Chapter 1 : Healing Hands

“Jong Suk-ah…”

Jong Suk paused flipping a page in midway and lifted his gaze off the text book. A slender woman stood by the door with a tray in her hands. He smiled at her and the woman returned a bright gleam before walking into the room.

“Mom…” he said, stacking up few books scattered on his study table to make enough space for the tray. He glanced at the LED wooden clock on his table; ten past midnight. He hadn’t realised it was this late, time always seemed to fly whenever he was absorbed into one of Shin Kyung-sook’s books. “You aren’t sleeping yet?” he asked, eyeing through the last sentence of the page he was reading.  

“Oh, I wanted to bring you a midnight snack before I went to bed” she smiled and placed the tray near the end of the table, “And I wanted to tell you something”

Jong Suk stopped and looked up from the book. It wasn’t very often she had something to say to him, especially something that’d make her smile falter so quickly. He slipped in a bookmark and closed his book shut before swirling on his chair to face her. He waited for her to take a seat at the edge of his bed, no more than an arm’s length from him. A few minutes passed by in silence as she rubbed her palms on the fabric of her night gown, eyes flickering on the ground. It was a habit she shared, apparently, with his father. Perhaps it was a genetic thing, something inheritable, he had considered sometimes. But he could never know, since he had never had the chance to observe his father. When was the last time he saw her hesitate like this…ah, right, now he remembered; it was four years ago, the day when his real mother returned to reclaim her maternal rights to take Jong Suk under her wings.

“Mom…” Jong Suk called her gently, “what is it?”

“Tomorrow…” she said, and lifted her gaze to look at him “I am meeting someone—someone I am…planning to m-marry”

Jong Suk’s finger tips became numb. His body began to lose its density and weight, like sand gradually being washed away by flowing water. It was something he had been expecting for the past eight years, but those words never left before. Marriage would be the next anticipated stage of life for a woman at her age, no more than thirty-one years old, yet she was still single. Jong Suk clearly knew the reason for her being a single woman though there were hundreds of marriage proposals for her; it was him—Lee Jong Suk. She could not, or rather would not, get married because of Jong Suk; the boy who was not her son.

For the first time Jong Suk felt the urge to stop the time—not that he had the ability to—just he wished to because he feared. He feared losing the only person in his life who had accepted him for who he is—a child with an uncanny aura that only brings bad luck to whoever is around him. At least that’s how his real mother had once called him.

“It’s not him it’s you! You twisted ungrateful monster!” she had screamed. Jong Suk had stared at her, his cheek throbbing from her slap. He had ignored the pain though it was too much to handle for a ten year old. She’ll believe him, he had expected, she will definitely be on his side. He had stepped closer to her, over the fragments of glass that stung their sharp edges into his flesh, hoping to grab onto her warm hands, to cry his scared heart out. But she yanked him off her, crashing his fragile body onto the wall.

“You bewildered him to do it! It’s your fault that all this happened! I should have never given birth to a witch like you!!” She stormed off, slamming the door behind. Jong Suk pulled his knees closer and buried his scratched face  behind it.   

Those were the last words he heard from his mother before she abandoned him. It is ironic how the most hurtful things linger in one’s heart so deeply when all the kindness buries beneath that hurt.

This woman, his paternal aunt was the one who accepted him into her life and became his mother. She protected him as if he was precious and that made him feel he was welcomed to live in this alienated world where there was no one he could really lean on. There was only one thing he feared; what if this woman was to get married, have her own kids, and lose the love she has for him? What if she discarded him like his real mother did? What if those dreadful events that cursed his life eight years ago will repeat all over again? He did not have the right to protest against her decisions, because she had sacrificed her own happiness for Jong Suk for more than eight years now and he wanted her to be happy.

Jong Suk tried to shake away the uneasiness dwelling in his heart and pulled in a smile. “I’m glad you have finally decided to marry” he said holding her sweaty palm in his hands. “I…” he swallowed down the lump stuck in his throat, “always wanted you to get married and have your own family.” He felt her twitch a little at his words.

“Jong Suk-ah…” her eyes had become red and he knew very well that those eyes truly searched only her nephew’s happiness. Perhaps that’s why he felt even guiltier when she decided to become his mother; because he knew that this woman will never—no matter what—hurt him in anyway, even if it meant she has to give up her own happiness. There were a lot of men that truly wanted to marry her, but there was always one condition for that; to give up on Jong Suk, to send him to an orphanage. After all, what man would want a woman with a middle school kid. But that was also the one thing she refused to do and perhaps that’s why Jong Suk felt so guilty every time she had to turn down those lawyers and doctors that wanted her hand.

