“Hmmm….” I mumble, annoyed. Why is my dream so ty? I can’t understand who’s in it and who’s not. Everything’s bright and hazy. “Will you believe me if I say,” a guy voice says. “Say what?” a female voice says and it sounds familiar. “Say that I’m entranced to you. I am fascinated by every charm you fail to see,” he say, his form still cloudy. “So, I’m asking, will you be mine or maybe at least, accept me to be yours if you’re not ready to give yourself away,” he says. “What? Ha, I mean, yes, to both. I am yours to keep and you’re mine,” she says laughingly and they both enclose each other in a hug. And , the female voice …it’s my voice. So, who’s the guy? They pull away from their embrace and his silhouette is becoming clear. Their faces come to a close… And I see…

!

I bolt up from my sleep, gasping air as I do. I pinch my cheeks and shake my head. I didn’t just see him in my dream.
“Hey, are you okay?” Kai’s voice says.
I shake my head, pinching myself in the cheeks. I’m just dreaming. This can’t be.
“Seriously, Joo-yeon, are you okay?” He asks. I look around the room and it is too dark to see anything.
“. I’m not hearing him. I’m just dreaming. Joo-yeon, wake up,” I say tapping my cheeks.
“Joo-yeon!” And someone holds me at my wrist that I end up screaming.
“Hey, ” and Kai appears, covering my mouth.
“Ms. Choi?” Mr. Jung appears in front of my door and he is panting. “What’s going on here?”
“It is okay Mr. Jung; Ms. Choi just had a nightmare. I got it under control,” Kai says.
“Okay,” Mr. Jung says, nodding then he leaves.

Kai releases his hold of me. I look at him with questioning.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper to him.
“I was checking out on you a while ago. I think I fell asleep. Anyway, how’s your ankle?” I flinch at the thought of him caring for me. The thought is too bizarre to be real. I touch my ankle and it still hurts, but not as much as a while ago.
“So?”
“Not much. It feels better now. You, uhm… go back to your sleep,” I look at him and he’s as if anticipating my next words. “Go back to your sleep… in your room. My ankle will be fine tomorrow.”

He smiles and stands up.
“You get well. I mean, get your ankle well,” he says, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“Yeah,” I say, rising my eyebrows.

He leaves, closing the door behind him. I sigh, recalling my dream. How did he end up in it? I mean … Well, he’s the person I’m with lately and too frequently. But the story… the hug and that thing… that kiss…about-to-be-kiss; it’s too bizarre. The mud thing and he saying he can do that and he would have done that must be the culprit. But I’m over it, I apologized, he did as well. So, what’s the ….
“Mommy,” Kai’s voice says and I stop my reverie to look at the door.
“You do know that I’m one of Korea’s known personality,” he pauses, looking at me.
“And with that questioning look on your face; what I’m trying to say is, I accidentally locked my door.”
“So,” I ask, looking down at the floor.
“Uhm … Can I sleep with you? I mean, just for tonight. I’ll try to find a way to open it tomorrow.”
“Why not now?”
“Uhm…,”he flutters his eyes and stands up tall. “Are you questioning my choices, Ms. Choi? Remember, I’m your boss.”
“Uh, uhm… Well, sir…,” Losing a job right now is not an option. In the middle of somewhere, he’ll definitely leave me here. “I think that there’s a comforter here somewhere,” I say, moving out of my bed.
“Hey,” he says. I look at him as he rushes to me. “Hey, your ankle! You’re not well yet,” he says, holding me at my arms and descending me back on the bed.
“I’m just going to see if there’s a comforter.”
“Nah, I think we can fit your bed,” he says. He pushes me down on the bed and he lies down beside me.
“What?” I blurt out loud.
“Don’t get too shocked. Sometimes, when things aren’t going your way, you have to consider even the weirdest of options.”
“Uh, okay?” I move away, to the edge of the bed.
“Hey, you’re going to fall,’ he says, grabbing my arm.
“I’d rather fall than suffocate with the closeness, you know?”
“Closeness?” he asks. He stands up and retrieves the pillow from the side of the cabinet. I never saw that there. Maybe I was contemplating too much ….
“There. Maybe this isn’t that close, huh?” he asks, after putting the pillow between us.
“It’s not the best solution but better than being skin to skin.”
“You don’t like touchy?”
“What the heck of a question is that? Of course I don’t like touching. I am a decent girl, for Christ’s sake!I can just get a little clingy every now and then, but for a reason” I tell him.
“Whoa, sorry. I didn’t mean to get that far,” he says, shifting to face away from me.
“Argh, be careful, will you? I thought you care about my ankle but you’ll be the reason why it’ll worsen. Come on, stop moving too much,” I say, bolting up to seat down and push him away.
“Hey! There’s a barricade already!” he says bolting up and saying it at my face.
“But you’re hitting my ankle, so what’s the worth? You should’ve gotten a longer pillow.”
“Well, there’s none of it, Ms. Choi,” he says and looks at the pillow between us.”Here, I’ll move this lower. Do you have any more complaints?” he asks then lies down.

