(5288 words)

~14-year-old me

 

If I had thought my elementary school and junior high school were large, high school had completely blown my mind. There were blocks of classrooms, four of them to be exact. Plus a gymnasium, cafeteria and rows of additional portable classrooms that ate up what used to be parking lots. There were numerous sports fields and buildings that I never learned what they were used for. It was said that students from six different junior high schools all came to this same school. I had been reunited with peers from elementary school and had to make a home for myself amongst an even larger group of unfamiliar peers.

There was one positive side to my new situation: I faded into obscurity and found a place in the middle of the social structure. I was ignored. It was my second year in high school and I had made painfully sure that I avoided any mishaps and embarrassing situations. I wasn’t important enough to receive praise or amongst those who continued to be made fun of through most of their grade school life. I finally had a small group of similarly obscure individuals. All of us were good at different things and made up a prism of talented and possibly slightly nerdy students. I was the girl who always doodled. My best friend Amy was into sports. Chanyeol had all of the charisma and enjoyed being in the drama club. Suho was his best friend and involved in both the ASB and choir. There were others that floated within our circle, but we made up the core.

To be honest, it was more like two duos connected by one force. Amy and I were somewhat inseparable. Chanyeol and Suho were likewise. However, Amy had a thing for Chanyeol and by mere exuberance had somehow glued the four of us together. I didn’t mind. Chanyeol was hilarious and Suho was incredibly polite. Even amongst our small group, I was still the most introverted and quiet. I smiled and laughed, but usually didn’t contribute a lot to the conversations we had.

It was the first day of classes and I was standing at the steps in front of the high school gripping my class schedule in my hand. I’d already spent one year at the school and knew where all my classes were. I adjusted my tank top and my backpack. I ran my hand through my now long blonde hair. It was almost halfway down my back now. Amy had dragged me around all summer so my hair had seen it’s long forgotten highlights reemerge. I was, unfortunately, still a bit on the chunky side. I had taken up bike riding which had given me some great leg definition and was probably the only reason I was okay in the shorts I was sporting. I took in a deep breath and told myself I could do this. I could survive another school year.

My first class was English, and luckily, Amy would be joining me. I made my way through the campus and to one of the rows of portable classrooms behind the gymnasium. They had announced that most of the language and writing courses would most likely be in this area of portables for this coming year. The class I was in was indeed amongst them. I entered the small classroom and picked a seat halfway back and off to the side.

In minutes, Amy joined me in the seat directly behind me. We learned that we got away with much more passing notes back and forth than side by side. We talked until the instructor called us all to attention. The instructor was young and new and far too excited to be teaching high school students. I laughed to myself and realized that this class just might be enjoyable.

After English, it was off to History, which I loathed. I couldn’t remember dates or memorize presidents. I didn’t like any of it, nor did it even remotely interest me. Even worse, I didn’t share this class with anyone that I would consider a friend. I endured the fifty-minute class until I could move on to my next one.

Algebra. Amy joined me in this class again. She sat behind me and we sat in the very back. Neither of us liked math and we already knew we’d probably glaze over most of the class to the best of our abilities. We weren’t necessarily the worst students. Amy had to get decent grades to play her sports. My parents wouldn’t have it if I came home with anything lower than a C+.  When that class ended I found myself in a new realm of limbo.

One of the courses I had asked for was filled. Instead of finding another class, they stuck me in 4^th period study hall. It was only ever used for the students who, like myself, wound up on the surplus side of what the school could accommodate. I had a quick conversation with Amy as to where we would meet for lunch and she was off to her next class while I walked to the well-known study hall room in the middle of the campus.

I walked in and grimaced at the sea of faces. We were all sentenced to an hour of boredom. I picked a seat three tables from the door of the classroom. The room was filled with chairs beyond the maximum limit. There were no separate desks. Instead the long thin tables were placed in rows with the chairs surrounding them. With the number of students, we were lucky to get much of any desk space. I put my backpack on the floor just under my chair and leaned forward, resting my forehead on my crossed arms that I’d laid on the table.

