This was tough for all of them.

Eli stood behind the others, not quite willing to express his feelings. Soohyun was leaving in the morning, and they all knew how much they’d miss him. Emotions were running high, and he was aware that at least one of them would cry before their farewells were finished.

Serin stood by Hoon’s side, holding Eunsook, and looked visibly upset. They were fairly close friends, after all, as she’d spent hours hanging out with Soohyun, Hoonbi, and Hoon in the early days. And Eli also assumed seeing Soohyun leave reminded her that it wouldn’t be long until Hoon had to do the same. It made him thankful that he wouldn’t have to serve in the military and leave his family and friends.

They all wished him luck and health. Eli hugged him and said his farewells with the others, but he really just wanted to go home. It was getting harder and more emotional the longer he stayed, and despite having grown quite accustomed to the culture, he still sometimes clung to his pride as an American guy. He didn’t want to be the first one to go so he felt a bit relieved when Eunsook started crying. Serin tried to shush her, but she wasn’t having any of it, and the seven month old child continued to wail in protest. “I’m sorry guys, I should probably go outside. It’s getting kind of late. I think she wants to sleep.”

“Do you want to go home?” Hoon asked.

“I’ll just wait out in the car with her. You can stay for as long as you want.”

She turned and left, saying goodbye one more time. Hoon looked torn. “I should go,” he said regretfully. “I’ll miss you, Soohyun hyung. Stay safe. Work hard.”

“I will,” he said. Hoon wrapped him in another hug, arms encircling their leader and not wanting to leave.

“You should go,” Soohyun said gently. “Serin is waiting.”

Hoon pulled away then, bowing on his way out, before quickly leaving. Eli took the opportunity then. “I should go too.”

Eli hugged Soohyun, as well, feeling heaviness in his heart. He wondered if it would get better when the others left later on. Would it get easier with the passage of time? But those were thoughts he couldn’t do anything about, so he pulled out of Soohyun’s grasp, and left, unsure of the future, as he’d been for the last several months. Soohyun felt like the glue that held them together. It was impossible to know how things would change without him.

--

Eunsook had been exceptionally fussy, crying and always whining. It was night, Hoon had only recently returned from his scheduled activities. All of the members had been working hard on solo activities that spring, save for Eli and AJ, who were hard at work preparing for a uBEAT comeback.

Eunsook was crying in her room as he slid his shoes off, and exhausted as he was, he tried to ignore her while heating himself something to eat from what Serin had cooked for dinner. But he couldn’t ignore her wailing, and when he couldn’t hear Serin getting up to take care of her, he wandered to Eunsook’s bedroom and picked her up. She quieted down when he did so, but she still whimpered. “What’s the matter, Hime?” he asked her.

Tears formed in her eyes, and she cried more. “I think her teeth are coming in,” Serin said from the doorway, making him jump because she’d snuck up on him.

“Her teeth?”

“Yeah. I think she’s being extra fussy because she’s teething. It hurts her.”

“Poor baby,” Hoon cooed to her. “What would make her feel better?”

“Chewing on stuff. Your mom and I talked about what could be bothering her earlier, and she bought Eunsook a teething ring. It’s frozen, so chewing on the cold should give her some relief.”

Hoon held her closer, wanting to help his daughter more than he wanted to sleep. “Why don’t you go shower?” she suggested then. “I’ll take care of her so you can go to bed.”

Hoon was reluctant to do as she said, but he knew she was right. Serin had off the next day and could afford to be shorted on sleep. He had to wake up, not super early, to carry out scheduled activities. It made more sense to let her stay up and take care of Eunsook. Hoon just wished he could spend more time cuddling and loving on her. “I’ll have to take a day off. I want to spend it with my Hime,” he said as he passed her over to Serin.

“Try to get a few, and let’s go to the beach,” Serin suggested, taking their daughter from him, and starting to walk towards the kitchen. He yawned and followed her, heading back to the kitchen to finish his abandoned meal. She handed Eunsook the frozen plastic ring, making sure she put it in , and Eunsook chewed at it, finally quieting down. Hoon finished his now cold dinner, stood up, and headed to the bathroom. Serin stayed with Eunsook for awhile longer, eventually carrying her back to her crib, and watching her to make sure she was sleeping soundly. After several minutes, she made her way back to the bedroom, only to find Hoon sprawled across the bed on his stomach, sleeping soundly. With a giggle at the sight, she climbed in with him.

--

“Appa!”

“Oh! What a good girl you are!” Dongho said to the year-old child in his arms. Eunsook’s vocabulary was mostly limited to appa and mama with the gaps filled by indistinguishable babble, but she often pointed at anything she saw and called it appa.

She smiled at him and squealed in delight. Clapping her hands, she once again said, “Appa!”

