I’ve kept myself more and more busy. What do you expect? I found out that the guy I want to miss me is actually taken now. It was entirely my fault! He was mine before, but I haven’t noticed him. I thought letting go was the best choice I took for both of us. Why everything happened to be this?

After the launch, I didn’t have the chance or the courage to meet up with Lay. I don’t want to end up confessing, when he has another woman. I know he is happy now. I can’t ruin that for him. He did that for me before. Now, it’s my turn.

I went to the nearest bar from the art gallery. I ordered a bottle of Soju and drink all the emotions that buries inside me.

“I didn’t know you drink. I guess you really changed.”  A guy suddenly sat at the empty chair beside me. I looked at him. I’ve been bumping with people I know before. And, it was really hard for me to tell who they are. I looked more intently.

“I guess, you don’t remember me anymore.” He said.

“Kai. Don’t worry, I remember you.” I looked at him and gave him a smirk.

“Good to know.” He looked at me and smiled.  “Can I join you for a drink?”

“Well, I think it’s still legal for both of us to drink together.”

I poured him a drink and he accepted immediately.

“Let me ask you again. How did the innocent Hyorin, go to this place?”

“I guess. Time flies. People change. Is that enough Kai?”

“If you think so.”  He poured me a drink, and I drank it. “So, how are you?”

“I’m fine. Had the life I wanted. I think I can count that as fine, right?”

“Yeap.”

“By the way, how are you and Mira? I bet you guys made a great family.”

He kept silent for a while, and looked down.

“I wish we did. I wish it did work out for both of us. But we have our child now, she’s currently 9 years old. She’s really adorable.”

“Now, I see your fatherly side. But what happened to both of you? I really thought you guys got married.”

He looked at me, maybe trying to figure out what I’m actually thinking, and just kept quiet.

“Sooo…tell me about your daughter.”

He took a deep breath and smiled.

“Her name is Mika. She loves to eat sweet stuffs. She’s a fan girl since she was 8. And, currently, dreaming to marry Bambam from GOT7. Well, as a father, it was my job to buy him all those fan merchandise.”

“Well, well, well...never thought you could be a cool father.”

“Yeah, she kinda reminds me of you.” He looked at me. Those eyes. I remembered those eyes. The eyes that once looked at me like I’m the most important person in the world.

I looked down. I’m misunderstanding it again.

“Hyorin-ah.”

I looked at him, eye to eye. He hurriedly held my arms and kissed my lips. The kiss that we both shared before. The kiss that had made me held him more and more. I tried to stop him. I pushed him. But he pulled me stronger and held me tighter. I took all the strength to push him again and get away from this. Then, finally he stopped.

“Hyorin-ah…”

I slapped him hard.

“How dare you!”

I took my bag and ran away as fast as I could. But he ran and followed me. I don’t know where to go. I just want to get rid of him. I ran as faster and faster, yet he’s doing the same.

I was getting tired, so I gave up. I stopped and catch my breath. 

“Hyorin-ah..” He held my arm and breathe deeper and deeper. “I’m sorry.”

I didn’t respond. I don’t know what to tell him.

“I’m not sorry for kissing you. I’m sorry for the things I’ve done in the past. I’m sorry for messing up everything. I didn’t have the chance to actually tell you this, because I had been a coward, a really big coward. You have all the right to hate me, curse me or even slap me more and more. But I want you to know that I’ve been regretting everything that I had done to you. Every day, I was living in the world of what ifs and regrets…”

“It’s okay.”

“No. It isn’t. I want you to know that my life is a hell without you.”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“I know. If only I could bring back the past.”

“But you can’t Kai!”

“That’s why I’ve been regretting all these years. I still love you.”

“It’s too late.”

“Why?”

“I can’t love you. I can’t trust you anymore. I can’t.” I looked down and pour every tear I have. The truth is, I don’t know what love really is. I’ve been making mistakes over and over thinking it was love. Loving Kai and letting him took me for granted. Letting go Lay because I taught it was for the best. All of it, I did it for love. But where did it take me? It took me here, back in my misery.

“I know you can’t. But I’ll let time heal you. I’ll try my best to be much better.”

“I don’t know.”

“Please Hyorin. Give me a chance.”

I stared at him. He was crying. As I stare at his eyes, I see heartaches and regrets. But I can’t let him hope.

“Kai, I can’t promise you. I can’t be with you again like this.”

“Then, let’s be friends. Let’s start all over again. We’ll forget the past and make a new beginning.”

“Do you really want this?”

“Yes, Hyorin. Please…”

“Let’s just be friends. But I can’t promise it can be more than that.”

“That’s better than nothing.” He smiled at me and attempts to kiss my forehead. I immediately covered his lips.

“Friends don’t do that. Let’s minimize the skinship part. Okay?”

“Okay.”