Is it love? Or is it a curse? Can you choose me instead? Can I just be the one for you? Why do I have to be the one to sacrifice? These questions keep on running inside my mind for couple of days already. What have I done for fate to made me have this? How can love turned out to be so cruel?

It was 3 years ago when I first met him. It was middle of summer, where teenage love and puberty is on me. Back then, I was fond of chatting with random people and make friends. I met this guy through Facebook. He was dark, tall and handsome...the typical guy who can make girls drool. He's smart and knows how to drive the conversation. We kept on chatting and calling each other everyday. But it never crossed our minds to meet up. Until one day...

~phone rings~

"Hello!..Kai, you called."

"Hey. I saw your post. You're coming to Seoul tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I'm going to take an entrance exam in Yonsae. Wae?"

"Oh, I see. What time will you finish?"

"Maybe 3pm?"

"Okay. Can we meet up by 3pm then?"

"Huh? Yeah. Of course."

"Okay. See you then. Bye!"

"Same. Bye!"

My heart pounds faster and louder when that call was ended. I didn't know what to do. Is he asking me for a date? No no no! I know it's just a friendly hangout.. Right?

 

"Aigoo! My head hurts. Now, I know why they say it is hard to enter this university." I grabbed my phone and check for messages.

"Ya! Hyorin-ah.. Where do you wanna go now? Let's go sight seeing? It's our first time here in Seoul." Lay shouted as he puts his arms on my shoulder. 

"Omo. Lay and Hyorin fans club here!" Meimei giggles as she walkes towards us.

"Sorry. I can't. Im going somewhere." 

"Huh? As if you know Seoul?" Lay teases.

"I'm going with someone. You know who.." 

"Oh. Yeah. Kai, right? Cool. Where are meeting up?"

"Molla. He said, we'll just meet outside."

"Okay. I'll go with you until he arrives."

"Okay, appa!"

Lay had been a great friend of mine for many years. He always been there for me. He knows me and understands me. But, sometimes he's kinda fatherly.. Hahahaha

"There he is." 

I said goodbye to Lay and Meimei and went towards Kai. I recognized him so fast since he looks like the same on what I saw in his Facebook account. But I never thought he could be that tall though.

We talked, roamed around the city and had fun. I never felt this way before. It was my first date, if he counts it as a date also. We went to Myundong and even walk at Han River. This day was so dreamy. 

"I really had fun here. Thank you for showing me around."

"Naaaah. Thats fine. I would love to do it again."

"Yeah me too. Hopefully I'll pass the exams. Cross-fingers!"

"Hahaha. Yeah. Hope you do too."

"SOoo.. I gotta go now. See you next time."

"Yeap. Text me if you arrived already. Bye."

"Okay. Bye."

 

"Hey." Lay snapped his fingers in front of my face.

"Yah! You wanna die?"

"Hah. I bet you kissed yesterday."

"What? No way! It was just a friendly date."

"Then, it was a date?"

"Anniyo. We're just friends."

"But you're hoping to be more than that?"

"Shut up!" 

I may not able to admit it, but yes. I want more from us. I want to date him and be his girl. But how can I? I'm just a mere rural girl.

 

"Hyorin-ah!" My mom ran towards me screaming.

"Eomma! Wae?"

"You received a letter from Yonsae."

"Huh? Jinja?" I hurriedly opened the letter and read it.

"Eomma! I passed!" 

That was the luckiest day for me. I wasn't excited becaused I got passed. I was actually excited to finally have the chance with Kai. I know it's kinda absurd, but I don't know. I opened my phone and suddenly a call popped up..

"Hyorin! You got a letter?"

"Yes Lay! Yes! I passed!"

"Jinja? Me too!"

"Let's go out and celebrate then?"

"Yeap. Kajja!"

 

"Aigoo! Im happy we both passed. At least, we can still hangout."

"Hyorin-ah, I also passed in Japan."

"Eeh? Omo. So, you're going there instead?"

"Molla. Do you want me to?"

"Anni. But if you want to go, I'll support you. I'm your bestest friend right?"

"Oh. Yeah."

"But it will be sad for you though. You will miss all the fun here. And you wont have a bestie to talk to anymore."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Just choose what makes you happy. Arra?"

"Arraseo."

 

It's finally our first day of school. Fortunately, Lay chose Yonsae over Japan. I think he was just afraid to feel jealous while missing all the fun here. He definitely the guy who wants to be in every moment.

