Every thing she’d done over the last few months was clouded with the knowledge that her Hoonie wouldn’t be around to enjoy it with before long. She, for the most part, tried to ignore the impending date. The date of his departure, May 22, came ever closer, and she was trying not to think about it. It was her birthday. They were supposed to be celebrating.

Jungsook held Eunsook, pinching the girl’s cheeks and patting her , as they all sang to her. She was grateful for all of the people in her father’s house, her father and brothers, and her in-laws. But the most important of all of them was Hoonmin, who stood next to her, holding her hand.

Seunghyun’s wife served all of them cake, but the whole thing felt a little awkward to Serin, though. Being around Hoonbi without Soohyun, made things seem not quite right. Fortunately, he was now 11 months away from being finished. Serin only ate a few bites of cake before she gave what was left to Hoon. He made a face at her, finding her behavior peculiar. She had told him in the past that celebrations were for celebrating, not following diets. So he knew something was up because she was never one to leave cake unfinished when at a party. He said nothing though, instead eating what she’d given him without comment.

“Do you want to open your gifts now, noona?” Jaehyun asked.

“Sure,” she said, smiling at him kindly.

“All of us,” he said, indicating the three brothers, “pitched in to get you something we thought you’d like.”

She graciously opened the gift and was floored. Her brothers had bought her an electric violin. A very high quality one. Looking at the three in amazement, she thanked them profusely. “Thank you so much.”

“Well,” Hyunsaeng said gruffly, “you have been recording more frequently. And you don’t have a good violin set up, so we wanted you to be able to record one of your favorite instruments.”

“Thank you. So much.”

Jungsook had given her more baby related items, aware that Eunsook needed larger clothing and more toys. Hoonbi and his father, thinking that Serin probably wanted something for herself, had given her a box set of anime she had been wanting. Her father had given her a cash gift, as usual. He had long ago decided that instead of purchasing them all separate gifts, he would give them all an equal amount of money for their birthdays. It was fair and simple, and Serin appreciated it. Having received all of her gifts, she thanked everyone, sincerely grateful for their thoughtfulness.

“Didn’t you get her anything, Hoonminnie?” Hoonbi asked him.

“I did. I wanted to give it to her privately though.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Serin, with Eunsook in her arms, walked over to the brothers. “Thanks for the gift, Hoonbi. I really wanted to watch that one.”

“I know. Dad was unsure, but I told him you would appreciate it.”

“I do,” Serin said, smiling at him. Hoon stood very close to her, which would have been uncomfortable if he were any other person, hand low on her back as the both talked to Hoonbi. Everyone talked to her, but everyone avoided the topic of Hoon leaving.

As it got later in the evening, Eunsook started getting fussy.  “Appa,” she complained up at Hoon from Serin’s arms. “Tired.” She had a clear preference for sleeping in Hoon’s arms during situations like this, and Serin was happy to hand her over. After holding her for a while, she had started feeling incredibly heavy. Situated in Hoon’s arms, she snuggled her head against his chest.

“We should probably head home,” Serin said, touching the back of Eunsook’s head.

They left then, saying their goodbyes and walking to their car with Serin’s gifts to drive home. The minute Eunsook was strapped into her car seat she fell asleep. “Is everything all right, Serin?”

“Yeah,” she said, but Hoon wasn’t entirely convinced. He, of course, knew what was really bothering her.

He took a deep breath and released it, gathering his thoughts. “I know you’re upset with me.”

“Not with you or at you, Hoonie,” she clarified. “Just with things. I’m upset in general.”

“You haven’t been yourself these last few months. You’re losing weight,” Hoon pointed out. “I’m worried about you.”

“Because I’m so worried about you. What am I going to do without you?”

He smiled at her reassuringly. “This isn’t the first time you’ve spent substantial time without seeing me. Things will be fine. You and Eunsook will do just great.”

“I still can’t really imagine not seeing you for two years. It’s unbearable.”

He took her hand as he drove, entwining his fingers with hers. “I know. But fight, Serin. You’re stronger than this. You’ll get through the separation better than I will. Trust me.”

She smiled then, aware that he was right. He was hopelessly attached to her and Eunsook. She would, at least, still have her daughter. Hoon would be without both of them. Hoon caught the smile out of the corner of his eye. “I don’t want to be extra worried about you when I’m gone, Serin. If I leave with you depressed like this, the guilt and worry will eat me up. Please, I need some peace of mind.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Eat. Smile. Enjoy yourself. Don’t put on an act in front of me. I want you to genuinely be happy.”

