An Epilogue

3 Years Later

Today was the day! Today would change everything, and possibly for forever.

I finished curling my red locks of hair and carefully pinned back the sides. Well, my hair was mostly red. There had been plenty of black hair that I had slowly grown out until the dyed red roots had eventually taken up the majority of the length. I had kept it much shorter, which meant around shoulder length. The ringlets ensured that it bounced just above my shoulders. I swept my bangs to the side and finished applying the eye make up. When I was finished, I gave myself a once over in the mirror.

I valued comfort over the idea of looking trendy. However, for today I’d gone out of my way to look just a bit more special.

“Amy!” I shouted from the door of the bathroom.

“Coming!” she replied. It took her but a moment to walk from my bedroom in the small apartment, to the restroom doorway. “Well, you definitely look cute!” she approved.

I felt my heart start to race. “Is it enough?”

“He’d have to be a complete jackass to think you needed to be anything ‘more’ than what you already are. Do you want a second opinion?” she asked.

“I guess…” I said, laughing.

“CHANNIE! Get out of the kitchen and give us a male perspective please!” Amy hollered.

We both heard some clanging and a huff of inconvenience from the kitchen before Chanyeol joined us.

“Unbiased, purely male opinion. But um, without checking out my best friend, please?” Amy instructed.

“Babe…” he stated dryly to Amy as he rolled his eyes.

“Unbiased,” Amy reiterated and then moved out of the way so Chanyeol could give me his opinion.

“Hmmm,” he started, bringing his hand to his chin thoughtfully. My heart raced again. Oh no, what’s wrong? “I’m just kidding,” he said waving his hand in front of the both of us. You look adorable.”

“See?” Amy laughed.

“Okay, okay, but is ‘adorable’ the right way to go here?”

“As opposed to?”

“Um,” I blushed. “I want to make it impossible for him to say no.”

“Again, he’d have to be an …”

“Okay! Alright, got it!” I walked into my bedroom to find my shoes, meanwhile catching the lovebirds as Chanyeol stole a quick kiss. I quickly decided to fake my disgust to give them a hard time. “Hey! Mr. and Mrs. Park, can you knock that off in my bedroom please?”

“We’re not married!” Amy spat.

“Yet! But I didn’t put a ring on you so that you could deny that you’re mine!” Chanyeol replied.

“Oh sweetie! I’m not denying that you’re mine. I was just correcting a technicality,” Amy replied, flirtatiously. Chanyeol’s eyes sparkled a bit as he threw his arms around her waist.

“Ugh, seriously. Not in here!” I joked.

“Living room then,” he laughed as he steered Amy out of the room.

“CHANYEOL!” I yelled, while laughing.

Ignoring them, I grabbed my purse and keys and walked towards my door. “Luck?” I asked them.

“Good luck!” they wished in unison.

I ran down the stairs and out to my car. I fired up the engine and made my way downtown.

All that had changed in the last three years was that I had graduated from college, Amy and Chanyeol had gotten engaged, and we were all dealing with our newfound adult lives. I had found a job that required a twenty-minute commute, but it had placed me close to where Baekhyun had begun to work. After discovering this fact, we would go out to one lunch break together a week. I had been right, a few years ago, that he had been dating. However, they hadn’t lasted. When I had found out, I had done my best to be someone that Baekhyun could talk to and confide in. Amy had thought that I was torturing myself, but then became surprised at how routine Baekhyun had been about our lunch dates. As the pesky best friend she was, she tried to convince me to break all the walls down and finally just tell him how I felt. That was almost 6 months ago. I finally got up the courage 2 weeks ago and asked him out. Well, I sort of asked him as if I needed a favor and that there was something important going on that I needed a friend for.

Amy had nearly hit me when she found out. She, once again, took matters into her own hands and spent the last two weeks helping me figure out exactly what I was going to say today. I was so nervous, but excited. Everything felt right and well planned.

I found a parking spot, left my car, and walked a half a block to the door of an independent studio in the middle of downtown. Shops, galleries, and restaurants spanned several blocks while much of the area had been made pedestrian friendly, almost changing this section of town into an outdoor mall. There were fountains, and small specialty carts lining the walkways. It was a wonderful place to idly walk around.

I looked along the walkway, waiting for Baekhyun’s arrival. I was convinced that he would come from the same direction I had, so I stared to my right and waited.

Tap. Tap.

I whipped my head around to my left, feeling my curls dancing around my neck. “Baekhyun, you scared me!” I laughed.

He returned the laughter, adding in his perfect eye smile and perfect cheekbones. “I haven’t been here before,” he stated, glancing at the door to the gallery.

“It’s small. I’m just looking for a specific artist. I figured after this we could grab some lunch?” I asked.

Baekhyun shrugged, “Come on, then.” He placed his hand against my shoulder while his other armed pulled open the door.

“Thank you,” I blushed.

It really was a small gallery, but the work they showed was some of the most innovated for the group of unknown artists. Instead of paying attention to my invented task, we got caught up in trying to interpret the art. Most of our assumptions were quite silly and I could only imagine the artist getting quite angry at our assumptions, but we couldn’t resist.

“You know you’d hang that in your bedroom!” Baekhyun joked as we exited the gallery an hour later.

“Oh goodness, no. How would I ever sleep?” I laughed.

“If you close your eyes, you won’t see it.”

“I’ll know it’s there, and that’s so much worse.”

“I wonder where someone would display such a work?” he pondered.

“Only in a gallery,” I answered. “Are you hungry?”

