(8348 words, I'm so sorry..... lol)

~19-year-old Me

 

I stood in front of the full-length mirror to make a final inspection before leaving my house for the day. Some thought I’d gone a little off my rocker, but I viewed it as a necessary change. A pair of black Vans adorned my feet. Slightly baggy black cargo pants framed my legs. I wore a black tank top; the white skin on my arms and neck providing the only contrast to the dark attire. My long hair, which fell just past halfway down my back had been dyed black as well. I wore a light foundation, soft pink lip-gloss, but my blue eyes swirled amidst the black eyeliner, mascara, and smoky shadow. I could still be considered overweight, but I hadn’t spiraled out of control like my mother claimed I would.

7-year-old me stared back at me from the mirror. She was mocking me. This is the best you could do, wasn’t it? I nodded at her. I combed my fingers through my hair and enjoyed the way the darkness framed my face. “Yes. For now, this is who I need to be,” I told her with absolute confidence. I turned to grab my book bag, fishing my ear buds out of the smallest pocket so I could drown out the world. I left my house, walked to the bus stop and let my thoughts wander on my way to class.

I sat alone on the bus, preferably. My change of style had secured that I would be left alone. It wasn’t because I was awkward or less trendy than anyone. It wasn’t because of my physical imperfections or introverted personality. I just looked a bit scary. Honestly, I really loved it. I didn’t have to actually be scary or act to fit the part. People assumed I was scary because I wore all black and fit in with the otherwise socially unfit individuals who were trapped in their own minds and problems. Maybe I was actually one of them. Regardless, the role kept people at bay, which is what I liked.

I had begun my second year at the local college about a month ago. I liked the campus and had already found a few select spots that were peaceful and allowed me to relax or study. Since the bus ride took just shy of an hour, I spent most of my day on campus. Even days where my classes were far apart, I didn’t have anything pressing that would require me to leave and come back. On days where I had no class, I would work.

I had taken up art as a major in college. It wasn’t with high career aspirations that I chose to continue my work, but it was the only thing that I enjoyed. I did, however, continue taking classes in astronomy and earth sciences as I found them intriguing. I had to constantly ignore the small voice in my head that reminded me of the entire reason I had even begun being interested in the subject. It was beyond that now, I reasoned.

I was lucky in one great aspect: Chanyeol had been accepted into the drama program at the school, which meant that Amy had also done her best to find a program that was suited for her at the same school. I still had my friends. Well, except for one. Suho had done quite well in high school. He had been accepted into the college of his dreams, which meant he had moved quite a ways away. He still kept in touch with Chanyeol, but I hadn’t seen him since graduation. Still, I had the obnoxious lovebirds to keep me company and that was just fine by me.

After my first class of the morning, I found one of my favorite benches outside of the library. There was a sculpted garden that ran the perimeter of the building, keeping all of the benches slightly secluded and at least cut off from the normal traffic of students going from one class to another. I slipped back in my ear buds and my latest favorite genre of music. I took out some of my homework, with good intent, but after a couple of songs I wasn’t reading or completing assignments. I was idly sketching the plant life around me.

About a minute into my favorite song, I felt someone poke my shoulder. I yanked out one ear bud and looked up at the intruding person.

“Oh, hey Kyungsoo,” I mumbled.

“D.O,” he corrected.

“Whatever,” I chuckled. He constantly was trying to get people to call him by his nickname, but it never really stuck.

I had met him the year before in my first year Astronomy course. To say he was a bit of a nerd was an understatement, but he was genuinely friendly, a reliable partner for projects and a good study buddy.

“Do you have the homework done?” he asked, referring to our Relativity class that was in another hour.

“Yes,” I replied, slightly annoyed. I had never missed completing an assignment. In fact, my grades were quite impressive considering the low B average I had barely pulled off in high school. However, I hadn’t known Kyungsoo in high school so I didn’t know why he always doubted my ability to get my own homework completed.

“Good!”

“Did you?” I purposefully asked.

“Dumb question,” he retorted.

“So was yours,” I stated.

“No, it wasn’t. I was just making sure that you didn’t have any questions about any of the material for the assignment.”

“If I had, I would have called you. You know that,” I replied.

“True,” he said cheerfully. He sat down on the bench next to me and stared at my sketches. “Bored?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I have hours between classes. I get bored easily.”

“Sorry,” he replied. “I’m going to grab something to eat before class. Do you want to come?”

“No thanks.”

It was Kyungsoo’s turn to shrug. He stood up and walked away, turning back slightly to wave.

I waved back and smiled before returning to my music.

I was happily lost in my thoughts and slightly fixated on the drawing of a particular branch when another presence pulled me from my state of bliss. Out of the corner of my eyes, I spied a pair of shoes approach me. Who is it this time? I didn’t even bother pulling out an ear bud. Whoever it was could stand to be ignored.

That is until said person crouched down low enough to put his face within my field of vision.