“I’ll try, for your sake. And for my own.”

--

Serin wouldn’t cry. She refused.

It was their last day with him before he left, and it was killing her inside. As much as she’d thought it through and had accepted it, it was still incredibly hard to deal with. She tried to not let it bother her. They’d talked about it. It made sense.  He’d decided to enlist before the absolute last moment because he knew the sooner he left, the sooner he’d come back. He didn’t want Eunsook to have memories of times without her father. She would be nearly four when he returned, and he hoped she wouldn’t miss her appa too much.

Serin had agreed with him, of course. She felt the same way. She didn’t want Eunsook to be without her father. But the prospect of spending the next two years without him weighed heavy on her heart. Still, she didn’t want him to know how upset she was over it, how much she was going to miss him. It wasn’t something that could be changed. And he was going to miss her the same amount, maybe even more as he went through basic training.

Eunsook was sleeping peacefully in Hoon’s arms, and he seemed reluctant to let her go, trying to relish every opportunity he could get with her. He kissed the top of her head. “I’ll miss you, Hime,” he whispered. “So much. Don’t forget me while I’m gone.”

She didn’t answer him, sleeping peacefully; she was ignorant of the inner turmoil her parents were going through. Serin cleared , unsure of what to say, not knowing what to do. “You… we should go to bed,” she said solemnly.

“I know.” Without a word, he stood up and carried Eunsook to her room, tucking her in bed, so unwilling to leave her. He stood by her and sang for a bit, hoping that she could hear him even though she was unconscious. “I love you, Hime,” he said after he stopped.  He gently her short hair and then he turned away and headed to his own room. Serin sat on bed, looking forlorn.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, walking to her before he kneeled at her feet.

“You know what’s wrong,” she told him, guarded.

He sighed. “I do. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she insisted. “I’m just going to miss you more than I can fathom. I don’t even know when I’ll get to see you again.”

From his position at her feet, he wrapped his arms around her, moving closer to her as he hugged her. “I know. I’ll miss you. Write to me often. Send me pictures of you and Eunsook. I may be cut off from the world, but I can’t be cut off from the two of you.”

“I will,” she breathed into his ear.

He tilted his head just so, catching her lips. Kissing her gently at first, her desperation quickly made things heavier. His hands traveled under her shirt, and he relished the feel of her skin, saving it in his mind, intentionally taking his time and exploring every inch of her. He didn’t want to forget the way she felt underneath of him, how she wriggled when he pushed her close, and the look of satisfaction that adorned her face when he’d finally taken her over the edge. He committed it all to memory.

--

Serin was in turmoil. This absolutely could not be happening. Not again. “Why do I have to be pregnant now?” she said to herself, angrily. She looked at Eunsook who was in the back of the car in her car seat. It wasn’t that she didn’t want another child. As much as she’d grown to resent his constant hovering the first time, it was hard to think she’d go through an entire pregnancy without him there for her at all. “This is why they try to get married after they’re done with the military,” she mused out loud.

She needed to tell someone. This was not something she wanted to keep to herself. But the person other than Hoon she was most likely to tell at this stage, Soohyun, wasn’t an option either. Eunsook began crying suddenly, snapping Serin from her thoughts, as she looked back at the girl.

“Mama,” she cried.

“What’s wrong?” Serin asked her.

Eunsook just continued to cry. She hadn’t really been expecting much of an answer, but she gave her daughter a once over, looking for the source of the discontent. She found nothing, and gently slid her hand across Eunsook’s forehead. “You’ll be okay, Eunsookie.” She comforted the girl until she stopped crying, before she turned around.

Still idling in the parking garage, Serin went back to her own thoughts. She still wanted to tell someone. Hoon’s mother was… going to be too overbearing if she told her this early. Serin didn’t want everyone to get their hopes up only to bring them all crashing down as she had before. She sighed, and decided to call Kiseop. He was very close to Hoon, and he was fairly wise despite his foolish image. She was reasonably good friends with him, and she was positive he wouldn’t accidentally let it slip to anyone.

He answered his phone, voice sounding unsure as he greeted her. “Hi, Serin.”

“Want to come have lunch with me?’ she asked him. “I’m lonely without Hoonie, and thought maybe you’d like a free lunch.”

