He had two names and two personalities. Lee Jinki and Onew. Both a striking contrast from the other. Whenever he would shed the skin defining him as Jinki, he could feel his shoulders becoming lighter, laughter becoming less forced and the tear stains on his cheeks washing away. Tonight, he was Onew. The carefree heartbreaker, the angel faced jokester. Tonight, he had something particular in mind that he wished to forget. Tonight, like every other night he wore Onew’s guise, he had an unknown pain in his chest that he needed to push out of his mind. Being Onew helped him, it was like Onew’s conceitedness, his ego was so huge there was no room left in his mind to think about that. Jinki was weaker; he would succumb to the pain and drown in his own tears and misery. Onew knew how to survive; Jinki could only drown in the darkness that surrounded his world. Onew was like Jinki’s lifeboat, his armor, shield, and sword. So, whenever Jinki began his descent into the murky waters of despair, whenever Jinki ran out of air and his lungs began to collapse, Onew came out.

He had two names and two personalities. Lee Jinki and Onew. And he didn’t know which one he was.

He smirked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He looked gorgeous, as always, and he knew there were girls already eyeing him, even though he hadn’t been in the club for over five minutes. Pushing back his bangs, he gave himself a once over before exiting the bathroom. He nodded to the bartender, who smiled back at him, as if asking ‘So, who is it tonight’ and Jinki merely responded by turning his eyes towards the woman sitting right in front of the said bartender, mulling over her drink.

“Bad breakup?” Onew asked, sympathetically, his deep baritone soothing like honey.

“You don’t know the half of it.” The woman laughed dryly, not once looking up from her drink.

“Try me.” Onew smiled slyly, leaning in closer. Another few minutes of this and he’ll be going home with someone new attached to his arm.

“I’m fine.” The woman got up from her stool and thanked the bartender before heading away from Onew.

“Did I just see you getting…rejected?” The bartender stared after the woman.

“Shut up, Chanyeol.” Jinki shot a scowl in the bartender’s direction who grinned back, before turning back to his customers.

“Do you at least want to dance with me? I find that dancing always gets my mind off these things.” Onew caught up with her, not one to give up a chase.

“Sure, why not.” The girl stared at Onew for a while, before leading them towards the dance floor. Under the bright lights and the throbbing beat, Onew grinned. Target secured.

“Where do you want to go?” The girl whispered between the hot kisses shared between her and Onew.

“Yours.” Onew whispered. So I can be gone by the morning.

“Ah, .” The girl moaned as Onew smirked against , biting into her bottom lip, tugging and pulling with his teeth, causing her to moan louder in the bathroom stall.  It really was too easy.

He scowled at himself in the bathroom mirror. He had been home for an hour now, and he couldn’t help but feel the same empty feeling settle at the pit of his stomach. Searching around frantically in the medicine cabinet, he came upon a bottle of pills and stared at them. He hadn’t slept a wink and the deep bags under his eyes told him he needed rest. Jinki closed his eyes and rested his head against the cold marble tiles of his bathroom floor.

Why are you even alive? God, you are so ing pathetic. You can’t even fix yourself; you need to escape into another reality to be alive.

“Shut up, shut up shutup” Jinki muttered, hitting his head lightly against the marble tiles.

Who are you telling to shut up? You are me and I am you. Albeit, Jinki is a lot crazier than Onew, at the end of the day, we are one. As much as I hate to admit it.

Jinki rolled over on the floor, tears squeezing past his shut eyelids.

She died because of you. You can’t hold a stable job; you can’t even feed yourself without Onew being there. Without me you are ing pathetic and I’m so done. Please, just go kill yourself. I went ahead and purchased these pills for you, Jinki, so do Onew a favor and just pop them all in your mouth. Maybe choke on them as they go down.

Jinki opened his eyes and spied the bottle sitting ahead of him, white bottle on white tiles.  His trembling hand reached forward and pulled the bottle towards himself, slowly.

That’s it. For once, Jinki isn’t ing up! What a surprise. Now, open the damn bottle and swallow it whole. Don’t worry about your butler finding you here. Your parents will pay him enough to keep your death silent as well. You will disappear too, just like her.

Jinki opened the bottle, tasting bile that rose at the back of his mouth. Swallowing hard, he peered inside the bottle and noted the amount of pills in there. It wouldn’t take much to kill himself.

What the are you waiting for? Your existence is not welcome here, and everyone will just be happy to get rid of you. Just hurry the hell up.

