Chapter 8

New Jersey 1954

 Changmi looked up from her bed at the clock. 2:43. She was so close to her favorite time of the day when Yunseo would come visit with her until it was suppertime or until Yunseo had another commitment. Her best friend came and visited her every single day, despite the older patients that said the visits would get less and less frequent until they stopped coming altogether. Yunseo was an exception to that cynical rule, just like how she was an exception to every other rule out there, especially if it had anything to do with Changmi.

2:48. For her part, Changmi knew how lucky she was that Yunseo continued her visits at all – and that she was in her life in the first place – but Changmi knew she wasn’t supposed to be here anyway. She was lucky in some areas but Changmi couldn’t help but curse her fortune in others. The fact that she was in this accursed asylum at all spoke volumes about her luck. Greystone Park Psychiatric Hospital. Might as well name it for what it truly is; a prison, or better yet a torture facility. She knew for a fact that she wasn’t crazy or delusional or whatever else all those phony doctors had called her. Changmi’s parents were convinced she was screwed up in the head and even Yunseo had taken their side. It was the one and only time Yunseo had ever betrayed her but Changmi found that she couldn’t get too mad at her best friend; after all, she still made time to see her every day of every week, when her parents had forgotten her existence, beyond the medical bills, months ago.

2:54. Changmi’s problem wasn’t that she was crazy. It was that she knew. She remembered. She remembered everything and there were too many memories for her to handle. There were days when she would scream for someone to ing save Yunho from the Ripper and other days where she demanded to know where Yunseo was and why wasn’t her favorite slave serving her. On Changmi’s better days, she could put it together. Unfortunately, good days were rather hard to come by.

3:00. Finally. She grinned as the second hand clicked onto the number twelve and the asylum bells started ringing their three o’clock tune. Yunseo was always on time and she didn’t disappoint as the visitor’s door was opened before the bells finished their harmony.

“Hey you,” Yunseo called out cheerfully as she entered the room. This was one of the things Changmi loved most about Yunseo; she treated her like they were still best friends in tenth grade and not like Changmi was some freak in an insane asylum.

People regarded her as an abomination as a child when she grew up with so many confusing memories of past lives. Her soul was so old but she still had to physically mature in this body. As she had grown up, Changmi learned how to control her reactions to events and how to force her face into a mask so that the public would think she was just like any other average citizen. Meeting Yunseo in middle school was both the best and the worst thing that had ever happened to Changmi; she recognized her Destined One instantly which brought great joy into her life, but it also fed the memories power until her flashbacks became all-consuming. Yunseo didn’t realize that all of Changmi’s “delusions” revolved around her and no one intended to tell her. Yunseo simply thought that the fits she had witnessed used her name because she was in the vicinity. Greystone Park was Changmi’s family’s last resort when she could no longer be a functioning member of society.

She understood what had happened to her and she spent years trying to figure out why she could remember.  Changmi had gone over many possibilities in her head; that the sight of Yunho so broken by the Ripper’s hand had destroyed some block in her mind that kept most souls from remembering their previous lives, or maybe that it was a punishment of sorts since Changmi’s life had most defiantly not been easy as a result of her “condition.”

Despite both of the possibilities, however, Changmi thought that the reason she remembered was to teach her a lesson. Fate did not make mistakes and it wouldn’t waste an entire life of possible happiness simply for a punishment. Changmi had yet to figure out whatever lesson she was supposed to learn but she figured it had to be extremely important for Fate to intervene.

All those lives, everything Yunseo had been for her – a friend, a fellow soldier, a brother, a lover. Everything changed as the Earth aged; but not them. Their relationship may differ from life to life but Yunseo’s soul was connected to Changmi’s and they loved each other throughout each reincarnation. That would never change. Changmi thought that she was incredibly lucky to be tied to such an amazing person.