“It IS you. I’m not even sure why I thought it was you other than your predictable sketch work,” he said pointing at my notebook, returning to his full height and smiling.

I yanked my ear buds out quickly, not bothering to turn off my ipod. His hair was a deep unnatural red, but still in that same messy arrangement. He looked relaxed and mature. There was no way that in the short year and a half, he could have grown up as much as he had seemed to. I held his gaze, unsure of what to say.

“Honestly, I like the black. It’s different, but it suits you,” Baekhyun continued to talk; eating away at whatever potential awkward silence I could have created. I wasn’t sure in what context he meant about the ‘suits you’ part. Was it just the black hair? Was it my entire outward appearance? How did it suit me? I thought it had, but perhaps for different reasons than he was thinking.

“Thanks,” I finally managed to mumble.

“What classes are you taking?” he asked.

“Um, Drawing 1, Color Theory, Art History, Relativity and Cosmology, and Statistics,” I listed.

“Woah. Continuing the art thing, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Awesome! I’m taking photography!” he said rather enthusiastically.

“I took it last year. It’s pretty fun and interesting, right?”

“Yes. I am getting pretty into it,” he confessed.

“Why photography?”

“I can’t do what you do, but I can still see things I’d like to capture,” he shrugged.

I nodded thoughtfully. Out of nervousness, I let my teeth graze over my bottom lip. I dropped my gaze from him and stared at the ground around my feet. Mixed emotions swirled in my head. Above all, I couldn’t help but inwardly protest his enrollment at this particular college. I knew that the only thing that would save me from my almost life long crush was distance. However, for some reason, I was never granted enough of it.

“Oh, if I don’t grab something to eat now, I won’t get a chance to until later. Want to join me?” Baekhyun asked.

Yes! Of course! “I’m not hungry, but thanks for asking,” I replied. Some weird twisted part of me justified that if I joined him and we ran across Kyungsoo, I’d feel guilty for turning him down first. However, my heart was racing at the idea of joining Baekhyun. I wanted to talk to him about how he’d been the last year and a half, what classes he was taking, what he was going to college for specifically. I was so curious now that he was in front of me. I knew that if he hadn’t shown up in front of me, I would have never thought of him, at least not to the intensity that I was now.

“Alright,” he said in his predictably upbeat manner. “I’ll see you around!” And he smiled, that full brilliant smile that made everything inside of me feel like it was melting into one blob of a puddle. I knew the second he walked away; I’d need someone to come mop up the mess. When he was almost out of my line of sight, I did the mopping up myself. I picked up my things and settled for a different bench, closer to my next classroom. At least this way I wouldn't be sitting there staring off in his direction even after he was gone.

 

---

 

~A Couple of Weeks Later

 

“I’m going to be busy this weekend…” Amy started. We were walking from her car in the parking lot towards the student center. The building was in the front of the school and held a small cafeteria, the bookstore, and some other rooms that I would never know their purpose.

“You’re always busy,” I mocked.

“I know, but Chanyeol has this thing this weekend and I promised I’d be there.”

“Of course!” I laughed. She always sounded guilty when she told me about her commitments with Chanyeol. I never understood why. I really wasn’t that demanding of a friend. My life was pretty boring and I never had events that required people to attend. Not more than about once or twice a year anyway.

“We can hang out next weekend!” she suggested.

“Amy, we can hang out whenever. It’s fine. We’re hanging out now.”

“We’re just headed to class, this isn’t ‘hanging out’.”

“I guess, but it’s not like I never see you.”

“Do you not want to hang out next weekend?”

“Oh my gosh, that’s not what I meant. You’re crazy!” I laughed and pushed her shoulder slightly. We entered through the door in the cafeteria. The walkway led through the building and past the bookstore and out to the main courtyard where all of the classroom buildings could be evenly accessed.

I hardly ever ate in the cafeteria. The food never looked very appealing. Most of the time I would walk to one of the small café’s that were located just down the street. I took a glance at the food and cringed. “Why do people eat that?”

“It’s not bad, it just kinda looks it,” Amy reasoned.

I scowled and then shook it off. I smiled at Amy and continued to walk until we were nearly out of the cafeteria.

 

“I already finished the work. It’s really not difficult, it’s just tedious.”

 

My head snapped up in attention as I looked down the hallway in front of us searching for the owner of the familiar voice.

My vision caught the deep red hair first. I glanced down slowly until I locked my focus on his eyes. I hadn’t expected him to be looking at me, but he was. His presence was magnetic and had I not been with Amy or any less aware of my surroundings, I would have let myself wander straight to him. I didn’t remove my gaze from his as Amy and I walked, coming mere feet from him and whoever was walking with him. At an appropriate distance, neither of us said a word to each other, but we also didn’t break eye contact. Whoever was with Baekhyun had continued to talk to him, even when Baekhyun had remained silent. I was almost positive Amy had not been talking to me, but I wasn’t sure. The two of them walked past. I finally looked away, breaking the eye contact. I cast my eyes to the floor and continued until Amy and I walked through the double doors just past the bookstore.