Jong Suk patted her hand gently and gave her the best smile he could manage. “This time, don’t turn him down. No matter what” he said “I don’t want you to grow old all by yourself” he tried to make his voice sound as light as possible, but it didn’t come out quite the way he wanted it to.

“Don’t worry” she said, smiling now “He is a nice person and he wants to meet both of us”

Jong Suk felt a little tingle in his body; whether that was out of fear or excitement he couldn’t differentiate.

“He has a son who is your age and he wants all of us to meet to—”

“He has a son?!” Jong Suk almost screamed when her words sank into his mind. “Then he is already married?”

His aunt nodded.

“Is he divorced?” he could see her eyes twitch at the clear rage in his voice. But he didn’t feel the need to hide it. Because what she was saying now was something ridiculous. Why a single woman would want to marry someone that is already married, and to top that he has a son who is eighteen years old—same as Jong Suk.

“No…” she muttered “his wife died eight years ago from a cancer”

“But…why do you have to marry a widower? You are a doctor, you have a great job, a great personality, and you are beautiful and single….” He paused before he said the next sentence “Is it because of me?” his own words pierced at his heart like sharp daggers.

“No, no no no” she shook her head vigorously. “It’s because I fell in love with him” she smiled as she gazed at Jong Suk’s hands holding onto hers. “I met him four months ago at our hospital. Somehow we both had fallen in love and we were dating” she looked up at him “He ended up proposing to me yesterday,”

Jong Suk looked into her brown eyes; they glistened with feelings—perhaps more like a new form of happiness—he hadn’t seen in them before. She is in love with him, he thought looking at the bright glee in those eyes.

***

“Chang-Min shi…” Jong Suk watches his aunt’s face split into a smile when she locates the tall man in a black suite sitting at the table next to the window. She clatters across the restaurant, heading toward the man who was waving his hand at her. Jong Suk follows behind her while he takes in the visage of that man; he is taller than any average man, and strong, and the finely shaved face gives him a gentlemanly look. He has weird looking eyes; well, perhaps not really weird looking, rather they are unique and reminds Jong Suk of a beast; like a predator eyeing its prey. But they aren’t the scary kind that make Jong Suk’s chest lurch with an urge to run away; for some reason he feels safe looking into that man’s eyes…they reminds him of his father though they looks nothing like his father’s eyes. Just that this man’s eyes has the same kindness like his father’s. As they nears the table, Jong Suk can see why his aunt had fallen for this widowed man; he has finely defined jawline that points at his sharp chin, a sharp nose and thick brows that points up at the edge. He is handsome in the society’s standard.

“Jin Hee shi…” the man’s husky voice calls his aunt’s name as he pulls out the chair next to him. She gladly takes the offer and settles herself next to the man. “You must be Jong Suk” he says now looking at him. Jong Suk gives him a polite bow.

“Hello, nice to meet you. I am Lee Jong Suk,” he introduces himself.

The man catches his eye and smiles, pointing at the seat in front of his aunt. “Please have a sit,”

That’s when Jong Suk sees the tall boy sitting next to the pointed chair. The boy doesn’t even bother turning to have a look at Jong Suk. His hands are buried deep into his trouser pockets and he doesn’t seem very pleased to be here. Jong Suk can only see the boy’s side profile, but it doesn’t take him long to realise that he also has those sharp eyes that reminds him of a…dinosaur…? He ignores his thought and lowers himself onto the chair. This must be his son…he thinks, taking a quick glance at the boy. He is staring out of the window, possible wondering when he can get out of this place. That’s what Jong Suk is also thinking, because he doesn’t feel comfortable meeting with strangers. He wonders if the boy also hates mingling with strangers. He has always preferred to stay away from people, spend his time reading rather than accompanying others in their small chit-chats. He was never good at initiating those small talks that leads on forever.

“This is my son,” the gentleman’s voice breaks him from his thoughts. Jong Suk turns his attention away from the boy and focus on the gentleman; he is pointing a smiling face at the dinosaur boy next to him. “You should introduce yourself,” he says to the boy.

His imposing tone seems to have an effect, because the dinosaur boy finally sighs and directs his face screwed with annoyance at Jong Suk’s aunt and bows. “I am Kim Woo Bin,” he says, his voice deep and husky…somewhat too manly for a boy of his age. “Nice to meet you.”