As she thought such things, however, Changmi couldn’t help but realize how much suffering she had caused her Destined One. Yunseo had died early so many times because of her. Changmi thought of Yunho in London and goose bumps still covered her body, along with the urge to find the Ripper again and rip him limb from limb. She couldn’t believe that scum of the Earth had never been caught; how could he get away with his deeds when she and Yunho, two incredibly clever people together, had not? Changmi spent hours searching through old London pictures from that time, trying to catch a glimpse of the man, when she could camp out in the library without anyone bothering her. She thought that if she could just find him and learn more about her and Yunho’s killer, then she would feel a little at peace with her most recent past life. Secretly, Changmi just wanted to find out in what horrific way he died so she could cackle but she told herself it was for a more justified reason.

 “Hey~” Changmi answered the initial greeting in a sing-song voice. To some, it may sound like she was being sarcastic, but Changmi just really liked to sing and Yunseo always put her in the best mood.

“I brought you a present,” Yunseo said, bribing Changmi.

“What’s the catch?” Changmi asked, instantly suspicious. It wasn’t uncommon for Yunseo to bring her something; a card just to cheer her up, flowers so the room didn’t smell as dead, souvenirs from her most recent travels, small little things to make Changmi happy.  But these gifts always came at a price and if Yunseo wanted her to apologize to the attendant for her snarky behavior again, Changmi refused to do it.

“No catch, is it so wrong for me to want to make my best friend happy?” Yunseo asked, thoroughly insulted.

Yunseo was weird today; she was more fidgety than that time in ninth grade when the boy she liked had asked her for her help in dance class. Yunseo’s smile was just as bright as usual but there was something hidden behind it, a secret.

“Yes,” Changmi deadpanned. Yunseo just gave her a “mom” look and passed her the gift bag.

“Just open it, you brat.”

Changmi stuck her tongue out at Yunseo, ignoring the nauseating wave of nostalgia it instigated. She took the bag with no small amount of caution, waiting for the small print to spring up and kick her in the . Yunseo rolled her eyes and nodded when Changmi glanced her way one more time before descending on the poor gift bag like a vulture on road kill.

“Golly,” Yunseo said, “You do know that tissue paper can be reused right?”

Changmi did not dignify that comment with a response and pulled out a very small jewelry box. It was blue and velvet and looked a bit like an engagement ring box but it was too small. She slowly opened it, excitement racing through her. Changmi loved jewelry. Inside the box lay one silver infinity symbol, encrusted with tiny little tanzanite stones. Lifting it up to inspect in the light, Changmi realized that it was an earring – only one earring. She glanced over at Yunseo in confusion and her best friend turned her head slightly so Changmi could see the corresponding earring in her left cartilage piercing. That cartilage piercing was mirrored by one in Changmi’s own right ear. They had gotten them together when Changmi turned sixteen and they didn’t need their parent’s permission to do something so crazy.

“Well, put it in, why don’t you?” Yunseo said, growing tired of the adoring look in Changmi’s eyes. Well, she never really got sick of it but in this case, she didn’t really deserve it. Yunseo stepped close to Changmi and snatched the earring from her hand, putting the thing in Changmi’s ear herself.

“See?” she said, moving them over to the mirror. Changmi had nice things in her apartment, unlike many other patients at Greystone Park because she hadn’t tried to injure anyway in two years; Changmi had more control than that now. “Now we have matching earrings too. Because we’ll always be together.”

Changmi stared at Yunseo’s reflection; longer than you know, she thought. Tears flooded Changmi’s eyes as she thought that Yunseo didn’t even realize the weight behind her words. But then again, Changmi understood and look where that got her.

“Don’t cry, silly,” Yunseo said, cupping her face and wiping the tears from her eyes. “I just want you to know, that’s all.” Changmi was happy, so happy, she didn’t even have words to express to Yunseo how she was feeling so she just embraced her friend as tightly as she could.

But the gesture made Changmi even more suspicious. She knew something was up. Yunseo was hiding something from her. Yunseo never hid anything from her.

