Say something I'm giving up on you | Suggested by Boshaft_Crow

Sehun stared at the screen of his phone, waiting and hoping the reply he would soon get would consist of words he had longed to read and hear. His eyelids were getting heavier and he barely notes the time striking one in the morning. He almost dropped his phone when it rang, breaking the silence out of the blue and waking him up from his closing eyes. He smiled because finally his boyfriend was going to say it, but when he saw the caller ID, his smile wavered. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Jongdae, his best friend, but he was kind of hoping it was Baekhyun.

Face void of all emotions, Sehun answered the call and placed his phone to his ear. “What’s up?”

The speaker cackled with Jongdae’s soft chuckle. “I was right. You’re not asleep yet.” There were muffled sounds in the background and Sehun could hear Jongdae telling Kyungsoo that his guess was right. Sehun rolled his eyes. “Let me guess. Still waiting for Baekhyun to call?”

The blonde lets out a frustrated sigh as he leaned back against his couch. He hated the way Jongdae says it; as if Baekhyun doesn’t care at all. He does, doesn’t he? Sehun would like to believe so. “You know I won’t be the one to call first. Not this time.”

“Yeah, because you’ve been the one calling and the next time you call first is to break it off with him finally. You need to listen to me, for once. Give up already, Sehun-ah.” Jongdae’s voice had gone serious, and Sehun didn’t like where this was going. He wasn’t up for more disagreements.

“And you need to stop making it look like he’s the bad one, because he’s not. Maybe he’s tired. He told me he’s got some rehearsals going on. He’s probably asleep.” Sehun tries to reason with his best friend, despite knowing that nothing would have been possible to change Jongdae’s mind.

He heard scoffs coming from a few people in the background wherever Jongdae was at that moment. For a second or two, he imagined Kyungsoo, Tao, Jongin and Jongdae himself seated around Jongdae’s phone and had him on loud speaker. He breathed through his nose and rolled his eyes again. He hated that they were all so determined Baekhyun doesn’t care about him the way he believed his boyfriend does. Jongdae continued, “Or he had a little too much fun with this boy from his school. Had a few glasses of soju, remembered he had to call someone but forgot you existed.”

Jongin contributed to this, saying, “Had a few more glasses of soju and forgot everything completely. Oh, but he didn’t forget the other boy’s name when they got into the same car. And maybe if he was lucky, the boy would send him straight home and not join him in bed –”

“What the , man? Shut the up!” Sehun was beyond angry at this point. He was up from the couch and pacing the floor of his all too empty living room. He was tempted to hang up on them but a part of him wanted to know if they were just messing with him or telling the truth. Baekhyun couldn’t have lied to him about those rehearsals, right? And maybe even if he did and got drunk, it wasn’t entirely his fault. Baekhyun’s an adult; Sehun knows he probably needed those drinks. But who was he kidding to say that he was fine with it? Not himself.

“I’m sorry, Sehun-ah,” Kyungsoo spoke up. “But we saw him here at the club. With that rapper boy everyone knows. What was his name again? Ah, Park Chanyeol.”

“Maybe you should go to sleep and check up on him in the morning, Sehun. Or you could come here and have a few drinks with us.” Tao suggested but then there was a beep and Sehun could tell that Jongdae had turned off the loud speaker to talk to him privately.

“I don’t know if you want to believe us or your pretty boyfriend, Sehun. It’s all up to you, really. We just care about you a lot and don’t want you hurt. I personally wouldn’t have any problem with Baekhyun if he had actually taken the time to show how much he cares about yo –”

Sehun scoffed, knowing that even if Baekhyun is the most perfect boyfriend, Jongdae still wouldn’t have liked Baekhyun genuinely. A soft sigh can be heard from the other end of the line and Jongdae continued. “Fine, fine. I wouldn’t like him still but that’s besides the point. If he hurts you, we won’t think twice in beating his pretty face up.”

“Jongdae, please don’t. Even if he does hurt me eventually, please don’t. I will handle this myself. I’ll check up on him tomorrow and we’ll talk. It’ll be fine.” Sehun’s voice sounded tired even to himself. He didn’t want to deal with this now; he wanted to sleep.

“Okay, then. Good luck and don’t forget our dinner tomorrow at Kyungsoo’s place.”

Sehun smiled, “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, maknae.” Jongdae hung up and Sehun let his legs bring him to his room, where very soon he fell on his bed and into slumber soon after. In his dream, he told Baekhyun he loves the older. And in that dream, only in that dream, Baekhyun said it back.