“WHAT WAS THAT?!?!” Amy yelled.

“Huh?” I asked, snapping my gaze up at her.

“Since when is Baekhyun here? And WHAT ON EARTH was that movie moment gaze that the two of you just shared?” she continued to yell.

“Baekhyun? Oh, I saw him a couple of weeks ago. What do you mean by movie moment?” I asked, dumbly.

“Okay, first of all, why didn’t you tell me that you saw him? Have you seen him before then?”

“He came up to me while I was waiting in between classes. And no, it was the first time he’s seen me with the black hair.” Mentioning the change in appearance was also a relatively good measure of time frame. It cemented that it had at least been a year that I had never run into him, although I knew the time frame was longer.

“And?”

“And what?”

“Don’t bull me! You two just gazed at each other like the world had fallen away and nothing else in the universe existed,” she said, rather overdramatically.

“I don’t know…” I mumbled.

“What do you mean you don’t know?!”

“I. Don’t. Know. We had a two-minute conversation a few weeks ago and then nothing. And you know I’ve liked him for way too long, but he was probably looking at me because of how I was staring.”

“I thought, after prom, that you were getting past that.”

“Well, yeah. But, he just showed up out of nowhere.”

“UGH!” Amy smacked her palm against her own forehead in frustration. “Not again.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you well enough. All of this…” she threw her hands in the air, creating a giant circle. “… is going to start up again!”

“All of what?”

“You and him. It’s going to be the same, you know. You’re going to go all weak in the knees when you see him and he’s just going to continue prancing off in ignorance.”

“He doesn’t prance.”

“He does too.”

“Only sometimes,” I muttered.

“…and it begins…” Amy whispered.

 

---

 

~A Few Months Later, Spring Semester

 

“YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?!” Amy shouted. I cringed, but I was desperate.

“It’s 16 days…”

“That’s more than half a month,” she interrupted.

“We’d get to see a ton of awesome places…”

“That all require me to hike,” she stated.

“You’re sportsy…”

“I don’t do camping.”

“I can’t go by myself!”

“Kyungsoo is going.”

“It’s not the same,” I whined.

“It’s a class. I’d have to camp, hike, and do God only knows what else outside in the middle of nowhere.”

“Yes it’s a class, but you don’t have to take it for credit. I just really need someone to go with me!”

“Chanyeol!” Amy said to her boyfriend who wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention.

“Huh?”

“Channie, she wants me to go camping,” she said the last word in disgust.

“Oh, camping is fun…” he stopped when he noticed the glare she was giving him. “I mean, fun for some people. I couldn’t stand to be separated from you for that long though.” Chanyeol smiled and wrapped his arms around Amy’s waist.

I rolled my eyes.

“Fine! Ugh!” I relented. When the science department announced their summer class involving a trip to several national parks, I couldn’t resist. They promised astronomy lessons at night, far away from city lights, which was all the convincing I needed. And I was glad that Kyungsoo was going, but I really wanted another girl to go with me. I also knew that getting Amy to go camping was basically impossible, but I had tried anyway.

“At least come shopping with me. You can make sure I don’t forget any essentials for the trip,” I begged.

“I don’t know anything about camping equipment,” Amy replied.

“I don’t need any equipment besides a tent, sleeping bag, and something to buffer me between the sleeping bag and the ground. But I don’t want to forget any other essentials. Bring Yeollie if you want. He’s a guy, maybe he can think of something I haven’t.” I used one of his other nicknames on purpose. I was the only female that Amy would permit to use his nicknames. If any other girl tried it, Amy would snap.

Chanyeol shrugged in agreement, still holding on to Amy.

“Fine.”

"Fine, you'll go with me on the trip?!"

"Don't. Press. Your. Luck."

 

---

 

~Summer, the First Day of the Trip

 

“Camping gear in that pile. Any food items go to the van. Bags and suitcases with clothing over here!” Kyungsoo had volunteered to organize things before departure. I laughed as he tried to shout over the chaos. He didn’t have the most commanding personality, but he tried. I lugged my things to each of their appropriate piles and then walked to where Kyungsoo was standing.

“Hey Kyungsoo, directing traffic I see.”

“It’s D.O, and no one listens.”

“Everything will get done, don’t worry about it.”

“There are almost 30 people going on this trip. It’s a lot to keep organized.”

“Well if someone doesn’t listen, it’s on them,” I stated.

“Yeah, right,” he said, somewhat not convinced. “No! Take the food to the van!” he suddenly yelled at a fellow student. I shook my head and walked away to see if there was anything I could help with before we departed.

The camping equipment was being loaded into the storage area underneath the bus. I walked forward, helping by grabbing the next bag and handing it off while two instructors were trying to situate everything to take up the least amount of space as possible.