Jong Suk sees his aunt smile brilliantly, “Nice to meet you too Woo Bin-ah, I’m Lee Jin Hee,” her voice is bubbling with clear happiness. He never thought his aunt would be this happy to marry a man with a teenage son.

There is a very uncomfortable silence stretching around them after their introductions. It is as if no one knows what to say anymore; of course the dinosaur boy doesn't even seem to be bothered by this—in fact he doesn’t even seem to notice this silence. He simply stares out at the crowded streets beyond the panes of glass that stands between them. Jong Suk can’t help but wonder what is going on in this dinosaur boy’s head. He wonders if this boy would have jumped out and disappeared into that crowd if there was no glass standing in his way.

“I hear you are really smart,” the gentleman breaks that uncomfortable silence first, “Jin Hee told me that you placed first in your school.”

Jong Suk feels his cheeks tighten with rushing blood. He isn’t used to receiving compliments from others. He doesn’t know what to say in this situation; he gives him a soft smile and keeps his head low. He hears the gentleman’s giggle and lifts his gaze to look at him.

“You really are a very shy boy,” he is saying now, looking at his aunt and then back to him. “He really is beautiful like you said…” he says to Jong Suk’s aunt. Jong Suk feels his cheeks fall at the word ‘beautiful’. He feels his body starting to lose its control, his limbs—first his legs and then his hips then all the way up to his brain—paralysing gradually by the second. The warmth in his beating heart is now being taken over by a chilliness that sends shudders down his limbs—it almost hurt when that shudder reaches his feet, almost like an icicle being dragged down his bones.

By the time he notices, it is directly in front of him. He can almost feel a hand brush against his cheek, a fat thumb rubbing across his lips and sliding down his neck sending wave after wave of uncanny feelings that lurches his inside. A grating voice whispers in his ears ‘How beautiful’ those words envelop him like a soundless tsunami. The familiar panic is starting to rise as his heart speeds. The flow of time stops. The air grows thin, and he has trouble breathing. Those uncanny words are swallowing him whole, goggling in his world, echoing in all directions. He feels like he is stuck in a tunnel…How beautiful…How beautiful…those words ringing as if spoken from the far end of it. It feels as if the world is being closed off in darkness, he no longer has a gasp of his own awareness. What he feels is more than just terror; it’s something much deeper, much darker, and eerier than terror could ever define. He cannot keep his eyes open; his eyelids clamp shut. The clatter of forks and knives against the plates, clinking of wine glasses, chatter of people, his aunt’s laughter and the gentleman’s husky voice asking him something…all these things have become just a simple goggle spoken under deep waters. How…beautiful… Jong Suk suddenly feels sick; his stomach lurches as if someone had their hand in and pulled his guts out. He wants to throw up. He can feel sweat gushing from every part of his body, and the armpits of his undershirt growing damp. He trembles all over when that shrill voice continuously whispers in his ears. He wants someone to pull him out of this tunnel, he wants someone to hold his hand and shake him away from this world, and he desperately wants to escape those fat fingers that ogle on his skin like a ghost.

“…Suk-ah! Jong Suk-ah” someone is calling. The muffled voice seemed to reach him from the depths of a cave. He jolts his eyes open when a warm hand softly hold onto his trembling hands; long fingers intervenes their warmth around Jong Suk’s hand on his lap.

He gazes down at his lap; the big hand is no longer there, only its gentle warmth is left behind. He shifts his wondering eyes at the dinosaur boy who was now looking directly at him. Was it him? But his annoyed expression still looked as nonchalant as ever. Jong Suk blinks away the blur in his eyes; it had happened again. Those fragments of memories he wants to erase have started haunting him once again. It feels like a dizzy spell. He was thankful for that warm hand, whoever it might have been, for pulling him out of that haunting tunnel he was trapped in.  

“Are you okay?” the gentleman across him asks worriedly. He flashes a quick smile at him and nods.

Jong Suk lets his aunt and the gentleman catch up with their work talks while they wait for their food to arrive. He once again turns to observe the dinosaur boy. He can’t help but wonder, was it really him? Is he the one who helped me? But then it doesn’t look like that…then whose hand was that? It was warm…so warm that it chased away those eerier shrills craving into his bones. The dinosaur boy suddenly looks at him; catching his peeping eyes. Jong Suk jerks slightly at the unexpected move and pulls his eyes off the face stiffened with a hint of anger.