The chairs filled up and I found myself inhaling to steady myself and avoid touching the people near me. The chair across the table from me was left unfilled. I stretched my legs forward, happy for the small measure of space. Everyone was brought to attention as the instructor overseeing Study Hall began to speak. Her instructions were simple. Keep quiet, try to work on homework for other classes, and if a resolution for our schedules was ever made, we would be called up individually. I reached down for my backpack and pulled out a binder with paper. In the least, I could doodle.

I had barely begun to idly draw a swirling pattern on the paper when the door to the study hall room opened and a student rushed in, late. Everyone looked as the brunette huffed and apologized to the instructor for having a hard time figuring out just where the room was. He had a slightly smaller frame and as I could only see the back of his head, I could tell that his milk chocolate hair was just long enough to be sculpted around his features in a careless sort of way. I watched as the instructor pointed at my table at the empty seat across from me. There goes my small amount of space. I sighed and watched as he turned around.

My heartbeat began to beat wildly. For some reason, it recognized him long before my brain caught up. I did, however, straighten up in my seat and allow myself to drink in the boy’s features. He radiated happiness as he turned around. In fact, it almost looked as though his first steps towards my table were more in the form of a hop or a skip than a step. He smiled at nothing in particular. I could feel my eyes widen to saucers. A round face with messy black hair and protruding ears suddenly clouded my entire vision. I watched, without breathing, as he sat down in the chair across from me.

He was still smiling. He smiled at each of the students to either side of him. He looked around the classroom. He didn’t cringe like I had. He genuinely seemed to enjoy where he was. In mere moments that had felt like hours, his gaze landed on me. I was still staring, slack jawed and bug eyed. His smile increased. I heard a laugh escape his lips.

“Hi,” he quietly greeted.

I gulped.

His head tilted slightly, as he continued to look at me. He laughed again.

“You okay?” he asked.

I forced myself to exhale and inhale. He didn’t recognize me, but I knew him.

“Hey,” he said a little more forcefully. Then I felt him poke the top of my hand that was still on the table.

At contact, I came back to life. He was real. He was there.

I dropped my eyes down to my binder. “Hi, Baekhyun,” I whispered.

“Huh?” he asked.

Oh God, did I get it wrong? Wasn’t it him? I was sure it was him. I looked back up. It had to be. His hair was lighter and his face had lost its roundness from when he was younger. Other than that, I was sure it was him. I was mortified. I should have just said ‘hi’ and left it at that.

He was looking at me, smile gone, looking very confused.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I must have confused you for someone else. You look very much like an old friend of mine.” My face felt warm. Every inch of me wanted to shrink and disappear. I couldn’t believe that I’d somehow gotten this stranger mixed up with Baekhyun. Yes, I had constantly wished I would see him again, but it was getting bad if I was seeing him in other people that weren’t him.

“Old friend? From where? When?” he asked.

I looked down again. “Oh um, just a small town not far from here. He lived across the street and we went to the same elementary school, until I moved in the fourth grade. Sorry. I haven’t seen him since then and you looked exactly like he probably would have. My mistake.”

“Oh my God!” he nearly shouted. The room looked at him, including the instructor who quickly hushed everyone. My eyes had sprung up just like everyone else’s. I stared at him and his eyes were dancing in delight. I gasped. My heart fluttering even worse than it had when I’d first seen his face. I looked at him with concern.

“I didn’t recognize you at all!” he loudly whispered.

“Huh?” I was completely confused. I barely caught the whisper of my name from his lips before my heart tried to leap from my chest.

“I can’t believe you recognized me. I’ve been dying my hair for about a year now and I haven’t seen you in six years?” he asked incredulously.

“Oh. Yes, about.”

“My family moved here last year, which is why I’m attending this high school. I guess we didn’t end up at the same junior high.”

“I’m a year ahead, remember? I was already here last year,” I mentioned.

“Oh, that’s right. I always forgot that. So you’re a second year?”

“Yes.”

“Well since were stuck in Study hall, maybe later you can help me in some of my classes.”

