Chapter 5

Germany 1523

Yunseo woke that morning with a heavy heart; today she was going to have to disobey her husband, today, she would do something in secret. It didn’t sit right with her, going behind her husband’s back, but it was for his own good that he didn’t know.

Despite her misgivings, Yunseo got out of bed and woke Changmin with a kiss, just like every other morning. Changmin stirred, creaking one eye open and peaking at Yunseo. She giggled and pressed another peck to his nose.

“Time to wake up,” she said fondly. Changmin groaned and, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulled her back into bed with him.

“No. I think we should just stay here the whole day. Yes, that definitely sounds like a much better plan.” He nuzzled her neck as he spoke the words into her skin.

Yunseo laughed, guilt once again gnawing at her heart. They could not stay in bed all day, not if her plan was to be executed. But after today, they could laze around in bed forever, as long as they wanted. “Come on, silly. You have to greet the day before it gets too angry with you.”

“I refuse,” Changmin said, kissing the light bruises Yunseo had on in apology.

Yunseo gathered up her mental strength and pushed him away. “You make a tempting offer but we have lives to attend to.”

“Fine, fine, I will be down in five minutes. Just give me five minutes.” Changmin reluctantly let her go and curled further into the bed, making himself a cocoon of warmth.

“I think not,” Yunseo grabbed the blanket away from him. “Your five minutes have this funny tendency to turn into an hour.”

“Fine. I am getting up. See? I am awake now.” Changmin finally accepted defeat and wiggled his legs in a pathetic display of consciousness.

“And stay awake,” Yunseo reminded as she walked downstairs to grab food for breakfast. Changmin liked to jump back in bed if she did not threaten him, with no real heat, of course. She would never threaten her husband. Yunseo grabbed a loaf of bread that Changmin had brought home yesterday from the pantry and sliced it up. A big piece for Changmin and a smaller piece for her, both lathered in margarine. Changmin came running down the stairs twenty minutes later. He grabbed the bread from her, eating it quickly as he gathered his things.

Changmin leaned in to kiss her on the cheek before heading for the door. “Goodbye, meine Frau, I will try to be back as soon as possible.” A stream of shame and pride coursed through Yunseo’s veins at the statement; shame because she didn’t really want Changmin to return as fast as possible, she needed extra time to complete her mission, and pride because she always felt that way when Changmin called her “meine Frau.” My wife. Out of all the women Changmin could have had, he chose her. My wife. Yunseo was happy as long as she was always his, she couldn’t even imagine who she would be without him. My wife. Without Changmin, Yunseo may as well not even exist.

Sighing to herself, Yunseo prompted her body into motion, making for the kitchen. She had to start supper so if Changmin forgot anything and returned while she was gone, he would see her preparations and simply assume she had ventured into the forest to collect some herbs. “Oh, that plan sounds too devious,” Yunseo thought to herself, but there was no other way. Yunseo supposed she should be relieved Changmin excused all the servants so she actually had an excuse to be out on their property. For a few weeks after Changmin released them from their service, citing a lack of necessity now that he had the perfect wife, Yunseo had been frustrated with the sheer amount of house work she had to assume. Over time, however, she began to realize how they were better off without the servants. Changmin depended on her to clean and cook, which made Yunseo feel incredibly needed, and she also didn’t have to worry about some harlot chamber maid vying for Changmin’s attention while she was absent. Not that she was ever really absent these days but Yunseo’s jealousy was not a force to be reckoned with and she felt at ease with no other women in the house.