At ten in the morning the next day, Sehun found himself in front of Baekhyun’s apartment door, his hand fisted before it came down onto the wooden surface. It was only at his fifth round of knocking when the door finally opened and a wrecked-looking Baekhyun appeared from behind it. Sehun wanted to smile at the sight of undeniably adorable boyfriend with a baggy shirt clung onto his petite frame. But then he remembered what his friends told him last night. He wished they hadn’t but he was also glad they had. Baekhyun smiled up at him, then his eyes widened and he seemed to have remembered something as he pulled Sehun into the confines of his apartment.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t call last night. I got exhausted and fell asleep.” Baekhyun’s voice cracked slightly at his short explanation and he refused to look at Sehun as he fell onto his sofa.

Sehun clenched his jaw. “That’s okay. How was rehearsal?”

Baekhyun blinked once, twice. “Rehearsal? Oh, yeah. Tiring, as usual.”

Sehun couldn’t believe Baekhyun was lying to his face. His clenched jaw felt like it might break anytime soon. “How’s Chanyeol, Baek? I heard you shared a few drinks with him last night.”

The older boy bit his bottom lip as he closed his eyes. He sighed and finally looked at Sehun. “I’m sorry, Sehunnie. I didn’t have any rehearsals yesterday. Chanyeol brought me to the club and we had a few drinks. But I swear, I was going to call you but then the soju kicked in and I don’t even know how a phone looks like. I promise I won’t do it again.”

Baekhyun got up to straddle Sehun’s waist on the other couch, taking this opportunity to silent Sehun from saying anything else. He leaned down and kissed Sehun’s lips, which the latter responded with his eyes closed. Sehun could feel Baekhyun’s small hands cup his face, his own bigger hands going up Baekhyun’s back as their kiss grew wilder. A moan from the younger sliced the silence in the air when Baekhyun started to grind his hips against Sehun’s; taking the younger’s bottom lip between his teeth, kissing him harder and threading his fingers through Sehun’s blond hair.

Sehun tried to grip on the anger that had built up in his chest when Baekhyun openly lied to him. He tried to remember that Baekhyun hadn’t been honest with him. But with Baekhyun’s touch and kisses and the way the older was inviting him in, Sehun soon forgot why he was even here other than to see Baekhyun. And when Baekhyun brought them into his room, Sehun forgot everything else but Baekhyun’s pleasured moans, their sweaty skin against each other and the way Baekhyun screamed out his name as he brought them both to their sweet release.

He fell asleep with Baekhyun in his arms. He tried to tell himself that it was okay, that they’re okay. Everything was back to normal and Baekhyun would soon say it back.

But when he woke up again, Baekhyun was already gone.

“Yah! Curry ramyun again?! I’m sick and tired of it!” Tao whined as he fell back on the couch in Kyungsoo’s apartment living room, and Sehun laughed, taking a seat beside the Chinese man.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes while Jongin and Jongdae sat on the other couch, laughing at how whiny Tao could get. It was just another Saturday evening, a time where the five boys would gather in one place and eat dinner. They go around from oldest to youngest and today it was Kyungsoo’s turn to cook. Sehun had grown accustomed to this routine; it was a part of him, having practiced it since he was in middle school. In the old days, Sehun recalled, he was happier. He laughed more and made more jokes than he does now. These few months, Sehun was constantly anticipated with the thought that his love will soon be returned but the day never came.

“Fine. Jjajangmyeon then.” Kyungsoo suggested, throwing a pillow at Tao, who caught it in time.

“Tonkatsu.” Tao smiled sweetly at their cook for the day and Kyungsoo gave him an annoyed look but Sehun knows Kyungsoo will cook it anyway. The shortest of them all has a talent in dealing with food, and they all took the opportunity to get him to cook them something special whenever they gather at his place, sometimes even when Jongin was too lazy to cook.

So there goes Kyungsoo in the kitchen, a hand on his hip while the other flipped the chicken expertly. Jongdae went to help Kyungsoo out, leaving the three youngest at the living room. Sehun sat back against the couch while Tao had his long legs rested over Sehun’s thighs, his head resting over the armrest as his eyes focused on the screen of the TV. Jongin was on the other couch, hadn’t moved since he first sat, and the three sat in silence but Sehun didn’t mind it.

“So, did you talk to Baekhyun?” Jongin broke the silence, looking at Sehun from the corner of his eyes. Sehun sighed, hating the fact that he just got reminded by his bittersweet morning.

Sehun rubbed his face with his hands; fully aware of the attention both Tao and Jongin were paying him. “Yeah, I did.”

“Did he lie to you?” Tao mumbled.

Sehun considered this. “He told me he was sorry.”

Jongin rolled his eyes. “Tao meant did he lie about where he was yesterday when you first asked him?”

Pause. “No. It was the first thing he told me when I went to his place. I didn’t even hint that you guys saw him.” Sehun lied with a forced smile, hoping it will look natural.