“Really? I would enjoy that.”

“I have a place in mind where we can eat fairly privately. If that’s alright with you, I’ll come get you shortly.”

“Sounds good to me. I’ll see you soon,” he said to her.

--

He walked outside as soon as she got there, and let himself into her car. “Hi, Serin. Thanks for taking me for lunch.”

“No problem,” she told him smiling. “I’m more than happy to take you.”

He cleared his throat as soon as they started moving. “Actually, I’m glad you asked me to come with you. I have something I wanted to ask you about.”

Serin raised an eyebrow at him. “Odd, because I had something to tell you, as well.”

“Why don’t you go first?” he suggested.

“I am… I don’t really know where to start with this. I don’t know what I’m going to do, Kiseop. I’m pregnant again.”

Kiseop looked at her, not really believing what he’d heard. “But Hoon left nearly a month ago. How? Oh…” he trailed off as realization hit him.

“Yeah,” Serin admitted. “It was right before he left. We um… said goodbye. Guess he left me a parting gift…”

Kiseop was embarrassed, but also amused at her way of phrasing it. “I suppose so,” he said, turning a bit red.

“How am I going to get through this alone?” she said. “It was tough when Hoonie was here for me. I miss him, and I don’t think I can go through this without him.”

Kiseop thought about what she was telling him, before finally asking, “Are you happy?”

“Happy? Why?”

“Are you happy to be pregnant? Are you excited, at least a little bit, about having another child with Hoonie? I mean, underneath all the worries.”

She thought for just a second, before she confidently answered, “Yes. I am happy to be having his second child.”

“Don’t forget that even though he’s not here for you, you have plenty of support. You have me, and the other members. You have his family. They’d do anything for you. You’ve got your own family. They always are watching out for you and doing things to make you happy. Just because Hoon’s not here right now doesn’t mean you don’t have plenty of support.”

Serin took a deep steadying breath. His words had affected her, and she felt her thankfulness welling inside of her, threatening to overflow in the form of tears. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I needed to hear that.”

“I know it’s got to be hard for you,” Kiseop said quietly.

“It is,” she admitted. The light she’d been sitting at turned green, and she continued driving toward her destination. “I was starting to adjust to him being gone, actually. Just being faced with being pregnant without him is making me feel overwhelmed right now.”

“I can imagine. I suppose you want me to keep this a secret between you and I?”

“For now, yeah,” Serin said. “Like with Eunsook, I’ll wait until I’ve passed the first trimester safely. I just couldn’t keep this news all to myself.”

“Are you going to tell Hoon?”

“I don’t know if I should yet,” Serin admitted. “I’ve received a couple of letters from him, and he seems really exhausted and worried about me. I think I should wait until he’s out of basic training and more settled into a normal routine before I add more stress to his life.”

“That seems fair, I guess. He would want to know now, though.”

“I know. I just don’t want to tell him now.”

“That’s your call. I won’t say anything to the other members. But just remember that Eli and Kevin aren’t going to leave and both of them would be more than happy to help you should you need anything.”

“Yeah. You’re up next aren’t you?”

Kiseop nodded, glum look on his face.

Serin frowned, picking up on the fact that there was definitely something he was hiding. “You wanted to talk to me about something, right?”

“I did.”

Serin pulled in at the restaurant she was headed to and told him, “Let’s talk about it once we get inside. The manager here will give us a private room.”

In silence, the two walked into the restaurant, Kiseop in a hat and glasses to conceal his identity, and Serin in a pair of knee-length jeans and a t-shirt, carrying Eunsook. The manager recognized her, and though he didn’t know who Kiseop was, he gave them a private room like she asked.

Situating themselves, Serin quickly perused the menu and decided what she wanted, and she unfastened and played with Eunsook while waiting for Kiseop to pick what he wanted. The placed their orders, and then Serin asked, “So what was it that you wanted to tell me?”

“I have a girlfriend.”

“Not surprising,” Serin said.

“It’s just that things are starting to get a bit serious. I don’t know what I should do.”

“I can give you two bits of advice from personal experience. Don’t get married and start living together before you leave, and also don’t have a child.”

Kiseop laughed at the matter-of-fact way she said it. “I wasn’t planning on doing any of those things,” Kiseop admitted. “I just wanted someone else’s opinion. Will she wait for me while I’m gone?”

“That very much depends on her and the type of person she is.”