Changmi pulled away from Yunseo and looked her dead in the eye, knowing Yunseo never could lie to her. Never could, never will be able to, she thought with a smirk. “What’s wrong?”

Yunseo’s eyes opened wide, like a child with a lollipop in one hand saying they didn’t know who had taken it. It never failed to surprise her how well Changmi could read her emotions. She stepped back and led Changmi to sit down, preparing her for her announcement.

“Your parents scheduled you for another electroshock therapy session in a couple weeks.” Yunseo trailed off awkwardly. Changmi sighed. She hated her electroshock appointments, she really did, especially since she knew there was nothing wrong with her that doctors could heal. But she could sense that Yunseo wasn’t disclosing everything.

“That’s not all though, is it?” Changmi leveled Yunseo with a “Tell me or I shall bribe and tickle people until I find out on my own” kind of look.

“No. It isn’t,” Yunseo replied quietly, gathering her courage and hoping Changmi wouldn’t hate her after what she was about to say. “I’m getting married, Changmi.”

“What? Why the hell haven’t I met this guy before?” Changmi screamed, feeling wronged that she had been robbed of the chance to intimidate her best friend’s boyfriend. A part of her brain was numb, confused, but her indignation came first.

“You’ve been having a lot of bad days recently and I didn’t want to upset you by introducing someone new when you were already so stressed,” Yunseo tried to explain.

“How long have you been dating this guy? And what’s his goddamn name, anyway?” Changmi demanded to know.

“We’ve been dating for a year and a half now and his name is Hojoon,” Yunseo replied, preparing herself for the outburst about to come.

“A year and a half? Yunseo! I have not been having bad days for a year and a half now!” Changmi cried. What the hell? This just wasn’t something you kept from your best friend.

“I just…” Yunseo trailed off, knowing she couldn’t pull the wool over Changmi’s eyes. “I just didn’t want you to feel like you were losing me. You’re my best friend, Changmi, and you always will be. You might have to share me with Hojoon from now on but he doesn’t have to come with me on visits at all if you don’t want him to.”

Suddenly, a terrible, dark thought crossed Changmi’s mind and she couldn’t get the possibility out of her head. It nagged away at her, the words forming in her tongue and spitting out of before her mind could tell her “no.”

“Are you ashamed of me?” She watched Yunseo’s face – her Destined One couldn’t hide anything from her – and was relieved when Yunseo displayed only surprise, not guilt. Oh wait, there was some anger mixed in with the surprise. Make that a lot of anger.

“Of course I’m not ashamed of you! What the hell, Changmi? Really? Like really? What makes you think you can accuse me of such a thing? You have no right, no right!” Yunseo looked positively livid and Changmi decided that she probably should never doubt Yunseo again if she desired to keep living.

“I want to meet him,” Changmi exclaimed, looking into Yunseo’s eyes with determination flaming behind her own.

“I figured that you would say that,” Yunseo replied, a small smile gracing her rapidly calming features.

“Well, I need to decide if he’s worthy of my best friend,” Changmi smiled and nudged Yunseo with her elbow, drawing a similar expression on Yunseo’s face.

“He’s amazing, Changmi; you’d like him. He’s sweet and handsome and caring and funny. He’s everything I ever wanted in a man,” Yunseo gushed and Changmi could tell from the look in her eyes just how much Yunseo loved this man. Changmi found herself loving Hojoon a little too, already, because if Yunseo loved him so much, then so could she. “I mean, of course he has his faults – he’s addicted to video games and he gets really shy in front of other people and he is super clumsy…” Yunseo continued to ramble but Changmi was too busy watching her best friend be happy to really listen too hard. She was always thinking about bridal shower ideas. Hey wait; Yunseo and Hojoon, Hojoon and Yunseo, HY, HershY, HershY Kisses….

“Hey, you guys can be the HershY couple! Hojoon and Yunseo. Holy crap, this opens up a whole ton of theme ideas.” Changmi was picturing HershY Kisses and Reese’s at every single one of their parties from now on, even their fiftieth anniversary - if Hojoon was good enough for Yunseo, that is.