Both Tao and Jongin didn’t seem to buy it by the way they scoffed but they didn’t push it. Instead, both pair of eyes drifted back onto the TV screen. Sehun released a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he figured it was over. Why he had lied for Baekhyun, he vaguely had any idea. He just knew that his feelings for Baekhyun are real and that Baekhyun makes him happy, at least he thought so, and he wanted his friends to accept Baekhyun into their lives. It wasn’t easy.

It was half an hour later that both Kyungsoo and Jongdae came out from the kitchen with plates of what smelled to be some delicious Tonkatsu. All thoughts of Baekhyun and his emotions pushed aside, Sehun grinned at the sight of the food presented to him. Beside him, he could hear Tao make impressed noises without actually voicing out any compliment. Jongin’s eyes widen after he saw how big the chicken was on his plate and Tao mumbled something about how it’s not fair that Jongin gets more than he does. Of course, Jongdae supplied with something about how Tao never finishes his food, which the latter smiled sweetly in response. Sehun was all munch and chew when it comes to food; he had little complaints and the only thing he could say when the food is good is the word ‘Yehet’, something he came out with himself.

“How is it, Sehun-ah?” Jongdae asked, mouth full with chicken.

Sehun managed a grin at the older and nodded his head as he chewed on his piece of chicken. His lips parted to speak but it wasn’t only his voice that came. All five boys chorused Sehun’s famous word together, “Yehet!” with an extra higher volume from Tao. At that, Sehun laughed along with his brothers, his best friends. He knew how much they cared for him. To them, he was the younger brother they never had and they took care of him since middle school, emotionally and physically. Without them, Sehun wouldn’t know such joyous moments. Maybe someday someone would ask if he would cry at the thought of separating from them and he would deny it.

But not tonight, not when he could laugh with such happiness filling his heart up.

Something Baekhyun had begun to fail at doing.

Baekhyun lied to Sehun again. When he called that morning, Sehun had been so happy because Baekhyun finally called and it wasn’t him who had called first. They talked for over an hour, and Sehun almost believed that Baekhyun had somehow realized his mistake and maybe they could start over, this time with both their feelings returned. But then Baekhyun said he couldn’t meet Sehun that night, because he had something on with his family and was expected to be at his parents’ home. Sehun didn’t mind it at first; he understood. So he ended the call with the words he meant with all his heart, the words he wanted to hear Baekhyun say.

“I love you,” He’d smiled even though he knew Baekhyun couldn’t see him.

“I know, I know. I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.” If Baekhyun sounded like anything at all, Sehun would say he sounded annoyed, as if Sehun telling him he loved him was an annoyance.

Jongdae was there. He probably heard the tone of voice Baekhyun had used on Sehun before the beep sounded and the call ended. Sehun’s smile had wavered but he managed to shoot another one at his best friend, who looked at him sadly and shook his head. Maybe it was because Sehun truly missed Baekhyun that he agreed when Tao suggested they go to the club and see if Baekhyun would be there since they heard Chanyeol would be. Or maybe because Sehun just couldn’t find it in him the trust he once gave Baekhyun to keep.

He silently hoped he wouldn’t see Baekhyun that night as he settled down with his friends, eyes roaming the darkened room for any sign of Byun Baekhyun. He wanted to let his friends know that Baekhyun wouldn't lie again like he did the other time. He wanted to be able to smile down at his older brothers to let them know that they were wrong. But then his eyes caught a short boy with brownish hair, wearing the shirt he had bought him almost a year ago, in the arms of a much taller boy with perfect white teeth and dark hair. Sehun’s breath caught in his throat.

Baekhyun wasn’t drunk, that much he knows. So when Baekhyun laughed and he leaned up on his toes to kiss Chanyeol, Sehun knew he had lost it all. He heard Kyungsoo curse under his breath but he couldn’t hear anything else besides the loud beating of his chest. Baekhyun turned and caught his eyes and for a minute or two, time froze. Sehun could see his lover’s mouth part and say his name, but he was already up and storming out of the club.

The back door banged opened and Sehun stepped out of the club. His breath ghosts in front of him as he paced the ground. Everything inside him screamed traitor! Cheat! But all he could do was try to even out his breathing. Baekhyun followed him out, of course, only proving to Sehun that indeed he wasn’t drunk, that he was fully aware of his actions when he kissed another man. Sehun felt like he would break down anytime soon but he held it within himself.

“What the , Baek? What the was that?!” He stopped pacing and stood to face Baekhyun directly, his eyes searching for the older’s.

“Listen, Sehun, I can explain.” Baekhyun begun.