     Ah, okay. That’s kind of mean. I lie down, facing away.
“Am I being nasty again?” he asks. I keep silent, not even pretending to be asleep. I don’t want to answer him. What if I tell him yes, will he ‘accidentally’ hit my ankle? Or if I say no, will he say I’m lying?
“Hey, mommy! I’m asking you,” he says, raising his voice at first then lowering it, probably realizing the presence of his temper.
“Apparently, yes. You were being nice, then not so nice. You’re a bipolar boss. You’re seriously hard to comprehend.”
“Boss? You said that I’m not your boss. You said that you’re just accompanying me in this trip.”
“Well, I forgot that I agreed that I’ll be your full-time assistant. So there, I am officially your assistant. I’ll probably sign the papers when we’re back in Seoul.”
“Really? Are you not going to take that back?”
“Take back what?”
“Wait, turn around and look at me,” he says. I slowly turn still trying not to get my ankle hit by him. When I turn around, I am facing his lips. My throat and lips suddenly parch that I have to my lips wet and swallow imaginary water down my throat. He wiggles down to my height so we are face to face.
“So, are you not going to take back what you said? Will you really take the job? I mean, I’m not pushing you off, but you seem to hate everything I do.”
“Uhm, I think everyone hates what you do,” I correct him.
“Okay, fine. No one likes what I do or how I do things. Even those things are going to happen; you still like to be my assistant?”
“Yes,” I nod, not looking at his eyes.
“Look at me, I told you what I can be. Yes? You are okay with that?”
“Yes, I am okay with that,” I say, looking up at him.

   He smiles and holds my face in between his hands. My eyes grow big; what the heck is he going to do now?
“You won’t believe how happy I am now. No one ever agreed staying with me for a long time. You’re such a…” he smilingly say and stops, cutting himself.
“I’m such a?”
“A … uhm… a,” he removes his hands away from my face. “You’re such a bad influence. We should go to sleep because we’ll be early tomorrow. Okay? Now, close your eyes and sleep,” he says, passing his hand over my eyes forcing them to close.

“Mommy, get up! We are going to be behind schedule,” Kai whispers in my ear.
“Go yourself! I have a broken ankle,” I say, flailing my arms in the direction of his voice.
“Then I’ll carry you to the school,” he says.
“No! I’ll just come after you. I’ll let Mr. Jung check my ankle. If he says I’m good to go, I’ll go; if not, I’ll go back to sleep.”
“Come on, mommy. Wake up! You’re such a big baby, mommy. Do you get the irony?”
“I don’t care. Let me sleep mooooore,” I say, yawning the word more.
“Fine, you forced me to do this,” he says.
“Whatever,” I inaudibly say as I bury my face on my pillow.

I feel his hands over my arm and gripping them. I put weight on my body, pushing myself down the bed.
“Mommy, get up,” his voice is begging. I sit up, thinking he’s getting annoyed.
“I’m up now. Just go!” I mumble, my eyes still closed.
“No, you’re not up yet,” he says and I hear him sigh. “I’ll check your ankle, then.”