“The tents go over there!” I heard Kyungsoo yell and laughed to myself.

I turned around smiling as I looked up at the student who was about to add his bag into the pile.

“I knew you’d be going on this trip!”

I almost dropped the bag that was in my hand. No. no no no no no no no.

“You’re going?” I asked Baekhyun as he set his bag into the pile.

“Yeah. They hyped up this trip as an opportunity for those in the photography class.” He pointed to the bag that was hanging from his shoulder. A camera bag.

“Oh, yeah, I packed my camera as well. I figured I could take pictures and use them later as a reference for a painting or something.”

“Good idea. But you’re also a little nerdy for this kind of stuff too, huh?”

I was a little struck by the ‘nerd’ label he placed on me. I had never thought myself as such, but I would be lying if I said that certain ‘nerdy’ aspects of the trip hadn’t swung my decision into going. “I guess.”

“This will be fun!” he smiled. Baekhyun spun on his heel and walked away towards were a majority of the students were waiting.

I had my cell phone with me, even though I wouldn’t have access to an outlet for parts of the trip. Before I turned it off to save battery, I typed a quick txt to Amy.

I hate you.

Why?

Baekhyun is going on this trip.

.

Yeah.

Ignore him. Concentrate on the material.

I turned off the phone, without replying, and tucked it into my pocket. Fat chance.

 

---

 

~The Trip – Day 5

 

It had been going well despite my first apprehensions. The first day, we all had to introduce ourselves. Baekhyun had been introduced as the one who was in charge of photography and updating our class website. They had set it up so each day would have a journal entry written by anyone who was interested. And if no one was, it was Baekhyun’s responsibility. It was now day 5 and I hadn’t volunteered to write any entries. I had managed to avoid Baekhyun for the most part and became absorbed into the places we were visiting and the things we’d been learning.

Kyungsoo had made a great travel companion. He sat with me on the bus without fail and helped explain things when topics would go over my head. Our friendship had worked this way for most of the year, so it was easy to fall into the same routine. In the least, with his help, I would probably ace the course.

We were currently in the bus, headed for our next campsite. We would be climbing a bit of elevation until we reached a plateau with promised epic landscape views. I was excited for our destination; however, the bus ride was honestly freaking me out.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asked as I leaned away from the window and invaded his personal space.

“Do you see that drop off? I don’t want to be on this side of the bus!” I gasped.

He leaned over me and peered out the window. “Wow, that’s a straight drop.”

I gulped. The bus seemed like it barely fit along the edge of the road. One wrong turn and we were going to barrel off the side of one immensely steep cliff. “Oh God, don’t lean over! What if the bus tips?” I choke out, still trying to keep myself far away from the bus window.

“We’re not going to fall,” Kyungsoo stated.

I closed my eyes and clenched the strap of the backpack that was on the ground between the seats and nestled between my feet. Silent prayers filled my head as I frantically repeated them.  It took quite a few more minutes before it felt as though the bus had evened out and we were no longer climbing elevation. I still waited a bit longer before I opened my eyes and risked a glance through the window.

I let out a sigh of relief.

“You okay?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Yes.”

“We’re almost to the camping site. Everyone get your things together. We’ll be leaving the bus in just a moment!” the instructor announced.

As the bus pulled to a stop, I slipped one strap of the backpack over my shoulder and waited until Kyungsoo and I could exit our seats. Upon finding my feet on solid ground, I took a few steps and sat down on a nearby boulder. I looked up and was completely blown away by what I was staring at. Most of the view surrounding me was nothing but distant landscape. The plateau we camped upon had drop offs in almost all directions creating a non-obstructed view of the entire region. I smiled, and dug quickly for my camera. The click of the shutter was the only thing I heard for a few minutes and maybe a few of my own ‘ooohs’ and ‘aaaahs’.

I hadn’t realized how much time had passed until the sun almost dropped below the horizon and the class was being called to dinner. We each had turns in small groups to prepare dinner each evening while breakfast and lunches were done in a grab-n-go fashion. I joined the rest for dinner, settling on a boulder near where Kyungsoo was eating.

“Where were you?” he asked.

“There,” I said while pointing to the left of where we were sitting.

“Doing what?”

“Taking pictures,” I said as if he should have already known.

“How many pictures have you taken so far this trip?”

I shrugged, “I’m not really counting.” He resumed eating his dinner. I looked around at the class and the campgrounds. “Oh, I guess I missed when everyone was setting up their tents.”

“Yours is up,” Kyungsoo stated and then nodded straight ahead. Sure enough, next to his familiar tent was mine.

“You didn’t have to do that,” I muttered. “You could have just hollered for me and I would have put it up.”

He shrugged, still eating.

“Thank you.”

He nodded and then smiled.