While lost in her thoughts, Yunseo chopped onions, carrots, and potatoes for an evening stew. Changmin was actually better at cooking than her and, when he had time, he would spend hours making her extravagant meals. He was often busy, however, and so Yunseo did most of the day-to-day cooking. When she was finished with the vegetables, she left them all skewed out with a few herb bottles lying around, as if she had been looking for a particular one and had been unable to find it. With the positioning all taken care of, Yunseo grabbed her pouch, asked God and Changmin for forgiveness, and left the house behind. The forest path she traveled on was well-worn and familiar to her but only Changmin’s feet had trodden on it for months. The fresh air felt strange on her face, as did the grass beneath her shoes, after months of staying within their cottage. They felt quite nice but were tainted by the bitter sense of betrayal. Yunseo sped her steps; the faster she reached her destination, the faster she could return to Changmin.

As Yunseo approached the village, a sense of slight excitement ran through her. This village used to be her home, after all, and even though her home was now in Changmin’s arms, the village would forever hold a special place in her heart. The thatch houses and dirt roads were so familiar to her; it was child’s play to pick her way through the busier streets and into slightly smaller paths. She did not want anyone to recognize her and report to her husband, if Changmin’s business should happen to take him into town today.

She spotted one home in particular and felt her hands begin to tremble as she neared her final destination.  This was it; this was why she had disobeyed her husband and left the safety of their house. Yunseo walked up to the door and rapped her fist against it, hoping that the person she came to see was there. The door popped open as the woman behind it assumed all visitors to be friendly. The women stared at each other, one in shock and one resigned, for a moment before the younger spoke.

“Mother, can we get out of the entryway? I would really like to be allowed in from the street please.”  In response, Yunseo was surprised to find her mother’s arms around her as she was surrounded by a bear hug. Yunseo hadn’t been touched by anyone but Changmin since their last secret visit but her mother’s touch was always familiar to her. Yunseo sunk into the hug that only made what she was about to do even more difficult.

“You are always welcome here, my darling,” the older woman said. She finally pulled away from her daughter, petting her long hair. “It has been months since your last visit; your hair has grown so long.”

“Changmin likes my hair long,” Yunseo explained. “And I have been rather busy at home. I am sorry, mother.”

“It is quite alright, Yunseo. You are here now. Come, come, let us go inside.” Her mother ushered Yunseo in, looking around to make sure no one had witnessed her daughter’s arrival. “How have you been?” She asked when they had relocated to the safety of the living room.

“Keeping busy. I never realized there was so much to do around the house!” Yunseo exclaimed. Her mother did not like the implication that her daughter had been completely trapped in her house.

“Well then you would not mind helping me with one more chore. Your father and little brother are absolutely hopeless. I have a huge pile of clothes that need mending. Would you mind?”

Yunseo shook her head and her mother left to grab the materials they needed. Her mother returned with the pile and they quickly set into their work. “Boa tells me you never go visit her anymore,” her mother commented. Yunseo’s best friend had been rather upset the last time she saw her.

“Yes, well, you know how Changmin prefers me to stay in,” Yunseo replied. Her heart barely even twitched at the mention of her old friend. There were more important people in her life now.

“You should go see her sometime, darling. Boa misses you dearly,” her mother advised. She thought if she nudged her daughter enough in the right direction than Yunseo would finally see reason.

“I will try,” Yunseo responded. She did not mean it at all but it appeased her mother. Seizing the moment, she began to say, “Mother, I came here to tell you -” But she was cut off.

“Oh, mein Leibling, did you hear what happened with the Gongchan boy? I could hardly believe it when I heard….” Yunseo’s mother began to rant about the village gossip, trying to fill Yunseo in, but her words faded into white noise as Yunseo retreated into her thoughts. Her mother went on and on until more than half the pile was gone before Yunseo felt ready for another attempt.

Yunseo stayed her hands, abandoning the mending for a moment, as she steeled up the courage to tell her mother what she had come here to say. She took a deep breath and thought of her beloved Changmin, releasing the words to the universe once and for all before she could lose her nerve or be interrupted again.

“Mutti, I can’t come see you anymore,” Yunseo whispered quietly, equal parts hoping her mother would and would not hear her. Her mother froze in her task, hoping against hope that she heard her daughter incorrectly.