     He grasps my ankle and twist it to the left and right. I wince but the pain is something I can bear.
“Does it still hurt?”
“I can take the pain,” I say, forcing my right to open and see him.
“No. Just stay here, okay? If you get better, don’t go there yet, we’ll just paint the wall its base color. Why don’t you go and sketch how the mural will look like.”
“Okay,” I say, falling back on the bed. I hear the door creak and close. I slowly drift off when I hear the door open.
“Oh, and I forgot. Good morning, mommy. I got you your breakfast. Get your ankle well … and your arm well.”
“Arm? Did I also hurt my arm without me knowing it?” I ask him. I open my eyes and turn my face to look at my left arm. I see his eyes and half of his face covered by my arm.
“No, but it will,” he says, falling into conclusion.
“How? How did you predict that?”
“I didn’t. Your arm is so cute and plump,” he says and playfully bites my arm and releases when I shudder and shake in shock. “Good morning, plump arm,” he says smiling and leaves. The door opens again and he pops his head in. “Don’t forget, I got you your breakfast, eat that okay?”

I rise up and scratch my head in confusion.
“What the heck was that?” I mutter to myself. I stare and recall what happened just now. That’s just too fast, but I can remember everything. As I stare, my mouth falls into a close. I’ve been smiling like an idiot while thinking of this morning. Blah …. There’s nothing to smile about today. I shake my head and see a mirror on the cabinet. I stand up and look at myself. I turn left and right to see a view of myself.
“Who is he calling plump arms, huh? My arm isn’t that big. How can he say that? He’s making too much contact with me, like hell.”

I fix myself, get clean and dressed, not bothering about his existence since he’s meters away from me. All the way across that rice paddy. When I’m ready, I step out and saw Mr. Jung fixing the table.

“Ahjusshi! Aneonghaseo!” I greet him.
“Oh, Ms. Choi. Finally you’ve come out of your room. Mr., … I mean Kai left you your breakfast. He prepared it himself. It’s like paying back what you did for him last night.”
“Komawo, ahjusshi,” I say, sitting down.
“Oh, don’t thank me. I did none of this. What I only did was keep flies away from it,” he says, laughingly.
“Ah, Mr. Jung. Stop making yourself look pathetic by saying that. You did everything you could to make this food stay fresh until I can come and eat it. Thank you.”
“Haha… You’re welcome, Ms. Choi. Please eat up,” he says, and then he leaves me behind.

I eat up, feeling grateful for Kai’s sudden care. I can see that he’s doing the exact opposite of what he do to his former P.A’s. I think it’s not fair, well, in their part. But if it weren’t for his unfairness, I wouldn’t have a job ‘til now. }
“Thank you, former P.A’s,” I mutter and take my last bite.
I drink up and carry my plate to the sink.

“Ms. Choi, please let me do that,” Mrs. Jung tells me.
“Ah, anni ahjumma. Let me do this. We’re already bothering you and your people, at least let me do this so you can have time with your kids or friends... Or Mr. Jung.”
“Oh, dear. Ms. Choi, what are you talking about?” she laughingly says. “Okay, I’ll let you do what you want so you won’t end up saying those kinds of things.”
“Good decision, ahjumma,” I say with a smile.
“I’ll leave you then,” she says, tapping my arm.
I wash my plate, glass and utensils. I carry it to the room of the house where they keep kitchen and dining stuff.

I go out and look around. I sit at the house’s porch and watch as other farmer’s put in rice stems in the mud.
“Why don’t you go and sketch how the mural will look like.” Kai’s voice echoes in my head. I enter the house and retrieve paper on top of the small cabinet. I go back outside and sit on my previous seat. Children here are exposed to nature as they wake each morning and they probably knew of the city. I start to sketch how Seoul looks in my perspective. With the skyscrapers, the landmarks and even those little city things that can make you happy; I sketch each one carefully, making details noticeable. Doing this makes my spirit alleviate that even with my aching ankle; I can walk wherever I want to. I finish up my sketch and set up numbers all over it specifying where the yellow, blue or green goes or those other colors that may fit in.