Jinki scowled at the voice in his head as he poured the pills into his hand. What a beautiful shade of red, Jinki noted as he popped a handful in his mouth.

ing brilliant.

Jinki lay back against the floor and closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

“…suffering from depression. He talks to himself sometimes and I’ve heard him mention a name often enough…” Jinki was floating. It felt like he was wrapped in a warm cocoon, where he was safe from all the harsh realities that lay out of his bathroom, out of his room, and he was floating in pure bliss.

“He’s up.” The voices were becoming clear, and Jinki frowned.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Jinki opened his eyes to see a face looming dangerously close to his.

“Wha-what? What am I doing here?” Jinki looked around to see himself surrounded by machines of various sorts, and the family doctor. He pushed himself up on his bed. “What’s going on?”

Just then, the door to Jinki’s room burst open.

“What the is your problem, you piece of . Can I not get a break from your pathetic pleas of attention? I’m in the middle of a meeting and what do I hear form the butler? ‘Master Jinki swallowed a bottle of pills.’ JINKI! Why the do you half everything? If you were going to die, could you not have done it properly? And how could you even think about such a shameful act? We have a family reputation to protect, an empire to run. What the would I have to say to the media once they find out that the heir to the company tried to kill himself? Pull yourself together.” Jinki stared, immobile, face impassive, as his father shook him from the shoulders. “She was weak, but she was a girl. I thought you, being a man, would have more strength but you’re worse than her. I had to beg the doctors to treat you here so that news of your little stint wouldn’t reach the media.” Getting up, off the bed, Jinki’s father shot him a hateful glare before leaving the room. A stunned silence followed.

“What the -” Jinki looked up to see the male who had been peering at him earlier, start off in the direction of the door.

“Stop.” Jinki whispered, emotionless. “He treats me better than the rest, so stop. Don’t hurt him. He’s my only source of softness and warmth.” Jinki closed his eyes, as his thoughts took him back to that one sentence his dad had said “She was weak…she was a girl” yes she was a girl, but she was not weak. Never a moment of weakness showed in her eyes, and Jinki will attest to that to the very last of his breaths. His noona was the strongest woman he had ever known.

“Are you OK?” Jinki opened his eyes and realized he was crying.

“Yeah.”

“My name’s Jonghyun. I’m the supposed to be here with your family doctor.”

Jinki nodded and closed his eyes, tired.

“You must be hungry, I mean, you puked out everything you ate.”

Jinki shook his head and wiggled into a fetal position, pulling his blankets to his head, succeeding in achieving momentary calm.

“Master, Jinki, it’s your mother.” Jinki’s butler announced rather coldly.

“I’m not here.”

“Sir, she knows you are here. Your father called her.”

Jinki groaned and rolled over, only to meet the piercing and disapproving glare of the butler. “What?” Jinki spoke into the phone.

“You promised me you wouldn’t mess this up for me. You said you would go either all out or just do something with your life. If we are making you so miserable, why don’t you stand on your own two feet and leave us the alone?” A cold voice spoke at the other end, causing Jinki to rub his head, anticipating an oncoming headache.

“I promise I will be more thorough with my next attempt.” Jinki replied, monotonously before hanging up on perhaps the scariest woman in all of Korea, not noticing the incredulous look Jonghyun was shooting his way.

“Is your entire family like that?” Jonghyun asked, not one to shy away from personal questions.

“Yes.” Jinki curled up under his sheets again, in no mood to talk.

“Is that why you’re suffering from depression?”

“I’m not depressed.”

“You kinda are.”

“Then leave.”

“Why?”

“Who wants to be around a depressed soul?” Jinki turned his head to see Jonghyun looking at him strangely, head tilted to the side.

“You’re quite interesting, Jinki.” Jonghyun smiled before settling into his chair. “Go to sleep, I’m not going anywhere.”

Jinki wrinkled his nose and buried himself under his sheets again. Just who did Jonghyun think he was?

“I’m sorry, what?” Jinki woke up to the sound of his father’s voice, cold and unyielding.

“I’m just saying. A change of scenery could do him some good.” Jonghyun’s deep voice floated into Jinki’s ears.

“Well, then you can take him away from here. Gladly. It’s depressing and demoralizing, having him here just mope around.”

“You’re one hell of a father, aren’t you?” The coldness in Jonghyun’s voice mirrored that of Jinki’s dad.

“And why do you care?”

“Oh, I don’t.” Jonghyun said. “But I’m sure Jinki does…or at least did, before he gave up on everything.”

