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Luhan is alive.

I can barely gloss over what Lay demands from me as his statement unravels my logic. He’s alive. He’s here, in the Institute, and he’s alive. I thought his memory was fading from the forefront of my mind. I thought that, as the years ticked by, I was losing him. But with Lay’s confirmation, a renewed vigor takes over my throat, and my voice comes out in a pathetic creak.

“I hope you’re not lying.”

Lay blinks once in reaction. “I’m a manipulator, not a liar.”

“Can I see him?”

“Unless I have your word in agreement, I cannot do that.”

“But you said … “ I trail off, vaguely remembering that he had promised to lead me to Luhan as long as I provide him with any information he needed. The Government made me the same promise. Despite Lay’s assurance that he isn’t a liar, I am still doubtful on whether I should trust him more than the Government.

“Who’s hurt you more, Emer?” He asks, as though he can hear my thoughts. “Choose which side you’re on.”

But it was never about sides for me. Ever since Luhan came, there wasn’t a side; there was just us. But I don’t have the luxury to be rash, and although every fiber within me aches to see Luhan again, I know that I have to wait a little bit longer.

“I need to think about this.”

“More intelligent people would immediately recognize that agreeing would be the smarter decision.”

“Stop patronizing me,” I lash out. Lay’s eyebrows shoot up. “I’m not an idiot, contrary to your belief. If I were an idiot, I wouldn’t have passed the test.”

“You took the test twice.”

“I didn’t fail the test the first time,” I argue, my pride shot. “I know I didn’t.”

Lay quietly watches me. “Interesting. Well, if you’re going to ‘sleep’ on it, then get on it. Don’t waste any more of my time talking about how you’re going to do something.”

“Fine.” I take a step backward, my shoe hitting another piece of the mug. “Who’s going to clean this up?”

“This is why we have Exons, Emer,” Lay waves his hand lazily. “You didn’t think I’d have you clean this, did you?”

I falter, remembering my lackey responsibilities in the Government. Unfortunately, the bastard notices and smiles. I fueled him with yet another detail he can use against me.

“Working for the Government must be glorious,” he sardonically says. “Are you certain you wouldn’t rather work with me?”

“I’m not irrational.”

“Prove it,” he murmurs as the Exon stealthily comes up behind me. I wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t for the clink of the mug against metal. “Prove to me that you aren’t as stupid as they come by agreeing to my terms.” He shrugs. “But, you know. Sleep on it.”

As much as I wish I could slap him, such an action would only close opportunities, so instead I clench my fists and walk away. I stalk towards my room, not noticing that the majority of the lights have been turned off, or even that I’m being followed.

“Emer?”

Startled, I nearly jump. I turn to see Riis walking toward me, that regal air of his captured perfectly in his tense jaw. “You seem upset. Is everything fine?”

Although he has given me much kindness, I can’t bring myself to confess the news of Lay’s desire to negotiate with me. I highly doubt that Riis would approve of it. “I’ve had one too many surprises this evening, that’s all. Besides that, I’m fine. How are you?”

“Concerned for my guest,” he smiles as he steps towards me. “Are you certain you’re fine? No one bothered you, did they?”

“If I were so easily overwhelmed because something bothered me, I wouldn’t be here still,” I reply. “I’m fine. Thanks.”

He nods, and I wonder if he mutters “That’s unfortunate” before flashing yet another practiced smile. There seems to be an abundance of impersonal fronts within the Institute. I wonder if they realize that they are becoming more and more like their inhuman creations.

No. What am I thinking? Luhan was nothing like that. Luhan felt everything. He felt more than I ever did.

“Have a good night, Emer,” Riis calls over his back. I say nothing and return to my room, where I lay on the bed and stare at the perfectly white ceiling. I glance at the picture frame, which I had left on my bed while getting ready for the dinner. 

You have an affinity for white.

I jump up, fling open the closet door, and rapidly sift through the clothes that I brought, which isn’t very many. I suppose the Government’s generosity isn’t as abundant as their bank account. One official actually lacked enough respect to say, “If you dressed there like you do here, you’d disappear right into the walls.” I didn’t care, at the time, that they had decided to sponsor me. If going here meant that there was a possibility I would see Luhan again, I didn’t care what I had to wear or what I needed to say. Now, however, as I look through the clothes, I realize that they are only in shades of white – the same exact colors Luhan wore when he arrived at my house.

Is the Government mocking me?

I collapse on the bed, tempted to throw the picture frame at the wall and also to keep it safe in my arms. I feel as though the Government’s attempts to remind me of their – our – objective has slowly begun to suffocate me. All they asked was that I report anything unusual to them in exchange for Luhan. But how quickly can they fulfill their promise, when they refuse to even partner with the Institute?