“Hmm… who are you? And … and what are you doing?” a small female voice asks from behind. I turn back and saw a little girl drably dressed with her hair tied in a ponytail.
“Oh, hi baby girl!” I softly exclaim so as not to threaten the kid. “Hi there! Come here! Come on, don’t be shy. Are you studying or are you going to study?” I ask her, trying to bring up the topic of the school and eventually the mural.
She walks slowly near me and peeks at the paper on my hands. “Come on. Here, sit beside me,” and she does.
“Is that for the school ahjusshi Jung told the children about?”
“Uhm ... yes. Are you going to study there when the school is done and ready?” She nods her head, not caring to look at me.
“Omma said that the school will help us read and write longer words and make us smarter. I want to do all that. I want to read and write longer words … and sentences; and I want to smart because she said that it will give me a good work in future,” she says, swindling her fingers.
“Well, you’re omma is right, … Uhm… what’s your name, baby girl?”
“My name is Park Sun-hwa.”
“Oh, Sun-hwa; I am Unnie Joo-yeon,” I say, pointing at myself.
“Unnie Joo-yeon,” she says, scratching her head at the end as if asking if she said it right.
“You’re right; my name is Joo-yeon. Look at this, this is how sort of looks like. Have you been there?”
“Anni,” she says, shaking her head at the same time.
“Oh, okay. Then this drawing will go to the school’s wall… it’s called a ‘mural’. If you study really hard and you put passion in it, then Seoul won’t be just a drawing on your classroom wall. It will be right before eyes, soon enough.”
“Oh, I like that! I like that very much!” she says, smiling.
“Haha…. I’m glad you do. Oh, wait. Who are your parents?” I ask her.
“My omma is Jung Sun-hye and my aphba is Jung Joo-chan.”
“Ah, okay. It’s good that I know…. You know?”

“Oh, that’s where my little girl is,” Mr. Jung’s voice is heard that we both turn to the right.
“Aphba!” Sun-hwa exclaims, running towards ahjusshi and Mr. Jung carries her.
“Ahjusshi!” I exclaim, standing up.
“Joo-yeon, is your ankle okay now?” he asks.
“Ne, ahjusshi,” I say nodding.
“That’s good to know. So, you’ve met my baby girl,” he says, looking at Sun-hwa.
“Ah, ne. She’s such a sweet girl. She was actually afraid to come near me, at first. It’s good to know that she’s cautious not to actually talk to strangers. And she also mentioned about the school; she said she wanted to enter it as soon as it is done,” I narrate to Mr. Jung.
“Is that true, Sun-hwa?”  he asks his daughter.
“Ne, aphba!” Sun-hwa exclaims.

   My insides clench as jealousy sips through my veins. I miss my aphba and omma, well, the physical them. Their absence dug a big space in my longing for acceptance and love. It’s been always like that. At first, emptiness is just a theme of stories I watch or read about, but now, it is also my story. I force a smile and turn back and walk into my room. As I pass through Kai’s room, I remember he said that it’s locked. I turn the knob and it just won’t let the door open. I guess he’s not lying or whatsoever. I shake my head and head to my room to retrieve the things I’ll need in my bath.

I enter the bathroom and yesterday’s event in this same place. Jeez…. That’s just yesterday? Did he really not see me ? I cringe at the thought. It plays on replay on my head that it’s already making me annoyed since it’s all that I’m thinking right now. Wait, I think he did see me. ! He did see me! He was caught red-handed because he was only staring at me while I throw things at him. No… That just didn’t happen. But it did. Argh… what do I do? I breathe in and then out.

“I’m still a . He didn’t take advantage of me even if he saw that …this,” I say looking down at my body. “He slept with you on the same bed last night and nothing happened. You’re still a . What else other than seeing my body is only in his imagination,” I say to myself, nodding. A little scrub here and there … I break down.
“Ahhh…. Andwaeyo! He saw my body!! That’s not right! I’m a girl! I should be discreet. But I wasn’t discreet and forgot to lock the bathroom door.” I look at the doorknob and turn it to only see that I forgot to lock it again. I push the button and I’m sure that it’s locked now. I finish up my bath and dressed up inside… I cannot bear to walk around with only a towel draped over my body.

GUYS....THIS IS THE UPDATE of this CHAPTER ....So yeah... I hope you can cope up!!!
 

When I finished, I walk in my room and arrange my things in there. I sit down on my bed and check on things that aren’t really necessary. I hear voices and saw people pass by the hall but all in a blur.  I know one voice belongs to Mr. Jung.

