Do you know how it feels like to be a monster? Do you know the feeling of people giving you stares, fearing to go near you as if you were going to eat them any moment? Well, Lee Jangmi is not a monster, she is pretty much human as anybody else, but one might call her a monster by the way people treats her like she is one. She does not want to be treated like that; nobody does. She wants to live a normal life but an incident on that faithful day turned her whole life upside down.

She was treated like a monster ever since what happen on Friday the 13^th 2009.

“Thank you class.” Miss Daisy said as she ended her English class.

“Thank you teacher.” The class of nine year olds stood up and thanked her.

“Yes! It’s finally time for Physical Education, the only subject that isn’t boring.” Sooji happily said to Jangmi.

“I know right, my bottom is already sore from sitting for hours. At last we can finally stretch and move about without getting scolded.” Jangmi stood up and stretched her tired arms.

They went to the toilet to change into their PE clothes and assembled at the court to start their lessons. While the teacher was taking the attendance, Jangmi chatted with Sooji as usual when suddenly she coughed. It was pretty normal actually. She has asthma so she usually coughs everytime, only that is what the others think.

As she looked at her hand she saw stains of blood. She quickly wiped it off on her shorts before anyone could see. She was lucky that her shorts in black in colour so no one could see any evidence of blood there.

For PE that day, they were going play dodgeball and for warm ups they formed a circle and passed the ball among themselves. Jangmi missed a few times. Honestly, she was not really good at sports but she never stops trying. After a few more passes the class of 34 students were divided into two groups- the attacking group and the dodging group. Jangmi and Sooji were in the dodging group and they stood in the centre of the court.

They were dodging pretty well and although more people were getting out, they continued to preserver and do their best until Jangmi felt like something was wrong with her. The world around her started to spin and she felt light-headed. She could feel cold sweat forming on her forehead and everything seemed to slow down when she lost her balance and landed on the ground.

“Oh my gosh! She’s bleeding!” Someone pointed to the girl on the floor. Jangmi was one the verge of fainting. She could see the feet belonging to her classmates but that was all. The shouts of concern did not reach her and her vision was getting blurred as black spots filled it. Feeling dizzy, she shut her eyes tightly but it did not help because she threw up, tasting blood in .

“Eww! She looks like a monster!” Was the last thing she heard before passing out.

She was admitted to hospital for 3 days and when she went back to school, her secret which she kept for years of her sickness spread like wild fire in school. People were pointing at her, murmuring among themselves and even avoiding her like plague. Tears filled her beautiful eyes and she choked on a sob as she ran away. Jangmi tried so hard to hide her illness because she did not want anyone to know about it. She tried to be so careful, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not escape from the fact that she has leukemia.

Jangmi had leukemia since the age of five. She did not even know why her parents were making such a big deal after her medical check-up that time. All she knew was that she had to take more ‘vitamins’ to be healthy. She remembered asking her mom in the car “Mommy, am I not healthy?” and her mom had tears in her eyes and looked away, unanswered.  She saw her dad looking at her through the mirror with sadness in his eyes. She felt like asking again, she did not understand why her parents were acting that way. They were no longer the same ever since that doctor’s appointment.

They made big fuss over small things that she was doing. Like if she was carrying her box of toys like she usually does, they will take it for her and offered to carry it. They did not mind before, but now they will be telling her to do that or she will get hurt. Since she was really young she didn’t give much thought on those changes. She did as she was told. She ate her medicines which she thought were vitamins. She was not allowed to do any heavy work like carrying or throwing or even running which means she did not get to play outside much.

Ever since that check-up, there were more check-ups. More trips to the hospital and more vitamins in different colours and sizes. She wanted to complain how the vitamins tasted awful unlike her star shaped vitamins which tasted like fruits but did not. She did not know she was sick. All she knows was that she had leukemia because she overheard her parents telling that to her aunt in one of their visits to her house.

She asked her parents one day in the car. “What’s leukemia?”

Her mom turned and looked her straight in the eyes, “Where did you heard of that word sweetie?” Sadness was in her eyes. Jangmi saw that and she felt like she was hurting her mother in some way.

“I heard mommy and daddy saying it to Aunt Gillian.” Her mom nodded and turned infront while her dad just drove without saying a word.

As time passed, she grew older and wiser. In the year 2001 she started her first day in kindergarten. She made friends easily because she was a happy-go-lucky type of kid. Her smile was contagious and so was her laughter. She noticed how the teachers paid more attention to her compared to other students. She felt somehow awkward at first because kindergarten was actually the first time she made friends and converse with people other than her parents and relatives. She liked the attention and she likes how all her friends were really nice to her too.