“I’m really not that smart. But, I can always try,” I mumbled.

Baekhyun was still smiling. I hadn’t met someone who smiled so much, with the exception of Chanyeol.

“You draw, huh?” he asked while staring at my binder.

“I like art.”

“You always did.”

My heart stopped. He hadn’t recognized me, but he remembered something.

“You used to draw on your jeans at school,” he said while laughing.

“My mom hated that.”

Baekhyun reached forward and grabbed the pen from my hand. He drew a star at the top of the paper and then a smilie face. He handed the pen back to me, and smiled.

Without thinking, I began to draw more stars around the one he drew. I created a small solar system. I even incorporated the smilie into the pattern of stars. He just sat there and watched.

Before we knew it, the bell rang signaling the end of the period and the beginning of lunch.

“See ya!” Baekhyun shouted, erupting from his seat and bouncing through people to get out the door. When I finally exited the room, I couldn’t see a single trace of him.

I walked in a zombie-ish fashion towards one of the grassy areas of the main courtyard. Amy caught up to me quickly and sat down. “How was study hall?” she asked.

“Fantastic,” I stated. I knew I was staring off in space.

“Fantastic? It’s study hall!” she laughed.

“Amy. He’s at this school. He’s back.” I had told her about my childhood best friend and crush back when we were first learning about each other and sharing ridiculous stories.

“Who?”

“Baekhyun.”

 

---

 

~ Later, that same week.

 

I was walking with Amy through the hallway on our way to the 5^th period class we shared just after lunch. The halls weren’t quite busy yet, as we still had 10 minutes before class and it was usually the 5 minute mark that made the hallways frantic. I had my hand holding onto the strap of her backpack in case the crowds picked up. The two of us had eaten alone that day since both Suho and Chanyeol had their first club meetings on that day. Thursdays would definitely be our quietest lunches out of the week.

“Why aren’t you in a club?” Amy asked me.

“Ugh, a club?” I cringed and stuck out my tongue.

“What? What’s wrong with joining a club?”

“Are you actually asking me this? I hate purposeful social activities. You’re lucky I come to your any of your games.”

“You’re lucky you get away with coming to the two to three that you actually make it to,” she laughed.

“Fine, but I won’t be joining any clubs.”

“Not even an art club?”

“No. No clubs.”

Amy shrugged, deciding to drop the topic.

“Why?” I asked, “do you want to be completely alone during Thursday’s lunch?”

“Hardly! I just thought I’d…”

I cut off Amy’s sentence by gripping firmly to her arm. I swung myself behind her slightly, as if I could hide.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“It’s Baekhyun!” I shouted in a whisper.

“Where?!” she asked excitedly. She hadn’t met him or seen him yet and she was morbidly curious.

“Lockers. With the two taller boys,” I murmured.

“He looks really friendly. Why are you hiding?”

“I don’t know. I just, I never know what to say.” I watched as he laughed with his friends while moving around the books in his locker. I looked at the two boys and wondered if I had known them. One was tall and somewhat lanky. His hair was bleached to a bright blonde. The other, on his side was thin with broader shoulders and dark hair that had been styled well. It was hard to keep my eyes off of Baekhyun. I wanted to laugh like that with him. I wanted to be someone he would see in the hallway and say hi to.

He slammed his locker shut and the three of them walked down the hall, never once glancing in our direction.

I let out a sigh and let go of Amy’s backpack.

“You’re hilarious,” she stated after the boys were well out of earshot.

“Why?” I asked, honestly confused.

Amy simply shook her head before proceeding to lead both of us into our classroom.

 

~Two months later, I’m 15 now.

 

My vision went completely dark as two hands covered my eyes from behind me. I had been talking to Amy after our Algebra class had ended. I heard Amy stifle a laugh. At first, I thought it was Chanyeol or Suho, but the hands on my face felt different. I in a breath as the person behind me was waiting for me to guess their identity.

I stuttered slightly, not sure I should make any guesses. To be honest, whoever owned these hands was strong and yet delicate. While they had done a good job at covering my vision, the hands hovered just enough from my face that they just slightly brushed my skin in contact. “I… I don’t know…” I muttered.