“Ahjusshi!” I shout as I peek out my room. They both stop and turn back. My throat goes dry after …blah…
“Mommy!” Kai runs to me, topless.
“Ne? Wae?” I ask him. I feel my eyebrows raise as I try to appear that I’m not affected how he appears now.
“You’re freshly showered!”
“Yes, I know. And you’re back! And awfully sweaty.” I try to stop my eyes from looking at him from head to toe that I lay my attention to Mr. Jung. “Ah, about that! Ahjusshi, have Kai told you about his locked door? I was going to ask you about that a while ago before I eat and before I left you and Sun-hwa.”
“Who’s Sun-hwa?” he asks, touching my arm.
I cringe at his touch and absentmindedly shouted, “Don’t touch me! Ahhh…. I mean… Sir, I think you better take a shower now. Don’t you think it’s better to take a shower after all the work you’ve done.”
“That’s what we’re going to do. But wait, who’s Sun-hwa?”
“Sun-hwa is ahjusshi’s yeoja aegi,” I explain and turn my attention back to ahjusshi. “Sorry for interrupting the both of you. Please do continue to walk …and get Kai’s key… anni, sir’s key,” I finish with a smile. Mr. Jung nods and continues to walk ahead.
“Ya! Mommy! Why won’t you look at me?” Kai says as his face appears in front of my face. I look farther right, without him in my sight. “Mommy!”
“Why not look at yourself?” I shout at him. I was supposed to shout it at his face when I end up looking at his body. Parched! Parched! Water please!
“Wae? What’s with…?” and he looks at himself.  “Are you conscious about this?”
“Who wouldn’t be?” I look at him with disapproval. “Ya! Go with Mr. Jung now, so you can get your key!”
“Why are you pushing me away? You don’t like this?”
“Ya! What the heck is wrong with you? There you go again! Just go!” I say and enter my room. I close the door and put my ears against the door.
“Argh, mommy, you’re such a baby!” he says, giggling at the end. I hear footsteps until it sounds less audible. I peek out of my room and see Kai’s silhouette. He is shaking his head and his physique is undoubtedly attractive, even his sculptured back. What am I thinking? I shake my head. I did not just think of that. But then I allow myself to smile at the thought. He truly is a skillfully perfected man. That’s without a doubt …I think. I pound my head lightly with my closed fist. I am going nowhere with this observing moment of mine.

“Mommy,” and my door opens widely that I get myself partially squished between the door and the wall. “Mommy! Are you alright?” Kai asks, getting me out of my sandwich situation.
“I guess I am.” I didn’t make any noise that tells me I’m hurt… so, maybe I’m not.
“Are you not hurt? Let me see,” Kai says and flails my right arm around, then he moves my shoulders. I seemingly don’t have the strength to nag him off. I just got quiet and let him do all these.
“Are you really not okay? Why are you not talking? Did you hit your head?”
I shake my head to tell him I didn’t hit my head.

“Uhm…. What are you here for? Aren’t you going to shower now?” I finally ask him. Thank god, he’s got a shirt on. I can’t bear to look at him in that situation.
“Well, can I borrow a towel?”
“But you’re going to get your door opened, am I right?”
“Uhm…. Well,” he looks around as if finding words. No, he’s finding an excuse that I can buy. Hmm… I know those kinds of style too much. I smirk while he’s looking away.
“Well, what? For what reason are you here for? Aside from borrowing a towel?”
“Mommy, you’re mean,” he says, his brows creased while he points at me.
“I know. You don’t need to tell me that.”

His face lights up with disgust that I just have to laugh at him.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’re funny. That expression you just made right now is hilarious. You should’ve seen how your face distorted. It was really funny. I can run it on replay if I recorded it.”
“Mommy …” he says.
“What?”
“Joo-yeon, just give me the towel.”

And there’s that tone. That means that this conversation has ended.
“Okay, just wait there.” I walk towards my luggage and brought out my spare towel. Gah, it’s even pink. Kekeke ….Good luck Mr. Kim. I bet pink is never in your list of colors.
“Here,” I hand it out to him. He gets it and looks at it.
“Pink? Okay.”
“Okay?”
“What is there anything wrong? Are you trying to gauge my reactions?”
“No, of course not. You go and freshen up!!! Palli! Before I kick you out of my room myself.”

“Fine. Why are you so cranky? Do you have….?”
“What?!” I exclaim. Is he pertaining to the thing I think he’s pertaining? Red days are never good, but I don’t have today! What the heck?
“That’s a personal thing! You should’ve not asked that. Ommo~na! You’re seriously weird for a decent boss.”
“Who says I’m decent?” he asks, his brows shut up.
“Mohae? You’re crazy! Anni, it’s your sweat and the humidity. It’s getting to your brain and making you think crazy. Arasso. I totally get it. Chogeeyo, Mr. Kim, please take a bath now. I know how irritating the hotness is so, go and take a shower. I already gave you the towel so you may enjoy yourself into a cool bath. So, annyeong!” I say, pushing him out of my room and closing it. I walk straight to my bed and lie down. That was tiring. I don’t really know how it got tiring but talking with him…about his nonsense is tiring.