"Yah, Park Hyorin!"

"Dae Appeoji?"

"Aigoo. If you keep on calling me that, I'm going to struck you with my unicorn horns."

"Dont you dare. I'll kick you with 1000 horse power."

We attended our classes and so on is history.

 

Kai is calling...

"Oppa!"

"Where are you?"

"Im in school. Wae?"

"Im here. See me at the parking lot."

"Arraseo."

I turned off the phone, and walked as fast as I can.

 

"Kai-oppa!"

"Oh Hyorin-ah. You're here."

"Dae. Why did you come here? Missed me?"

"Hahahaha more likely. You ate?"

"Not yet."

"I brought some foods here."

"Oh jinja? Thank you!"

I grabbed the foods and suddenly he held my hand.

"Hyorin-ah. Can I tell you something?"

"Oh. Yea. What is it?"

"I like you."

I was shocked. Did I heard it right? Or I was just hallucinating that?

"What? What did you say?"

"I like you." He said it a little louder.

"Omo. Jinja?"

"Yeap. I've been keeping this for a long time already. Hope you feel the same."

"You kidding me. You're my biggest crush."

"Really?" He smiled. Not the normal smile. That smile that could make a girl faint.

"Don't do that!"

"Do what?"

"Do that amazing smiling thing. I hate that."

"What? This?" He smiled teasingly..

"Yah Kim JongIn! You wanna die?"

 

Until now, it was quite blurry for me to believe that my crush had finally confessed to me. And the best part is, we're in a relationship now. Omo! I have to tell Lay!

"Lay! I miss you!"

"What? We just met this morning. What's up with you?"

"Lay! The most handsome of all.. I'm the happiest girl!"

"Huh? Why?"

"Kai actually confessed to me! We're together now."

"What? You what?"

"Kai is my boyfriend now."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Im so happy."

"This really makes you happy?"

"Oh come on. I just said that. I'm so happy."

"Okay. I support you then!"

 

Everyday, I keep on dating Kai. He never fails to surprise me everyday. He grew more and more sweeter. It's like I'm living in a complete different world where Kai and I are the only people in it. It's a brand new fairytale, and the best one! Until one day...

"Hyorin-ah...where are you?"

"Oppa! Mianhe, I can't go out with you. I have so many project and requirements in school. I can't go out." 

"What? But you said you'll be available."

"Oppa..but it's school work. I can't just put that aside."

"Aisht jinja! This is useless."

"Oppa!" 

That was the first time he hanged up on me. I became more and more busier year by year. It seems like my whole body was cut into half and I dont know anymore what to do first. I only wish he could understand what Im going through right now. 

The longer we go together, the more he became possessive and greedy. He wants all the time I have. He even wants me to skip class for him. What will I choose?

 

"Hyorin-ah!" Miemie shouted.

"Oh, Miemie."

"Are you free this lunchtime? I need your advise."

I looked at her. Trying to figure out what's her problem? I haven't talked to her for a while. We sat on the nearest bench after we bought some foods.

"What is it Miemie?"

"Hyorin-ah...I have this friend. She's really close to me, and she has a boyfriend. And, I saw her boyfriend dating another girl. Should I tell her?"

"Miemie, of course! His girlfriend has the right to know. And, that guy who cheats on his girlfriend is a bastard."

"Hyorin-ah..."

"Hmmmm.."

"That guy..." she looked at me, as if she's about to cry. "..is Kai."

"Huh? Yah! Miemie! You're my friend. Don't you dare put a joke like this again!"

"Hyorin-ah. But its true."

"No! Kai would never do that!"

"Hyorin-ah!"

I left her and ran to the nearest restroom. I dont know why Im crying. I know its not true. I know they're just putting some prank on me. It is too much for a joke!!!

 

After that day, I havent talked to Miemie again. I dont know why would I feel bad. Aigoo. Kai isn't even helping. He never changed. 

It was sunny morning, when I went out with Kai. I hugged him, he hugs me back but with a cold feeling. I kissed him, he just smiles at me. I said 'I love you', but he never answers back. It saddens me. I never expected him to be like this. What have I done? What have I lacked? 

"Oppa!" 

"Yeah?"

"Are you seeing other girls?"

"Why do you care?"

"Are you?"

"No."

"Give me your phone."

"Don't be pathetic."

"Then, prove I'm pathetic. Give me your phone."

