It had been 10 years since I stepped on this airport. There are a lot of changes already. The whole building facade, roads and there are more chain stores around. Can't believe I was out of Korea for 10 years. It seems time passed by so fast.

I’m currently a business woman now. I bet no one could think I would end up one. I own art galleries, hotels and a fashion line. Well, all the I love, I turned it into a business. That's how I spent 10 years of my whole life.

I stepped out of the airport. I don’t know where to go first. I saw I signage that says, "Kim Hyorin. Welcome back!" I went to guy who's holding that. I bet my dad sent him to pick me up.

"Hello. I’m Kim Hyorin."

"Oh. Hello and welcome back madam. Your father had sent me to.."

"It’s okay. I know. Let's go then?"

"Yes madam."

I passed by different places, I still can’t believe Korea can change this much. It grew more and more beautiful. Then I remembered my longtime friend, Lay. What is he doing now? Is he still holding on? Does he still love me? Wait! Why am I thinking of that? I shouldn't. Its been 10 years for heaven's sake! There so many things that could actually happen within 10 years. He can meet a girl. He can fall with her. He can actually marry the girl! Urgggh! But, how come when I think of it, I feel sad? Do I want to be that girl?

As I arrived home, my parents welcomed warmly and excitingly. I know they've missed me for the past 10 years. I went straightly to my room and packed my things in. I went to the nearest desk and opened it. I found my diary. I didn’t expect it could still be here after all these years. But I think my mom and dad can’t read it, cause I’m using my secret code to write and read it.

I opened up January 27, 2004.

 

Dear Mr. D,

I met Lay a while ago. Every time I see him, I ended up hating myself. I see the love that I took for granted. I see the love that is true and unconditional. But I chose the love that is uncertain. I’m willing to let him go. I can’t let him suffer anymore. So, I decided to go. I didn’t tell him. I want him to move on from me. Because I can never let him love me, knowing I can’t love him back. Hopefully someday, when I come back, he already had his life.

Truly yours,

Hyorin

 

When I read it, I feel all the hurts. That guy. Who love me back then. Who willingly sacrificed his heart for my happiness. Who wouldn’t love him.

All these years, I kept on thinking of what ifs. What if I stayed? What if I tried to love him? Will I be happy? I couldn’t erase the fact, that it saddens me every time I think of him. It’s like he's been the best memory of my past. I wonder now, where is he...

 

It was a cold morning. Ive been busy preparing for my new art gallery here in Seoul. To many things to do. Sometimes, I even forgot to eat my own lunch.

I looked at the clear sky and the view of the seaside. This coffee shop is pretty cool. The interiors and the window views are great. It all gives me a great feeling to start a new day.

Cling..cling

"Miss Kim Hyorin! Your coffee is prepared now."

I walked to the cashier to take my coffee. Then, suddenly, someone barged in front of me.

"Kim Hyorin?"

I looked at the guy's face. His face looks familiar. I know this face. The face Ive been longing to see all these years.

"Lay?"

He smiled and scrabbled my hair, like he always do before.

"Ya. You still never change!"

"You either. I still the childish girl like before."

We both laugh. I guess he's right. We never changed.

We talked and talked all day. It’s like from 10 years before until now, he's still the Lay, who I'm willing to give a day to talk with. We both talked about things that had happened to us for 10 years, what had we become and so on. But as I looked at him, I realized he changed a lot, physically. He grew more handsome and quite hot. He's also a businessman now. He owns coffee shops and malls. And this place, this awesome place, is one of his fruits of labor.

"I’m happy to know that you're fine now"

I looked at him. Trying to think what he's thinking. Then, I realized he's talking about my past.

"Yeah. Me too. Same to you also. I’m happy to know that you enjoyed these years. I was worried you might actually be depressed because I’m gone." And, I giggled to show I was just playing a joke. But, the truth is, I just want him to miss me.

He smiled and looked at me. "Well, it was different when you're not actually here."

I stared at him. I was waiting for him to say it. Say you miss me please, but no. He didn’t. It was just silence.

"Well, have you any idea where's Miemie now?"

"She's in Paris. She has a shoe line now. And I think she got engaged, a couple of days ago."

"What? Why didn’t I know about this?"

"Well, I didn’t. I bumped in to her mom on the other day."

"Oh. That’s okay. As long, Miemie is happy. I’m cool with it." I smiled at him. He looked at me as if he was studying me.

 

I’ve been busy for the past week. I was all out preparing for the launch of my art gallery. vie been contacting artists here in Seoul to display their artworks for the launching. And now, here it is.. My new gallery!

Minutes later, guests are starting to arrive. They roamed around the area to look at the beautiful paintings in stored for their eyes. I talked to some, and also sold a couple of paintings on the spot. It’s really my day.

"Hello. I heard you're the owner, right?" A girl in a beautiful red dress said.

 

"Yes. I am. How may I help you?"

"Well, I just want to say, you really did a great job in here."

"Really? Thank you!"

"My boyfriend likes this kind of art." She looked around. "I wonder where he is now."

She smiled and went to the person behind me. "Babe, I told you, you will love it here. I just met the owner."

I turned around and saw the guy that I wouldn’t expect to be...LAY. I stared at him, shocked. I couldn’t find any words to speak. I was just fed up with my own emotions.

"Hyorin?" He muttered. We both stared at each other like we're looking for answers in each other’s eyes.

"Lay?" I smiled. "I didn’t expect you'd be here."

"Well, I invited him to go. I didn’t know you two know each other." The girl said, while holding Lay's arm.

I looked at her and offered a handshake. "I’m Kim Hyorin. Lay is my great friend when I was staying here in Seoul before."

"Oh. I’m Jung Krystal. Nice to meet you then." She responds on my offer and smiled.

I looked at Lay and gave him a 'it’s okay' smile. "If you excuse me, I have to go to the office to process bought items. It was nice to see you again Lay.." I smiled at Krystal. "And you too. I’m happy for both of you."

I walked out into my office. I locked the door and cried myself out. I don’t know why am I crying. All I know is I’m feeling the pain again. The pain of what ifs. The pain which I’m afraid to meet again. The pain that I actually made another big mistake. Letting him go.