“Mommy! Mommy! Ya! Ah, chinchayo! Mommy!! Omma! Joo-yeon! Hey, Ms. Michyeoseo! Open the door!”
“Argh! What the heck is that? Why is my crazy boss shouting?” I sit up and scratch my head. He’s driving me mad today.
“Ya! Mr. Kim Jong-in! Stop shouting! I’m trying to sleep, okay?”  Argh… why is he calling me a lot of names? And what did he call me? Ms. Michyeoso? Okay, I’ll show him Ms. Michyeoso!!
I walk to the door and open it to see Kai holding a tray with lunch on it.
“Joo-yeon, what happened to you? Why is your hair a serious mess?”
“Mess? What mess?” I reach up to my head and without even touching my scalp, I feel the frizz. “Ah? Ottoke?”

I automatically panicked. I’m a girl! That’s what I do. Even if I’m in front of a guy I don’t actually like, I try to look at least presentable.
“Jakaman!” Kai says and he enters my room without saying anything. He puts the tray on the table and headed towards me.
“What? What are you going to do?”
“Nothing,” he says and walks towards me. “You should’ve combed your hair before trying to open the door.”
“Why? Do I look that offensive?”
“Anni.  You look okay. Come, let’s eat. I mean, you go eat.”
“Am I, like, sick? Do I look sick to you?” I ask, pointing at myself. “Well, even without this frizz?”
“No, you don’t look sick. You don’t look offensive. You look fine,” he says then suddenly crosses his brows as if he’s also shocked with what he said.
“Fine? You find me fine in this state? Uhm…okay?” I let it slip through.
“I’m just going to arrange this and go eat, arasso?”
“Ne. I’ll just fix myself up… and I’ll check the school later. If that’s fine with you,” I say, passing by him.
“Of course, it’ll be even better having you there,” and he pauses. “Well, we need another hand in doing the project.”
“Uhm, okay… Now, where the heck is my comb?” I ask myself. As I pass by him to go and look for it in the cabinet…
“Even with that frizz, I still think you’re pretty. In which way you’d like to make yourself look ugly, to the person who likes you, you’ll remain pretty.” … I think I overheard him say something. It was clear. Really clear.
“Mohaeyo?” I silently ask, stealthily moving to him, blocking the lunch he’s arranging.
“Mohae? What do you mean mohae? Why do you need to get that close?” he asks, jumping back.
“Why can’t I get close? Am I making you cringe? Well, I don’t think of it that way..because you always try to get yourself near me. Mr. Kim, can I ask you a question?” I say boldly.
“As long it’s something I can answer.”
“Do you …by any chance, reconsider the thing I told you on the first day we met?”
“What thing?”
“The part where I said will you be my boyfriend?”
“Why? If I am reconsidering that… what will you do?”

This question is answerable with yes or no, yet he gave me a question to answer…
“Nothing. I’ll do nothing,” I say, looking away.
“Then maybe, I am reconsidering that if you’re not going to do anything. Remember, I can make you fall.”
“Not by any chance,” I say putting up my guard. No, I can’t like my boss… that’s not a good thing if ever that happens.
“Really? We’ll see. By then, you wouldn’t realize that you like me and would deny it yourself. I’ve been there.”

He walks out the room but leaves the door slightly open. I come up the door to take a peek.
“Ha, good, he’s not here anymore. Well, that was fast,” and when I look to my left, I see him up close that I jolted up.
“Ya! What are you doing?”
“I’m warning you. You can only say that but when it comes, it’s hard to control it.” And he smiles at me, something that’s genuine and he means it. He opens the door of his room and got in. I close my door and lock it.

“Ah, ottoke? What if he is right? What if I fall for him and I won’t even know it. Ah… anniyeo. That will not happen. You’re a soldier yourself, Joo-yeon. You have to take your guard whenever he’s near you. But what if what I’m doing now is really my way of telling him that I am concealing something he already know of?”