“Get out.” Jinki’s dad said. “And take him with you.” Jinki didn’t have to peek out from under his covers to know who the he in question was.

“Sure.” Jinki felt strong arms gently shake him. “Um, Jinki, You need to wake up now. We have to go.”

Not even bothering to feign sleepiness, Jinki pushed his covers off and nodded, grabbing his shoes and coat, not once looking at his father.

“You were up all this time?” Jonghyun spoke up, once they located Jinki’s scarf.

“Yeah.” Grabbing his scarf from Jonghyun’s grasp, Jinki wrapped it around his neck, breathing in the smell of his cologne last night, mixed with a tinge of the sweet perfume of the woman he took home. Jinki closed his eyes, and felt himself caring a little less about what his father said, feeling a little lighter around the edges and somehow, a little happier. “Let’s go.” He flashed a surprised Jonghyun a cheeky smile before bounding off towards the door. “Oh, and don’t ever expect me to come back to this hell hole. You sir, are finally rid of me.” Bowing sarcastically to his father, he closed the door behind him and Jonghyun. “Oh, and you can call me Onew.” He says, turning to Jonghyun who was watching the interaction with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. The just happened?

“So, care to explain what is going on?” Jonghyun looked at Onew out of the corner of his eye, not sure what make of the patient’s sudden mood change.

“I don’t know. I woke up, you were talking to my dad, we left and now we’re going…somewhere. Where are we going?” Onew looked round him, to see the buildings getting further and further apart, and get smaller in size and longer in width.

“I decided you needed a change of scenery, and so we’re going to my cottage. Except it’s really cold and frozen so you won’t be able to do much.”

“What about girls?” Onew asked, disinterested.

“Do you have split personality disorder?” Jonghyun asked, tapping Onew at the side of his head.

“Shut the up, no I don’t.” Onew growled, pushing Jonghyun away, who only laughed.

“Whatta cutie.” Jonghyun laughed and Onew scowled.

“I’m not cute.”

“So this is it. It’s not much, but…” Jonghyun motioned ahead of him, stepping out of the car.

“Holy , it’s so beautiful.” Jonghyun turned around to see Onew step out of the car, eyes wide open and twinkling under the moon.

Jonghyun wished he had a camera right now, so he could capture Onew’s expression. It made him smile, thinking how the older male could go from being so depressed to being sulky to acting like a child so quickly. He chuckled to himself as he grabbed Onew’s hand and led him inside.

“I have nothing to wear.” Onew realized.

“It’s OK. I'm a little shorter than you, but I’m sure you can fit into my clothes. Here.” Jonghyun threw a pair of pajamas at Onew, who caught them deftly, before heading off towards the washroom. Jonghyun, who had driven for the better half of the day, was tired, but he was hungry above all, and so he went into the kitchen after changing out of his clothes.

“Hey, are you cooking? I coul- WHOA!” Onew came into the kitchen to find Jonghyun wearing only his pajama pants, and nothing else. It wasn’t that he minded a half- Jonghyun, hell, no one would ever mind staring at those abs and those shoulders, but he was a little taken aback.

“Oh, sorry.” Jonghyun looked at Onew, who was red in the face. “I’ll go put something on.”

“Uh…that’s OK. I just… I was surprised. Ha-ha.” Onew laughed as he made his way to the kitchen counter and began munching on a carrot, lying beside him.

“So, what is this whole Jinki and Onew thing?” Jonghyun asked, looking to satisfy his curiosity.

“Um, it started when I was young. Basically by parents fought a lot, so Onew came along as a defense mechanism.” Onew shrugged as he continued munching on the carrot.

“So specific.” Jonghyun took the carrot out of Onew’s mouth and raised an eyebrow. “So, what happened?”

“UGH! why do you care?”

“You’re staying in my cottage. I’d like to know who I’ll be spending time with.” Jonghyun leaned in closer. “So, what happened?”

Onew blinked, surprised at the close proximity. He noticed how Jonghyun’s lips curled up at the ends, and how the light reflected in his eyes.

What the am I thinking? Onew blinked again, and backed up.

“Where do I start? Hmmm...