As we finished eating, the plates, collapsible cups, and dishes used to cook had collected on one of the fold out tables that we had with us in the van. I mentally groaned. No, I hadn’t had dinner duty tonight but I did have dish duty.

“I guess I better get to dealing with the mess,” I stated, standing slowly.

“Have fun!” Kyungsoo mocked. No one was a fan of dish duty, or any chore for that matter.

I began collecting the dishes and bringing them one of the washtubs. Then I grabbed two smaller buckets to retrieve some water for washing. I had filled one bucket and was filling the second when none other than Baekhyun joined me.

“You started without me!” he whined. We had managed to be grouped for some of the chores along with two other classmates. It was the only time where I couldn’t escape him during the trip.

“The mess was pretty daunting. I didn’t want to wait,” I explained.

“Can you carry all of that?” he asked, staring at the two buckets that I was about to grab.

I rolled my eyes and stared at him. “Honestly, when have you known me to be weak?” I asked sarcastically.

“Never!” he stated an eye smile that was completely infectious. “Although, you did need my assistance to move a pretty small cement block the first day we met.”

“Baekkie, I was 5! It wasn’t so small back then!” I whined. I noticed a bit too late when his eyes sparkled at my use of his old nickname. I guess no matter how old we got; I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking of him with that same kind of fondness. To emphasize my point, I lifted the buckets and walked back to the campsite and the tub of dishes.

I raised and dumped each bucket of water in to the tub and grabbed the biodegradable soap that we had with us. I set to washing while Baekhyun stood by to rinse and the other two were there to dry and put away everything.

“Hey! Did you see that?” a fellow classmate ran past us and towards the edge of the plateau. The sun had long since set and the darkness had only increased due to the cloud cover.

I stopped what I was doing and looked in the direction in which he was standing. In the distance, on the furthest horizon bolts of purple white lightning flashed and almost touched the landscape. It was quite a distance away. I couldn’t even really pick up the sound of thunder. From this far away it was an exquisite sight.

“Oh! Oh! Shoot!” Baekhyun dropped the last dish he was rinsing and stood up to walk away.

“Hey! Where are you going?” I asked. We didn’t have much left, but it wasn’t like he was off the hook.

“Do you see that?! I need to set up my camera!” Without waiting for a response, Baekhyun took off towards his tent.

“It’s okay, were almost done!” the one drying the dishes stated. He took care to continue rinsing while the other dried and put the last of the dishes away. Once finished, I stood and walked a little closer to where many students were watching the storm. It was beautiful, very beautiful.

“Does this mean the storm will make its way here?” someone asked.

“Most likely. But, more importantly, we have another early morning so everyone should be considering getting some sleep,” one instructor stated.

I nodded to myself, turned, and left for my tent.

 

---

 

~The Trip – Late that Night

 

I never slept well outside of my familiar room. Whether I slept in hotels, at a friend’s house, or like now on the ground in a sleeping bag; I rarely slept more than 4 hours in unfamiliar places. I had no idea what time it was, but at this very moment I was sure that I’d barely slept at all as it was still very dark out. I wasn’t unnecessarily uncomfortable though, so what had been my reason for waking up?

FLASH

Oh, right. The storm.

I sat up as a gust of wind shook my tent. Kyungsoo had done a good job of anchoring it to the ground. If I’d done it, this wind would have most likely pulled the tent right from its posts. The thunder followed, sending vibrations straight through me. I absolutely hated being anything other than indoors during lightning storms. I guess I had prayed that I would just sleep through it, but I should have known better. I pulled myself deeper into the sleeping bag as hypothetical visions of my tent being struck with lightning filled my thoughts.

At another burst of light, tried to become even smaller. “. . !” I rapidly spit out as the wind continued to ripple around the campsite. I could hear a few stray items hit the ground as they were being tossed around by the wind. I suddenly imagined half of our equipment falling over the cliff faces. I also wondered if anyone else was awake. The sound of something tin and metallic caught my attention. If I was the only one up and we were going to lose supplies, I had to do something!

Tentatively, I gripped the zipper to open my sleeping bag. I peeled myself out and grabbed for my jacket. The days were hot, but out here the night temperature dropped quite a bit. I gripped the zipper to open the door of my tent and waited another moment.

FLASH

That was my cue. If I were going to emerge, it would be in between strikes. I’m not sure just how rational that sounded, but it was the best argument I could fathom to convince myself to leave the tent. Everyone’s tents were secured pretty well. However, some of the items near where we’d eaten hours ago were rattling around. I walked as quickly as I could, willing my eyes to adjust to the darkness.

FLASH

“Oh God!” I dropped towards the ground hugging my knees to my chest. Lightning strikes the tallest object, right? I just needed to stay small. I stood back up, on shaking knees to try to collect the things that were on the ground. I successfully gathered what I could see and hear rattling around and tried to secure them next to the bus.

