The words I’m saying right now,

     I don’t know if they’ll hurt you…

Today you're alone again because he's on another date; it's been like this for over two months now.

You've exchanged phone numbers with him and he still texts you…rarely, but at least he tries. You begin to wonder when you can go on a date, but with your isolating personality and vicious appearance, who would want to go on a date with you?

It’s quiet and still and you really can’t bear with it. What happened? You used to be alone all the time and it never seemed to bother you, but now…being lonely…hurts? This isn’t right; this isn’t you.

Would it be greedy of you if you said that you’re unpleased with him having a boyfriend? That now you have to ‘share’ him? You never really liked the idea of sharing but what right do you have of being jealous or envious or even acquisitive because he’s not even yours.

He’s happy so you should be happy, but not to be blunt; happiness has never tasted so bitter.

          They’ll probably make you hate me forever…

You, saying that I’m not the same as I used to be,

     Is not completely untrue…

You remember that once, a week after he started dating Jiyong when he called you to tell you about his date. You honestly didn’t want to listen, didn’t want to hear, didn’t want to pretend to smile and laugh into the phone just to make him happy, but you did.

He says you’ve changed a lot since the first time the two of you met and you agree because never before has Yong Junhyung been so open to one person. You’re still puzzled whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing though because where there is a weak spot, there is vulnerability which soon leads to troubles and pains; is it strange that you don’t even care?

          This changed me into a stranger to myself as well…

You are so kind but,

     That’s just the way you are…

You remember getting a text from him two days after that call when you were sick with a fever and a cold, but luckily, after being ignored for around two weeks, he finally texts you;

From: Hyunseung

To: Junhyung

Junhyung-ah~!

Are you okay? The weather is so cold nowadays >< I hope you’re not sick~

Jiyong has the flu so I’m taking care of him, but if you’re sick, I’ll come over and take of you too ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I’m sorry I didn’t text you sooner though ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

I have to go make something for Jiyong to eat now~ You better eat too, okay? ^^

I miss you… ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

You smile at the last sentence of his text and slide your thumb over to the reply button;

From: Junhyung

To: Hyunseung

I miss you too ㅋㅋㅋ

I’m sick right now. I went out to buy something and got stuck in the rain so………come over and take care of me! ㅋㅋ

How dare you ditch me for Jiyong ㅡㅡ

You read over the text and sigh at how stupid you sound. You sound too desperate, too needy, too dependent, so you erase the text and retype;

From: Junhyung

To: Hyunseung

I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.

I miss getting ice cream with you~

Don’t get cocky. I miss the ice cream, not you ^ㅠ^

Its better; it sounds more like you, but it’s not truthful. You wish you could tell him you miss his company, you want him to take care of you in your crappy condition, and you need him to make your day even the tiniest bit better.

It’s a sad and slow day because you ended up waiting for a reply the whole time and after tossing and turning in bed with the TV on and your phone in your hand for around eight hours, it rings; he’s calling you at 11PM.

“Hello?” you call out into the phone and you’re greeted by a worn out chuckle; he sounds tired.

“Junnie-ah~” he replies and his voice sounds a bit strained, “You’re so mean~ You don’t miss me~?”

You let out a huff of laughter and click your tongue, “Why? You want me to miss you?”.

“… Yes…”

There’s a moment of silence that overshadows the conversation because you honestly don’t have a clue on what you’re supposed to say, “So what am I supposed to do?”.

“I miss you, Yong Junhyung~” he sings into the phone and his words curl your lips into a smile until you suddenly break down into a coughing mess, “Are you okay?”.

You take a deep breath and lightly pound your chest to settle yourself down, “Yeah, yeah, I’m good”.

“You don’t sound good! Should I come over?”

“Nonono!” you quickly reject, “I’m okay, really! You sound tired. You should rest”.

He pauses for a moment and finally speaks up, “Okay… But you rest too, okay? I don’t want that cough to get worse”.

You smile into the phone and tell him that you’ll take care of yourself as long as he does the same and just when he’s about to hang up, you stop him, “Wait!”

