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Disgruntled by his reprehensible character, I whirl around to confine myself to the one place I can claim as solely mine. As I walk, his words press against the temples of my head like a swollen bruise. Most of me want to dislike him, but his choice of words rudely pulls at my curiosity and hope. I shake my head. I can’t afford nonsense. I return to the lackey department, shut off my useless thoughts, and serve each bulb that commands an action – exactly as I’ve done for the past two years.

But my encounter with the man left a thorn in my mind. Lay’s appearance influenced me to think more and more of that person, and I don’t want to think about that, because although he brought me much happiness, he also brought me a lot of pain.

I know it wasn’t his fault, and I don’t blame him. Honestly, I don’t know what I would do if he were alive. Maybe that’s the reason I’ve stopped searching for him. He was a game changer, after all. Luhan was.

Shoot.

I haven’t said his name in a long time, much less thought about it. Now that his name is out in the open, his beautiful face pours into my mind. Luhan and his sparkling, red and gold eyes. Luhan and his small, pure smile. Luhan and his rapture with human life.

I don’t deserve him. I never did. And if I see him again – if he ever finds me – that’s exactly what I will tell him. That everything we want is impossible, and therefore, must be stifled.

For the afternoon, I welcome the trivial errands of the Government until an official barges into my department. His appearance makes me drop the cup of water I had been holding. The crash shocks him as much as his entrance shocked me.

“You’ve been summoned,” he clears his throat.

“You guys have those watches for a reason,” I jadedly respond, ignoring, if only for a second, that I must remain respectful to my peers.

“You should know that the council members don’t have those watches.” His surly expression commands me to listen. I nearly slip on the water as I approach him.

“Why would they call for me?”

Taking my wrist into his gloved grip, he leads me without explanation. My day has been speckled with surprises since this morning. I wonder if it’s because of the Institute’s visit. If so, the council members must be more than rattled by their meeting.

I want to ask the Government official where he is taking me, but I soon figure out for myself when we enter a familiar hallway. The last time I was here, my mother was taking me on a tour around her workplace. The memory relieves a bitter chuckle from my mouth. My ignorance had bathed my life in simplicity. It’s a dream to think that at that time, I was blindly fascinated with the Government’s mask of perfection.

We halt in front of what I recognize as the council room. The doors are as colossal and lustrous as ever. The black tablet in the center scans the official’s hand. It does the same to mine, and the doors open.

“What?” I ask the official’s bewildered face.

“Is it broken? It’s supposed to take your blood.”

“I’ve been here before.”

He trails after me as I enter the room. My eyes tell me that nothing has changed since I was last here, except that there are fourteen chairs instead of thirteen. Judge Shore sits at the head of the table, his expression blank. The official bows at his waist, and then he exits.

“Have a seat,” Judge Shore gestures to the empty chair that waits at the opposite end. Twelve council members study me as I gingerly obey. Afraid that they will interrogate or bully me, I lower my eyes.

“Miss Emer. I apologize for our conduct earlier. We were impertinent, and even if we do not agree with your ethics, we should not have attacked you with the Institute present.”

I have to grip the arms of the chair to keep from squirming. “It’s okay.”

“You must have had a long day. You look tired.”

At this, I dare to meet his eyes. They are asphalt blue. “It’s an honor to serve the Government.”

The council members seem to be waiting for Judge Shore to introduce a specific topic. I am patient, knowing that this is the reason I have been brought to such venerated company.

“What did you think of the Institute’s proposition?”

“About the 3^rd Gen?”

“Yes. What do you think? Should we purchase them?”

I’m certain that their decision is not solely defined by my opinion, yet they peer at me as if I were the determinant. Carefully, I respond, “I think that progress cannot be made without innovation. I think that the Institute is innovative, and thus, they have progressed from their earlier models.”

“So you think we should give the 3^rd Gen a try.”

“Yes … a try.”