Sehun crossed his arms and nodded, “Explain.” He ordered. He watched as Baekhyun open his mouth to speak but nothing came. The world around him seemed to come falling down on him and he held the sob that threaten to leave his lips when he realized that Baekhyun couldn’t say it. Baekhyun had nothing to explain. That kiss wasn’t an accident and they both know it. Baekhyun knows it. He had done it on purpose because he wanted to kiss Chanyeol.

“How could you do this to me, Baek? What did I do to you? Didn’t I give you enough? I love you. Do you even love me, Baekki?” Sehun voiced it all out, the thoughts that have been haunting him for the past few weeks. His heart pumped and it hurt with every beat that it made. He couldn’t believe this was happening even though some part of him had kind of expected it. A weight pressed down on his chest, making breathing an agony for him.

Baekhyun’s lips parted to say something, and a part of Sehun wished that Baekhyun would finally say it. In his head, Baekhyun’s voice sliced the air with those words Sehun had longed for him to say. I love you too. But it wasn’t Baekhyun’s voice; it was the voice in his head. Had always been the voice in his head. Sehun blinked away the tears that pooled in his eyes, wiping them away just as quickly as they had fallen. He wanted to hear what Baekhyun had to say.

“Say something, damn it!” Sehun yelled, making Baekhyun flinch.

“I love him.”

Baekhyun finally said, voice soft and eyes on the ground. Sehun, along with his heart, fell into pieces that would be impossible to put back. That heavy weight pressed further on his chest and it was hard to breathe as he covered his face with his hands. Baekhyun had finally given his heart to someone, and Sehun had foolishly thought he had it. Baekhyun says those words he craved to hear to someone else and not him. The emptiness he felt was impossible to explain in words and in actions. After all those months of him hoping and wishing his love was greatly appreciated and returned gone in just a blink. The pain in his heart had no words and only tears.

“Why?” He asked, voice breaking as he looked at the man he still loves.

“W-why?” Baekhyun stuttered.

“Why did you even try to get me in the beginning when all you’re going to do was throw me away? Why did you bother stealing my heart only to give it back?” Tears were freely falling down Sehun’s cheeks and he wiped them away. “Why did you make me wait for so long?”

Baekhyun took a step closer to him. “Sehun, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to –”

Sehun held his hand up to stop Baekhyun, shaking his head as he took a moment to get back his breathing. Once he stopped sniffling, he looked at Baekhyun straight in his eyes. “I’m sorry I met you. And I hope he makes you happy the way you deserve to be.”

He knew Baekhyun wanted to say more, but he wouldn’t let him. Sehun his heels and walked away, for the first time, in the opposite direction from where Baekhyun stands.

The apartment felt and looked emptier now that Sehun is literally alone. He hugged himself as he sat on the couch in his living room, empty gaze staring into space. He tried not to think about the man he had given his heart to but that man was all that he could think of in the darkness of his room. He barely noticed the front door opening; he didn’t care anymore.

Whoever came in didn’t bother turning on the lights. Sehun felt arms wrap around him from the back and he closed his eyes, the warmth the other was giving him finally letting his mind settle within himself. He noticed soon after that it wasn’t only one person who had walked in but three others. His heart clenched and it hurt, it hurt so bad that when he felt another pair of arms wrap themselves around him, he couldn’t help but let it all out. He cried, his hands gripping at the first pair of arms that he recognized to be Jongin’s. The second pair held him tighter. Jongdae. He felt a hand squeezing his knee, a kiss on his temple. Tao. And heard someone else sniffling. Kyungsoo. His friends were all here, he thought. His friends were all right.

When he finally regained enough strength and stopped crying, the arms pull away and he finally saw the faces of his brothers. Kyungsoo had a tissue in hand and was wiping his nose. Jongin came from behind him to sit on the couch beside his. Jongdae was on his left and Tao on his right. He smiled at them, and they smiled back at him. He was sorry he didn’t listen, he said. But they hugged him again and they said It’s okay, you’re okay.

“We’re here for you, Sehun. Always.” Jongdae gave him a reassuring look and so does the other three of his friends. He thought about Baekhyun. He thought about himself. He thought about how even if he hadn’t caught Baekhyun with another, he was already so close to giving up. He thought, at that moment, that maybe he would be okay again. He would be happy again.

Because his friends will make sure of that.

So to them he nodded, and he smiled. I will be okay.  

A/N: What did I just write? Why do I do this to myself? 

So you guys know my next one would be fluff to the extreme. 

And Chanyeol is not the bad guy in here. My KC fic's got him a lot of fictional hate and our Chanyeol deserve some loving. Hehe. But yeah, so. Yeah, I don't like broken Sebaek i don't know why I did this. K.