Hoon frowned. “He’s not your appa,” he told his daughter. She looked at him, drawn to the sound of the familiar voice.

“Appa appa!” she said gesturing at him frantically. When he didn’t immediately take her from Dongho, she started to tear up.

“Come here, my spoiled little princess,” Hoon said to her, taking her from Dongho’s arms, though he seemed unwilling to let her go. She touched his face with both of her small hands and smiled. He smiled back at her. “That’s a girl, Eunsook. I’m ‘appa’.”

They were all over at Hoon and Serin’s home, having a small celebration as Soohyun had gotten a break from his military duty. AJ walked over to them, sitting down next to Hoon. “Can I hold her?” he asked.

Hoon nodded and proceeded to position his young daughter in AJ’s arms. “Hi, Eunsookie,” AJ said to her.

She looked at him, a sort of quizzical look on her face. “Keep talking,” Dongho suggested. “She likes listening to people talk.”

“I feel silly talking to a baby,” AJ said. “She doesn’t understand me.”

“She likes you though,” Hoon pointed out. “She hasn’t looked away from you or tried to get away. She tries to escape from Kevin. Kiseop usually makes her cry.”

Kiseop walked into the living room. Eli, Kevin, and Soohyun were still in the kitchen, eating the meal his and Soohyun’s moms had prepared for them, though both of them had left earlier. “I don’t make her cry,” Kiseop whined indignantly. “She just doesn’t like me.”

She turned to look at the sound of his voice. As if confirming what he’d said, tears started building in her eyes. AJ noticed and started talking to her quickly. “Don’t worry, little princess. Uncle Jaeseop won’t let big meanie Kiseoppie take you.” Her head moved back around to stare at him. “Do you like the sound of my voice, huh?”

“I really think that’s what it is,” Hoon said. “She seems to like deeper voices. She doesn’t like many women besides my mom and Serin.”

Dongho looked at the sulking Kiseop. Everyone could see he felt a little upset about being spurned by a 12-month old. “She’ll grow out of it, hyung,” Dongho told him.

AJ made faces at her, and she laughed in delight.  Hoon pulled out his phone to take a picture. “Here,” he said, offering the phone to Kiseop, ”take a picture of us.”

Kiseop took the camera and stepped back. The three guys on the couch squeezed closer together and tried to get Eunsook to look at the camera. When she finally did, Kiseop managed to get a couple pictures. He walked over and sat down on the couch next to Dongho, handing Hoon his phone. AJ and Dongho leaned into Hoon to look at the picture. It was kind of dark because the room wasn’t well lit, but they were cute enough pictures. “You should post that one,” AJ said, referring to the last picture that Kiseop had taken.

“Really? Serin doesn’t really like when I post pictures of her online.  I probably shouldn’t.”

“Fine. Send it to me. I’ll post it,” AJ said.

Hoon still hesitated. He understood exactly why Serin didn’t like the pictures making their way online. Part of him fully agreed with her, but the other part wanted to show his daughter off to his fans. “I don’t know…”

AJ shook his head. Pulling out his own phone, he took a picture of himself with Eunsook. With Hoon half-heartedly protesting next to him, he posted it, saying, “Saw some special people tonight!”

“So where did Serin go?” Kiseop asked.

“She had to fill in for Hyunsaeng. He was supposed to go on a business trip, but he ended up having to go to the hospital the day before he was supposed to leave. He had to have his appendix removed. But it was last minute, and Serin was the only one who could go.”

The other three walked into the room then, having finished their meals and cleaned up after themselves. “Serin is probably a bit upset about missing her chance to see Soohyun,” Kevin said.

“Yeah,” Hoon agreed. “She will be a bit when she finds out he was home. Though I think she misses Jaehyun more.”

Kiseop quickly added, “Jaehyun will be done sooner though. He’s only got a few months to go.”

“Yeah, but she misses her baby brother,” Hoon said.

AJ made a face at Eunsook while they talked. The baby in his arms started clapping. “Appa!” she said enthusiastically.

Hoon turned his attention back to her and sighed before saying, “She’ll get it right some day.”

AJ stood and handed the girl to Soohyun. “I actually should probably go. It’s getting pretty late, and I’ve got some stuff to work on before I leave for school next month.”

Soohyun said goodbye to him, because he wouldn’t get another chance too, and AJ left. Soohyun took the seat he’d been occupying.

“Eunsook-ah! Uncle Soohyunnie has you!”

She stared up at him from his arms. She didn’t remember him, but she tried to say his name. “Sahn sahn sahn!” she babbled.

“Aww! She’s trying to say his name,” Dongho noted.

“That’s right, I’m Soohyun.”

“Sahn!” she exclaimed excitedly.

Hoon shook his head. “She’s trying to say his name, but she calls me and everyone else ‘appa’. This can’t be right.”