He smiles. The council members mutely reach an agreement. “After your absence, we contacted the Institute about a compromise. We do not want to purchase 3^rd Generation Exons at this time, nor should the Argents, until we, the council, determine it is all right to do so. As a result, we would like for you to work for us.”

I already do, I think to myself, until he continues.

“We want you to investigate the Institute.”

Excuse me?

“They have agreed to this, and they know exactly what you will be doing.” Judge Shore folds his hands. There is a ring on his thumb. A Judge must always wear his tungsten ring, which marks him as the head of the council. I shake my head to disperse my thoughts.

“Miss Emer? Are you disagreeing?”

“N – no,” I stutter.

He sighs. “As I was saying, the Institute knows what you will be doing. They welcomed our suggestion. They are a business, after all, and in order to survive, they must first gain our approval.

“Now, with any inspection, they will be on their best behavior. I want you to document everything you find and report to us. No matter if it’s common knowledge or a well-guarded secret, your job will be to report everything, up to the tiniest detail. Do you understand?”

I don’t understand. Why doesn’t the council do it? They’ve done it in the past. Even if they are unable to do it, there are hundreds of Government employees who would be more adequate than myself. I’m sure the man who escorted me would have been suitable. “Why me?”

“Because, Miss Emer,” he replies, “you are just a lackey, and this is your opportunity to temporarily abstain from your paltry position and potentially rise to an enviable one.”

The possibility of leaving the lackey department entices me, but I am still not thoroughly convinced. He must see the apprehension on my face, because he adds more to the coercion.

“People seem to forget that you are not the only one who fell in love.” Judge Shore leans forward. “The Exon loved you back. Or so I’ve been told.” I refrain from a tactless response as he goes on, “The Institute is using your relationship with the Exon to hide something. More people are questioning your behavior in comparison to the Institute’s. It’s strange.”

“How do you know he loved me?” My voice croaks.

“To love what is not real is nearly impossible if the unreal did not love you first.”

“I don’t care that it’s mandatory. I hate it. And I hate you.”

“I hate myself, too.”

“You do?”

“I can’t make you like me. ’Satisfaction guaranteed.’ That’s what the Institute advertises. But you’re not satisfied, are you? With me.”

“I’m not.”

“Then what can I do to make you love me?”

“Miss Emer?”

I tense as the memory slips away.

“You don’t seem interested.”

“I am, it’s just – “ I pause to gloss over everything Judge Shore has said. If the Institute agreed to an inspection, then nothing about this ordeal should arouse my suspicion. Then why do I feel so nervous? Why do I feel so incapable? I shouldn’t have anything to do with the Institute. Investigating the place that created and destroyed the person who taught me how to love is the last thing I want to do.

“There’s a chance,” Hara’s voice consolingly reminds me. “There’s always a chance.”

“We want what is best for our citizens. I’m sure you know, Emer, that the absence of these Exons has made life difficult for those who do not find themselves with the same privileges as we do.” He blames that on the people? I would blame it on the Government. “We want this generation to develop, but in order to do that, we need your full compliance and the Institute’s assurance that once these Exons are within our ownership, they will not diverge from what is mandated. To accomplish that, we need an insider, and we have chosen you to be our hand in this endeavor.” I stare at him. “I’m sorry, but you cannot refuse.”

“If I’m just a ‘lovesick lackey’, then choosing me is stupid,” I reason, hoping to aggravate the council. I’m not doing it. I can’t. “What if I fall in love with another Exon? What if I don’t report everything back to you? Can you really control everything I do once I’m there? How can you trust me?”

“It’s not about trust. It’s about negotiation.” The council members applaud this by folding their hands in the same position as the Judge’s. “Someone who loved an Exon must also love its race. If you truly loved that Exon, you will help us.”

“It’s not the same thing – “

“I have news for you,” Judge Shore interrupts. “Your Exon. He’s alive.” He barely allows time for his words to register before he says, “If you prove yourself loyal to the Government, you will see him again.”