I grabbed his phone and opened his messages, pictures and anything I could find. I saw everything! I saw how I wasn't the only one.

"Why Kai? Why?"

"Now, you asked. YOu have no time for me. I have no place in your priorities!"

"That's not true!"

"Yes it is. When did you actually gave me what I want?"

"But..."

"BUt, what? You have to study first. Well, go on. Do it! I'm out of your way!"

"Oppa..." I cried and cried. I can't stop myself. I felt like I'm going crazy! I felt like I'm torn into millions of pieces. 

"I'm done with you Hyorin! I'm so tired."

"Oppa.. No.. I dont want to." I held his hand and begged for his forgiveness. I kneeled for him to accept me again. "Oppa...I cant let you go. Please.."

Its never been easy. We really broke up that day, but went back together after weeks of begging. I was willing to lower myself. I took away all the pride I have for him to go back. To love me once again. 

But, no. It never stopped. Everytime we fight, he always finds another woman to be with. And, I was left accepting everything. He tells me how hideous, pathetic and idiot I am. He never failed to be insult and hurt me. But I endured it, I did it for love. I really believe that the Kai, who once love me, will come back, and he will love me again. 

I tried my very best to be the best girlfriend. And, somehow, our relationship started to go back to normal. He grew sweeter and we both enjoy each other's company, even there are still fights in between. We finally started all over again. And I was really happy, that is actually happening. Also, Miemie and I had been friends again. I guess, we both miss each other also. Everything went pretty well.

 

 

"Oh.. I want to buy us a couple's ring."

"Yah Hyorin-ah, the guy should buy that. Not you."

"Miemie, this is 21st century!"

"But.."

"No buts! Okay?"

"Okay. Its up to you."

"Oh hey, Sooji!" Miemie waved to the girl behind us. 

"Hello Miemie. Its nice to see you here."

"Yeah you too. YOu have someone with you here?"

"Nope. You guys can sit there." 

We sat on the empty seats. Miemie introduced as both to each other. I found out that Sooji was actually a cousin of my new friend, Mira. We talked and talked about random stuffs that we like. 

"So, how's Mira now? I never seen her for a while." Miemie asked.

"Oh, her. She's quite busy with her new found love." As she said that, it definitely bursted my curiousity. 

"Actually..." she whispered, and gestured her fingers for us to come near. "She's pregnant."

"Omo! What? With whom?" I asked.

"With her boyfriend. Its been 7 months already that they're in this relationship."

"Who?" Miemie asked with all attention on Sooji.

"You dont know? With her "knight and shining armor" Kim Jongin!" As Sooji said that, I fight the urge to collapsed.

"Wait, are we talking the same Kim Jongin, the model?" Miemie confirmed.

"Yeah, the one who owns a shop 2 blocks away from here."

"But, he has a girlfriend." I said.

"Hyorin-ah, no no! They broke up 3 months before they've been a relationship."

There I collapsed and walked out. I can't stop myself from crying, from pouring tears. It's like I've turned into Atlas, lifting the whole world with my bare hands. I ran and ran, I have no where else to go. I just want to ranaway. I want to scream til my whole throat sores, til this hurtache go. 

I dialed Lay's number. 

"Oh Hyorin-ah."

"Llllaayyyy.." 

"Hyorin? Is something's wrong? Are you crying?"

"Lay.."

"Where are you?"

"At the park."

"Im going there."

 

Minutes passed by, I saw Lay running towards me. I know he knows it already. I know he actually can see my burdens and hurtaches. He came near me, and hugged me. No words said.

"Cry all you want." He patted my back and hugged me tightly.

"Lay..." 

"Miemie called. I know."

I poured out all my tears. I dont care if Im screaming or getting wild. All I want is to take it all off my chest. Lay didn't say anything. He just listens on every cry I scream. 

When I have nomore tears to pour out, he took his handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to me.

"What will happen to you if Im not here?"

"Thank God you're here then."

"So, whats your plan now?"

"I dont know."

"You still want to be with him?"

"Will I be stupid if I say yes?"

"Yes. But you're stupid already because of him."

"Then, what do you think I should do?"

"Stop it."

I looked at him. His face, his expression. I know this face. This is the mad side of him.

"Lay, are you mad at me?"

"Why would I?"

"Because I've been stupid?"

"At least you know you've been stupid. But no, Im mad at myself."

I stared at him. I want to figure out what is he thinking. He faced me and stared at my face.

