Chapter 5

JONGIN POV

After Kyungsoo left, I went back to my apartment. I lost of my strength. I felt more desperate knowing that the chance of getting Kyungsoo is getting smaller. I hate myself so much for making Kyungsoo sad and hurt. I don’t understand myself anymore. I don’t understand my actions. Maybe not having Kyungsoo in my life made me an idiot. Everything seems vague. I want Kyungsoo back but everything I have done only pushed him further from me.

I really can’t stand his coldness and hatred toward me. I miss his smiling face. I miss his warm personality. I miss his caring which was only for me. I miss his cute little voice that wakes me up every morning. I miss his sweet kiss. I miss the happiness I got from hugging and cuddling with him. There are so many things I want to do with him now.

I lay down on my bed. I can’t stop thinking about our conversation and our happy memories. I need Kyungsoo to be in my life. I want us to be back together. I felt so lonely and lost. I felt like half of my soul has disappeared. The emptiness kept bugging me. I want Kyungsoo to fill up the void in my heart. I need your love Kyungsoo. Please come back to me. I need you by my side.

I grabbed the Pororo doll and hugged it tightly as if I was hugging Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo like Pororo and Pororo also resemble Kyungsoo. I bought this doll as a temporary replacement for Kyungsoo. When nostalgia reaches its peak, this doll helps to ease the pain.

I opened my phone. I looked at the wallpaper, which is a picture of us in high school. I miss those happy times. Then I unlocked it and played song that Kyungsoo sang for me.  This first song is Open Arm – also the first song Kyungsoo sang for me. Next is Nothing On You. Usually back in the day, these songs usually cheered me up when I felt sad. But right now, I feel remorseful and lonely. But I kept listening to pretend Kyungsoo was here with me. Before As Long As You Love Me began to play, I listened to Kyungsoo recorded message.

Hi Jongin! Happy Birthday Jongin! I know I have already wish you happy birthday and give you your present but you are a very special person to me, you are the love of my life so I decided to make something special. So here I am, I am going to cover Justin Bieber’s As Long As You Love Me. You deserve the best. I love you.

I love you too Kyungie.

As long as you love me

We could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke

As long as you love me

I'll be your platinum, I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold

As long as you lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-love me (love me)

As long as you lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-love me (love me)

I hope that you enjoy this. Goodnight! I love you!

The Pororo probably was soaked with my tear. I cried to let out all the sadness and regret in my heart. I wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare.

I love you too. I love you a lot. I wish I had never done those things to you.

I looked at the doll and said “What should I do Kyungsoo? I miss you. Will you ever forgive me? How can I get you back?”

KYUNGSOO POV

“Miss Anna, I have some documents that need Mr. Kai to sign. Can I come into his room?”

“Just leave it here. Mr. Kai didn’t come to work today. He said he had some personal stuff to take care of. I will give these to him as soon as he comes here. Is this urgent?”

“No. It can wait. Thanks Miss Anna. I will get back to work now.”

Kyungsoo walked away. “What personal stuff? Well, the good thing is that I don’t have to see his face today.”

KAI POV

I don’t feel like working today. I felt tired and frustrated. I decided to take a day off. I want to clear my mind and think what I should do next.

…

I don’t feel like driving so I walked. I walked down the street passing through shops, restaurants until I saw a very familiar place that I used to go. It’s a restaurant specialized in chicken dishes. I and Kyungie used to go here at least once a week. This place is also a part of my happy memories. I sat down and ordered my favourite fried chicken.

*Flashback*

“We just ate here yesterday. Can we go somewhere to eat?” Kyungsoo said

“Yes, but I still want more. You know that I really like chicken. So please, can we here?” I begged Kyungsoo with my puppy eyes. Kyungsoo gave in and nodded.

We said down at a table and waited for the waiter to take the order.

“I will have spicy fried chicken, what about you Kyungie?”

“I will have samyetang.”

After the waiter left, Kyungsoo asked me “Why do you like chicken so much?”

“Because it’s super delicious”

“Between me and Chicken, which one do you like better?”

“Chicken” I and he pouted cutely because of my answer.

“I am joking. Of course, it is you Kyungsoo because….” I paused for a short moment. He was waiting for me to finish what I was saying

I continued “…because you can make the best chicken in the whole world.” He pouted again but this time he was also a bit sulked. His pout was so cute that I pinched his cheek and we started laughing.