“I don’t want to leave her, Serin-noona. And you’re the person I feel most comfortable talking about this with. From your perspective, what do you think?”

Adjusting Eunsook in her lap, she thought for a bit. “If she values you for the person you are, she’ll stay. I don’t know her. Perhaps someday I will. But you are, under your handsome face, a really good person. Anyone with sense would wait for you.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you. And I suppose I’ll introduce you sometime. As we all get into relationships, you’ll be unnie to everyone.”

“That’s right,” Serin said with confidence. “I’ll have to keep all the U-KISS wives in line.”

They both laughed then, Eunsook joining with them even though she had no idea what was going on. “Is this fun, Hime?” Serin asked her, tickling her sides gently. She kept laughing, wriggling in Serin’s grasp. Serin smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

“Think she’d like a brother or sister better?” Kiseop pondered.

“I don’t know what it’s like to have sisters,” Serin said. “I don’t know what life would be like without brothers, though. So I guess I’m hoping for a boy. Hoon has said he wants a son and a daughter. But as long as I have a healthy baby in the end…”

Kiseop nodded. “Either way, you’ll be happy.”

“Yeah.”

Their food arrived then, and they ate, Serin giving tiny bites to Eunsook and telling her to chew before she swallowed, not wanting her to choke. “Ah… you know,” Kiseop joked then. “She doesn’t seem to be scared of me anymore.”

“Yeah. That was just a phase she went through, I think.”

Because she’d been more focused on feeding Eunsook, Serin hadn’t really eaten much. “Want me to hold her while you finish?” Kiseop offered.

“Sure,” Serin agreed, and handed her daughter off to him. She laughed at the face Eunsook made when she was in Kiseop’s arms. “I don’t think she trusts you yet.”

“I haven’t held her in like a year. Since the point she started crying every time she heard me say anything.”

“I know. It’s good that she’s gotten over that. I felt bad, but I can’t really do much about it.”

Despite the initial misgivings Eunsook had had regarding being held by Kiseop, she sat patiently in his lap, watching Serin while she ate. “Mama,” she told Kiseop, looking up at him and pointing at Serin.

“Yep. That’s your mama.”

She pointed at him then. “Me?” he asked her. “I’m Kiseop.”

She looked perplexed. “Kisip,” she said experimentally.

“That’s right. Kiseop.”

“Kisip!” she said happily then, before standing up to touch his face. He smiled at her, and she smiled back, giggling happily.

Serin, who had smiled through the whole exchange while she ate, then said, “Well, guess she likes you now.”

--

When she opened the letter, she felt anxious. Telling Hoon that she was pregnant via letter wasn’t exactly what she wanted to do. She had sent him a photo of herself with Eunsook, several pictures of Eunsook, and the ultrasound print out with an image of their unborn child. She had no other options. She had explained things in the letter, that she’d gotten pregnant the night he’d left, and that now she was expecting their second child. She had let him know that things were going well, and she didn’t want him to worry about her too much. Nearly two weeks later she got her response.

My lovely wife Serin,

I’m really happy about your pregnancy! I hope everything continues to go well. I’m excited. Of course, I’m also upset that I won’t be around and worried for your health and the baby’s. Take care of yourself. Don’t push yourself too hard. Let my mom help you. I’m sure you could move in with my parents if that would make things easier on you.

I’m very sorry that I can’t be with you through this. Keep me updated. I want to know how things are going. Should we see the baby’s gender this time? So we can pick out a name in advance.

And I love when you write me. It brings a spot of joy to my otherwise bleak life. Every letter, every picture renews my hope and gives meaning to my existence. I can’t wait until I see you again. Until I can hear your voice. I love you so much.

Yours forever,

Hoonie

Serin smiled as she read it. Certainly, he was probably more worried than the letter indicated. After all, he had been so concerned over her wellbeing the last time. But now that Hoon knew, and she was a few days away from being into her second trimester, she was preparing to tell everyone. Kiseop knew. He’d known almost as soon as she had because it was not knowledge she could bear to carry all on her own. That left Hoon’s parents, her father and brothers, and the members that were still around to tell. She wouldn’t tell anyone else, and at this point, she saw no reason at all to announce the pregnancy to the public. Hoon’s contract had expired, and he wasn’t around as a celebrity anymore. Fans, she knew, would find out eventually, but at this point, she had no reason to announce anything publicly.

