I breathe in - slowly. I breathe out - again, slowly, until I am certain that my composure is still and my mind is clear.

Because I could only say a little bit of what was on my mind back there, I entered this room feeling unsatisfied. I know that I should hold back even more, what with everything on the line, but it’s so bloody difficult. I want to slap each one of those insensitive bastards across the face until they tell me where Luhan is.

I don’t know who to believe. The Government told me that if I completed this job correctly, they would let me see Luhan again; and yet the Institute’s representatives denied that they saved older generations, going so far as to say that they recycled them. Considering how everyone seems to be going out of his way to discourage me, I cannot say I entirely trust that man’s statement. Still, it did invite enough doubt in my mind that it weakened my faith in the Government’s promise.

“After three months have passed, you won’t know what ‘civil’ means anymore. When you live surrounded by people bent on success and machines who encourage that, ‘civil’ does not exist. Only survival. And survival can make even the kindest person cruel.”

No. I can’t let that man’s words fool me. I have to follow the Government’s orders. They will receive the closure they need, and so will I. That is the only good thing I can believe in right now.

Before departing for the Institute, the Government council had given me a wristwatch specific to this assignment. Whenever I record details by voice or text, the wristwatch immediately sends the data to the council members. Because the network is protected, no one but myself and the recipients would be able to access the data that was sent. This ensures that communication between the Government and myself is utterly secure. Since they asked me to report on my first day, I open the feature now and submit my first entry.

“Entry 1, Emer. The Institute treated me to a dinner. I met all four representatives, whose names I can’t recall at the moment, but there was a department for science, marketing, finance and production. They took me on a short tour towards the East Wing and then dropped me off at my room. They said that only I can access this room, but … I don’t think that’s true, so I’ll remain cautious.”

A short surge of light appears on its screen and then darkens. I feel safe knowing this is with me since it contains a tracker. If anything were to happen, the Government will be able to locate me. It’s a genius invention, really, and I wish Government workers in the past had the privilege of using it.

It reminds me of my dad. If these wristwatches were made sooner, would my dad still be alive? Would the Government have been able to find him before it was too late?  I sigh. That was a long time ago, and that mystery was solved. I can’t keep lingering in the past like that.

I say that, but isn’t that why I’m here? To bring back the past?

To distract myself, I start to unpack. I didn’t bring many things with me, and thankfully the room is small, so I don’t have to feel guilty about its empty spaces. The Institute’s bedrooms greatly differ from the Government’s. The room is a simple square shape, as is the restroom. Every accessory is in some shade of silver or black. The furniture is modern and lightweight. I arrange my things, first with my clothes and ending with other necessities. The last thing I unpack is the frame Hara gave me, which I did not intend to bring. I left it in her office so I would not be tempted to even look at it, and yet I had ended up fetching it and suffering from her obligatory “I told you so” speech.

“I hope you find him,” she had said. “And I hope you find Sehun, too.”

As if I didn’t have enough pressure on me already.

I lie in bed that night with the frame in my hands. Now that I am actually taking the time to look at the photo, I agree with Hara. It is an amazing piece of artwork. Whoever she asked to create this was extremely talented. Each detail is precise, especially down to Luhan’s light, sandy colored hair. I smile as I gaze at his face. For the past three years, I haven’t had anything by which I could use to remember him. His flowers have long withered. The Rubik’s Cube I bought remains unsolved. My hot chocolate is still bitter. It’s as if he never existed.

But I have this to remind me that he did. I have this to remind me that although three years have passed, I still miss him.

I fall asleep that night with the frame wrapped in my arms.

It is 11am when I wake up the next morning, which is unnaturally late for me. Thinking that I am in the Argent region and that I missed the train to work, I panic and jump out of bed. I hear a crash and look down to see the frame on the ground. Prepared for the worst, I pick it up to see a thin crack over Luhan’s shoulder.

“Shoot.” I rub the crack with my sleeve, but of course it doesn’t vanish. I set it on the desk and quickly change my clothes. When I open the door, I almost scream from the shock of seeing an Exon waiting immediately outside my room.

“You’re too close,” I say. It bows, and then takes two steps back.

“I apologize for intruding on your privacy,” it answers. “May I assist you with anything?”

“Um. Is there anything I’m meant to do today?”

“Yes. Would you like for me to expound on that matter?”

“I guess. And, are you the same Exon from last night?”

“I do not understand. Would you like to clarify?”

I forgot. Their cache automatically restarts each morning. “Never mind. Yes, please tell me what they are.”

“All representatives will be occupied by various projects today. As a result, you have been welcomed to sit in lectures and observe classroom activity. Should anything change, you will be notified.”

“That’s it?”

“Should anything change, you will be notified.”

I close the door behind me. “Okay. Which classroom can I visit?”

“Down the hall and to the left, a class has just commenced. If you would like to begin your observation, that classroom is the best option.”

“When does the class start?”

“11am.”

I swear and make a run for it, leaving behind the Exon. It might have been there to usher me, but I don’t need it. I will be fine on my own.

When I reach the hall, however, I realize that there is more than one ongoing lecture. Thinking it wouldn’t matter which room I picked, I choose the room closest to me and rush for an empty seat. Thankfully, the door is at the back of the class, so no one sees me walk in except for the professor.