“Stop. Stop right there Changmi, I can already see your evil mind working. I am NOT putting candy on top of our wedding cake.” Damn, Changmi thought, Yunseo just knew her too well.

“What? Why?” Changmi whined. “That would be so cute!”

“No,” Yunseo replied with an authoritarian tone, “No, that would be tacky.”

“Tacky can be cute!” Changmi protested. “Wait. I am in the wedding right?”

“Of course you’re in the wedding silly! You’re the ing maid of honor!”

Changmi was secretly pleased but she wasn’t going to let that show now.  “What kind of maid of honor hasn’t even met the groom?”

Yunseo didn’t respond to that and a gloomy atmosphere overtook the friends. Great, Changmi thought, good job of killing the mood and making Yunseo feel guilty.

“So how did you meet Hojoon anyway?” Changmi finally asked. They had a lot of catching up to do since she had already missed out on the first year and a half of their relationship.

“It was the stupidest thing, really. I was looking for a game to bring you that we could play together so I was in a store in the mall. You remember the mall that we used to go to together? Well, I spotted this game called ‘Go,” it’s Asian, and I just knew you would love it. I don’t know how but I thought it was right before I even knew the rules.” Changmi’s heart clenched when she thought of the meaning of that game and how Yunho had always wanted to play it instead of chess but she hadn’t let him. “Well, Go was on the top shelf and I couldn’t reach it so I went to find an employee but she was all “Just a moment, ma’am, I have better things to do” and then Hojoon comes out of nowhere and gets it down for me. I thanked him – he was quite the gentlemen- but on my way to the cashier I dropped the case and the pieces went flying everywhere. Hojoon just laughed and helped me clean it up and by the time we had it all accounted for, we were talking and laughing and he asked me if I wanted to go for a drive. Well I told him ‘I don’t go on drives with strangers’ and he said ‘My name is Hojoon, now we aren’t strangers.’ So I took a risk and went with him and it was amazing, Changmi. He was sweet and we drove then he took me to McDonalds, you know that new restaurant? Well, the food was certainly different but Hojoon was perfect.”

“That’s quite a tale,” Changmi said. Her brain was still reeling about the role she played in their meeting.

“Yes, it is. It’s just that I’ve waited so long to tell you, Changmi, and I’m so excited for the wedding.” Yunseo hoped that she had not ranted too much about Hojoon; she was serious about not making Changmi feel left out.

“I’m happy for you,” Changmi said simply. The words were modest but the meaning and sincerity behind them meant the world to Yunseo, who wrapped her best friend in a bear hug.

“I’m so glad,” Yunseo replied. She spent the rest of the afternoon filling Changmi on all the details of their relationship that Changmi had missed out on. They played Go in his honor and Changmi learned just how fitting Hojoon was for Yunseo. Her best friend hugged her once more before she had to leave, promising to bring Hojoon in eight days when he could get off work early. Changmi watched her leave with a heavy, not happy, heart. It was a rather confusing mix for Changmi but she was determined to see Yunseo happy.

Changmi had thought she was doing fine, that she had been dealing with the loss, of sorts, of her best friend well. But on the third day after she found out, Changmi could not escape the dredges of their fifth life. She woke up completely immersed in her German-Changmin persona.

“Yunseo! Yunseo, where did you run off to?” He called out upon finding their bed empty. He sighed; his wife was nowhere to be found. Changmin sat up and listened for any sort of noise that would indicate she was still in their cottage. Upon hearing nothing, no banging of pots and pans or soft humming, he rolled off the bed. If Yunseo had abandoned him again, there would be hell to pay this time. No matter how many times he marked Yunseo’s skin with his mark, claiming her as Changmin’s and only Changmin’s, it seemed that Yunseo always forgot it.