"This is the face I dont want to see, that's why I let you go."

"Huh?"

"If only I knew, he'll just do this to you, I should have fought for you."

"Lay..."

"Hyorin-ah, why is it hard for you to see that I like you? Wait, no.. I love you. That's the reason Im here. Cause Im taking the chance that someday you will actually love me back. But when you told me, you're having a relationship with Kai, and you seem so happy about it. I gave up. I told myself to let you go, cause you're happier with him. If only I have fought. You wouldnt be like this."

"Lay." I held his hand and hugged him. "Sorry." That's the only thing I could say. 

"Hyorin-ah...I dont really care if you dont love me, or you just see me as your brother. But I want to tell you this, you dont deserve to be treated like this. You're pretty, smart and bubbly. You're the most lovable person I ever known. Don't let him ruin you. He doesn't deserve your love. Kai may love you before, but he's different now. He made the girl pregnant, and he has to deal with it."

"Lay.."

"Promise me. YOu won't return to him again. You can forgive him, but dont go back."

I looked at him. Tears poured out his eyes. "Your the girl I treasure so much, and I wont let anybody treat you like this."

He pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead. 

 

It's been days since I knew about Mira and Kai. Since then, I havent met Kai. I dont know what to do. If I see him, what should I do? What should I say? I was afraid to go uncontrollably crazy that I cant stop myself. But, I have to. This isnt right. 

I picked up my phone and dialed his number...

"Hello?"

"Oppa."

"Oh. You finally called."

"Let's meet up now."

"Huh? Okay. I'll be at you place after 15 mins."

"Arra."

We went to the nearest coffee shop. It was totally awkward silence. It seems like we are both complete strangers. 

"Hyorin-ah."

"Oh?"

"I love you so much. You know that right?" I longed of this day that he will actually say this again. But it felt like it doesnt matter anymore. I dont feel any pleasure nor joy when he said it. Maybe because, when I see him, all I see is guy who I love and cheated on me. 

"Oppa."

"Hyorin-ah."

"I want to breakup with you."

"Eh?" I looked at him. I see his eyes fighting his own tears. 

"Oppa. I know already."

"Huh? How?" He held my hands but took it away.

"It doesnt matter." I looked at him straightly. "I cant be with you anymore. I may have endured you cheating on me, but I cant endure you having a child with somebody else. Oppa, I know everything. I know that there are a lot of girls aside from me. I know that everytime we fight, you find somebody else to make you happy. I know it all. But I didnt mind. I made myself blind. I love you so much for me to be able to endure it all. But I can endure this anymore. Mianheyo oppa. I just cant."

He hold my arms and pulled me to his chest. "Hyorin-ah. Dont do this. I know I did wrong. I should have been faithful to you. You're the only girl I love. Sorry. Please, dont leave me."

I pushed him away and ran towards a taxi. I cant stay there. I really cant. Im afraid that I'll be able to betray myself. 

 

-3 months after-

"Hyorin-ah, why you wanna see me here?" Lay said, as he walked towards me.

"I just realized this park has a great view." He looked around and smiled.

"Yeah. You're right. We really haven't noticed."

"Dae. Maybe it's meant to be noticed now, because if it was noticed before, we wont be able to appreciate it now." He stared at me with confusion. 

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Its just like, its waiting for its perfect timing." 

"Maybe. By the way, how are you?" 

"Im good now. At least, my mind is clear."

"Really? Its good to know that."

"Im going to US by the way, after 2 days. My uncle called, he offered me to study there." He looked at me, trying to study me, and he patted my back.

"Arraseo. Just be sure to take care of yourself there. Okay?" I stared at him, with shock. I really didnt expect that to happen.

"You're okay with it?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I looked down and try to think of an answer. Why wouldn't he? "Do you think I would not be okay with it because I like you?"

"Anniyo. Its not like that."

"Well, to tell you frankly, Im not okay with it. But to think of it, it will be good for you. You'll be able to divert yourself there."

"But..."

He moved closer to me and carress my hair. "As much as I want to be with you, I also want you to be happy."

"Oppa, why didnt I fall in love with you?"

"Like you said...maybe before wasn't the good timing." I looked at him with amazement. He smiled at me as if he was really happy. He kissed my forehead, and said, "We'll both know what's will be the next chapter for us when you come back."

"Will you wait?"

"Maybe. I cant tell. But, I want to tell you this..." He moved closer and whispered to my ears, "I love you."