Just now,

After getting her phone call…

You toss and turn in bed with the bed sheets all creased and the covers tangled around your long legs, thinking about that night he showed up at your door with tears rolling down his face and raindrops clinging onto the stray strands of hazel locks. He came to apologize; he came to your place at 1AM in the rain just for a stupid apology and even until now, you still wonder how much you mean to him for him to go through all that just to tell you he’s sorry.

Your churned and twisted chain of thoughts are disrupted by the sudden vibration of your phone against your chest and just when you’re about to press the end call button (because you really don’t give a who’s calling and you just don’t want to talk), you realize that it’s him.

“Hyunseung?”

I had a lot of things to think about…

Yesterday,

She found out…

You hear a sniffle which is soon followed by his strained voice and it just pierces through your heart like a throwing dagger; is he crying?

“Hyunseung-ah, what’s wrong?”

For a moment he’s silent and all you can hear are his hushed mewls and the sound of  the onslaught of rain crashing against the window pane, “I-It’s Jiyong…”.

At first you sigh because you don’t want to hear anymore of his relationship with someone else, his feelings for someone else, and of course; his Kwon Jiyong. You realize that you’d be a complete jerk and an of a friend if you hung up on him so you close your eyes and take a deep breath, preparing for that same unpleasant, squirmish feeling, “What about him?”.

‘Is it possible for hearts to audibly break?’ you ask yourself when you think you hear the mute shattering of glass and muffled screams of pain and you assume it’s either your heart or his because he’s crying, sobbing, and whimpering and you’re here listening to it all, not knowing if you can take it.

“Ji-Jiyong…” he stutters, “He cheated on me…”.

Her boyfriend was cheating on her…

Now,

She’s about to cry…

For a second you’re baffled and speechless and at a loss of words. All the same; you don’t know what to say or rather what to feel. But right now, your blood is boiling and the veins on your hands and wrists are practically threatening to break through your skin; you’re angry.

He; the boy who has always offered you smiles and laughter and company and not to mention ice cream, is crying and its all Kwon Jiyong’s fault. 

You’re pissed because out of all the people in this hypocritical, discriminating, and hateful world, why does he have to get hurt?

“C-Can you come over?” his stuttering continues and you think even his hands are trembling because you can hear the clattering of his fingernails against the phone, “I need you...”.

“... Alright...”

As I go to get her…

But,

In my heart…

It’s quite strange to you really, when you grab your car keys off the table by the door before racing out into the rain (you wonder why it always rains when it’s about him) and straight into your car without ending the call with him, his stifled breath ringing through your ears, and you suddenly find yourself smiling; though you’re sure you’re not supposed to.

You should be turbulent or sulky or anything of the sort actually, but you know you shouldn’t be smiling. You shouldn’t be smiling while his heart is tearing; the worst part is you don’t even know why. Maybe it’s because you’re glad you can see him again, or maybe it’s because you’re thrilled with the fact that he needs you; you don’t think there are any other possibilities.

I secretly can’t suppress my happiness…

I’ve been waiting for this day,

When I could lend her my shoulder…

You knock on the door of his modest apartment which is quite far from yours (it makes you think about the night he was at your door again) and you’re greeted by tear b eyes, moist cheeks, a flushed face, and trembling arms that wrap themselves around you while quivering lips sob into your chest, “Junhyung-ah…”.

Your body is completely stiff and frozen but you somehow manage to move your arm from its place and rest it on his back, gently patting him while pulling him closer to you and you can feel his tears soak your already drenched shirt, “I-It’s okay…”.

He clenches your shirt between small fingers and looks up at you with eyes spelling fear and confusion, “What do I do?”.

It’s hard for you to form proper sentences or even decent words when you’re watching him drown in his own tears, “Well, why did you need me here?”.

It’s even harder now that he’s forcing himself to smile and laugh for your sake but you tell him to stop—to stop faking and to just tell you what the is going on. Right as those words leave your lips, he starts crying again and this time you’re actually watching the tears roll down his face and not just his back that arches up and down from the constant sobs and hiccups.