*End of flashback*

My food arrived and I began to my fried chicken. I am supposed to enjoy this but I’m not. Taste of the fired chicken is the same, still delicious just like how I remember. Unfortunately, I didn’t find it good enough to continue eating. My depression must have suppressed my appetite. I paid for the food and then left the restaurant.

I kept walking and walking until I see my old high school. It didn’t change much. Some reforms have been made to improve the facility. The school uniform remains the same. It reminded me of how I and Kyungsoo were back in high school. I went to the office and greeted my old teachers. I was happy that they still remembered. We talked for an hour. They asked me many question about my life and my work. Then when they asked about my relationship with Kyungsoo, which they said that they admired us, they felt someone just squeezed my heart with a great force. He can only lie not wanting them to know about our status. “We are good; he’s busy today so he cannot come here.”

 I excused myself to walk around the school. I wandered around the school. I reviewed all of the happy memories that I and Kyungsoo had at this place.

*Flashback*

“Jongin-ah, why do you want to meet me here?” Kyungsoo innocently asked me.

“I have to tell you something to tell you.” I said

“What is it?”

“I like you Kyungsoo. I like you a lot. I think I like you at the very first moment I saw you.”

But then I saw Kyungsoo crying. I was panicked because I didn’t want to scare him.

“Please, don’t cry. Just pretend this never happen.”

“No. I am just happy. I was overwhelmed. I also like you a lot but I never have the courage to confess.”

I pulled him into a hug and said “I’m so happy that you also like me back. Kyungsoo, will you be my boyfriend?”

“Yes, Jongin”

*End of flashback.*

Then I left my high school.

Since I just visited my high school, I should visit my old university too.”

Well but I didn’t make it to my old university.

The reason is because Kyungsoo was the only thing that was in my mind.

Kyungsoo was so good to me. He was the best thing that happened with me. He’s the best.

He was so supportive and understanding. He cared for me more than he cared for himself. He also gave me the best thing. The most important things is he loves me unconditionally.

*Flashback*

“Jongin, you are having a high fever. You need to rest.”

“I am fine. I’m just a bit tired.” I said

“No, you are not. Lay down on the bed. I will take care of you.”

I lay down on my bed and he put a wet towel over my forehead.

“Just stay here and rest. I will cook some soup and get the medicines for you.”

…

“Jongin, wake up. Here is the soup that I made for you. You need to eat something before you take the medicine.”

“Let’s me feed you.”

“I can do it myself.”

“You are sick. So save your strength to recover. I am doing this because I want to do so. You need all the energy you can get for the upcoming dance competition.”

…

“That’s delicious, Kyungie.”

“Thanks Jonginie, okay here is your medicine and water.”

“Now, you should sleep. It will help you to feel better. I will stay here to make sure you are fine.”

…

I waked up and saw Kyungsoo sleeping beside my bed when he should have slept on his. I shook his body lightly. He stirred up from his sleep and rubbed his eyes.

The first thing he said was “Do you need anything, Jongin?” with a sleepy voice.

Then he touched my forehead to check my body temperature.

“What a relief! Your fever has gone down.” I can saw a happy smile plastered on his face.

“Are you feeling better? Do you anything? Do want to drink some water ?”. He was about to get up and bring me some water but I stopped him by hugging him.

“What’s wrong, Jongin? Are you okay?” he asked

“I am feeling much better. I am just so happy to have you. That’s all.”I released him and saw him smile warmly at me.

“I’m happy to be with you too.”

…

“Kyungie, I’m so worried about this competition.”

“Why? Your dancing skill is totally awesome. You are the best.”

“But this competition is really important and it’s a really big. There will probably be a lot great competitors, which may be even better than me.”

“Have confidence in yourself. I know you will do it well. And even if you fail, it will be a great experience for you to learn and become even better. But I know my Jongin will win for sure.”

“Thanks Soo Soo.”

“Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Relax. Don’t practice too much. You need to be in the best condition.” He finished and placed a soft peck on my lips.

*End of flashback*

…

Kyungsoo was sleeping peacefully. He was in dreamland regaining energy to face another day of hardworking but the doorbell rang and woke him up. He sat up and looked at the clock. 2:00

He cursed in his mind “WTF! It’s only 2:00. Who the hell wake me up at this kind of time?”

He grumpily walked to the door. He opened and saw a man standing in front of his apartment. He rubbed his eyes a few time because he thought he was still dreaming.

He shouted “JONGIN!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”