Amy’s laughter increased, as did the person behind me.

As soon as he laughed, I knew who it was. “How could you not know it was me?!” he exclaimed, while laughing. He walked around me and joined Amy in standing in my plain view.

“I… I just didn’t expect it,” I answered.

“That’s half the fun!” He glanced at Amy and back at me. “Come on! They are letting us have study hall outside today since it’s so warm! Did you remember?”

“Of course.”

Amy had the audacity to wink at me.

Baekhyun grabbed my wrist and yanked me towards the picnic benches just outside of the cafeteria where other students were gathering. I waved goodbye to Amy with my free hand. She shot me a huge smile and made a gesture about seeing me in this same spot for lunch. I nodded before Baekhyun dragged me towards a table.

“This one has shade. Lets sit here before all of the shade gets taken!” I simply nodded and let him pull me to the bench near him.

I opened my backpack to pull my binder out.

“Are you going to do homework?” Baekhyun asked, eyeing my backpack.

“No,” I answered, honestly. I was probably just going to draw.

I opened the binder and flipped through a few pages, trying to find the next blank page in sequence.

“Hey, wait!” Baekhyun shoved his hand in between the pages. I yanked my hands away. Baekhyun flipped back two pages to a filled paper of common cartoon characters that I had been practicing. “You did these?” he asked.

“Mhmmm,” I nodded.

“That one,” he said pointing, “could you draw it for me?”

I stared at the character. “Sure.” I began to flip to an empty page when his hand stopped me.

“No, not on paper. Here!” I had to hold back a gasp as he pointed at his arm, just below the bend of his elbow. “It’ll look like a tattoo!”

I laughed. “O…okay.”

I sat closer to him on the bench as he rotated his torso so that I had access to his arm. I pulled out a pen and tested it on the corner of a piece of paper before touching it to his skin. I had to hold his arm to keep the skin from moving slightly over the muscle. My mouth went dry. I inwardly prayed that this drawing would come out perfectly. He would be wearing it for the rest of the school day.

Fifteen minutes later, and I was finishing it. I stared at the drawing, pleased, and hoping that he would think the same thing.

“Ha! It looks perfect! I’m going to make you do this once a week!”

“S...sure,” I agreed.

I watched him marvel over the drawing. He flexed his arm and moved it around while staring at the character from every possible angle. Inwardly, I beamed.

“I’m going to draw something for you too!” Baekhyun announced.

I was a little shocked. As far as I knew, he wasn’t into drawing or art.

“Where can I draw?”

Whatever he was about to do, I wanted to keep it forever. I glanced around before pulling up my backpack. “You can draw on this,” I offered.

“Alright!” Baekhyun grabbed a couple of my pens and set to drawing on the front pocket of the backpack. He turned towards me, with the backpack in his lap to keep me from peeking at his drawing. When the bell rang, signaling the end of class, Baekhyun happily shoved my backpack towards me. “All done!” he announced.

I stared at the backpack. Then I felt something weird. Baekhyun ruffled my hair. I whipped my gaze at him as he walked out of the bench area and off towards one of the buildings. He was probably off to find his friends.

I looked back down at the backpack. Five planets were drawn orbiting the sun. At the top of the drawing, he had written ‘Reach for the Stars’. I laughed at his cheesiness and then hugged the backpack.

 

---

 

~16-year-old me

 

Today is my birthday. It was my sweet sixteen, which I can honestly say because I still have never been kissed, actually kissed. I had low expectations and high hopes for my birthday this year. It was a pinnacle birthday for me and while most of my birthdays felt like small events; I really hoped that today would feel special.

I walked into the school, wearing what I deemed to be my best outfit. I felt confident and happy. My parents had surprised me with a bouquet of sixteen white roses when I’d woken up to get my breakfast. There were hugs and birthday hopes tossed around, as everyone got ready for their days. I crossed the courtyard towards the block of classrooms where my locker was located. I sifted through for my first three periods worth of books so that I wouldn’t have to go out of my way and back to my locker before lunch.