No one, that is, except Lay.

He barely glances at me when he notices my presence, although he does pause for a moment to fix the glasses on his nose. I cannot believe my bad luck. As brilliant as he is, I do not want to sit through one of his lectures. He already lectures me enough, and I’m not even his student.

After a few seconds of disgruntled apprehension, I relax when I see that the students are taking a test. Knowing I don’t have to hear Lay’s lecture, I exhale in relief. Perhaps I am not as unlucky as I think.

I hear a rustle of papers up front. Lay is walking through the rows. I tense, knowing he will eventually reach me. When he does, he silently stares at me. Unable to do the same, I look away.

“The Exon told me to come here,” I mutter.

“Did it?” He whispers in return. He sits in the empty seat beside me. “I was sure it told you to go to Naya’s classroom.”

Is he lying? “It didn’t specify.”

“That’s unfortunate. We will have to fix that.” He leans his chin against the palm of his hand. “You look nicer today. White doesn’t suit you.”

“I don’t – “

“Also, I apologize for yesterday.”

I freeze. “What?”

“Do I have to repeat it again? I didn’t think you were one of those people.”

“No, I heard you, I just – “

“ – couldn’t believe it, so your reflex response was to utter a pronoun? That’s not very intelligent.”

I hate him. “You’re irritating.”

“I hear that often. Thank you for not telling me I’m despicable, although I’m sure you’ll get there eventually.”

Even though he expressed his gratitude, I am very close to calling him despicable to his face. That might be his desire, though, so I refrain from further insults.

“Thanks for helping me.”

“Help? I don’t think I ever have.”

I don’t think he has, either, but I need to say something nice. “You’re pushing me to try harder. I will discover everything there is to know about the Institute, and I’ll still be alive by the end of it.”

“Alive and human are two very different things.”

What’s it like? Being human. Is it nice to know that you’re real?

Telling me what it’s like to be human, and telling me how to be a human, are two entirely different things.

Emer. How do I become human?

Get out of my head, Luhan. Please get out.

“Also,” he goes on, “I’m not sure you should have said that. Don’t forget that although we require the Government’s approval, we do not have an affinity for outsiders. But that is another topic for another time, and my students need supervision. You can complain to me all you want – just not right now.” He stands and holds a hand out to me. “Can we call a three-month truce? Afterwards, you can slander me all you want, and I can belittle you all I want. I think it’s a fair trade, since we’re both in a situation we were forced into.”

“I wasn’t forced to do this.”

“Of course not." He knows I'm lying. "Take my hand, Emer. You’re going to have to make a friend eventually, and I’m the smartest option there is.”

He’s right, although it’s hard for me to admit. Out of all the representatives I met yesterday, Lay seems to be the one with access to the most valuable information. He also seems to hold noteworthy power within the Institute. While I don’t understand why he has chosen to treat me affably (or at least as affable as his personality disorder allows), I won’t question it. If he’s playing a game with me, then I’ll play along, at least until I figure out the rules.

I shake his hand. I’m stunned to find that it’s warm.

“All right, class,” he returns to the front. “You have approximately thirty minutes left. If I were you, I’d start moving past that particularly difficult question you all seem to be stuck on.”

I exit the class and carefully close the door behind me. The Exon is nowhere to be seen. Reluctant to visit another classroom, I walk down the hall and peek into each room. In one room, Naya erases a math function from the board. In another room, a professor labels the parts of a 3^rd Gen’s hardware. In yet another, a professor discusses the Institute’s history via a hologram.

Drawn by the design on the hologram, I observe this classroom for a while longer. From where I stand, I am able to see that the design is actually a blueprint of the North Wing. The professor expands and describes one component after the other. I realize he enlarges every section except for the gray rectangle at the very top.

“Miss Emer?”

I jump back. It’s Riis, and the Exon is beside him.

“I’m sorry,” I bow deeply, “You scared me.”

“You don’t need to do that. You can drop Government formalities in the Institute.” He glances at the classroom I had been watching. “Why don’t you go inside?”

“Oh, I’m all right from here. I don’t want to bother them.”

“All the professors know you are present, so you won’t be disturbing anyone. Were you able to gain any valuable information yet?”

Although he has always been kind, something in the way he says it causes me to become heedful. “I’m just trying to get a feel of how things run around here.”

“I understand. Is there something you wish to see? The Exon can take you there.”

“This place,” I point at the blueprint. “That gray space at the top. What is that? I kept watching, but the professor wouldn’t describe it.”

Riis smiles, but it emulates the exact opposite of the warmth I had felt in Lay’s hand. “If it isn’t relevant to the students, then it won’t be for you.”

“It’s a restricted place, isn’t it?”

“Every organization has its secrets.”

“But you see,” I reply, “my job is to find those secrets.”

“You won’t find anything worth reporting in there.”

I know from his expression that he won’t tell me anything, and it gives me further proof that the North Wing shelters more than the production site. Since he out of all people would know the sole reason why I am here, I won’t pretend to be ignorant. I will give everything I have to this mission.

I smile in return. “Then I hope your secrets are well-protected.”

I’m coming, Luhan. I’m coming.