Chapter 9 : The Truth

Jong Suk stared at the grey woollen sweater lying on his bed; it was the one he had worn that night when they shared their first kiss. Jong Suk held the sweater to his face and the familiar smell immediately struck him, an overwhelming grief knotting his stomach and pulling at his heart. Pins and needles ran up the back of his neck and a lump in his throat threatened to choke him. Panic took over. His scent still lingered deep into the wool.  Apart from the low hum of the fridge and the occasional of the pipes, the house was quiet. He was alone. Bile rose to his throat and he ran to the bathroom, where he collapsed to his knees before the toilet.

Woo Bin belonged to her and he will never be his. That was the reality. He would never again run his fingers through Woo Bin’s soft hair, never listen to his soft snores until he falls asleep, never stay on the phone for five hours until his phone bill runs over the hills, and never taste those lips nibbling over his own. Because he was better off with her, because Woo Bin could not let go of her, because she meant his world to Woo Bin… is that why you said Woo Bin can never love me? Is that why you called me there? So that you can plunge the reality into me, so that you can just rub it on my face like a lump of hot pepper? Did you just want to play with my heart? All that was left behind was a bundle of memories and an image of his face so close to Jong Suk’s that they were breathing each other, but that was becoming more and more vague by the day, being replaced by Woo Bin’s face that was so close to hers.

How many days has he been like this already? Jong Suk wonders while he stares in the mirror for few seconds, looking at himself as if he were a stranger.

Why are you running away? He asks the man in the mirror. But only a pair of empty eyes stares back at him. In those empty eyes, there is only one scene that keeps repeating. He sees it with much clarity that it almost feels like a craving in a stone—too deep to even attempt to erase it. He simply let the images unfold before him; his eyes shoot open; his limbs are frozen at the entrance. No one notices him, because all the eyes are focused on one thing; Yoo Ji Ahn’s lips on Kim Woo Bin’s. Jong Suk is pulled out of the untangling images when a fist taps on the bathroom door. He heaves in a deep breath involuntarily as if he had been unknowingly holding his breath all this while.

He splashes some cold water on his pale face and shut the running water before heading out of the bathroom.

“When did you come?” he asks his sister who is staring at him with those pitiful eyes as if he has lost his whole world and on the verge of death. He has become used to those eyes in the past two days. But he doesn’t like them, because they make him feel that all the things that had happened to him are just a past memory. That the love he had gained just few days ago is also just a memory. That the kisses he shared with Hyun-Joong are also just memories…he doesn’t wish to realise that truth yet. Because he is hoping that he will soon wake up from this nightmare he is having…that Woo Bin would come and wake him up soon. But then again, he is the one who ran away; he is the one who is hiding…so how is Woo Bin supposed to find him to wake him up from these nightmares?

“Hyung…” Mina looks at his empty eyes, “Hyoyeon unni said she is visiting today”

“Oh…” is all Jong Suk can manage to say. He doesn’t feel like he has enough energy to muster up a proper conversation. He walks past her and picks up a book from the shelf toward the window in his new room. This house in Busan belonged to his maternal aunt who has moved to Seoul not too long ago. He was glad that she still kept this house as a vocational home. His room was much more simpler compared to the one in his own apartment back in Seoul; this was much smaller and that made him feel bit less empty, because there wasn’t much space. There was one study table and a simple wooden chair, an ancient looking wardrobe with bits and pieces scratched away from its surface, a single bed with not so comfortable mattress that gave him back ache the moment he laid on it, and a shelf full of novels. It was his aunt’s hobby—collecting novels. There were all kinds from historical books to romance, fantasies to thriller, action to melodrama. Since there was no TV in this house, he had started reading some of these books when he wanted to rid his mind of Woo Bin and his girlfriend.   

Jong Suk shuffles back to his bed and slumps on it; leaning against the headrest, he flips a page.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” His sister’s words follows by a sigh. She doesn’t nag him anymore like she did on the first day he ran to hide here. She turns on her heels and walks out of the bedroom. A few minutes passes and he hears the front door slams shut. Jong Suk is once again all alone in an empty house.

***

“Hyoyeon-ah…” Woo Bin’s voice is on the verge of breaking. He pauses and pulls in a breath, grinding his teeth in an attempt to keep the sting stabbing in his eyes from breaking away along with the grief stuck in his throat.

“I told you to GET LOST!!” Hyoyeon turns on her heels; she feels her heart racing with adrenaline. She hadn’t felt this angry in a while. What does he wants now? To apologise after hurting that stupid love blind Sukie? She darts to Jong Suk’s front door and twists the cold knob, opening the door with a crack. “Get out” she spits at him. Her anger only threatens to deepen when Woo Bin flops on to the couch next to him. She slams the door shut and hurtled back to the living room.

Woo Bin has his head placed carefully in his hands, his fingers clutched at his dark silk bangs as he crumbles them in an attempt to hold his feelings in. He hadn’t meant for any of this to happen and certainly not be kissed by that woman in front of his Sukie’s eyes. Why did things have to go wrong when they had just started their new life? Why their happiness did only lasted for less than twenty-four hours? Why couldn’t he protect their love? Why could he not hurt Jong Suk once again with his stupid acts? A soft sob breaks free as he wonders these things. Why did he run away from me? Where is he now? Hyoyeon must know…that’s why she is here, in Jong Suk’s house…he lifts his head and looks into Hyoyeon’s raged eyes.

