Ok, first of all, I absolutely loved this story! The plot was original, the flow of the story was excellent, vocabulary was top-notch, character build was exceptional, and the sentence and paragraph structure was well done!

Firstly, your story title was eye-catching and interesting and your foreword was very informative and instantly drew my attention!

However, you made a few very minor grammatical errors. For example, you wrote, “Oh, people in this era don’t shake hands, Baekhyun thought amusedly.” all in italics. Again, this is very minor, and can easily be changed.

You also sometimes added a few too many exclamation marks, ‘”Are you seeking death here, young sir? How dare you address our Royal Highness in this manner!!!!!”’ I get that you’re trying to convey anger or bewilderment, but this could be structured better, for example, you could’ve written, “Are you seeking death here, young sir?!” The guard questioned, angry. “How dare you address our Royal Highness in this manner!”

You also wrote, ‘Baekhyun swallowed and tried to look cocky and pitiful at the same time. “I’m sorry, umm…”’. In my opinion, this sounded slightly strange, how he was meant to be cocky and pitiful, however seemed almost as if he was unsure and shy instead. Maybe just re-read your story a couple of times to make sure everything is grammatically correct.

However, I did love Luhan’s character and found him so likeable:

 ‘“What’s a Luhan?”

“Me! I’m a Luhan! I mean, I’m Luhan! That’s my name!”’

I also loved Chen/ Jongdae’s innocent and naïve character:

“I thought it was an injured flamigngo and I was dying to peek!!”

All in all, your story is exceptional and I really loved it, but make sure to just re-read your story for small mistakes. Well done!

Sorry for the short review...

- Hewoo-