Changmin hummed thoughtfully, as he searched the nearby area for Yunseo. He passed many people that did not respond when he greeted them in German and asked where Yunseo was.

“Guten Morgan! Haben Sie meine Frau, Isolde, gesehen?” One of the people he asked opened their eyes really wide after his question and ran off. Changmin shrugged and kept searching. Yunseo had to be around here somewhere, she never ran too far.

There! Changmin found Yunseo! The other patients scrambled as he rushed over to Hyoyeon, the unfortunate patient who happened to be blonde and slightly resembled the way Yunseo looked in Germany. He grabbed Hyoyeon tightly by the arms and shook her a little bit.

“Warum hast du mir aufzugeben?” He kept screaming in German, asking Hyoyeon why she had abandoned him. Hyoyeon spoke no German so her continued silence angered Changmin who slapped her across the face.

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” Hyoyeon sobbed, holding a hand to her red face and scared for her life. “Please, I just don’t know.”

“Ruhe!” Changmin yelled. Silence. He slapped her again from the other side when she continued to blubber. When Hyoyeon cowered away from him, Changmin grabbed Hyoyeon’s arm and twisted it harshly behind her back. Hyoyeon cried out in pain while Changmin told her that they were going home.

By this time, the wide-eyed person he had spoken to ran into the room with three male attendants.

“There she is!” the man called, pointing at Changmin. Changmi’s normally calm face twisted into a hideous growl and the attendants, familiar with her past antics, pulled out the needles they had brought with them. Changmi got violent sometimes when she was completely consumed by her delusions, though not often, not lately. The one clue they always had when she went into a fit was how she would speak in tongues. Anytime Changmi spoke in a different language, they knew she was gone.

The attendants approached her cautiously, unsure of what she would do with Hyoyeon but Changmin released her and threw his wife behind his back. Changmin knew he hurt his wife but she was his to hurt and protect, no one else’s.

“Changmi honey, you in there?” One of the attendants asked, just to make sure. When Changmi dropped into a defensive position and raised her fists, the three men looked at each other and nodded. Changmi put up a ridiculously good fight for a little girl, they thought, but she was outnumbered and dosed with the drugs before she could do any deep tissue damage. Changmi was then carried into solitaire until sleep could purge her of her “delusions.”

She woke up the next morning with words of apology ready on her tongue. Before she could leave her room though, Changmi ran to the bathroom and threw up. The sedation drugs always made her slightly nauseous but it was the memory of what she was going to do to Hyoyeon, what she had done to Yunseo, that made her shudder. Not only had that Changmin cultivated a monster within Yunseo but the sheer beatings that Changmin had put her through made Changmi gag. No, she thought, what I put her through. The memory of Changmin burning his name into Yunseo’s back with a metal poker had another round of bile rising up Changmi’s throat. Yunseo always remembered who she belonged to after that.

When Changmi could finally lift her head, she looked around desperately for Hyoyeon; she had to say she was sorry; she had to see for herself just how badly she had hurt Hyoyeon. When she went into the lobby, Changmi was informed by an attendant that although she was not restricted to her room, there were certain areas that she could and could not enter. And that Hyoyeon would be in those prohibited areas.

“Can I just see her? Please, Bommie, I have to apologize. I have to tell her how sorry I am. So, so sorry,” Changmi begged.

“I’m sorry, Changmi, but I can’t let you do that,” Bom replied, hating the situation. Bom was Changmi’s favorite attendant and she had been there with Changmi the longest.

“Why not?” Changmi demanded.

“Honey, you broke her wrist,” Bom answered softly. The shock on Changmi’s face reminded her that Changmi had trouble remembering her fits completely.

“What?” Changmi looked down at her deceitful hands, so small but so dangerous. “I – I didn’t mean to! Please let me see her!”

“We know that you didn’t mean to hurt Hyoyeon and that you wouldn’t harm her now but you have to think of Hyoyeon’s mental health as well. You forget where you are. Hyoyeon has schizophrenia; do you think it would be good for her to have to face her attacker?”