Well, she regretted thinking so after a few days because like at home, she was not allowed to do any heavy work like carrying stuff and she was not even allowed to play when they were having PE. She finally realized that her leukemia must be the cause of it. From that day onwards, she hated leukemia even though she did not know what it was. All she knew was that because of it, she was not allowed to have any fun. She felt it was unfair how her other friends played among themselves while she sat in class staring out of the window watching them.

In her group of friends, there was this boy who was one of the first friends she made there. His name was Xiumin. He was chubby and quiet. On the first day of school he was at the corner of the class alone until Jangmi went to him and introduced herself “Hello! My name’s Jangmi! What’s yours?”

He was really shy so he answered while looking at his shoes “Umm.. Hello… I’m Xiumin.”

“Well nice to meet you Xiumin. Come, let me introduce you to the others.” Before he could protest, she grabbed his hands and pulled him to where the other kids were. It was soon before Xiumin felt himself having fun with his classmates.

After PE, the rest of her classmates came back in the class and Xiumin went to his seat, which was next to Jangmi. “I saw you from outside, why didn’t you join us?” He asked her.

“I’m not allowed to.” She quietly told him, sadness lacing her words.

“Why not?” He pressed on and she let out a soft sigh.

“It’s because I have leukemia.”

“Oh.. I see..” He nodded his head and looked to the front. It took him about 15 seconds before he shifted his attention to her again. “But what is leukemia?”

“I don’t know either.”  

Months passed since her first day in kindergarten. She enjoyed it because she had many friends. It was not until one of her classmates, Krystal, celebrated her birthday in class around mid-July. And something horrible happened that day.

“Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to Krystal,

Happy birthday to you.”

Everyone sang to Krystal as she blew out her candles. Everybody’s parents were there to celebrate her birthday because her parents owned the kindergarten she could do anything or have anything she wants. Her parents not only owned the kindergarten but also the primary school and secondary school. Shinhwa was a very well-known family and all their schools were named after them.

The parents sat at the back of the classroom as the kids played games. They played pin the tail on the pony and watched a clown blowing up animal shaped balloons and did small little tricks. It was until they were about to play musical chairs that Jangmi’s mother suddenly stood up and pulled her to the side. Jangmi was about to protest, because she really wanted to play. All the kids gathered around them. She was already having tears in her eyes but her mother still did not allow her to play. Krystal’s mom came to them “Mrs. Lee, why not just let her play? It’s just a game after all.”

“No, Mrs Shinhwa, I won’t allow it.” Mrs Lee looked at her, determined to protect her precious daughter.

“Why not?”

“It’s because I have leukemia!” Jangmi shouted at them. Their eyes grew widen in shock, especially her mom.

“Omo! My baby! Krystal, get away from her!” Mrs. Shinhwa commanded and carried Krystal away to the corner. Soon, all the mothers who were sitting at the back got up from their seats and carried their kid to where Mrs Shinhwa was. “You better get that diseased child away from my baby! I’ll sue you if my child is infected by that thing!” Mrs Shinhwa threatened Jangmi’s mom. By then, Jangmi’s dad was already beside them and this time he answered back.

“How dare you speak to us like that? Leukemia is not even contagious! If so, my wife and I would have been infected by it long time ago!” His face was turning red from anger.

“Omo! Are you telling me that thing has been sick ever since she entered this kindergarten? And my baby has been with her ever since then?! Get out from my school now! I don’t ever want to see that thing ever again!” The other parents nodded and agreed with Mrs Shinhwa. They did not want their child to be infected with leukemia. Jangmi was already crying from all the fighting as she never like it when people fight. Her parents held her hands and walked out of the class. Before Jangmi left, she turned around and caught Xiumin’s eyes. He gave her a small wave and that was her last day in Shinwha Kindergarten.

In the car she was crying her eyes out. She hated how all the parents looked at her like she was a monster. They all never treated her like that before and she felt like her heart was breaking from the sudden treatment. Why did they act that way? “Mommy.. daddy.. what’s leukemia..?” She asked in the car, still sobbing.

Her dad let out a sigh and her mom was already tearing up. “Sweetie, leukemia is a type of sickness.”

“I have it don’t I?”

“Yes sweetie.”

“Is that why they treated me like that earlier?” She whispered in sadness.

He let out another sigh. “Yes sweetie.”

“Is it like flu?” She asked another question but her father was patient with her.

“No sweetie, it’s not. Unlike flu it’s not contagious but they do not know that. They were just afraid that their child might get it too. Don’t think too much about it okay sweetie?” Jangmi nodded.

Lee Jangmi went through the early stages of leukemia quite well. She did not feel any pain and she felt healthy, as if she does not have leukemia. Her doctor, Dr. Wu was happy to see looking alright each time she came for her regular check-ups. Although she may seem like her normal happy-go-lucky self, but ever since the incident in Shinhwa Kindergarten, she promised herself she will never tell anyone she had leukemia ever again, shutting herself away from the world.