It was after work hours, and she’d just gotten home from the office. Jungsook would bring Eunsook home before long, which would be a good opportunity to tell her. So she called her father first. He answered quickly, and she told him simply. “If you need help with anything,” he said, “don’t hesitate to let me know.”

“I won’t,” she agreed. “Will you tell Seunghyun and Yoobin for me?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll be in at work tomorrow, so I’ll tell Hyunsaeng then. And I’ll let Jaehyun know, as well. They don’t have to know immediately, but I do want them to know.”

“Sounds good.”

She said her farewells to him then, and proceeded to message the U-KISS members that she knew were around. Jaeseop, Kevin, and Eli were probably hard at work, but she sent them a message saying, “Boys I’ve got some big news. Call me when you get the chance.” She’d tell them whenever they got free moment to get back to her. She knew she could tell Dongho when he came over next to babysit Eunsook, if he didn’t find out from the others before that.

Jungsook rang the door buzzer, and she walked over to get it, still dressed in her work clothes for the day. Jungsook walked in carrying her granddaughter. “It’s so hot outside. Oh, you haven’t changed yet,” she commented, as she usually arrived after Serin had had sufficient time to put on my comfortable clothes.

“Yeah. I got a letter from Hoonmin today. I was reading that and had to make a few phone calls.”

“Mind if I read it?”

“Actually, eomma-nim, can I tell you something first?”

“What is it, Serin?” concern evident on her face.

“I’m… pregnant.”

“Again? Really?”

When Serin nodded, Jungsook’s excitement became plainly evident. “When is the baby due?”

“The doctor told me February 11.”

“Well, it should be a bit more pleasant since you’ll be at your heaviest during the coolest months. Lord knows how much easier Hoonbi was on me than Hoonmin.”

Serin smiled. “I hope so. The hot weather and the hormones made me really moody the last few months with Eunsook.”

“Hoonmin didn’t really help much with that, did he?”

“Ah,” she said while shaking her head, embarrassed to talk about it in front of her mother-in-law. “We just had a bit of a miscommunication. We worked harder at it afterwards.”

Jungsook nodded, letting the topic go as Serin was clearly uncomfortable with it. “I’ll let you go get changed, then leave you to your daughter.” Serin agreed, and showed her the letter she’d requested to read earlier. There wasn’t much she found too personal in it, now that her pregnancy was open knowledge between the two of them.

When Serin came back in athletic shorts and a t-shirt, Jungsook said, “If you need anything, feel free to ask. We’ll be here for you in place of Hoonmin. And like he mentioned, you can move in with us if you want help or to not be alone with the kids all the time.

--

Serin had made it through the last several months relying heavily on Jungsook, Jaehyun and Hyunsaeng. She talked to Hoon when she could, which was more frequent than she’d have expected, but she hadn’t seen him, and didn’t expect to any time soon. It wasn’t until December, her hormones were running high, that she couldn’t deal with things as they were any longer. The idea of decorating the house for Christmas and celebrating alone with Eunsook was more than she could deal with emotionally. So it was December when she called up Jungsook and asked if the invitation to live with them was still open. She, of course, was ecstatic, and suggested that Hoonbi and Woontaek would help her move that weekend.

And move her they did. She left her furniture and appliances, only taking her clothes and other personal items she needed for herself and Eunsook. Serin wasn’t entirely sure how long she’d stay with the Yeo family, but she knew she could come back at any time to cover the furniture to keep dust off or to get anything she felt she needed.

She had settled in rather quickly, and though her commute to work was decidedly longer, she didn’t mind because she liked being around Hoon’s parents and the extra help with Eunsook was very much appreciated as her due date steadily drew nearer. Nearly two and a half now, Eunsook sometimes wanted to sleep with her mama, and Serin was more than happy to let her, glad for the company, but more so glad that she could cuddle with her daughter. She missed Hoon a lot, but sleeping with her daughter was satisfying in a different way.

“Mama loves you Eunsookie,” she whispered as they cuddled in bed that evening. She was already asleep though. Serin took the opportunity to take a picture with her phone, one she’d print out and send to Hoon. She got one she liked, and smiled to herself. A few more weeks of work left and then she’d have her second child. A boy this time. She and Hoon were still working on the name, but they were down to two options. Serin was excited to meet him, excited to show him to Hoon and their families and to the members. With a sense of peace, she curled herself against her daughter, and drifted to sleep.

As usual, I'll get around to proofing this later.