possesione

A storyline by Cerubim

Title

At first glance, I have a problem with the spelling of your title. I thought it was misspelled. I am also thinking perhaps it is a word from another language and I'm right. I'm not really sure about taking the Latin version of the word, unless Latin has some great significance in your storyline. The English version  possesion has a good impact if you decide to change it.

The title is simple yet striking. It is also easy to remember and relevant to your storyline. Personally, I really like this kind of title: simple yet gives a strong impact.

My only suggestion is to capitalize the first letter. Although your title is acceptable as it is but I think it is better if we write the title as Possesione. This is only a suggestion. It is all up to you if you want to capitalize it.

Description

It is better to incorporate the definition of possesione from your first chapter in your description.

pos·ses·sion

latin: possessione

noun \-ˈze-shən also -ˈse-\

: the condition of having or owning something

: something that is owned or possessed by someone

: the act of having or taking into control

Aside from that, good job with your description. You gave us a glimpse of your story immediately. From your foreword, the readers can depict that Yura is having an affair with Jongdae despite being married to Seulong. You give us the conflict immediately without bombarding us with too much drama. It is a simple scenario yet it explained what is going to happen in the story. Thumbs up!

Foreword

The only thing that I could say here is to have your photos of the same size. Put only one photo of Yura.

Poster/Presentation/Appearance

Wow, the poster looks amazing! It shows what it needs to show. The problem that I find when it comes to appearance however is your font color. I know that gray is acceptable. But I find it really a chore to read because of the color. I don’t know if it’s just me, but the color is hurting my eyes (sorry). Try black color. Always use font consistently. It is preferable to use TNR or Georgia since your story is more on the angst type. Size 12-14. If you decided to incorporate the suggestions, use TNR or Georgia in your description and foreword too.

Characterization

Yura. I don’t how she could stomach having ual relations with the two leads.  All I can see is that Jongdae is her hold to her sanity. She accepts Seulong's abuse to her which is quite questionable because he has no strong hold on her. What I mean is she should fight back and not just meekly accept her fate. Well, maybe her affair with Jongdae is her unconscious revenge. But accepting abuse from her husband seemed a little too weak in her character. Unless she is a masochist (which is not the case, I think) or that she is too afraid of him.  Is she afraid that he will abuse her farther so she just meekly accepts his maltreatment? Or does she unconsciously wants her husband? Make her character stand out more by describing her feelings to him more (be it hatred, anger, or hostility) while he was abusing her. Make a monologue about her unsure feelings to Seulong.

Seulong. First, why is he so obsessed with her? We immediately learn the reason: because he loves her. The problem about his character is that he is presented with a sadism and obsession and then BOOM!--> Because he loves her. That was really too fast. Make your readers know him little by little. Throw more events. Make your readers question his feelings before revealing the reason of his obsession unless you are planning to have few chapters. But since you have already mentioned his real feelings for her, try to incorporate little by little the reasons why he loves her.

Jongdae. His character makes the story more interesting. It’s quite obvious that he has feelings for her. What I find really interesting about him is that although there are no inhibitions between him and Yura when they are underneath the sheets, he is actually quite intimidated or should we say a little bit insecure when confronting his feelings for her. I think what is really hard for him is to love a woman who actually belongs to another. That is just hard (in his case).

Plot

A woman torn between two men not just emotionally but ually is just hardcore. This is some serious plot and I find it really amazing how you make your readers torn between the two guys. I could see the meaning of your title every time I read the story. Although this is a hardcore , I applaud you for coming up with this kind of plot. But, I read from your note that you are quite unsure about the plot? If that is the case, then you need to make a skeleton of your story. For example, for Chapter 7, these events will transpire. For Chapter 8, these things will happen and so on until you reach the last chapter. Organize your plot this way and it will be of great help to you. But nonetheless, this is a great plot filled with psychological drama, potent romance, sizzling attraction, and more.

Pacing

You immediately revealed to us the conflict from the very beginning which is a good thing. When we immediately learn about Yura and Jongdae's affair despite her marriage to Seulong, that pacing is good. I don’t even have complaints with Yura and Jongdae's first meeting-turned-hardcore- scene.

The only thing that I could criticize here is how you revealed that Seuling loves her. I really think it is too fast for readers to learn that he loves her. Next time, indulge your readers to a rollercoaster ride. Work your readers’ minds. Make them question why he is behaving this way towards her. Aside from that, I don’t see any problem when it comes to the pacing.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary

Wow authornim. It seems like English is your thing. I cannot even criticize something major here. There are some minor typos here and there. For example, Chapter 6, I might lose you.

Well done!

Writing Style

You gave enough details for your readers to visualize what is happening in the story. The way you described the scenarios is great, especially the scenes. Your cliffhangers are amazing!

Overall Enjoyment

Personally I am not a very big fan of romantic story with the woman having ual relations with both male leads. I prefer a story of a woman torn between two guys and yet only involved ually with one of them. But this story seriously made me change my views drastically. You made me torn between the two male leads. But I much prefer Seulong to end up with Yura because in the first place, the title speaks about Seulong's obsession with Yura. This story has a lot of potential. It would be on my recommended list because of the amazing storyline.

I’m really sorry if this review took a while. I am so busy nowadays but hopefully, this is of great help to you. Good luck with your story authornim and waiting for your next update!

Reminders

Don’t forget to credit me by copying littlemisshappyify @ Good Review Shop and pasting it on your foreword. Please link my username and shop.

Upvote if you are satisfied with your review.

Please comment below.

Feel free to ask for a redo. I will do it after you have made the necessary changes that I suggested.

Thank you for requesting!