“She says ‘appa’ differently when it’s you though,” Dongho told him. “She knows you’re her dad.”

“Dongho’s right,” Eli added from his spot on the floor. “It’s the only word she really knows so she uses it for everything. But she says it differently to refer to you.”

“I guess,” Hoon conceded. “I never really noticed.”

Soohyun sat Eunsook on the floor in front of him. She sat, transfixed by his voice as he talked to her. He began singing to her and she bounced up and down in excitement. Kevin, who was sitting next to Eli, watched her in amusement. She was having a good time.

 “Well,” Eli announced after a bit more time talking and playing with Eunsook, “I’m headed home to go to bed.” He leaned over, and picked her up from her seat in front of Soohyun. “Night night, baby girl,” he told her in English.

She looked up at him, and managed to imitate his words. “Nah nah!”

“That’s right Eunsook. Night night!”

“Nah nah!” she said, happily.

Eli rubbed her head affectionately before he set her back down, stood up, and left, with Kevin who had ridden over with him. Both made sure to say farewell to Soohyun, hoping that they’d get to see him again before too long. It was quite possible as he had an office job and had weekends free usually. He was, unfortunately, stationed too far away to come visit all of the time.

After they’d left, and with Soohyun not being of interest anymore, Eunsook started crawling around, looking for something to do. Hoon noticed her starting to get too far away and quickly sprung off the couch, bending down to scoop her up before she could get herself into trouble. He went to find a few of her favorite toys. “Here we go, Hime,” he said to her. He put her back down by Soohyun, handing her the stuffed doll. He placed the old cell phone and set of keys down on the floor next to her. She sat down in front of them and happily played by herself.

They talked long into the night. Soohyun was going to spend the night with Hoonbi, back in their apartment. But none of them really seemed to want to leave. Dongho left first, knowing he’d have more time to come back later. With just Kiseop and Soohyun left and the hour getting later, it was very clear to Hoon that Eunsook was getting tired. She had lost interest in her toys, and was now sitting on the floor being fussy.

“Be quiet for a bit longer, Eunsookie,” he told her as he picked her up. “We’ll get you taken care of in a bit.”

“Should we go?” Soohyun asked.

“Probably,” Hoon answered. “It’s way past her bed time. She’s tired.”

He rocked her, trying to get her to quiet down. Both of them stood up and stretched, gathering their belongings and saying goodbye. Eunsook took the opportunity to begin crying full force. Soohyun told her goodbye, as well, before hugging Hoon and wishing him well. “I’ll see you before long. Just keep up the hard work without me.”

“I will. Stay safe, Soohyun-hyung.” The two left then, leaving Hoon alone with his crying daughter. He tried to feed her, but that wasn’t what she wanted. He changed her diaper, and she quieted down, but that still didn’t seem to be what she wanted either. He pulled out the teething ring for her, and she seemed much happier. However, it wasn’t until he carried her to his bed and had her resting on his chest that she really relaxed. She dozed off on top of him, eyes fluttering as she seemed to fight against the sleep that swirled around her.

He pulled his phone out and dialed a familiar number. The phone rang a few times before Serin’s voice came through on the other end of the line.

“Hi Hoonie. How’s it going?”

“Pretty good” he told her. “Soohyun stopped by for a visit today.”

“Did he get a break?”

“Yeah. All of the guys came over and hung out. Eunsook got a lot of attention.”

“How’s my Hime?” Serin asked then.

“Here,” Hoon said, turning the video function on his phone on and shooting a short video of himself with Eunsook sleeping on his chest.

“She must be tired.”

“Yeah. There was a lot going on today.”

“I’m glad to know that she’s doing alright. I’m worried about my baby. I haven’t been apart from her this long.”

“Aww… what about me?”

“I worry about you, too. I miss both of you. I can’t wait to be back home and see you both again.”

“Yeah, I miss you, too. Eunsook is doing just great. My mom is having a blast with her during the day. And she’s sleeping well at night. So don’t worry too much. Have a good time in the US, Serin,” Hoon said sincerely.

“I will. I’m kind of sad that I couldn’t see Soohyun, but someone has to make sure this contract gets through.”

“Yep,” Hoon said, shaking his head in amusement. “You do what you’re best at!”

“I will,” she said, happily. “You two have a good night, okay?”

“We will. I’ll perform my best tomorrow for you.”

“You better,” Serin said, smiling at him through the video call.  “Have a good night. I’m just about to head in for a meeting, so I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay. Bye, Serin.”

“Yep. Bye, Hoonie. Love you!” She blew a kiss at the camera.

He made the motion of catching it and brought it to his lips. “Love you, too. Bye!” They hung up with each other then, and Hoon watched Eunsook take slow deep breaths as she slept on his torso. With a smile, he picked her up and carried her to her room. He gently kissed her forehead, before placing her in her crib, and telling her goodnight.