If you tell me everything you know about the Government, I will lead you to Luhan.

Then there is Lay, with his calculated offers and natural confidence. He could lead me to Luhan faster, if I agree with his terms. All he asks for in exchange is information regarding the Government. It’s a small price to pay, considering how the Government has never once been a friend to me. Why should I pledge loyalty to them now?

If the Government knew of this inner turmoil within me, they would proclaim me a traitor. I wouldn’t be able to return, even as a lackey. I would be banished to the Brass region, stuck working menial tasks for the rest of my life. I am sure my mother would love that, considering how she had tried her best to escape that lifestyle from which she was conceived.

I wonder what my father would say. I wonder if he would applaud me, radical that he was. Or if he would shun me like the rest of the world has.

Luhan never shunned me. Luhan never regarded me as a lackey, or an Argent, or even an Exon hate activist, which I was at the time. I was simply a girl with a bitter heart, and he was so tender and patient.

I realize that I do not have to sleep on my decision, because I know precisely what I need to do. I will tell Lay whatever he needs to know, if that means I will see Luhan again. And I’ll tell the Government what they need to hear, if it means I’ll have a better opportunity when I return. I will discover who is being honest, and I will use all of their secrets to my advantage when the time comes.

I’m not going to be pushed around anymore.

Early the next morning, I wait outside of Lay’s office debating whether and how I should knock on his door. Right when I raise a fist to complete one full knock, the door swings open to reveal a freshly showered scientist, hair hanging over his eyes in dark, gleaming strands.

Is it possible that I am admiring him?

“Oh, hello,” he greets, scrutinizing me before closing the door. I place a foot between the door and the frame, making it unable for him to shut the entrance to his office.

Clearing my throat, I greet, “I’m here to accept your offer.”

“Brilliant way for you to do that, by irritating me so early in the morning.”

“I’ll give you what you want, but only if you do it by my rules.”

He crosses his arms and ever so slightly releases his grip on the door. I keep my foot right where it is.

“I assume that whatever it was the Government offered you, you’ve come to the conclusion that my offer is better.”

“I’ll tell you anything, but you have to promise me that you will lead me to Luhan.”

“Somehow I feel that your new sense of confidence is a result of some serious emotional contemplation from the previous night.” He his head playfully. “It’s quite obvious.”

“You’re the one who offered,” I say. “I’m not playing games. You have to swear to me that you will lead me to Luhan, and I swear to you that I will tell you whatever you want to know about the bloody Government.”

His lips form into a grim smile. “I can lead you to Luhan, but it won’t be easy. And as much as you want it, you may not like what you find.”

I ignore his statement, not allowing doubt or hesitancy to carve cracks into my resolve. “I’ll tell you what I know. Until the time that I leave, we are a team. I won’t tell the Institute what you have requested of me, and you won’t say a word to the Government, either.”

“I have nothing to hide from the Institute, Emer,” he sighs.

“Sure you do. If you didn’t, why not do all the snooping yourself?”

He gazes at me, and I feel as though my mind has been laid out in the open and he is inspecting and probing it with his tiny tools and gentle hands; at least, I assume he has gentle hands. I glance down at them. He catches me staring.

“It isn’t that I have nothing to hide,” he denies as he folds his arms. “If I have people willing to help me, why not delegate? You, for one, are a prime example.”

“A team,” I specify. “I hope you know what that means, because the moment you break this agreement, I swear I will head straight to the Government. And I promise you that I will tell any truth or any lie to make sure the Institute never exists again.”

“You’re bluffing.”

I hope he doesn’t hear the shake in my voice when I respond, “When have I ever been anything but transparent to you?”

A soft chuckle escapes his lips. He steps backward, and I finally ease my foot from his door. “A deal is a deal. I’ll take you to Luhan, and you tell me what you know about the Government. But we have to be discreet about this. You cannot simply barge into my office at any hours of the day. You understand there are cameras, correct?”

“And I assume you know where the blind spots are. Correct?” I smile sardonically. “I’m not an idiot. I’m only perceived to be.”

“A blessing and a curse, I suppose,” he mumbles. I open my mouth to respond, but he continues, “It’s not an issue. Rather, it will work to our advantage. If we are going to do this, we are going to do it perfectly.”

“I don’t expect anything less from you.”

He grins. “I couldn’t give anything less. So,” he opens the door wider. “First things first. Let’s start on the right foot this time.”

I would laugh if his joke weren’t so stupid. “And what’s that?”

“Friends. Let’s start by being friends.”