“But I didn’t mean it!” Changmi repeated again, shuttering to think how she had traumatized the poor girl.

“Hyoyeon won’t see that, dear. Her mind plays tricks on her much like yours does. I’m afraid you may trigger another hallucination.” Changmi accepted defeat, not wanting to bring further harm to Hyoyeon, but she was disappointed in the situation and herself.

 Nothing could compare to the sadness in Yunseo’s eyes when she visited that day though. It was the worst and it added a bitter taste to Changmi’s already parched mouth.

Finally the day for Hojoon’s visit came and Changmi throw up again that morning, from nervousness. She then paced her room for five hours, prompting the attendants to ask her how she was, just to see if she would reply in English, and if she did, if she thought she was a London man. Changmi did not realize that they were looking for her tell, and unloaded all of her anxiety on the attendants.

“Oh, darling, I’m sure it will all be just peachy,” Bom reassured. She hadn’t seen Changmi this upset, when she was actually Changmi, ever.

“You don’t know that! What if he’s a complete and Yunseo can’t see it! What if he hits her?” The irony of that statement was not lost on Changmi. “What if we have nothing in common? What if he hates me and doesn’t want Yunseo to ever visit me again?” Changmi was just building herself up to a panic attack.

“Changmi darling, Yunseo is your best friend. Do you really think she would stop visiting you just because some guy said so?” Bom asked, one eyebrow raised. Her patient was practically doggy-paddling in her pool of insecurities.

“No, of course not,” Changmi scowled, that possibility not even occurring to her. “But then she would have to break off the engagement with him for trying to come between us.” Well that surprised Bom; how confident Changmi was in their friendship. “And I don’t want them to break it off. Hojoon’s good for her. You should see the way she talks about him, Bommie, it’s like she’s finally found the body that hers fits perfectly against.”

Bom thought it was weird that Changmi said nothing of soul mates or destiny but kept it specific to their physical lives. “I’m sure he’ll like you just fine,” Bom conceded.

“He better because otherwise he could destroy Yunseo’s happiness,” Changmi warned, a dark look entering her eyes. She was well acquainted with the fact that being in love doesn’t always make you happy; being with your soul mate doesn’t even always make you happy. Changmi doubted that she could truly make Yunseo happy the way Hojoon did if the man were to leave Yunseo. In fact, that could come between them if he did! Crap, crap, crap, Changmi thought. Hojoon better like her a lot or Changmi was going to have to fake it for the rest of her life. There was no way she was going to mess this up for Yunseo.

She watched the clock, weight adding to her chest as every second passed by. While she normally looked forward to 3:00, today she dreaded it. Bom held her hand as long as she could but stood up at 2:43 to do some chores before she let Yunseo and Hojoon in. Left alone, Changmi pulled her knees up to her chest, rocking back and forth to calm herself. Her mind raced over all the possibilities but it refused to let her imagine any happy outcomes.

2:48. Changmi stood up from her bed. Her room desperately needed cleaning, yes it did. She couldn’t have Hojoon thinking she was a slob now could she? There wasn’t much for her to pick up but what she could find, Changmi returned to its rightful place. She made her bed and fluffed out the curtains so they looked puffy and welcoming.

2:54. Maybe it was too clean. Changmi didn’t want to come off like a tight either. Hojoon was a man after all; how often did they clean or even think of cleaning? She went around the room throwing things over her chair and onto the floor. It was a careful mess now, judiciously planned to look neither too clean nor too messy.

3:00. As Changmi appraised her room, nodding in satisfaction, the door opened. It admitted Yunseo’s voice but only her voice as she shoved a man inside. It appeared as if Yunseo was discussing something serious with Bom and the door was swiftly shut again before Changmi could catch the topic of conversation. The man looked around nervously so Changmi was given free range to appraise him. Hojoon, because who else could it be, was a Native American man, tall with long, beautiful hair. He had strong features and big hands. Changmi decided that while he wasn’t model-gorgeous, Hojoon was attractive and friendly looking. A very small part of her wondered if Yunseo felt safe cradled in those sturdy arms but she quickly squished that thought. She and Yunseo could discuss it later anyway….