...I guess I was about eight when it started. I guess my parents fell out of love of each other. Now, being the face of a major corporation would not allow them to ruin the family image and divorce, so they moved away from each other. I guess they blamed me for it. To a certain level, it was my fault. I was a really needy and spoiled child from the beginning. My parents did love me, but I guess over time they began to get tired of my ways. They constantly fought, most of the time it was about me. I was finally sent to a boarding school, and I picked up a few vices during my time there. I smoked, and went to clubs and once, I tried to get high. It was only once though, but my dad found out somehow. After that, I was brought back home and my dad hired a butler for me. It was going fine, as fine as it could be, until my butler walked in on me and my boyfriend one morning. We hadn’t done anything; he was just sleeping in the same bed as me. We had gone clubbing the night before, and he had carried me home since I had passed out at the club. I guess he was too tired himself and fell asleep next to me. Well, apparently my dad wasn’t too happy with the fact that his youngest child, his only son was gay. We fought, and he threatened to kick me out. The only reason he didn’t beat me, or follow through with his threats to kick me out, was because of my sister. My noona was loved by both my parents; she was strong, smart and perfect. That was, until she messed up. My noona fell in love with a boy at her school. Of course my parents were supportive at first, until they saw his tattoos and scars. I guess noona was tired of her image as a perfect girl, or maybe she really loved him. I don’t know. What I do know is that the boy she was crazy about got arrested a few times in the past and had a record for being involved in gang activities. After much pushing from my parents, she broke up with him, and I guess he didn’t like that. He was…self-destructive. I guess he got too drunk the night my noona dumped him, because he climbed in through her window that night and tried to force himself upon her. Of course, he was found out and…arrested. Again. But that night, something broke inside my noona. My mom, instead of comforting her, yelled at her, gave her the whole “I told you so” speech and my noona took it. After that night, she was an empty shell, and my parents soon began to tire of her as well.

I don’t know when she started it, but my noon began to cut herself. I didn’t know this then, but she had been bullied at school before, for dating the guy, and after they broke up, the bullying got worse. How people can be so rude to each other is beyond me. But my noona took it. She was still strong, albeit hollow. I never knew this. She never let it show to me. She always kept a smile on her face for me, and I never knew what finally pushed her to do it, but one night, my noona… killed herself. I wasn’t at home that week, we had gone to a camping trip, and when I came back, my noona wasn’t there. It’s my fault she died. My parents know it too, so does my butler. They really don’t hate me for any reason. See, my noona always shouldered every negative aspect of my life, and never let anything happen to me. She said she could keep this up, keep living because I was there by her side, offering smiles and pieces of sunshine. I guess when I left her for a stupid camping trip; she lost the sunshine and chose to drown in the darkness instead. When I came home, I went to her room, to find it locked. It was my butler who told me. He looked me dead in the eye and said “You killed her…Master. You weren’t gone for long. It was just two days after you left, when I came into her room to find her. She was in the tub, drowned in her own blood, she did.” Her room was locked forever. I still don’t go down the hall to her room. It’s too painful.

But, life went on. My parents paid the butler enough to keep his mouth shut, and covered up my sister’s suicide by telling the media she had been kidnapped and had gone missing. Of course my parents knew how much public sympathy this would generate, and how the sales for the company would rise due to the coverage they were receiving. My parents turned my noona’s death into a ing PR stunt. I was fourteen when my noona died. It was after my noona’s funeral, on my way home when I bumped into someone. He was my noona’s ex-boyfriend, fresh out of jail. He really wasn’t a bad guy. He had just made some bad decisions in the past, but he seemed to have risen above them. SO, I brought him home, and watched him sob in front of my noona’s bedroom door. His name was Onew. He became like a guardian angel to me. After my boyfriend and I broke up, I went into depression, but Onew was there. He promised to be my best friend, and I let him in. He was the closest person to me, after my noona, and I loved him. He was like an older brother. I guess after a while, his life began changing too, because he had to move to China. He had begun communicating with his parents again, and they wanted him back. Apparently his family had kicked him out once they had discovered his drug addiction. Yeah, another one of his vices. They offered to help him pull through it, and he accepted. I guess blood is thicker than water, because he left. But before he left, he told me to keep him in my heart. He said “Jinki, I’ll be right here, in your heart, forever. I may be gone physically, but a part of me will always be with you. Whenever someone gives you hell, pull me out. Wear my skin like armor and don’t let the world’s negativity touch you. You’re strong, my dongsang. Create a new personality. Keep me in there, and keep my personality as a part of you. It helped me out through life, through jail, through your noona’s death. I promised to protect you and that I will. Whenever you feel down, you are no longer Jinki, but Onew. Do you understand me?” With that, he just gave me a tight hug and left. I pretended not to see the tears in his eyes and he pretended no to see the cuts that had begun to form on my forearms. Of course back then I didn’t realize what he meant, but over time, I began to think upon his words, and realized that I can do it. I was always a good method actor. And so, when life gets too much for me, I pull out my hyung. He saves me from the knives the world throws, and I hide behind him.