“Lunch sounds good,” he smiled.

“Great, pick a place,” I offered while pointing down the street. He laughed. Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me along until we reached the door to the restaurant he chose. It was a pretty casual place and the smell of the food was wonderful.

We devoured lunch. It had been seriously fantastic. Baekhyun overly exaggerated about his stomach being ready to burst from all of the food.

“We should go walk then. It may help the food settle,” I laughed. He nodded. The two of us left a few minutes later and began the slow paced walk through downtown.

As we walked, I continuously played with the strap on my purse. This was it. It was becoming a now or never type of situation. I bit my lower lip while debating.

“How’s your stomach?” I asked.

“Oh, it’s fine, really.”

“Good,” I answered lamely.

I kept the slow pace next to him, trying to look like I was paying attention to the things around us and not just him. I suddenly couldn’t remember any of the dialogue I’d practiced with Amy. I started to panic. I had to come up with a conversation.

“Baekhyun, how long have we been friends?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“That’s hard to answer. We’ve gone periods of not seeing each other,” he answered.

I nodded.

“You know the answer just as well as I do,” Baekhyun laughed, looking at me.

I cleared my throat. I had no idea where I was going with that.

“You look nervous about something. Are you okay?” he asked.

“Fine,” I responded, nodding and smiling while trying to take a deep breath without looking starved for air.

“You’re so funny,” he laughed. I unmistakably felt his hand patting the top of my head.

“Baekhyun! Not the hair, please?” I frowned while making sure the locks were all still in place.

“Speaking of which, what’s up with the curls? I don’t ever recall you wearing your hair like that.”

“I do from time to time,” I shrugged. It was true, I had actually done my hair like this before, but due to the amount of time it took, it was very rare. “I just felt like something different for today.”

“It’s cute,” he smiled.

Cute?! He really said cute! I beamed. The confidence came rolling to me quickly. Now or never, I chanted in my head.

“Baekhyun?”

“Hmm?”

I pulled at his wrist to stop him from walking. When his eyes locked onto mine, I realized it was a mistake. I didn’t think I could do this with him staring at me. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

Not that the smile ever left his face, but it grew. “Do you want to ask me something?”

“I wanted to tell you something,” I mumbled.

“What?” he asked, mystified over my behavior.

Now… or ….never.

“Baekhyun,” I said, averting my gaze from his eyes. “I like you.”

I suddenly realized that I wasn’t ready for any type of reply from him, so as if I’d just put a crack in a wall, I let my mouth move on its own accord.

“I’ve liked you for a while. I know I can be kind of awkward and I’m not really the kind of girl that you may deserve, but being around you and never saying anything has been driving me crazy. You make me happy just by spending time with me. I like how you smile and I think you’re devastatingly handsome.” Did I just use devastatingly? Oh no, someone shut me up! “I know we’ve just been friends and for such a long time, but I’m hoping that maybe you could want something more.”

My gaze locked to the sidewalk where we were standing. I had never done anything remotely close to this before. I felt so completely tiny while I waited for any type of response from him.

“Oh boy,” he whispered. My heart clenched at hearing his voice. I risked a glance at him and found him staring at the ground as well. His right hand was at the back of his neck, rubbing circles as if the thought process was too difficult for him.

It was only seconds, just seconds that were passing by. They felt like hours. My heart threatened to beat its way completely out of my chest. A smile? Some reassuring reaction, please? I needed to know what he was thinking so desperately.

I watched him finally lower his arm. His eyes met mine. I could see resolve towards some kind of answer hidden in their depths. The rest of his face seemed so serious though. I forced a timid smile, feeling the sting of building tears. I was just too anxious.

“I’m sorry.”

Why is he apologizing?

His stare didn’t waver, in the least. He kept his eyes completely locked as if they were doing all of the talking for him. I continued to be trapped by them, willing for any of it to make sense.

“You will always be such an important friend. You’re one of the longest friendships I’ve ever had,” he explained.

My heart was in my stomach. Stop! I yelled at myself. I could feel my heart beating irregularly. My eyes were about to compromise my composure.

“It will never be anything more for me.”

No possibility? Not ever?

“Never?” I choked.

“I’m sorry.”

I stared at Baekhyun while hot tears found their ways down the sides of my face. I should have kept it to myself.

“I’m really sorry!” he stated, a little more alarmed. He walked up closer and tried to wipe the tears from my face, but I swatted his arm away.

‘Don’t! You always touch me as if it’s nothing! You hold my hand or pat my head! You’ve been driving me crazy for years!” I blurted.

Baekhyun was stunned. He took a step back.

“I had never meant it that way,” he stated.

I hadn’t imagined any of it! I hadn’t!

“I understand,” I lied.

A minute ticked by slowly.

“I don’t want to lose your friendship,” Baekhyun muttered.

I closed my eyes, hoping to keep the pain inside. “You won’t,” I whispered.

“I… I should go,” he said, slightly apprehensive, as if it was the wrong thing to do.

I nodded.

Baekhyun began to walk away. With every step I could feel the tension on my sanity. His rejection and his leaving were about to make me snap.

“Promise!” I heard him shout from a short distance away.

I furrowed my brow in confusion.

“Promise that we’ll stay friends!”

It was a promise that I shouldn't make. It was actually a promise that I couldn't make. But if it meant not losing him...

I nodded.

His smile returned. I caught a glimpse of it before he turned around and continued to walk away.

I felt my knees give way.

I sunk to the cold cement ground.

I didn't know how long I stayed there.

What did it matter?

~ End ~