“Hm? What is it?”

“……… I miss you, Jang Hyunseung……”

It may be weird but you swear you can hear him grin, “Finally! Hehe~ Good night, Junnie~”.

You think you’re blushing and it’s strange because you don’t think you’ve ever felt this embarrassed or shy before, “Night, Seung”.

Why did he call you if he was so tired?

          I don’t know why I’m like this…

We were so in love,

     And you’re here now but…

You think it’s four weeks ago that you saw him and Jiyong when you were walking back home from university; yes home, because you don’t see why you should stay in a dorm when your apartment is only a fifteen minute walk away.

He’s leaning on Jiyong’s shoulder and Jiyong has one arm around him. You begin to wonder when you can hold someone like that, but then again, who would want to lean into your embrace?

You try to ignore it and keep on walking but unfortunately he spots you and within a second, you can hear his shrieking getting louder along with the sound of rushed footsteps, “Junnie! Junnie!”.

You curse under your breath and cringe before turning around to see him running towards you, dragging Jiyong behind him, “Oh. Hi, Seung”.

He pouts and his eyes crinkle along with his nose, “You’re not excited to see me?”.

You fake a laugh and knock his forehead, earning a glare from Jiyong so you take this as a chance to mess around with the older blonde. “Of course I am,” you tease as you put one arm around him and he hugs you in return.

“Ehem,” Jiyong scoffs, interrupting your ‘intimate’ moment with him, “Seungie, mind introducing me to your second boyfriend?”. Jiyong brings one hand out to offer a handshake but his eyes spell hate, “Hi, I’m Kwon Jiyong, Hyunseung’s boyfriend”.

You burst into laughter seeing the hatred written all over his face so you place one hand on his shoulder and raise a brow at him. “I know who you are. Hyunseung tells me about you everynight” you smirk, emphasizing the ‘night’. He sends you a glare and you just smirk, pleased with how much he probably wants to murder you at the moment. “So Seungie,” you avert your attention to the poor boy who’s staring at both you and Jiyong in confusion, “I’ll call you tonight, okay?”.

He nods and grins up at you, hugging you again before you continue walking back home. You can still feel Jiyong’s stare nailed onto your back, but at least he knows not to mess with you now.

You do admit that seeing him with Jiyong makes you feel empty and you think it’s just because you feel pathetic being single while he’s happy with his boyfriend; what else could it be?

          I want to find myself now…

Baby I’m sorry,

     Even when I’m with you I’m lonely…

It’s a day after your encounter with him and Jiyong that you see him again, alone this time at a nearby café.

You’re sitting at a table by the window, watching the dull city come alive as the sun sets and the city lights turn on one by one when you’re suddenly greeted by a familiar voice and you look up to see large doe eyes staring down at you; you’re surprised that he’s alone.

“Why aren’t you with Jiyong?” you ask after inviting him to sit down with you.

It pains you to look into those hurt eyes of his because it’s like watching the sun hiding away behind the clouds and the world suddenly turns dark, “He has plans with a friend. I think his name’s Seungri…”.

You just nod and take a sip of your coffee, not wanting to get too involved, “So you’re alone today?”.

“I guess so…”

“Then lets go out today,” you suddenly blurt out and you can see the mix of shock and confusion on his face because it’s usually him who drags you out everywhere, “Ya know, if you want to…”.

He smiles and it’s like seeing the sun rise in the morning because this time, it’s genuine, “Duh~! Let’s go!”.

You hold a hand out and wait for him to take it and it’s quite amusing how he looks at you as if you’ve just woken up from a coma and turned into a whole new person, “Then c’mon!”.

You lead him out of the café with a grin stretching from ear to ear but it soon falls when you look beside you and see the sad smile curled on his lips; because you know he wishes it’s Jiyong’s hand that he’s holding and not yours.