FLASH

I dropped into another ball on the ground. I was perched on the balls of my feet trying to be as small as I could. I knew the lightning had already struck, so my reaction was pointless, but I felt better doing so just the same.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of hands grab my upper arms and haul me upwards so that I was standing.

“What are you doing?!” Baekhyun yelled over the wind.

“Why are you awake?!” I yelled back.

“I could ask you the same thing!” he retorted.

My eyes darted around in the darkness behind him, trying to see anything in the distance. When I returned my gaze to him, I realized he was still expecting an answer. “The supplies were being blown around! And, I think I woke up because of the storm.”

“You shouldn’t have worried about the supplies.”

“I couldn’t help it… I was sitting in my tent imagining that our things were just all being blown away!”

FLASH

“Aaah!” I squeaked. Not thinking about anything at all, I reached forward and clutched onto Baekhyun’s coat and pulled myself towards him.

“What on earth are you doing out here when you are this afraid?!” Baekhyun asked. Gratefully, he did not push me away. Instead he kept his hands on my arms, reinforcing that it was okay that I had pulled myself against him for strength. I dropped my forehead against his chest and tried to stop thinking of all the possible disasters that could happen during this storm. I was quite prone to overreacting.

“Hey? Do you want me to walk you to your tent?” he asked. I nodded against his chest.

“Hey?” he asked again and let go of my arms in favor of forcing my head up so he could see my face. However, when he touched the side of my face, I could hear the quick intake of breath as he’d caught the traitor tears that had managed to slip. “Will you be okay in the tent?”

I shook my head, not bothering to lie. I would have sat there until the storm passed, anxious and frightened.

“Okay, come with me then.” Baekhyun turned towards the door of the bus and tried the handle. It was unlocked. He pulled the door opened and ushered me inside. I made the three steps up into the bus as another strike of lightning lit up everything within sight. I gasped and turned back around towards Baekhyun.

“It’s alright. We’re safer inside a vehicle,” he explained. “Here,” he said a second later as he pointed to a seat on the bus. He sat down first, dragging me into the seat next to him. He stayed on the side closest to the window while I was in the isle seat. I closed my eyes and begun to count seconds. I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders until he pulled me against his left shoulder. Apprehensively, I let my head rest against his shoulder, still keeping my eyes shut.

On end of my left shoulder, he began to trace circles.

FLASH

I flinched, even with my eyes closed. The circles on my shoulder became a little bit stronger, as if to distract me.

After a few minutes, I felt as if the world around me didn’t really exist anymore. My eyes were hard to open so I stopped trying.

I fell asleep.

 

---

 

~The Trip – Day 10

 

“The good news is we’ll be camping here for 3 days! You can settle in a bit this time!” an instructor announced.

The entire bus roared with the excitement from not having to set up and breakdown a campsite in less than 24 hours. As if given a new wave of energy, the bus was emptied and the campsite became peppered in the colored dome tents quicker than I’d witnessed before. Kyungsoo and I helped each other set up our tents around the side of a large tree. Once everyone was done, we gathered to listen to our daily itinerary. We would be doing presentations on the second night and third day. My presentation was astronomy related, and I would definitely be doing so during the second night. In the meantime, we had several lectures planned and there was still plenty of hiking to do.

“We’re going to lead you to several trail heads that you have the option of taking. It is up to you to decide when and which to go on, but at least 3 must be completed. It goes without saying, but make sure you have a partner,” said the instructor.

We were given quite the grand tour of the area over the course of that afternoon. I found that our campsite was part of the rockiest region and at a much higher elevation. I only hoped I could find a good spot, close to the campsite but closed off enough to watch the sunset later and perhaps a little bit of star gazing.

After dinner that evening, we were given our free time. Several students sought out nearby trails. Kyungsoo was tired and decided to go to his tent early for maybe some studying and perhaps an early bedtime. I sought out my perfect sunset perch.

Walking just a little out of eyeshot of the campsite, I spotted an intriguing and easy to climb rock formation. I took off towards it and stepped up the side. The top reached up a ways higher, and I took my time finding the right edges to stair step up to the top. However, upon reaching the top, I paused. A camera tripod was set up and there was a silhouette of someone sitting just before it.

I debated about leaving and finding a new place to view the sunset. The silhouette moved slightly, a hand being brought up and combed through the shorter but bushy hair.

“Sit.”

It was Baekhyun. I mentally cursed myself for picking the same place as him. I still debated turning around and leaving.

“You’re going to miss a lot of this if you try to find a different rock,” he stated.

I rolled my eyes. I took the necessary steps until I was next to him. The landscape was truly breathtaking. The sun was hovering just above the horizon as the colors of the sky started to change. I slipped into a moment of awe; “I’ve never seen anything so perfect,” I whispered.

“Will you paint this?” he asked.

I debated in my head. There were so many places that I had seen during the trip that I wanted to recreate in my own way. Yes, this may be one of them. “Possibly.”