As I left towards the gymnasium for my physical education class, a quite embarrassing display of helium filled balloons was walking towards me. I recognized the bearer of said balloons as she practically skipped in my direction.

“Happy Birthday!” Amy shouted. Once she was within a couple feet, she shoved the handful of strings towards me, which I gladly accepted.

“Thank you!” I squealed. It was obnoxious, and while I normally would hate the attention, on a day like today I was more than thrilled to carry around the practical billboard that screamed that today was my day.

We were about to continue the walk towards our morning classes when a rather tall dork was sneaking up behind Amy. I stifled a laugh and waited until Chanyeol threw his arms around her waist eliciting a surprised squeal from Amy. They had been ‘dating’ for a little while. Nothing too serious, but they were quite cute together. Chanyeol would often accompany us between classes, even if his were nowhere near ours. It was quite amusing watching him walk us to our door only to sprint in the opposite direction so that he wouldn’t be late to his.

Inside the locker room, I let my balloons float to the low ceiling in the back corner where they would stay out of the way until the end of class. The birthday wishes rained in and it was safe to say that I was glowing.

After my third period class, I was making my way towards my chemistry class when an instructor stopped me in the hallway.

“I’m sorry, but we’ll have to take those. There are students with latex allergies and the majority of these balloons have to be confiscated.”

I stared at the woman in disbelief. I looked at my bouquet of balloons, toiling over acting like a 4 year old and running off with them. Instead, I cringed and handed them over.

“You can pick them up from the office after school,” she stated.

Well, at least they weren’t gone.

I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t stop myself as a tear rolled down one cheek. I batted it away and lectured myself for being so silly. I continued the walk to my chemistry class and sat down.

“Why do you look so depressed?” One of Baekhyun’s friends, Sehun was sitting a desk away from me and mindlessly tapping his pencil while waiting for class to start. I just shook my head. We weren’t really friends. I only knew him by association.

“Okay then,” he mumbled and then turned towards the front of the class. I gave him points for trying, but I wasn’t going to tell him about my silly reaction to having my balloons taken away.

When the bell finally rang, dismissing us for lunch, I hurried to find Amy.

“Where are your balloons?!” she asked, annoyed.

“They got confiscated. Someone has a latex allergy. I’m not supposed to carry them around,” I replied.

“Oh. That’s dumb.”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Chanyeol and Suho joined us, both shouting in unison. I blushed and muttered a thank you.

“We have no way to get you a cake, but the snack machine had donuts. At least it’ll be easy to share. Unless you don’t want to share,” Chanyeol quickly stated, holding out the small package of donuts.

I laughed, genuinely. “Dork.” I ripped open the package and bit into one donut while watching Chanyeol’s gaze drop. Did he really think I wasn’t going to share?

I handed him the package first, eliciting a huge grin from the tall boy. He gave one to Amy and one to Suho before passing the last two back to me.

We sat down on the lawn and immediately fell into ridiculous conversations over absolutely nothing in particular.

Suddenly Amy, Chanyeol, and Suho all stopped talking and looked just above my head. Before I had a moment to question their reactions, I was being glomped from behind by none other than Baekhyun. His arm wrapped around my shoulder as his chin rested on the opposite one.

“I heard it was your birthday!” he shouted, a little too close to my ear.

I cringed, but laughed immediately afterwards. “Yes.”

“Happy Birthday!” he shouted again, this time releasing me and falling to the ground to my side. He was facing me and had his back to everyone else as if he was cutting out the other three from the circle for a moment. He didn’t have to; he had my undivided attention.

“Thanks,” I smiled. I didn’t have any classes with Baekhyun this year, so I only saw him when he took me by surprise or I passed him in the hallway. His smile was a bright as always and I felt myself nearly drowning in it.

“Here! It’s not really a gift, but it’s your favorite right?!” he handed me a bottle of soda that had undoubtedly come from one of the machines around campus. I nodded and grinned at him. “Good!”