Of course there were times, before he left for China, when my hyung had fits of rage, words that he had said during drunken rages that stuck with me. He always apologized in the morning, but I felt like what he said was true. It’s these words that push me down deeper in the darkness sometimes. And then, I can’t summon Onew, because it’s Onew who’s yelling at me in my head. It’s Onew who’s telling me, reminding me of my shortcomings.  It’s times like those when the knives in my head, in my heart begin to twist and turn, and the pain really gets too much. It’s those times when I try to be like my noona and just…leave.

So, now you know. Now you know who Onew was, and you know that I don’t have split personalities or anything. It’s just…a defense mechanism.” Onew looked at Jonghyun, who had tears in his eyes. “Of course now, there are times when I can’t tell who I really am. Am I Jinki or am I Onew? I’ve played too far into my imagination. I’ve become too good of an actor, I’ve begun to fool myself and I’m lost in this maze of thoughts that surround me. I don’t know the way out and there’s no one who can help me.”

Onew stiffened suddenly, as Jonghyun pulled him into his arms.

“wh-what are you-”

“Just shut up and hug me back.” Jonghyun mumbled. “It’s supposed to heal the soul, you know. Hugs are really good. Plus, with all the you’ve gone through, when was the last time you got a hug?”

“Last night at the club.” Onew mumbled, wrapping his arms around Jonghyun, feeling warm on the inside.

“I meant a genuine hug.” Onew felt Jonghyun’s chuckle resonate against his chest.

“I-I don’t know.” Onew impulsively buried his head in the crook of Jonghyun’s neck.

“Exactly. So just enjoy a dose of Jonghyun’s magic hugs.” Jonghyun discreetly smelled Onew, and smiled, when he detected a hint of feminine perfume. He didn’t know why he was hugging Onew, but he knew it felt nice…nicer than when he hugged his ex, nicer than any past kisses he had. Jonghyun pulled away after a while, suddenly aware of what he was doing. “OK, now go sit and wait for me to finish cooking. I’ll bring you something to eat.” Jonghyun watched Onew smile as he got off the counter and grabbed the carrot.

“Thanks.. I-I feel better now. And...um, you can call me Jinki.”

“Aish, I think I’m going crazy! YAH! JUST STICK TO ONE NAME!” Jonghyun threw his head back in frustration, but smiled as he heard a small tinkling sound that did funny things to his stomach. “A-Are you laughing at me?”

“So-Sorry!” Jinki only seemed to laugh more at Jonghyun’s expression, until he was rolling on the kitchen floor.

“Yah! It’s not funny!” Jonghyun screamed, silently praying that his words don’t cause Jinki to stop laughing. After a while, Jonghyun too, began to smile, and joined in, chuckling at Jinki who was now sitting on the kitchen floor, wiping his tears.

“Thanks. I really haven’t laughed like that for a while now. I don’t even know why I laughed like that. It wasn’t even that fun-*hic*” Jinki hiccupped, and looked at Jonghyun.

They both burst out laughing.

[A/N]: OK, so this was supposed to be a one shot, but 4,463 words and countless hours later, I  realized that I may just opt for something longer. Um, I’ll fix the mistakes later, since its currently 4:10 am here, and I have school tomorrow. Until then, I hope you enjoy this measly piece of work, and enjoy it! Also, this story was originally mean to be Onew and OC, but I changed it to Jonghyun later. Why? Because I can, and I'd like to. :P

Also, yes, Onew/Jinki does not have SPD. However, if he did, the symptoms would be a little different since most of the time, the mind does not remember what the other personality is doing once it has taken over (though there are cases where people remember) also, most personalities tend to not be hostile towards each other, yet there have been cases where patients have suffered through depression that was brought upon them by their own personality. I don’t know TOO much about this subject, but once I had someone read the story, I was given some feedback about the disease and decided to look into it and conducted some research. But Onew/Jinki was never meant to have SPD, nor does he have SPD. Hence, Jonghyun “curing” him. (Since SPD isn’t something that can be “cured” so easily)

But anyways, thank you for reading, and if you like it, feel free to comment, subscribe or upvote! I’ll try to update this soon, and if you have any OTPs you would like to have a story written about, just msg me, and I’ll see what I can do! Till then, ADIOS!