Pairing: Krisdara ; Dara of 2NE1

​Rating: PG

Genre:  Angst

EXO - My Turn To Cry

*edited

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"Yifan? Are you still there?"
​
"Yeah... I'm here."

"How's everything?"

That was how our conversations went every week on Friday. We would pick up the phone and watch each others soft reactions through the glass window that separated them. It's been three years since I last held Sandara's hand in my own. Sometimes I wished I was a better man for her, that I didn't put her through such a mess. The only reason I am in this mental prison because is I am not normal. Schizophrenia is what they call it. I thought that I could overcome myself but as I got older I kept getting worse. Having one single argument would usually end up with me on the floor telling the voices around me to stop, while my hands trembling from my paranoia. But she stayed with me the whole time.

"I'm taking some medication right now to help me calm down down but it makes me tired."

"Good."

"I guess so..."

The line between us was silent as her pearly whites came into my view. God even now she still smiles at me. I wish she wouldn't but I could never tell her that; her love for me is not what I deserve. It hurts to know that she is here thinking everything is her fault, but I have been like this since i was a young boy. The things I said, the people I hurt before her.

"Well, your birthday is coming up. The doctors told me I would bring you a cake? You still like vanilla right?"

No. The voices in my head are talking again. “Tell her” they say, but I don't want Sandara to see me that way. But what if this whole time this has all been pity? That she knew my true self all along? She had a family, I didn't. There was no reason for her to come here every week right? I have been alone my whole life, why would I still need her in my life anyway? 

This is all because she pities me. She never actually loved me...

"Yifan you are sweating is everything okay?"

I could hear the concern in her voice but I didn't care, I don't need her.

"...Get out."

I don't need you. And you don't need me.

"I'm sorry Fannie what did you say?"

Don't call me that.

"I said... Get. Out."

I couldn't think straight anymore. I no longer heard her breathing through the phone. Something inside me told me to look up and tears swelled under her eyes. Why was she crying? I am the one being used. She didn't move and it made my blood boil that she just couldn't get the picture.

"Go away! I don't need your pity party! ing leave!"

Resorting to banging on the glass that divided us only made me see the 'real' her. That wasn't sorrow in her eyes. They were laughing. Everyone was laughing. I don't need them. My body felt heavy as I watched her leave my sight, my breathing labored, and I fell to my knees, patiently waiting for the voices to stop. I wanted to call her back but, this was what I wanted wasn’t it?

Is this the silence that I have been craving ever since I was a young boy? Did I really want this?
A matter of minutes passed by before I felt my body being picked up and carried off to my room. My clothing twisted from movement as I curled into a ball.

All I need is myself. Everything will be fine. It's my turn to to cry, not them. Right?

This is was I always wanted. That was what the voices told me; reassuring me that everything would be fine, but can I really trust myself?

Maybe I should sleep. Yeah... And remember to tell Sandara the flavor cake I want for my birthday.

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Word Count:  637

A/N: Now I am probably not entirely accurate on this certain illness since a friend of mine explained it to me and dumbed it way down and this is what I got from it. Requested by Julianti​ so I hope it's not too bad. I'm sorry these are all angsty. I promise they aren't all like this. Also check the directorty to see if your fave Kris ship is next on the list!

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Accepting Request? : Only one (except Krisber, Krisyeol & Taoris.)