“Baekhyun! You coming?!” I turned to see Kai and Sehun standing a few feet away from our group and waiting patiently for Baekhyun.

“Yup!” Baekhyun shouted at them. He promptly stood up and started to walk away. Before he passed me, I felt his hand on my head, ruffling my hair again. He skipped off towards his friends leaving me dumbfounded again.

I returned my gaze to my friends who were all sitting there with grins plastered on their faces.

“What?” I asked.

They all, in unison, shook their heads. After a moment of silence, Suho began talking about something else that was coming up later in the month. I tuned him out and stared at the soda in my hand. I could feel the smile spreading across my face. It didn’t disappear, not even when I fell asleep that night.

 

---

 

~Two and a half months later

 

It was the week before winter break. Most of us were finishing up project and assignments that were due before the break. One could feel the excitement as the three-week vacation was just within our grasp. Classes were throwing small holiday parties and students were carrying gifts around the campus.

I wasn’t particularly thrilled to be away from my friends for those few weeks, but the hiatus from classes was more than welcome. I would probably see Amy a few times during the break, but she was pretty attached to Chanyeol and I figured they’d want to spend a lot of the upcoming holidays together.

Lunch was almost over, and I had already switched out my books in my locker for the last two classes of the day. Amy and Chanyeol had walked off towards their next classes and Suho had been M.I.A. during lunch. I walked by myself in between two blocks of classrooms on my way to the other side of campus.

I heard the sound of running footsteps only moments before I felt myself being tugged backwards and then pulled forward. I heard his laughter before I could get a look at him. He had one arm wrapped around my shoulders after he had tugged on my backpack to stop my forward motion.

“Baekhyun, what are you…”

“Look! Look what I have!” he interrupted indicating that I should look at whatever was in his left hand. He had reached his hand above my head and was waiting for me to look up. It took a second to drag my gaze from him due to his close proximity. I looked up finally and all of time stopped in that moment, giving me way too much opportunity to think about what was about to happen.

Above my head, in the grasp of his perfect hands, was a branch of mistletoe. My stomach twisted, my lungs didn’t seem to work, and I couldn’t understand if the screaming in my head was out of sheer giddiness or fear. I was positive that in the blink of an eye I had asked myself several times if he was going to kiss me. That’s what mistletoe meant. He could have just showed it to me, but he was waving it above my head with a ridiculous grin on his face. I didn’t know if he understood just what type of emotional havoc he’d just caused in me.

I gulped. I watched the leaves dance in slow motion above my head. I whipped my gaze to his eyes and watched in sheer panic as his face moved closer to my own. I wasn’t ready for this! Sure, I’d thought about it. I’d thought of it ever since the first day of study hall last year when he’d walked back into my world and was no longer just my childhood dream. But, it was safe to say that he’d made no official indication that he liked me. My head was spinning. I watched, in agonizing slow motion, as the person I’d been waiting for was about to give me everything I wanted. As if the world was about to swallow me from this moment, my reflexes kicked in. I flinched and ducked out of his grasp. I spun, quickly, out of his embrace and stared at him with wide unblinking eyes.

“What?” he asked, looking at me with concern.

I couldn’t hear him over the tantrum that my inner self was throwing at that moment. I regretted it! Do over! I wanted to go back, just for that moment and keep myself from moving! Let me go back!

All I did was stand there.

“You’re so weird. It’s just mistletoe and a kiss!” Baekhyun laughed.

He was laughing? I was about to have a panic attack and he was laughing? I forced myself to laugh, but it came out sounding awkward.

Back in time! Back in time! Just one more chance!

“I’ll see you later!” Baekhyun yelled as he started to bounce away, down the hallway.

I took one step forward. I felt myself shake slightly.

 

No.

 

 

---

 

A/N

There is more to the high school part of this story, but as this chapter hit the 5,000 word mark, I decided to split it. High school will finish up in the next chapter.

On that note. There will be a little lull before I post the next chapter. This came pouring out of me at 2 am the other morning, but I can't keep doing that! heh.

Thank you for reading and subscribing!