“You know, other than your sketches and some cartoon characters back in high school, I don’t recall ever seeing any of your artwork,” Baekhyun stated.

I blushed.

“I’d like to,” he added. I turned my gaze from the sunset for a moment and stared at him. He was smiling while looking at me. I averted my gaze quickly, but still smiled in return. The sunset wasn’t anywhere as brilliant as Baekhyun’s smiles. I’d seen quite a few of them in my lifetime, and yet, I could stand to see it a few million times more.

“W..well,” I stuttered. “If I ever become famous or finally have anything put in an exhibit, I will let you know.”

“You haven’t yet?”

“No. I need a lot of practice.”

“I’m sure your pieces are good.”

“I’m still a student,” I said but then quickly countered, “I am doing work at a festival at the end of summer!”

“In town?”

“Yep. They’re closing off an entire street for small vendors and a bunch of chalk art. I volunteered to work on a piece.”

“Great! I’ll come to that then,” he beamed. I smiled.

Suddenly, I felt his hand on the top of my head ruffling my hair like he’d done in high school.  The smile fell from my face as all sorts of sparks ignited across my skin. “Hey!” I exclaimed, quickly batting my hair back into place.

“You’re so cute!” Baekhyun laughed. I gulped and my hand stilled on my head. I stared at him, overanalyzing that last sentence over and over again. “What is that look for?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I muttered and returned my gaze towards the horizon. The sun was gone now and the sky was changing from a soft shade of orange to navy blue. A couple of planets were already glowing bright in the sky and it would only be moments before the stars would join them.

We sat in silence for quite a while longer until the night sky was completely dark. The Milky Way was a bright presence in the sky as it stretched from horizon to horizon over our heads. I hunted for all the constellations that I could remember.

“You really love astronomy, don’t you?” Baekhyun asked.

“It’s interesting,” I replied, shrugging.

“You bought 3 astronomy books from a gift shop a couple of days ago,” Baekhyun laughed.

I felt the fire rush to my cheeks again. “It is interesting,” I repeated. In my vision, the sky changed into a clumsy drawing on my backpack of a far less than accurate solar system.

“It’s getting late now. Let’s go back, eh?” Baekhyun suggested.

I nodded.

 

---

 

~Two Months Later

 

“Here,” she said, pointing at a square that was taped off on the ground. “You can do whatever piece you like in this one.” I nodded at the woman who was in charge of the festival. I took out my chalk pastels and set to drawing the design into the square. We had to be there early so that we could get each of the pieces started before people began to show up for the actual festival. They wanted to see works in progress, but each piece also had to be finished before the end of the festival.

An hour later, and I was finally ready to begin placing colors and shading. I was perfectly on time, as the crowds would start coming soon.

“You’ve barely begun and you’re already a mess!”

My head shot up to see Amy and Chanyeol standing in front of my piece. “You came!!!” I shouted and jumped up. I hadn’t realized how long I’d been sitting there until my legs threatened to not hold me up. “Whoops, been in one place for too long,” I laughed.

“How long will it take you to finish?” Amy asked, staring at the sidewalk.

“Oh probably not until later,” I replied.

“We can always leave and come back later,” Chanyeol suggested.

“True. Do you want to look around first?” Amy asked him. Chanyeol nodded and the two of them left while I went back to my work.

The morning dragged on while I was fixated on my work. At lunchtime, Amy returned without Chanyeol. “I brought lunch.”

“Oooh, nice! Thanks!” I eagerly set aside my supplies and tried to brush off most of the chalk so I could eat properly. I devoured my food. I hadn’t realized I was even hungry until it was in front of me.

“It’s turning out well,” Amy stated, in regards to the drawing.

“Thanks. I should be finished in another hour or so,” I guessed.

“What are you going to do after?”

“I’ll probably stay for a bit. Help with clean up after everyone else is done.”

“You have chalk on your face,” Amy stated.

“I’m not surprised.” I tried to swipe it off, but I wound up just smearing it.

“It’s worse now,” Amy laughed. I shrugged.

“I better get back to work.”

“I’ll stay for a bit.” Amy was sitting on the curb close to me. She kinda looked a bit bored, but I cherished the company.

“See, I knew your work would be good…”

My gaze snapped up at the familiar voice. “Baekhyun! You came!” I exclaimed.

Amy laughed.

“I told you that I would.”

“But, that was months ago!”

Baekhyun scoffed, “You have such little faith in me.”

I heard Amy biting off a response before it completely left her lips.

“Thanks for coming!” I replied.

Baekhyun took a few steps to the curb and sat near Amy. With my back towards him, I tried again to wipe the chalk from my face before settling back into my work. I could feel his eyes on the back of my head. I was so nervous and trying desperately to bring my concentration back to the work in front of me.

“Well, Chanyeol is probably waiting for me. I told him I was just bringing lunch. Can you text me when you’re finished so I can come back and see?” Amy asked.

