supposed to be worried? You’re on a wild goose chase for all I know. Naeun was gone for a year Myungsoo. Even I couldn’t find her.”

“What am I supposed to do, Eunji? Wait for a year and hope she turns up at my doorstep? Sit around mope and pout in the hospital?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“Then why are you trying to stop me?”

“I can’t guarantee… you’ll find her in the same condition… in the same place.” Eunji is somewhat hesitant with her words. She’s never such with her words.

“What are you saying, Eunji?” He gasps and stops abruptly, much to the disdain of other people walking around the airport, but he ignored the mutterings and the straight-out stares.

“I’m telling you to be careful, when Naeun appeared on my doorstep, she wasn’t the same. I’m afraid… of what could possibly happen.”

“You think I’m not? God I love her, Eunji. It can’t... It won’t end like this. I’m not going down without a fight.” He gritted his teeth in frustration.

“I know you won’t.” Eunji lets out a small smile on the other end and almost burst into tears but that will only unhinge Myungsoo and Hoya who was sitting next to her.

“I should start somewhere, shouldn’t I? Who did you say I should find first thing in Seoul?”

“Kim Namjoo.”

“Got it. Thanks.”

“Myungsoo-“ Before she could finish her sentence, he cut the call and shoved his phone in his pocket without so much a thought of how furious she would be. He should be used to her anger by now.

He walked out the airport, cold winter air making him shiver. He can already feel the ice crystals blooming in his lungs. So much for staying healthy.  

His thoughts flitted to Naeun for a second and how strange she had been acting and then to the note she left for Eunji and the even stranger phone call she left Hoya of all people. Myungsoo wondered what part himself wasn’t enough. But he knew that wasn’t true. She had been running all her life now. They just ignored her until now.

Myungsoo wondered if she minded him being here, trying to save her like some kind of knight. He had been tricking himself that he was one. But now being faced with the possibility of failure… he wasn’t sure anymore.

But in the face of such a daunting task and a formidable force (namely the Son empire itself), he only thought of Naeun in the eye of some storm she didn’t even realize she was in. And maybe some part of him could let go… but if things should end… even if she did walk away from him. He needed the closure.

He needed to make sure she was alright. He needed to make sure she was taking her pills and eating well. He needed to make sure she slept soundly and breathed deeply. He needed to see her smile and laugh. He needed her in his arms one last time.

Even if that sounded selfish.

He wanted to be selfish.

Perhaps she would have changed, however Myungsoo doubted it would change a single cog in the machinations of his heart.

He hailed a cab and got in, rubbing his hands and wrapping his coat tighter around himself like a cocoon; praying that Naeun wouldn’t be this cold in the grey loneliness that encompassed Seoul.

///////////////////////////////////////

A/N:  First of all guys, I apologise for the late update, I've been enjoying too much of my free time from school... chillaxing. Wow I need a job!

        Secondly, I'll try my best to reply to comments now kureu...

       And lastly, I just had to promote NCT 127's comeback guys. I'M NCT TRASH. I ADMIT IT. The whole freaking Limitless Album is sooooo lit. I love it when SM goes all experimental on us. Bless them for this musical genius.

     Oh and HOORAY NO MORE DUNGEON JOKES FOR JOHNNY!

     Haha Thanks for reading guys!

/////////////////////////////////////////

Um.. Hi guys? I'm monkey-nim's(lol) beta reader^^ I was editing her latest chapter when I noticed that there are some of you who ask her to update soon. I think I've addressed this before even though that was some time ago. Although monkey-nim is on break for now, it's not nice to ask her to update soon. I understand if you like her story a lot but this is considered rude not only to monkey-nim but to all authors out there. I don't mean to lecture you guys but I know that you have good intentions. I just wanted to educate those so that you don't give off the wrong impression. Okay? I'm an avid reader of fanfiction as well so I just want us to have a peaceful community who love to read and respect each other. I would appreciate if someone would take the time to read this because this is turning out really long but please take noteof what I have addressed. Thanks for reading and have a good day!