I must be lacking when it comes to love,

              Please forgive this horrible person I am…

I’m sorry,

     This is your and my story…

The whole time you’re with him, your emotions switch and change and shift like a roller coaster. At one point, you’re at the peak of your happiness seeing him enjoying himself with you and then you’re suddenly at a downfall when he starts talking about Jiyong again.

It starts raining when the sky turns darker so you take off your jacket and hold it above his and your head, just in case he might get sick from the rain.

“A-Aniya! Jun, you don’t have to!” he cries but instead, you pull him closer to you and you can feel him tense up in your arms.

“Ya, I’m not that much of an that I’ll let you get soaked in the rain!” you tease, sending him a smirk; maybe it’s just because the weather is so cold out but his cheeks suddenly beam a rosy shade of pink. “We’re close to my place now,” you inform him, “And the rain’s coming down hard”.

“So—“

“Let’s just head to my place”

“B-But!”

“I don’t want you to get sick, aight?”

It pains and hurts and suffocates you to hear his reply because again, he’s thinking of someone and it worries him to the core but sadly, that someone isn’t you, “But what about Jiyong…”.

Maybe this is the most you’ve ever cared and wanted someone…

          I must not be worth of this thing called love,

              Even though I’m by your side…

Baby, I’m so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely…

It’s quite surprising to yourself how you managed to convince him it’d be better to stay at your place because the rain is just too harsh tonight.

You come back from the kitchen with two bowls of ramen and you set them down on the coffee table in front of the large plasma screen TV, “Ya, Seung! I have food!”.

He comes out of the bathroom and his eyes scan around your whole apartment, “You said you lived in an apartment! Not a condo!”.

Okay so maybe it’s not really an apartment. You apologize because you can’t really tell the difference between the two of them and he just shakes his head though his eyes are still wandering off elsewhere. “Ya know,” you start, “If you’re impressed with this place so much, you should see my house”.

“C-Can I see?”

You point at a picture sitting on top of the table by the TV, showing a picture of you supposedly still in high school with a girl who looks quite younger than you posing in front of your house which is kinda far from your university.

He walks towards the picture and holds it up in his hands, eyes more focused on the girl than the house, “Who’s she?”.

You don’t really remember who she was, not even a simple name rings in your head but you’re sure she meant a lot to you since you had an arm around her and she had her head tilted up to kiss you in the picture, “A friend”. You don’t exactly know why you even keep that picture with you but you think it’s because seeing you and her…it almost makes you feel like you’re not so alone.

“That’s not a house” he says after putting the picture down, “THAT’S A MANSION!”. He races over to you and cringes, “You never told me you were so rich!”.

“Well that would just be arrogant” you shrug, “Go eat your ramen”.

He raises a brow at you with pursed lips, “Rich boy still eats ramen too, huh?”.

“It’s not like I brought my personal chef here too”

“OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE ONE?!”

You start telling him about all the things you had back home and his jaw drops lower and lower after each one.

“You’re sooo lucky that you’re sooo rich!”

“Not really” you shrug as you slurp up the noodles into you mouth.

“Eh? Why?”

You set your chopsticks down on a napkin and force a smile on your face as you turn to face him, “Money doesn’t buy you company”.

     Baby, I’m so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely…

Baby, I’m so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely…

It’s past midnight already and the downpour is just getting even worse; there’s no way you’re letting him go home tonight. He’s nearly asleep on the sofa already, a fleecy blanket wrapped around his feeble body and you unknowingly end up watching him fall asleep.

You pull the blanket off of him before carrying him into your room, setting him down on your bed before pulling the covers up to his chin. You would sleep beside him, just to make sure he’ll be okay for the night and because your bed is as fluffy as a bunny rabbit, but you force yourself to walk away; out of your room and back into the living room.

You lye down on the sofa with your arms crossed behind your head and sigh. Why are you sleeping on the sofa when you have a bed that perfectly fits two people, maybe even more? Because you can taste the bitter flavor of regret now that you’re not sleeping beside him but you’re sure that if you do and you wake up in the morning all alone with only a small post-it note placed on the pillow beside yours with a message telling you he went back home before you woke up, you’ll find that taste stronger than anything else in your life.