“What did you say, dear?” she replied, just as quietly, not wanted to betray the tempest coiling through her belly.

Yunseo cleared and strengthened her resolve before she answered. “I said I cannot come visit you anymore. This has to be the last time.”

“Why?” she replied, although she full-well knew the reason. Yunseo didn’t reply, preferring not to say the words out-loud. “Is it because of Changmin? What has that man done to your head, Tochter? Are you so afraid of him that you will not leave the house?”

“Afraid of him, Mutter? Changmin is my husband, my life, and I will do what makes him happy, even if it does not please you.”

The words she knew were futile couldn’t seem to be held back and her mother grabbed at Yunseo’s scarf, pulling it back to reveal the bruises she had tried so hard to cover. “You will do what makes him happy? What about your happiness, Yunseo? Does this make you happy?” Her anger at the loss of her daughter quickly turned into anger at Yunseo for allowing it to happen. “Don’t think I did not notice! That dog, that filthy, possessive piece of , has always been brutal to you. Changmin is nothing but trash and you would do well to remember that before you abandon your entire family for a good-for-nothing bastard!” Before the older woman knew what was happening, she found herself thrown against the wall, with her daughter’s arm pinned to .

“Don’t you dare say such things about Changmin! You may not like him, Mutter, but he is my husband and you will show him some goddamn respect!” Each word was punctuated with a pulse further into her mother’s throat but Yunseo was so blind by rage that she barely noticed how she was hurting her mother. “Changmin is the love of my life and my reason for living, why can you not see that? You and father have always been against him, always hating someone so important to me: if I did not know better, I would say you are the possessive one. If you did not guilt me into visiting you, I would always be there when Changmin comes home and he would not have to discipline me. I am the troubled one, mother, I am the one who cannot just follow orders. I deserve everything he gives me until I learn to be perfect for him.” Yunseo could see her mother slowly turning a blotched purple and losing consciousness but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. This woman was no longer her mother; it was a monstrosity that tried to separate her from Changmin.

“He is perfect for me, and I will learn to be the perfect wife for him. God, you are so pretentious. Changmin tried to play nice with you and father but he could see you for what you really are, selfish beasts that care nothing for their daughter’s happiness. He could see, but I did not believe him. How could I be so stupid? Changmin was right, he is always right. There is no place for you in my life anymore, mother, because Changmin is my life and if you cannot accept that, then I do not need you. I only need Changmin.”

Yunseo’s mother watched as the edges of her vision grew blurry and her daughter let loose the demon inside her that had been sculpted and molded by Changmin. She watched and wished she could do something to save Yunseo from her fate but knew her body was too weak to fight against this madness. Her final hope before she permanently out was that maybe her death would be enough to shake the cloak of darkness that held Yunseo hostage.

When Yunseo’s haze finally began to clear and her sane mind was returned to her, she retracted her arm as quickly as she could but a part of her knew it was too late. Her mother’s body crumpled to the ground in the absence of support and Yunseo knew she would never stand again. A strange numbness descended upon Yunseo as she stared down at the still body. She was at peace with the fact that she had murdered her own mother. At least she wouldn’t be tempted to betray Changmin again. There was a momentary wave of panic before Yunseo told herself that this was a good thing. She took a deep cleansing breath then launched into action, leaving her mother dead on the floor for some servant to stumble upon. She had to get home again before Changmin returned to find the house empty.

Yunseo literally ran through the dirty streets, not knowing how long she had been gone as she couldn’t remember how long she had stood there with her mother dangling from her arm. She told herself that she just wanted to be re-connected with her husband but she was also apprehensive about what Changmin would do if he found a vacant house. Changmin’s love for her was so strong that sometimes it clouded his reasoning and he did things that he would never do if she hadn’t provoked him. Former friends and acquaintances called out to her as she dashed by but Yunseo’s mind was only focused on getting home as soon as possible. If Changmin had chosen a house closer to town, her journey would be easier, but unfortunately, their home lay as far from town as possible without being completely isolated. When her feet finally led her out of the village, Yunseo took a short cut through the woods, feeling dull stings as twigs cut into her cheeks. She wondered fleetingly if Changmin would be mad that she had injured herself but quickly decided that it would be better if she was there and injured than not there at all.

