~Previously on "Holding Onto Her"

Kyuhyun and Seohyun are now officially married. They had an eventful and intimate reception after saying their vows with their family and friends. Siwon became more suspicious of the relationship that Daniel and Dr Tiffany has after witnessing their brave display of lovelines publicly at the reception. He want to be sure that their relationship was not what he thought it was before he made his move to confront Daniel about it. After playing spin the bottles with his close friends and the newly-weds, Kyuhyun and Seohyun had their first dance as Man and Wife. While witnessing the beautiful moment before him, Siwon got distracted by a hidng Yungeon who was hiding behind his legs to get to under the banquet table to hide. That's when Siwon decided to sit down and spend time with Yungeon. While in hiding, Yungeon who was being pulled onto Siwon's lap, took out a book and asked Siwon to read a story to him. But it doesn't look like a book. It looked more like a diary. When Siwon was about to opened it up, Yungeon was found by Taengsoo and he immediately got up and chased after his hyungnim; leaving Siwon there alone with the book in his hands. Still staring on it, he contemplate for a long time whether or not to actually, open the book up to see who it belonged to. And that's when he found out that it is Sooyoung's diary. He couldn't contain himself with his curiousity and decided to read the entries. The 2 entries that was handwritten by Sooyoung was read and Siwon finally found out about the reason to why Sooyoung left him. Every pain that he felt were slowly being lifted off as all his doubts and questions were slowly being answered one by one.

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Its been a few days ever since Kyuhyun and Seohyun are officially married. I still could not believe that time really had taken affect. It felt like it was just yesterday when Kyuhyun was still a freshmen in High School being a game addict and always lock himself in his room not wanting to be disturb. However now, I can see that Kyuhyun is becoming much more open towards people and seem much more happier too. Yesterday, both of the newly-weds finally left for their honeymoon at the Carribean after Kyuhyun had finish the last meeting with a Japanese investor. I told him that i could temporarily take over the project while he go for his honeymoon but he refuse to take up the offer which made him left yesterday instead. While he was there with his wife, I am here in my room getting ready to pack up and headed back to London to hand in my final project for graduation. To be completely honest, i was done with the project even before i came back to Seoul for my younger brother's wedding but i didn't want to hand it in just yet. I was afraid that if i were to send it in and graduate, I'd have to come back to Seoul, leaving me with no choice but to face my past that i was healing from. However, now that i am here and the fears that i previously had, faded away when i found out the truth about everything. I am actually dreading to go back to London now. Dreading to go back to my getaway that i had for 3 years now. 

After zipping my luggage and setting it to the side of the book shelf that i have near the door of my room, i sat down on the edge of my bed. I grabbed my pillow and hugged it. I look to my left and tried to reached for the brown leathered book that had been untouched since the reception. I got to my feet with the book in my hands and move towards the balcony. I flipped to the next entry that i've not read yet.

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Dear diary, 

Today, i am no longer Choi Sooyoung. I am now a wife of someone. I am Lee Sooyoung. I am now a wife of Lee Seungjun. I got married with my own bestfriend. We made a small ceremony in the hospital ward of his. Both of our families are there. Right now, while writing this down, I am sitting at the couch thats in Daniel's ward. Daniel is asleep right now after his chemotherapy session a few hours ago.

While in the midst of the ceremony, i can't seem to get a grip of this reality. I imagine myself getting married in the church, saying vows to the person that had always visualised as my last love and having an intimate reception with just our family and close friends. But all of that is not possible anymore, not here and mostly, not now. With Daniel's condition, I can't envision that. I will be selfish to think of all of this and it is out mostly, wicked to wish that the hands that i touch and the lips that i kiss from this day onwards is Siwon oppa's. Sooyoung, you decided on this path and you shouldn't go back on your words. Daniel need you and you  are his wife now. I must let go of this feeling. I must focus all my attention to Daniel. I need my bestfriend and my now-husband to recover and fight this battle that he is facing. You can do this!

Sooyoung.