     Baby, I’m so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely…

You didn’t do anything wrong…

It’s that morning, that morning when you wake up with a back cramp because the sofa isn’t exactly the most comfortable place to sleep and you search around your apartment or what would be more appropriately called, your ‘condo’ for him. Just like you expected, he’s not there. He left before you woke up and left a post-it note on the pillow he slept on;

Junnie~

Thanks for letting me stay over for the night~

Sorry I left without saying bye >.< I have a date with Jiyong later. Hehe, excited~

Take care~ I’ll see you soon ^^

-Hyunseung♥

You smile before crushing the note in your hand and tossing it into the trash; it’s always about Jiyong… 

     I’m the weird one…

It seems I’ve been prepared long ago…

He calls you later on that day when you’re sitting alone at the park where you met him the day he took you to that ice cream shop the second time.

“Hello?”

“Jun…” he whispers your name and you can hear his light sobs from the other line.

“What’s wrong?”

“J-Jiyong… He doesn’t want me to see you anymore…”

You shoot up from the bench you’re sitting on and raise your voice into the phone, “WHAT?!”.

“He-He doesn’t—“

“I know what you said, you don’t have to repeat it. What the hell is he thinking?!”

“I-I don’t know… I-I think he-he got jealous b-because I-I stayed at y-your p-place yesterday…”

“BULL!” you shout into the phone and you receive glares from everyone around you along with mothers who quickly cover the ears of their children as they nudge them to walk a bit faster.

“J-Jun… Please calm down…”

You heave your chest and sigh as you sit yourself back down, “So what did you say?”.

There’s an awkward silence that slowly brews up your curiosity and anxiety as the seconds go by until he finally says what you’ve been dreading him to, “I can’t see you anymore”.

For a moment you’re baffled and speechless but you honestly saw this coming; it was all too good to go on so smoothly anyways, “I understand”.

“J-Jun, I-I’m sorry. I-It’s just that Jiyong… I like him a lot a-and I just—“

“I understand” you repeat yourself and you think it’s either rage or sorrow filling you up to the soles of your shoes, “So basically you pick him over me, right?”.

“N-No! It’s just—“

“It is. Don’t deny it and try to make yourself sound like a better person”

“I… I’m sorry… I just can’t let go of Jiyong…”

“You need him a lot, don’t you?”

“………… Yeah………”

“Do you think he needs you as much as you need him?”

“W-What?!”

You take a moment to brace yourself. Not really brace yourself, but to let a bit of hurt burn your anger into a bit of courage, to finally tell him something you don’t think he realizes yet, “Because I’m pretty sure I need you more than he does”.

“J-Jun…”

You sigh and prepare yourself for what seems to be the hardest part of any relationship; farewell.

“Well, bye. Bye, Jang Hyunseung” and you quickly end the call before you can even hear what he has to say next.

     For our breakup…

I really wanted to treat you well,

     Out of all the times, why is it when I’m confronted by love…

You walk back to your ‘condo’ and slam the door behind you because even though it’s not the same way you imagined it to be, that bitter flavor of regret; it tastes stronger now than it ever has in your entire life.

That bitter flavor of regret is all caused by him. It’s all caused by how stupid you feel for even letting him in your life in the first place because you were right; no matter who the person is and no matter how they promise to stay by you, they end up leaving you. Every single one of them.

What made him so special and different from everyone else? Just the fact that he probably has the sunniest smile and the perkiest personality in the city doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have left you like everyone else did.

You’re stupid, you’re stupid, you’re stupid.

You want to lock yourself away from humanity because this time, being abandoned by him is probably the most painful one yet; because you’ve grown a bit too attached to him.

          I’m shrinking away and am lonely endlessly…

‘Cause I’m just another girl,

     This night is lonely…

That night, you sit alone in the living room with a bento you bought at the supermarket only a few blocks away and for some reason, you end up watching romance films and chick flicks and dramas. You feel pathetic now because you’re doing what a teenage girl would do after a break up only you’re not stuffing yourself with ice cream or cake or all that fatty crap.

