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Faith On Us

brvkenroses

Okay, so first let me start off with your title. 'Faith on Us' . Well there may be lots of competitors in aff with the same story title,but this one is pretty much a good title to draw readers in.  A good title would always leave a deep impression on the readers as they go throughout your story.  Your title seems a bit cliche as I gave out a hint of how's your story plot going to be. 'Faith on the Camera' would leave one wondering why did a Camera leave a special significance to the story right as not camera isn't something universal in every story's plot, meanwhile 'Faith On Us' would leave one hinting that something would happen between their relationships or life .  So try to hide the special meaning of your story well and make it catchy!

Secondly, your foreword and characterization.  Drawing readers in from quotes is a nice trick.  There's some mistakes you have done in the foreword.  First would be a small mistake in your characters and the character description on your foreword. You wrote Kim Seul Mi as your OC, but meanwhile on th below you wrote Song Eun Chae as the OC instead.  Typo, I suppose. Second would be the most common and basic mistake, grammar ; like 'that' should be 'that's' ; your tenses, 'liked' should be 'like' and 'remembered' should be 'remember' . Lastly, your character description of Song Eun Chae does not fit her in the story . You stated in the foreword that she was born with a silver spoon , rich and famous, but in the story, you drew her as an ordinary girl .  I thought she's going to be well known in the industry or in the city or something, but there has not been a scene where it shows that Eun Chae is popular or rich. You should change your character description for the sake of readers. I got confused as well.   

Next, let's go to how you describe your characters. You drew the image of the character well from the dialogs, but try not to focus on the dialogs alone, open up your five senses and use them in your story. How tall is Seungri? Is he bulky or thin? What does Eun Chae smells of? How does Eun Chae really felt when the past stopped her from meeting Seungri?                 I noticed that you didn't include much emotion of the characters. Make it a bit realistic, make the characters alive.  When Ara asked Eun Chae about what she felt about Seungri ,  Eun Chae seemed to be expecting for them to have a relationship more than friends, which means she had a bit feelings for him right? But then the battle she had with her past had only started in the fourth, the battle she has inside herself should start right from the moment she had a bit feelings for him.  If Eun Chae hasn't opened up her feelings to someone in her whole life as what Ara had said then she must have been so cautious and wary of all the people beside her which means the past is traumanizing her that much right? She should have a little of hesitation whether to trust Seungri as a friend or not and then another big one whether to love Seungri or not, later on in the story.  Feelings and emotions play out a big role in characterization. 

Thirdly, your plot.  It's a bit predictable, but for one I am really confused on the POVs.  At certain points of the story your own POV turns a little bit biased whereas a narrator's pov should remain neutral as they head for more of descriptive writing, meanwhile a character's POV would be heading more to of what the character itself thinks and feels.  I would suggest that you put your narrator POV and Eun Chae into one as they both doesn't show big differences except for the nouns.  Your plot flows well, but please do make the really feel like a because of your you didn't really bring all the emotions out, but more of the dialogs instead. 

Next, your grammar.  There's a lot of grammar mistakes but I do notice on how frequent you used 'she smiled then' . It's advisable for you to remove the 'then' as its more of a redundant expression; 'she smiled then' and 'she smiled' has the same meaning, but if you insist on keeping the 'then' , I do suggest you to place the 'then' in front, "then she smiled,"   You are doing okay in punctuations as there's not much mistakes to confuse the readers.  There's just lots of missing verbs and articles on your story that you had forgotten. Please do check on that, one more time. 

Lastly, I would like to say thank you in behalf of myself and Halcyon City for choosing us to do your review! I hope that this review would help you along your way and will benefit you. Keep your heads up and don't stop writing :) We hope to see you again next time, good luck and please have a nice day ^^