Seeing their little cottage enter her sight, Yunseo let loose a cry of triumph before her glee died a swift and excruciating death on her lips as she noticed Birgit, Changmin’s horse, out in the pasture. He was back. Yunseo’s feet slowed before halting on the border of their property. Now she looked like she was trying to hide her visit from him as well. Yunseo’s fear coursed through her like ice trails down a parched throat but she steeled herself against it and forced herself to proceed toward the house, patting her hair and dress as she went, trying to look presentable. Changmin was the only one left to her now and if he didn’t want her, there would be no one left to love Yunseo.

As quietly as possible, Yunseo nudged open the back door, sticking her head in first. Maybe Changmin had a difficult day with the traders and hadn’t even noticed she was gone. Sensing no movement in the house, Yunseo slipped through the entrance and made for the kitchen on muted feet, glad that she had started making their supper earlier. As she was passing from the entryway to the open room before the kitchen, Yunseo was suddenly pressed with the feeling of being watched. She froze in her position, knowing only one man whose gaze had such presence.

“Yunseo, meine Frau, where have you been?” She turned to find Changmin sitting in his favorite chair. It was rather large with strange etchings that the merchant had sworn was a language – Yunseo didn’t believe him, no one wrote vertically – but Changmin had instantly fallen in love with it so she didn’t mind the crazy scribbles. What Changmin loved, she loved. And the time they spent christening it later was definitely something she loved. However, the man currently poised in the chair was not very pleased at all despite the calm façade and Yunseo knew she was completely at fault.

“I went to visit my mother,” she replied with a breathy voice, knowing Changmin would not appreciate being lied to. And somehow he always seemed to know when she was lying. Her husband in a deep breath at her words, seeming to prepare himself for something, and when he stood, Yunseo couldn’t help the miniscule step she took away from him.

“Why would you do that, mein Schatz?” He asked quietly, stopping within an inch of her and gently, in a strange show of the calm before the storm, cupping her cheek.

“I, uh, I wanted to go see her. I get so lonely without you and I wanted someone to talk to,” she tried to explain, feeling her fragile face caged in by his strong calloused hands that both hurt her and loved her.

“You wanted someone to talk to?” Changmin paused here before an angry tension ran through his body and his tone changed entirely. “Am I not enough for you, Yunseo? Why am I never enough for you?” He threw her against the wall, next to the mirror, hand wrapping around Yunseo’s windpipe in a cruel parody of the same move Yunseo performed on her mother.

“No, no, no, Changmin, I just felt so alone and I went to see her but she made me so mad and I just attacked her so I took care of her and now she’s gone and I’ll never leave you again,” Yunseo’s words ran together as she tried to spit them out as fast as possible before she could no longer breathe.

“You what?” Instead of being placated like Yunseo thought he would be, Changmin was further infuriated.

“My mother will not disturb us ever again, I left her there on the floor and she will not be getting up again,” Yunseo explained, thinking that perhaps Changmin had misunderstood her.

“You did what? You dumb ing !” Changmin slapped her hard across the cheek before slamming her head against the wall. Yunseo felt her head start to get fuzzy when he repeated the action, finding the sick crack of her head against the wood rather satisfying. “Don’t you think the servants are going to know it was you that did it? They will come for us and we will be executed and then we will not be together. How are you this stupid? You ing , you have ruined everything!” Blood began to trickle down the back of Yunseo’s head and Changmin stopped the shaking when he saw it; he didn’t want to kill his wife, after all. She was his world, his everything.