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Dear diary, 

It has been 5 months now. Daniel is getting better. He can go home in a few days. The medications are starting to work again. I thought i could move on and let this feeling go till yesterday. I accidentally met with Seunghyun. He is Siwon oppa's bestfriend at the very hospital that Daniel is in. I didn't realized that Seunghyun's family owns Seoul medical University Hospital. We bumped into each other in the lift. We decided to have a chat at Starbucks near the hospital. I found out that Siwon oppa is not in good shape after the break up and the reason to why he was in the hospital was not because of the business, it was because he was paying Siwon oppa a visit after he found out that Siwon oppa had a very high fever a few days ago. When i heard how much pain Siwon oppa must have been dealing with, my heart just sank. I was worried for him. I hope he is okay by now. I couldn't believe my ears when Seunghyun told me about it. I expected him to actually move on, be angry and hated me for my decisions. But i didn't expect that it to be like this. Seunghyun asked me on my reason of leaving Siwon oppa. I was hesitant to tell him at first but i think he should know my side of the story. At first his reaction was what i expected him to be but a few seconds after, he tried to understand. I asked him to promise me that he won't tell anything about the conversation to Siwon oppa or anyone else and he complied. During the conversation that we had, a question that Seunghyun asked made me startled and stopped whatever i was doing. "So, it's been 5 months ever since you're married to him. Are you happy with him? I mean are you now in love with him?" I was dazed and he, suddenly said, "Its okay you don't have to answer. Its your life anyway. and you deserve to be happy as well even if you are not with Siwon. You chose this path and you're someone else's wife anyways. Being with someone that long and taking care of them, especially, I'm sure you know what i'm trying to say." That's when i realised that maybe i've started to fall for Daniel. I've always love him but this time whenever i am close with him during his worst and seeing him acting all strong and not letting me see him in pain because of his illness, it made me fall for him. It made me love him in the same way i love Siwon oppa. It made me want to be there by his side whenever he needs me. And to make me feel guilty once again was that i am actually happy being with Daniel just as much as i am happy when i was with Siwon oppa. I am happy here while Siwon oppa is suffering inside.What type of person am i? What should i do?

Sooyoung

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I can't lie anymore this heart ached so much reading her previous entry of how she had fallen for him. I can't believe that all this time, Seunghyun knew about this and he kept me in the dark. If i had known the reason to why she left me from the beginning, i would have understand and i would not have feel this pain anymore. I always thought that i failed in making her happy and thats the reason why she left me for another. To be honest, i was actually fighting the anger that built up in me. How can Seunghyun, my bestfriend, keep this secret from me knowing that i suffered because of this? I looked up from the book and look at the lane in front of the mansion. I saw Seunghyun's car driving pass the house. I balled up my fist but releasing it moments later. I realized that he did that because he had promised Sooyoung and he respected her privacy. And thats when i decided to continue reading the book once again.

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Dear Diary,

I am so happy today. The doctor said that Daniel is finally cancer free but he still needs to get checked up regularly to be sure that the cancer cells won't come back again. Its been awhile since i wrote an entry here. Ever since Daniel was authorised to go home from the hospital, we've been spending as much time together as possible. I started to accept the reality now and i am happy to announced that i am now 3 weeks pregnant! I felt really happy knowing that Daniel has recovered and i am pregnant. It felt surreal. Its like i've been struck by a bonus oh happiness in my life. I also found out that Siwon oppa had left for London a month ago to continue with his studies. I am happy that he is finally trying to move on. No matter how i happy am now, I can never forget how i've hurt him. Siwon oppa will forever be in my heart even if i am now being married and becoming a mom of someone else's child and not with him. I'll always love him and thats the one thing that will never change. Mianhae, oppa. 

Sooyoung

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Author's note;

I am sorry for not being able to update this in the usual 24-hour timing. I thought i did post this but i guess not. I save it while it was ticked as "hide chapter'. I am sorry to kept you waiting and if this is not good but I've tried I know this is short but in the next next update there will be a better chapter. I hope you enjoy reading this and i hope Sooyoung shi's diary entries answered your questions and doubts. Will be updating soon. please anticipate and thanks for subscribing, commenting and reading. Really appreciate it.