You pick up your phone from the sofa and stare at the wallpaper; did you mention that it’s a picture of the two of you from yesterday? It makes you smile yet it makes you frown so much that your face is probably straight, just straight. What did you do to deserve such a life?

          I can’t take anymore, goodbye…

‘Cause I’m just another girl,

     I’m so lonely…

You wake up at the sound of a knock on the door and you rub the sleep out of your eyes before looking down at the time on your phone; 1:06AM. Now who the could that be?

You drag your feet to the door and when you pass the mirror in the hallway you can’t help but cringe at how terrible you look in a wife beater and sweats with tousled locks covering your eyes. You’re sleepy and your eyelids are heavy, might as well open the door and get it done with.

You open the door and suddenly sleeping sounds pretty ing irrelevant now because you think you’re gonna be up all night thinking about why the hell he’s here.

“Seung…?”

          Even though I’m by your side right now,

              Baby, I’m so lonely…

~*~*~*~*~*~

Preview: He; the boy who has always offered you smiles and laughter and company and not to mention ice cream, is crying and its all Kwon Jiyong’s fault. 

You’re pissed because out of all the people in this hypocritical, discriminating, and hateful world, why does he have to get hurt?

“C-Can you come over?” his stuttering continues and you think even his hands are trembling because you can hear the clattering of his fingernails against the phone, “I need you...”.

“... Alright...”

~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Okay so~ Hi-yeom~!♥

It's been a while, huh? ^-^

Well I'm back with a REALLY long chapter >.< this chapter was like 11/12 pages long :O Longest chapter I've ever written for any one of my stories kekeke~ Be thankful ^-^

To be honest, this chapter is just REALLY long because this song is so Junhyung kekeke~

So this chapter is basically like all of Junhyung's memories .___. so yeah at the moment he's still alone at home like stated in the first part~ Everything else is a memory, OKAY? >.<

We might never know what happened to him and Seung that night~ Well, I know, but I don't think it's necessary to tell you because the next chapter is a whole new topic~ You guys can just guess or make up what happened that night when Seung came over~

AND NO, YOU JUNSEUNG SHIPPERS, THEY DID NOT HAVE >.<

To my 'Thorned Rose' readers~ I have delayed the DooSeob fluff again and I do apologize so so so so sooo much~ I have so many ideas on how to write the DooSeob fluff for the next chapter, but I keep getting stuck in the middle ;___;

I'm in the midst of writing my 23rd DooSeob fluff drabble~ Hope this one comes out right kekeke so exhausting -.-

So yeah, after the begging of quite a few readers to my Twitter, ( i dunno how you guys found my twitter k~ ) I updated 'Any Way Possible' a few days ago and the next update is coming up soon~ I already have it written down, but I'm currently perfect it~ Remember~ Next chapter is KiWoon ^-^

Wow I should stop talking about my other fics on the author's note for this story :(

Well yes, so anticipate for the next update of both 'Thorned Rose' and 'Any Way Possible' and not to forget this story too~! This might be just a rebound drabble fic, but this is hard work to me too ^-^

OH AND GUYS I'M SICK SO LIKE YOU TWITTER STALKERS STOP FORCING ME TO UPDATE SOON BECAUSE I MIGHT JUST COUGH BLOOD ALL OVER YOU D; yes, I have TBC lol

Oh, and if you guys have Twitter, just follow me @geekwangie and like... Send in requests or advice or criticism or tips or even ideas for new stories and future chapters ^o^

I'll be going now because I need to sleep O.o 6:12AM here and I haven't slept all night xD 

I'm nocturnal, be jealous ;p

So...

Bye-yeom~!

Gee out! ♥

Now Playing: Lonely -2NE1

Thinking About: THAT FRICKIN DOOSEOB FLUFF CHAPTER FOR THORNED ROSE D;

Want: More JunSeung moments everywhere. Ya know what, just let them get married and I will be happy forever~