“I did it for us, mein Liebling, I did not want her to come between us anymore.” But the second she said it, Yunseo knew she made a mistake by saying “come between” instead of “try to come between.” The light in Changmin’s eyes changed once again and he hurled her against the mirror, feeling it break under the force of her impact. He pressed her tightly against the shattered pieces, knowing the glass was cutting her back and his hands were creating bruises.

“I didn’t know she had come between us, Yunseo. But then I guess I don’t know very much about my own wife, do I? Because she left me today.”

“No, sweetheart, no, I just had to be away for an hour or two. I had to do it. I did it for us,” Yunseo repeated, hoping Changmin would see her reasoning but her efforts only afforded her a fist into her stomach, stealing her oxygen. A knee swiftly followed the fist and Yunseo knew she would feel it in every breathe she took for weeks.

“Did I say you could talk back? You will speak when spoken to, you worthless piece of .” As Yunseo heaved over, clutching her midsection, Changmin grabbed a fistful of her hair and flung her to the ground, never releasing her hair so she was kneeling in front of him on her knees. “Look at me. Look at me! Next time, I’ll expect my wife to listen when I give her orders.” He punched her once more across the face, splitting her lip, just for good measure. With the same hand, he grabbed her jaw roughly, turning it back towards him. The dazed look on her face both worried and riled him. “And no more leaving the house without me!”

With that, he stomped out of the house, slammed the wooden door behind him, and mounted Birgit, apparently needing a good hard ride to let off some more steam. Yunseo waited until she could no longer hear Birgit’s galloping to break down. All the tension left her muscles as she collapsed completely on the ground.

As Yunseo cried softly to herself, broken on the floor, she couldn’t shake the feeling that this was her fault. If she hadn’t been so selfish and abandoned their home, Changmin wouldn’t have returned to find her gone and gotten angry. She deserved this; she deserved to be beaten if she was going to hurt her husband so. She experienced a slight flash of guilt over her mother, now that she had a moment alone, but that was quickly squished.

Maybe it was truly better this way; she didn’t really need anyone else anyway and now she had officially taken care of anyone that would stand in their way. Changmin was her everything so why she felt the need to visit her mother at all, Yunseo didn’t know. She didn’t even know why she was crying. Her body was her husband’s to use, after all, and Changmin was only proving how much he loved her and cared for her to feel so strongly.

With that thought in mind, Yunseo dragged her destroyed body off the ground and started to treat her multiple injuries. She knew if she left them dirty and bleeding, Changmin would only feel worse than he most definitely already did and she didn’t want him to feel guilty; she knew it was her own fault. Yunseo flinched as she pressed herbs into the exposed tissue but took a sick pleasure in punishing herself more. Changmin’s marks reminded her how much he loved her.

After she had wrapped as many of the wounds as she had cloth for, Yunseo began making supper.  Changmin would come home to a warm meal and a loving wife that would never leave the house again unless he desired it. They would have to flee town so they were not captured by the authorities but they could make any house a home together. She smiled to herself at the thought of the two of them together forever, shut in their house. If only Changmin didn’t have to work for money and food, then they could live entirely on and in each other, consuming one another…. As Yunseo warmed to the thought, she discovered that was what she wanted most in her life.

When Changmin returned hours later, he wrapped his arms around her, careful not to press against her wounds and kissed her ear before whispering into it.

“I am so sorry, sweetheart. I should not have done that, I should not have said those things. You know I was lying right? I was just so worried about you. You did good, you did so good baby, because now it is just you and me, together. Just you and me forever. We do not need anyone else as long as we are together, never apart.”

“You and me, together.” Yunseo replied, smiling, and leaned back into him. 

Authors Note

Okay so for historical accuracy, Yunseo's name would be Isolde, Changmin's Oskar, BoA's Katja and Gongchan would be reffered to as the Leibnitz boy. 

If this chapter suprised you, I'm glad I haven't become predictable. If it confused you, maybe go back and read the chapters again with this in mind?

Please comment with your thoughts and criticisms :) I adore reading them