--

“The air is nice tonight,” Serin mused as she carried Eunsook and half of the groceries into the house.

Hoon brought the other half of the groceries inside. “Yeah,” he agreed. “It feels like fall.”

Setting Eunsook down, the girl teetered over to the couch, making grabby hands. “Mama,” she said, frustrated, trying to get Serin’s attention.

“Hold on a minute, Hime,” Serin said. “Mama has to put away groceries.”

Though she didn’t understand what Serin had said to her, she very obviously knew she'd been ignored and didn’t like it one bit. So she turned her gaze to Hoon and called, “Appa.” He wasn’t nearly as good at ignoring her, so he immediately gave her his attention. She pointed at what she wanted, her markers and coloring book that were on the book shelf out of her reach.

“It’s too late,” he told her patiently. “You need to go to bed. It’s not time to color.” He took the groceries he carried to the kitchen, before coming back to take care of her. He gave her a few of her other favorite toys, but she wasn’t interested. “Appa,” she said once more, pointing still at her coloring book. He sighted, and went to get it for her. She happily colored at his feet while he sat on the couch and watched TV. He’d have helped Serin more with the groceries, but one of them had to watch Eunsook, and if she put them away, it would be easier on her when she cooked. Not that he couldn’t cook, he just had less time for it.

Eunsook scribbled with the red marker, getting all over the page and even on the floor. Fortunately, they were water-based markers on a hard wood floor. Cleaning the mess up wouldn’t be too terrible. Serin came and sat down, as well, only she situated herself on the floor next to Eunsook with her back against the couch. She helped Eunsook open other markers, and patiently let her daughter doodle all over everything. Hoon moved so he was sitting behind her, and he rubbed her shoulders gently, working out residual kinks. “That feels nice,” she said.

“I know what would feel nicer,” he insinuated.

“That certainly would,” she said, smiling. “But that’s going to have to wait for a bit. Hime needs to go to bed, and she’s pretty wide awake right now.”

“I know,” he admitted.

“She should fall asleep pretty soon though,” Serin said. “It’s really close to her bed time. It'll hit her all at once.”

“Then you and I have a bedroom appointment.”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Serin said, a moan escaping her lips as he pressed against a really sore spot.

He smirked, pleased with himself.

--

“What do you think?” Hoon asked as they cuddled in bed that night. “I have to decide now. I have to work out contract stuff and my schedule, so I need to know what you think.”

Serin hadn’t been ready for this conversation. Hadn’t wanted to think about it. “Well… I think it’s a good idea, but…”

“I know. You don’t want me to leave. I don’t really want to leave either. But I have to.”

“I don’t want you gone. I want you around for as long as possible.”

“If I go to the military earlier, I get out earlier. I don’t want to miss out on Eunsook’s life. I want her to remember me. I don’t want her to be a 5 year old who doesn’t know her own father. I want to make it back before she starts really having tangible memories.”

Serin took a deep breath. “I understand,” she admitted. “And I think it’s probably the right way to go about this. But it doesn’t make it any easier on me.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, pulling her close to him. “I’m so so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“We didn’t really think through the whole getting married and having kids before I served my time thing like we should have,” Hoon admitted. “Jaeseop was probably right all those years ago.”

“I wouldn’t have done it any other way though,” Serin assured him. “We got married at the right time. Everything worked out. This is just one more hurdle that we can get over. Maybe not together this time, but I’m strong enough. It’ll work out.”

“So you think I should leave this spring? Considing that the company pretty much has our schedule planned for six months in advance, I won’t really be able to leave until the end of April. It’ll probably end up being later than that, though.”

“As long as I can see you for my birthday, I’ll be happy,” Serin said.

“Well… it’d be a lot later than the 11^th. So no worries there. We’ll celebrate your birthday as a family, and then in that next month or so, I’ll leave.”

She took another deep breath, steadying herself as this conversation was hard for her. Burying herself deeper against his neck she said, “Yes. For me, for our daughter, for our family, it makes the most sense you leave sooner. I’ll miss you so much, but it’s the best move.”

He kissed the top of her head. He knew how she felt. He was going to have a tough time being separated from both Serin and Eunsook for such a long period of time. It was hard when he was on tour and overseas. This was different. The scale was much larger. It would be hard. But it had to be done. Until he left, he would devote more time to the both of them. He could feel Serin shaking in his arms, and he realized she was crying. Not loudly or dramatically, but just this news had come as a shock and had made her sad, and he understood. So he held her while she silently cried herself to sleep, her hair and praying for the best.

Author's note: Because I still find the Korean aging system a bit cryptic, I've decided that all the ages you see are going to follow international aging. If I say Eunsook is 5, it means that she is actually 5.