Now it’s you who’s hugging him—you who has your hands locked together behind his waist while whispering comforting words to him—while trying to convince him that Jiyong isn’t someone to cry over, but again, he presses another blade into your heart when he says “I’m not good enough for him! I’m not good enough! I need to be good enough!”; he’s so in love that it’s pitiful, sad.

You tell him that he shouldn’t change for someone because someone else out there actually likes him just the way he is, but he shakes his head in disapproval, “But I don’t want someone else!”; he’s so in love that he’s stupid, blind.

He’s so in love that it hurts, probably hurts you more than him.

You feel like smacking some sense into him right now, but you’ll never find the heart to leave even a single mark on his porcelain skin. “Don’t be stupid,” you whisper into his ear as you wipe away the tears trailing down from his eyes to his jawline, “It’d be a waste if you’re so pretty yet so stupid”.

And wipe away her tears…

I want to be…

He’s calmed down a bit now and the two of you are laying lazily on the couch, his arms clinging onto your body for dear life and your fingers tracing the line of his spine. He tells you he feels better, he feels happier, and that he feels safer and you even have the audacity to ask if being with you is better than being with Jiyong.

“Not really,” you can’t say you’re disappointed because you’ve expected it, “But close…”.

You can’t say you’re disappointed but you can’t say that you’re not as well because though you say you’ve expected it, your smile still shows a bit of hurt, “Of course” and you hug him tighter, letting his breath caress your bare collarbone; because you don’t even care who he picks as long as it’s you who’s by his side right now.

By her side forever…

Take place there as a man…

At some point in the day, he notices that the position the two of you are in is just a little too intimate for friends and the both of you start wondering what it’d be like if you were a couple.

“I don’t think we’d work” you voice out, eyes focused on your hand that’s gently holding onto his waist.

“W-Why not?”

“Because you’d probably still be obsessed over Jiyong” you answer as you look down at him with eyes that show both sadness and acceptance.

He doesn’t even try to deny because he’s just that kind of person, so he loosens his grip on your sides and looks up at you, “I’m sorry…”

Not a friend…

I’ll hug her in my arms,

And look after her…

When he drifts off and ends up falling asleep with a cheek resting on your chest and fingers hooked to the collar of your shirt, you take a moment to imagine yourself if the two of you were a couple and it doesn’t even take three seconds before you smile like an idiot;

You’re sure you wouldn’t cheat on him like Jiyong is,

You’re sure you wouldn’t make him cry like Jiyong is,

You’re sure you wouldn’t let another man hold him in his arms like Jiyong is,

And you’re sure you would make him happy and hug him tenderly and warmly like he deserves.

You’re sure you’d be better than Jiyong.

You trace the shadows under his eyes with your thumb and you’re stuck between a grin and a grimace, “I’m better…”.

So she’s not sad…

She was sorry…

He wakes up in your arms while you’re still watching him with dazed and enchanted eyes, hoping he wouldn’t see how amused you are and he presses his nose against yours as a teasing voice burns your cheeks, “Stop staring like that~!”.

You densely and obliviously blink and you smile at how it makes him giggle, “I’m not staring, you’re just all up in my face”.

He leans back and rests his head on your shoulder as his palms take refuge on yours and his fingers play with the rings on yours, “Hey, Jun…”.

“Hm?” you reply as you breathe in the coconut and vanilla scent of his hair.

“…I’m sorry”

“For what?” you scoff, stilling his fingers with yours by trapping his slim digits between your index and middle finger.

“For being so pathetic…” he murmurs, biting his bottom lip as he tries to writhe his fingers from the spooning of yours, “You must be annoyed…”.

For crying pathetically…

But she looked prettier like that…

You click your tongue and chuckle at how he would even think of him every bothering you by crying or asking for comfort, “Shut up. That’s stupid”.

“What?” his brows close together and his lips crinkle.

“Apologizing for that,” you coolly point out, “That’s stupid”.

“Don’t I look terrible crying like this?” he beams, wiping dried tears off his face.

“Honestly, you look prettier when you’re crying”

I’m determined today…

I’ll become a man she can trust,

“Ya know, I wonder how you can love someone who hurts you so much” you ask him as his hands fondle with the ends of your sleeve.

