Ryeowook's POV

If you don't have a smile, I'll give you one of mine.

Siwon rented a mansion. A mansion for all the members to live together. For me. It was so touching. The thought of the members talking about me and planning something for me. Clutching onto my heavy heart, I chuckled. I was truly lucky to have these hyungs and dongsaengs. Feeling bad that I ha neglected them and even thought about giving up on my life, I went to my room and took out my pills. Before I could take them, someone suddenly knocked on the door. I kept the pills back into my luggage and smiled up to my hyung.

“Can I come in?” Leeteuk asked.

“Of course, hyung.” I waved him in.

“What are you doing here?” Leeteuk asked seating on my bed. “Why are you not with the others?”

“I just… Came in to take something.”

“Oh.” Leeteuk nodded and then cleared his throat. “Kangin accidentally told me that you had something important to tell me.”

“You know how loose his mouth can be.”

I chuckled and I sat down, cross-legged on the floor looking up at my hyung. He looked so worried but at the same time, he looked so confident and so strong. He seemed to be always ready for anything and everything. I fidgeted suddenly uncomfortable. Was Leeteuk hyung going to be ready for my news to him? Would he still accept and love me for who I am?

“I… Umm… Yeah.” I nodded. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this for a long time now.”

Leeteuk nodded and gave me time to process my thoughts. While I thought of how I should break the news to this hyung, I looked at his face. Leeteuk looked exhausted. Being in the army, I was sure it wasn’t easy and it wasn’t as relaxing as people thought it’d be. And then… With the news of the incident of his father and grandparents… How did this hyung managed through it all? I touch his knees softly.

“But first, hyung.” I said. “How have you been? Really? How are you holding up?”

Leeteuk sighed. “Some days I think I’m fine but… What does fine really mean anyway?”

“Now I know how Donghae really feels.” Leeteuk chuckled, shaking his head. “In a way, Donghae is a much stronger person than all of us.”

“Why do you say that, hyung?”

“Losing someone so close to you is like losing a part of your heart and mind. Losing a part of your soul.” Leeteuk said softly. “I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt like it was all my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, hyung.”

“I know but… I just can’t help blaming myself. I’m so used to taking care of the people around me and all of a sudden…. This happens.” Leeteuk sighed, shaking his head. “I should have been there, I should have done something.”

“Hyung, if you were there, it wouldn’t have happened.” I squeezed his knees. “You were serving the country, hyung. I’m sure they passed on proudly, knowing that their son and grandson was busy serving the country, protecting thousand other people.”

Leeteuk gave me a small smile, ruffling my hair. “You always know the right words to say, don’t you?”

“That’s the reason why I’m the eternal magnae, hyung!”

Leeteuk laughed. “Anyway, Wook, what is it that you wanted to tell me?”

Earlier when Leeteuk was talking about his late father and grandfather, his smile disappeared and I instantly felt bad for bringing the topic up. It had been such a long time since I saw his sweet smile and I loved how his smile and crazy laughter could brightened a