Violet

Monday comes. If I didn’t know any better I’d say the sky is crying, because it’s raining and it’s so dark, so cloudy and so windy. It feels like the earth has been by a catastrophe and now the sky is mourning for its loss. I mourn too, for I think I’ve lost something in my life, my sanity.

When Kai picked me up this morning I try to avoid every conversation he was trying to start. At some point, he stopped trying too. Maybe he’s just tired, or maybe he realise there’s something wrong too. So here I am, sitting in the classroom, listening to the teacher, but my mind is wandering somewhere else, until I feel a nudge on my arm.

“You’re okay,V? You’ve been strangely quite since this morning.” Kim asks me earnestly. I’m not okay, I’m broke, I’m confused, I think I’m about to lost my mind, I think I’m starting to miss Kai’s present and I think I’m starting to favor him more than I should. I feel like dying, I feel like going home and burry myself under the blanket, never to come out again at any cost.

“I’m okay.” I smile at her.

“I know you’re not, we’ll talk about this later, okay?” She says and turns her attention to the teacher again. I heave a sigh, and hope for a better world.

When lunch time come I know I can not sit with Kai. His presence has become my usual routine I think I’m going to have a big problem when he’s gone later. I need to train myself again, I need to try to adapt to a situation that one day, he’s not going to sit with me for lunch anymore, not going to pick me up for school, not going to text me goodmorning and goodnight every day. One day, he’s not going to be there anymore, and I need to be me again.

So I sit with Kim, and not long after that, I see Kai’s walking towards me. When he reaches our table, he sits beside me and clears his throat.

“Hello.” says Kai. I put down my fork and spoon, and look at him now.

“Hi.” I say.

“Why don’t you sit at our usual table?” He asks. Our, he said. It’s not ours, Kai. It’s yours and your friend. It’s never mine.

“We have something to talk about, you know, girl’s talk.” I tell him and he nods.

“I see, okay then. I’ll see you after school?” He asks and I nod.

“And Kim,” he says so Kim lifts up her head to look at him. “take care of my girlfriend for me please.” He finishes his sentence and then wink at me. I watch he stands up and when he disappear from my sight, I close my eyes and slump in my seat.

“It’s Kai right? It’s about Kai.” Kim speaks and I nod slowly.

 “I think I’m going crazy.” I mutters under my breath.

After school finishes that day, I walk to my locker as usual to put some of my stuff. I arrange the books and feel a hand wrapping my waist. As usual, I didn’t flinch anymore, I didn’t gasp, and it scares me how much I’m so used to him already.

“Violet.” Kai whispers to my ear and I feel my stomach tighten. Crazy nicknames is one thing, but my real name is another thing. This, I’m not used with. He then slowly let go of my waist, then lean against a locker beside mine.

“Are you going anywhere this weekend?” he asks, I stop arranging my book for a second, trying to think of excuse to give. I need to go to somewhere, I need to stop seeing him so much. I can’t say I’m going to the hospital, he says he’ll come with me. I cant say I’m going out with Kim, he’ll find way to get things work on his favor, , what am I going to say?

“I don’t know, why?” I ask, and then I mentally slap myself.

“It’s Chen’s birthday, this weekend.” He says. Oh, this is new.

“Anddd?” I ask.

“His family owns this beach house in Busan, we’re thinking of going there for small party and barbecue.” He says, oh oh, I know where this is going already.

“And you want me to come with you?” I ask and then he nods while grinning at me like a little child. Damn it, stop being so cute, will you?

“I don’t think I can make it.” I say and he raises his eyebrows.

“Why?” he ask.