“So you’re Changmi?” Hojoon asked, already aware of the answer but not knowing what else to say without Yunseo. He was incredibly uncomfortable in this position; he knew what Yunseo had told him about Changmi but he had also seen Changmi’s file. Violent fits did not fit the description Yunseo had given him.

“The one and only,” Changmi answered, looking Hojoon up and down. So far, she was rather unimpressed with the conversation of the one her Destined had decided to spend the rest of this life with. Hojoon’s discomfort was beginning to spread to her and Changmi rubbed at the back of her neck. “You’re Native American,” she said, ever the tactful one.

Hojoon tensed. From the way Yunseo described her, Changmi wouldn’t be one to oppose inter-racial couples but in this day and age, you couldn’t be too careful. “Yeah. Got a problem with that?”

“Not at all,” Changmi replied, snorting, “I just wouldn’t have guessed from your name.”

“My full name is Hojoon Tamanend Purser,” he said, still not sure where Changmi was coming from.

“English last name?” Changmi definitely had no issue with Hojoon’s race but she knew that society in general didn’t take well to couples and thought that it had to be hard on him and Yunseo.

“We don’t have surnames in our culture.”

“Ah,” Changmi replied. You learn something new every day, she supposed.

An awkward silence stretched between them and Changmi panicked as she realized that she hadn’t talked to anyone outside of the asylum besides Yunseo in over five years. What did normal people talk about? Sports? She enjoyed quite a few but what if Hojoon liked a different team than her? The weather? Changmi hadn’t been allowed outside since her little relapse so she only knew that it looked slightly cloudy today. The only thing Changmi and Hojoon had in common so far was Yunseo. Yeah, Changmi decided, Yunseo was a safe topic.

“So, what makes you think you have the right to marry Yunseo?” Well that came off more hostile than Changmi had been expecting.

“I’m right for her,” Hojoon replied, looking unsurprised by the question. “Did it ever occur to you that while Yunseo spends all her time trying to make you happy, she might need someone to take care of her?”

Changmi didn’t know how to reply to that without sounding crazy or blowing up at Hojoon. Of course it had occurred to her; the thought haunted her every day that she was utterly useless to Yunseo in this life. She made Yunseo happy in one sense but she also made Yunseo’s life much more difficult and trying.

“Of course I know,” she finally answered quietly. “But I’m a selfish person, Hojoon. I need her. Without Yunseo, I would have no one.”

Hojoon nodded slightly. He already knew of Changmi’s situation but he hadn’t expected Changmi to be so self-aware. In his experience, people tended not to admit their own faults. With that in mind, he observed Changmi warily, not sure if it was just an act. He found only sincerity in her eyes and tentatively let pity for Changmi into his heart. The poor girl was literally in an insane asylum and her only visitor was his fiancé. He could sympathize with that. “She loves you, you know,’ he said. Changmi probably already knew since Yunseo was pretty much her whole world in this disgusting place but it never hurt to hear it confirmed. Hojoon vehemently hated insane asylums; he thought most of them were inhumane.

“I know,” Changmi smiled slightly. “She loves you as well.”

“Just because she loves me too, doesn’t mean that she loves you any less,” Hojoon said. This was the most emotional he would ever get so he hoped Changmi completely understood his message.

Changmi nodded, tears coming to her eyes. It meant a lot to hear those words from Hojoon and they implied that Hojoon wouldn’t try to get between them. “Maybe we can be friends?” she offered. It would be nice if she had someone other than Yunseo and Bom, who was paid to take care of her.

“I would like that,” Hojoon confirmed. They shook hands on it and smiled at each other, the grins actually reaching their eyes.