“Where is he…? Why…is he not…here?” his voice finally breaks in sobs.

Hyoyeon feels her anger calming down at the sight of Woo Bin’s broken self. She had not seen this man like this—so hurt and broken into pieces like Jong Suk was. Is he regretting what he did? She wonders looking at the tears staining down Woo Bin’s cheeks.

“WHY?! Why did you do it?” she screams at him. “Why did you hurt him again?”

Woo Bin’s gaze flicker for a split second, he holds her gaze in his. “I didn’t! I would have never hurt him” his words solid and his gaze true.

Is he mocking us? Is he planning to say that kiss never happened? Is he planning to lie his way out of this? Before she could rationalise anything else, her words escapes ; “Then are you saying we were all hallucinating?” she twists her head ever so slightly in a way that clearly conveys her anger. “Are you saying that, that kiss was something that never happened? That it is just a lie made by the paparazzi?”

“Hyoyeon-ah…that’s not what I mean…”

“THEN, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”

“That woman kissed me out of nowhere!” he says looking directly into her eyes, making sure she sees his sincerity “I was also taken by surprise. What was I supposed to do? I never expected anything like that to happen and…”

“And what?”

“And I never expected him to come in at such a time…I never wanted to hurt him…”

“Then WHY…” she feels a tear finally breaking free against her own will, but she ignores it “why didn’t you break up with her?”

“Oh god…Hyoyeon-ah…believe me please…” he brings his hands together and closes his nose, wanting to stop his sobs from breaking away, but he fails. “I was going to break up with her…besides…”

“Besides what? You didn’t have the courage to break up with her because you have been dating her for two years?” she lets all the venom out with her words. If she felt a bit of sympathy for him a little earlier, now she felt nothing of the kind when he tried searching for those lame excuses. It was easy for Woo Bin to come up with excuses now; it was always easy for men to come up with excuses when they are caught up in something. That’s why she had hated the idea of dating; because men cheat very easily. “Though you wanted to break up with her…you couldn’t let go of the pleasure you got from her?” she sees Woo Bin jolt at her words. She knows she is starting to say things she does not want to speak, but she ignores the little warning twitching in her brain. “Though you wanted to break up with her…it felt like a waste to let go of a beauty like her! Though you wanted to be faithful to Jong Suk, you could not let go of the love that was accepted by the world! Through you—”

“Hyoyeon!” Woo Bin’s stern voice stops her from running wild with her words, “I did not date her for two years! I didn’t even date her for real!”

Hyoyeon jolts when the words register in her mind. She stops all the curses, all the spiteful words forming in her head and pauses for a moment. “W—What…? What…are you saying?” she manages to utter.

Woo Bin straighten to his feet and steps closer to her. He catches her eyes in his. “I said I never even dated her. I don’t even know her that well”

“What are you saying?” she asks again, confusion hovering on her face reddened by anger.

Woo Bin sighs and sits back down. The silence between them seems to be too suffocating to handle and he awakens his voice first “It was a business thing” he says after a while, “I never dated her. It was set up by my agency because of the whole JongBin thing started by fans. You know that too right?” he looks at her but doesn’t wait for an answer, “After ‘School 2013’ Sukie and I were seen as a couple and there were a lot of rumours about us dating and being a real life couple. Then there was no Woo Bin without a Jong Suk and vice versa. So my agency wanted me to be independent; an actor who is recognised for my skills, not as Jong Suk’s the other half. That’s why they started this whole dating thing. Besides do you think I would be able to date for two years without a single scandal? Do you think the reporters wouldn’t have caught on it at some point? You saw how quickly I and Jong Suk being lovers got caught so quickly right? Well I know we weren’t lovers back then, but we were in love and neither one of us could hide our feelings. That’s why I was scared…I was scared that if I confessed it would ruin his life…that it would ruin his future”

“Not because you were worried that it’d ruin your life, your future?”  

Woo Bin looks at her, he had expected that question. It was something he has asked himself long ago. The true answer his heart spoke was what he agreed on. “No…I wouldn’t say you are wrong. At first I was worried about my life and my future too” he manages a soft smile on his face as he continues “But, when I thought about a famous life full of wealth…but no Jong Suk…all I could imagine was pain and hurt and mostly…regret. That’s when I realised that my life without Sukie is something far from being happy…it was simply empty. He means my happiness and for him I do not hesitate to lose anything and everything. But…”

“But…?” Hyoyeon repeats after him in a tone that says ‘go on’.

“But…seeing how much he enjoys his acting career, how many expectations and hopes he has for his future in this career, I was scared of running his world”

“Woo Bin-ah…”

He quickly brushes away a tears rolling down his cheek and smiles at her. “So…I want to talk with him. Clear this misunderstanding that is breaking both of our hearts and I want to move on…together, with him. So I have to quickly go find my stupid Sukie…I have to catch him quickly before he runs further away from me. That’s why Hyoyeon-ah…can you please tell me where he is?”

Note:

Sorry if there are any grammatical errors and misspellings. I didn’t have a lot of time to spend on this due to my university work. But hope you guys enjoy it and do let me know what you think :)

Also, thanks a lot for all my readers and for those who leave comments, cause you guys gives me the courage to keep going. I think I am going to make the next chapter (chapter 10) the last chapter of this fic...