He has a new student, a sixteen years old. She aims for fame and fortune and Kai is too caught up in his mind to tell her she'll only make it to Broadway in her dreams, although he's doubtful for that too.

“Teach, are you paying attention?”

“Just enough to tell you that's not fourth position you are in right now.”

“Teach!” - Her voice is, by all means, irritating. Not that it's Kai's job to judge or anything but he can't help feeling something went terribly wrong just now. It shouldn't be this girl arguing with him, Yixing should be here, whining over why isn't he dancing his own choreography and “you are doing it on purpose, aren't you Kim Jongin?” Yes, he did it on purpose because it was the only way to keep Yixing enough to play with him properly. It's just that playing with him was not the only reason, not always.

Maybe he should call Lay and ask him to come back. It can't be that hard, right? Although the more Jongin is tempted by the thought, the more reasonable it sounds, his pride appears to be stronger and more important. Yixing should be the one apologizing, practically begging him, not vice versa. Jongin muffles the faint string of guilt calling in his mind in order to concentrate.

“Demi-plie, assemble, pas!” - he hisses through stubbornly gritted teeth, hands clutching onto the barre.

~

He is stuck.

However Yixing looks on it, there is no other explanation. The clock on his wall is stealing his time with rhythmic tick-tocks and with the minutes running from him to join the hours he's so recklessly lost, the memory of being strong fades too. All of this is so familiar, only it's not a girl with a sack bigger than herself telling him she can't anymore, he is too much, or not enough, but either ways, not what she needs. It's a boy now, a tanned curse with a childish smile that the sun has almost forgotten, since it's so rare to be seen. A boy who has never been his, nor could ever be because it's sick and wrong and world doesn't work this way, but most important because Yixing, no matter what he does, won't be able to keep anyone in his embrace, and how could he, if he's not enough?

So Yixing is stuck. Between wanting and not knowing what he wants, between Jongin and Kai, between reality in a world painted in dull ecru.

Lay is a professional dancer. He studies sound engineering because he wanted to have a backup plan “just if...” and he has a master plan of becoming famous so that the dullness in his life can be replaced by the shine of a star, superficial as it is. Zhang Yixing, on the other hand, is an entirely different story. He is a confused Chinese boy who needs someone to lean on in a town so far from his home that it seems like the end of the world when you are all alone at night, and like hell when you are alone throughout the day too. Yes, he might have Luhan, a transfer student from China whom he's quite close too, and Minseok, the barista in his favorite coffee shop, but they have their own lives to take care of, their own friends to care about as well. Kim Jongin... for some time, he made him feel like there was someone who could drag him out of hell, in spite of the possibility of putting him in a new one. The fact it was so easy for Jongin to take his stuff and go brought all of Yixing's insecurity back. All of the anxiety he thought he had overcome claws him even more severe than before so he eventually throws up to flush it down the toilet, albeit unsuccessful. Maybe ripping all bonds with Kai didn't turn out to be the best decision in the end.

At one point, Yixing stops dancing because he feels to exhausted to and he stops going out because what's the sense of it anyway? The clock doesn't count his downfalls too, silenced by a book thrown at it in a paroxysm of rage. Yixing thinks that maybe, if he makes himself cry, his heart will lighten and he tries to, so many times. But tears don't come, only more anxiety dripping with self-contempt.

~

Kai calls on a hot Wednesday, a week before the dance competition.

“Hyung, look I have to talk with you.”

“I am busy now, Kai. I am waiting for the strawberry pie I ordered to come.”

“Food is more important?” - Kai sounds irritated, it was already hard enough for him to do this, so how dares Yixing cut him off like this? He swallows the thought that the older boy sounds somewhat tired, or sad and attributes it to the bad connection even when the connection is by no means bad. He feels like there is something more to Yixing's words, an unexpressed plea for... what? Kai thinks they can discuss it later, he has to tell him first, before he loses his courage to.

“This meal is.”

“Forget it, hyung. Just call me later, okay? I have something to tell you”

“Goodbye, Jongin.”

“See you, hyung. I have to, okay?”

They find Zhang Yixing dead three days later.