Changmi wanted Yunseo to be happy in every way and Hojoon gave her that. As much as Changmi didn’t want to admit it, Hojoon might be the perfect one for Yunseo in this life. Yunseo deserved the very best and if that involved Hojoon, then Changmi approved. She could see how much her disproval of Hojoon would hurt Yunseo so she fully condoned their wedding. In the back of her mind, she made plans to castrate Hojoon if he ever hurt Yunseo but that’s another story for another day entirely. 

Yunseo finally entered Changmi’s room, looking distinctly angered. She tried to smile through it but Yunseo could never fool Changmi. “What are you two talking about?” she asked lightly, walking over to them.

“You,” they answered at the same time. Yunseo halted; Changmi and Hojoon had two very similar smirks on their faces that were worrying her.

“Well that’s not disturbing at all,” she joked.

“Don’t you worry,” Changmi assured. “It has absolutely nothing to do with your demise or anything.”

“Shh Changmi! We weren’t supposed to tell her,” Hojoon scolded, instantly catching on.

Yunseo rolled her eyes and went to grab Go, the game that started it all, from the nightstand. “Do you two want to play a game?” Changmi and Hojoon looked at each other and shrugged, laughing when Yunseo pulled out Go. The afternoon was spent laughing at each other’s stories as Yunseo and Changmi swept the floor with Hojoon. Changmi told Hojoon every embarrassing story she knew about Yunseo and her best friend replied in kind as revenge. When Changmi looked at the clock again, it was 6:30, raining, and time for Yunseo and Hojoon to go. Hojoon said goodbye with a squeeze of Changmi’s hand, promising to come visit again, even if it was after work.

While Hojoon brought the car around, Changmi took advantage of the privacy. She turned to Yunseo and finally asked her what had made her so upset earlier. Yunseo sighed, her demeanor changing, and she answered reluctantly.

“You don’t have the clearance to leave the grounds,” Yunseo told Changmi with a dead look in her eyes and a dull tone in her voice.

“Don’t have the clearance?” Changmi repeated, unbelieving. “But I’ve been so good recently, I haven’t had a relapse since….” Changmi trailed off as she remembered her breakdown three days after Yunseo had told her about the news initially.

“Yeah,” Yunseo said, noting her friend’s expression. She was pretty dejected about it herself but she forced a smile unto her face, determined to be optimistic. “But I’m sure we’ll figure something out! Don’t worry, Changmi, we just need to look into some alternative options, that’s all.”

That was when she realized. Changmi realized the lesson she was supposed to learn. She had to see how much she was hurting Yunseo on her path of destruction. As she explored the ideas and looked back on her lives, Changmi found that her soul had deteriorated as each life went by, dragging Yunseo along with her. Of course, Yunseo wasn’t perfect either, but it was Changmi who let hate and resentment consume her until her soul was bogged down by the negative emotions. Changmi gave a weak response when Yunseo said goodbye but her mind was focused on her revelation.

This was all her fault. It hit Changmi full force; she had caused all of this pain and sadness. Before she left herself be swallowed by the guilt, Changmi reminded herself that it would be starting the cycle all over again. She rubbed the earing still in her cartilage and watched Yunseo run out to Hojoon in the rain, smiling. Nope, Changmi thought, she would not be consumed by her hatred anymore. This was a new start, a new beginning and Changmi was determined to make it count. Yunseo was happy with Hojoon so Changmi promised herself that she would try. She would try for Yunseo. And eventually, she would be the best godmother ever. The HershY kids would be constantly spoiled and showered with love and candy, Changmi vowed, a conspiring smirk on her face as she began to plan. 

Authors Note

For historical accuracy, Yunseo's name would be Mackenzie, Changmi's Carah, Hojoon's Mike, Bom's Amy, and Hyoyeon's Brandy.

Shout out to 2Ho! I freaking adore that ship, their friendship is so hardcore and adorable. I would totally support it if those two decided to date.

Please review! Reviews make me happy :)