“Sure!” I replied. I didn’t watch her leave; I focused on my work. I didn’t know how I managed. Baekhyun was still sitting there. At least, I thought he was. It was really quiet though.

I risked a glance and smiled seeing that he was not only sitting there, but intently watching me.

“Oh my!” he stated, surprising me. He walked forward and crouched down in front of me. “You’ve managed to chalk up about half of your face in some mix of aqua and purple.”

Kill me now.

He grabbed a nearby water bottle and spilled a small amount over his fingertips. I was confused at first until he brought them towards my cheek and wiped away the chalk residue. I had to try really hard to not flinch or back up.

“I’m not finished with this yet. I’ll get messy again,” I whispered.

“Just don’t wipe your face until you’ve washed up,” he giggled. It was an honest giggle too. I stared as his cheekbones popped a bit and his eyes thinned out in laughter.

“Okay,” I replied.

“There,” he stated when he was finished. I tried to return to my work while he returned to sitting just behind me.

Oh good! I only have a bit more and then one more look over before final touches. I thought.

“Hello?” Baekhyun asked.

I whipped my gaze around to see that he had a cellphone up to his ear and was taking a couple steps away.

“I told you I’d be at the festival. You were working this morning. Not much longer. Yes, after. Of course… there’s honestly not much going on here.”

I tried to concentrate on finishing up some details while Baekhyun was on the phone. Another minute and he hung up the phone and returned to where he’d been sitting.

“Do you have to go?” I asked, trying not to sound like I was purposefully listening.

“Eventually,” he replied, dryly. I didn’t respond. I continued to work with the chalk.

Minutes went by and there was no further conversation. I couldn’t explain why my heart wouldn’t stop drumming in my chest. I stared at the piece for a moment without doing or saying anything.

“Is something wrong?” Baekhyun asked.

“No, actually. I think I’m done,” I said, a little surprised. I rocked back on my feet and stood up. Again, I was a bit shaky, but not as bad as when Amy and Chanyeol had shown up. I could sense Baekhyun standing beside me a moment later.

“It looks great,” he stated. I almost jumped a second later when he whispered close to my ear, “better than the others.”

I snapped my gaze at him, causing him to take a step back. “Don’t say that!” I said, embarrassed.

“It’s true.”

I rolled my eyes. Then I remembered that I needed to text Amy. I pulled out my phone and sent her a text.

“Your friends coming back?” Baekhyun asked.

“Eventually,” I answered choosing to use the same answer he had. I smiled, trying to be at least a little amusing. He had a look of amusement, but then it shifted. He reached into his pocket and took out his phone.

“I should go,” he said after a moment.

“Okay,” I said cheerfully. “Thank you for coming!”

“Of course! What are friends for?” he smiled. Friends… right… friends. The slight unease that had already started to form in me was spreading. Was this how it was always going to be with Baekhyun? Were we always going to be friends, but never anything else? My heart started to race, as if it were chasing his and falling very quickly behind.

Baekhyun started to take steps backwards as he shoved his cellphone back into his pocket. With that smile that I had long ago fell in love with he shouted, “I’ll see you around!”

I faked a smile and waved.

When I was sure he was out of sight, I turned back to my artwork that lay on the pavement. In a month, or maybe just a week it would be washed away or walked on too much. It was definitely not a permanent piece of artwork. I took my camera out of my bag and stood back so I could take a picture of the finished product. My heart still hadn’t calmed down. I settled for just standing and staring.

I wasn’t sure how long it had been before I sensed Amy approaching me. “It looks great!” she exclaimed. “The sky is amazing!”

“Thanks.”

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

“What happened?”

“I… it’s… he…” I honestly didn’t know what part of my explanation should come first.

“He what?” she prompted.

I waited a moment for the chaos in my head to settle into sentences.

“I drew this from that trip earlier this summer. It’s our sunset. He, he’s with someone.” I was sure of it. The phone call from earlier sounded like maybe a girlfriend who was calling to see where her boyfriend was. It had been my first inclination and it just fit.

“Baekhyun?”

“Who else?!” I snapped.

“Woah, woah! Explain just a bit more…” Amy encouraged.

“When you left, he wiped my face. He whispered in my ear that my piece was the best. I chose to draw the sunset we watched together on the trip. But, earlier, he had answered the phone and someone obviously wanted him to leave. I think he must have a girlfriend. Then he received a text and said he had to go, but he was frowning. I think it must have been the same one who called. I thanked him for coming. He said ‘that’s what friends are for’. Friends!” I rambled.

“This isn’t new. He’s always been this way,” Amy responded.

“But I…” My heart felt like it was being squeezed. I suddenly wanted to stop thinking about all of this. “I love him,” I finished.

Amy stared directly at me, gaining my complete attention. I wasn’t ready for what she was going to say. I would never be ready for it.

 

“He may never love you back.”

 

---

 

 

 

A/N

Epilogue to follow...............