“Well,” he starts while neatening out the creased lines of your shirt (that were caused by him), “When they hurt you, you know you love them”.

Hearing this, you think love is confusing; having such feelings for someone who makes your chest ache so much to the point your brain emotionally breaks down. Does this mean if someone doesn’t hurt you, you don’t love them?

“Do I hurt you?” you ask out of curiosity and half of you wants him to say yes as the other half wants him to say no.

“Nope~”

So he doesn’t love you.

“It’s a good thing” he continues, “So I can trust you as someone I can always depend on”

“What about Jiyong?” you ask out of the blue.

“What about him?”

And forget everything else,

You are the one for me…

Only love can erase past love,

Let go…

And it all starts…

And it all starts when the clock strikes midnight…

And it all starts when the clock strikes midnight and you let your fingers slip into the spaces between his, lacing and twining around each other as you tug him out of the crammed apartment…

…And you run…

You take him by the hand and run—run past the park—run past the ice cream shop—run past your university—run past your apartment until you finally come to a stop at a certain place—a place where the city lights are dim and the stars shine almost as brightly as him.

It all starts with the two of you panting—collapsing onto the grass field with beads of sweat rolling down your necks, but luckily as the weather is slightly breezy, everything settles down as fast as you tackle him onto the ground; hands gently gripping his waist as you fumble around here and there and the silent night is only filled with the timid sounds of his laughter.

It all starts with him in your lap, eyes latched onto the inky sky and you think you can see the starlight in his dark orbs as he tells you stories about constellations and myths and star signs and what not, but your eyes are only focused on one thing—one thing you think you’ve been staring at all night…

His lips…

His pretty, thin, pink heart-shaped lips…

It all starts when you somehow find the courage to cup his jaw and draw his lower lip between yours, letting your lifetime of sweet, unforgivable, deadly sins begin because you know once you’ve tasted the pure innocence flavor of his lips, you’ll never be able to stop nor forget, but for once you don’t think—you don’t think about consequences and risks and troubles because for the first time you just let yourself fall—fall so hard for him that you think it even hurts and you don’t even seem to care.

And it all ends…

And it all ends when his hands find their way…

And it all ends when his hands find their way to run themselves through your hair, lightly tugging and pulling you closer to him, deepening the kiss and deepening the cuts and wounds you’ve earned from falling for him.

It all ends when he kisses you back—when you can feel his lips move against yours and you find your hands roaming in places that pass the boundaries of friendship.

It all ends with a kiss—a kiss which you think will be your first and last because you want this feeling to stay forever; the feeling of giving and being taken—the feeling of someone wanting you.

It all ends with a kiss because you know that after tonight, everything the two of you had will just be crushed under regret and hate—no more welcoming smiles or friendly touches—no more warm hugs and unnecessary jokes.

It all ends when he pulls away to catch a breath and you end up sputtering apologizes with closed eyes and clasped hands as he stares at you with confused eyes and shuts you up with a kiss.

It all ends when he tells you to shut up and just ‘look at him’…so you do. So you look at him and you shut up—shut up because all your worries are gone and it’s as if he’s the only thing that matters in the world…

“Just shut up and look at me…”

Now just look at me standing beside you…

~*~*~*~*~*~

Preview: And you think the hardest thing to watch right now is seeing those lips that were yours for that one special night, belonging to someone else for as long as he lets Jiyong have them.

~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Hi-yeom~♥

So apparently a lot of you think I'm dead because I've been sick and haven't been updating n___n 

I've just been busy with school and running back and forth for checkups and vaccinations and immunisations and medicine~^-^ I'm very much alive k~

And, um, yeah, dunno why I added the kiss. I JUST THOUGHT AT LEAST JUNHYUNG GETS A KISS OKAY, EVEN IF IT IS JUST ONE ;A; .....or was that two? >.<

Hm, anyways, uh, um, JiSeung is not over ^-^

Okay I dunno what to say because I have homework to do before I have to sleep :'D So I'll leave you with this~

Enjoy~

Bye-yeom~

Gee out! ♥

Now Playing: One For Me - SHINee

Thinking About: GODDAMN SOCIAL STUDIES PROJECT ;A;

Want: Dongwoon to do my homework for me...