YOUNGMIN'S JOURNAL

Since I was young, I've always been competitive. Whether it was in sports or with studying, I've always felt the need to beat my brother. When I did beat him, my family would shower me with praise and I basked in it. I needed the attention, no matter how hard I had to work for it. However, after awhile, I didn't care about my parent's attention, I started wanting my brother's. I wanted him to play and joke around with me like we used to, but now he was in a whole different clique than I was. I was so busy trying to get praise, that I didn't notice my brother's change of attitude.

It was the last year of middle school when I finally realized that Youngmin was never going to be the same brother he used to be. He became a troublemaker, he was failing a lot of classes, ditching, he even started smoking. I was immediately drawn to it, his life seemed so exciting and cool. I stole one of his cigarrettes, but my mother caught me smoking it. She cried for an hour and made me promise not to do it again. I guess it was sign from God saying, telling me I shouldn't act up.During high school, I still obeyed my parents and I became class president for all 4 years. I met my best friend, Hyunseong, who was as perfect and clean as I was.

Life is boring, dull, bland, etc. There's no excitement behind a desk and I sometimes dream about changing my whole personality. However, it is too late for me to experiment. With my brother's bad behavior, I've had to step up and become the family's face. The only social events I attend are the ones for my father's company. I'm constantly hit on by gold diggers and middle aged women with daughters. I'll probably end up marrying one, whether I like it or not.

Nobody in my family forces me to do anything, but my parents do know how to lay on the guilt. I've never actually had a genuine conversation with my father, without him telling me about his company or complaing about my brother. Youngmin, Youngmin, Youngmin. That's all I hear on the nights that he goes out and parties. When will they notice me for me? All of these thoughts, of course, are locked away, though. I file them in the back of mind and shove them deep inside me. I cannot, will not, let them show or else my family will kick me out, just like Youngmin.

"Kwangmin-ssi." A maid bows to me. "Sorry for interrupting you. You're father called."

I nod and head to my father's study. He smiles to me and places down his books. "Kwangmin, our company is throwing a party to mingle with our clients, tonight. I know you love those parties."

"I do, father." I don't. I hate them with all my heart.

"You should make more friends and also meet some girls." He suggested. I didn't want to meet new friends, I wanted a life. "There's a particular person I think you should meet."

"Really? Is it a pretty girl?" It didn't matter whether it was a pretty girl or not, if my father approved of them, then I was supposed to get along.

"Not a girl, but he is quite pretty. His name is Minwoo, I believe he's younger than you by a year or a few months." My father chuckled. "His father is a new client, and he's very wealthy. Minwoo's quite the gentleman, you should meet him."

"He sounds interesting." I'd rather be dead then meet that spoiled rich kid. "I can't wait to meet him."

"Get ready. You'll be going alone and I'll meet you later." I bowed to him before exiting the office. When I entered the room, I threw a silent tantrum on the bed. I rolled on my bed and groaned, before recovering my composure. I sighed and head to my closet. I grabbed a nice pair of slacks and a white button up shirt. I didn't feel like wearing a full suit so I grabbed a pair of suspenders and a bow tie. Although it was a more casual style, no one ever questioned me. I looked at the mirror and smiled at myself. Clean and proper, like how I'm supposed to be.

I combed my hair neatly and looked at my face. It looked a bit plain and an idea popped into my head. I went into Kwangmin's room. Although he had been gone for 2 days, he hadn't picked up his stuff. He was always a procrastinator. I dug into his drawers and found an eyeliner. I wasn't used to this stuff, because it always seemed too girly to me, but I wanted to try something new. I lightly drew the eyeliner on me, wiping off some parts that came out wrong. My eyes looked sharper and bigger, kind of like Youngmin's. That thought scared me and I wiped the eyeliner off, immediately.

My phone rang in my pocket and I smiled at the caller's id. "Hyunseong." I answered, cheerfully.

"Please tell me I'm not the only one going to this stupid party." He groaned.

"You're not the only one." He cheered at my response. "Let's leave early though." I suggest.

"Of course. I'm getting sick of these snobby parties. I hope something exciting happens." He sighed. "I'll go to your house and we can go together."

We arrived at the party late, due to Hyunseong taking his time. When we came, the party looked as boring as usual. Hyunseong and I headed straight to the food table, both of us were starving. As I looked around, I noticed that I didn't see any young people. I frowned and pointed it out to Hyunseong. We both the scanned the place until we saw a group of people our age. They were in a large group, so Hyunseong and I decided to go over.

We broke through the circle and found a young boy sitting down, obviously he was Minwoo since we've never seen him before. What had everyone staring was the person next to him.

"Wow. Kwangmin you really changed your style." A girl exclaimed.

"That's not Kwangmin." I frowned at her and stepped up. My brother and his friend Donghyun began to laugh when I emerged from the crowd.

"Ladies and gentleman, the real Kwangmin." Youngmin laughed. "I'm his less popular brother, Youngmin."

"Oh I forgot you had a twin." "Wow, which is older?" "They look alike, but dress so differently." Several people whispered around us and I felt shy suddenly.

"What are you doing, Youngmin?" I ask.

"I've just come to party. I was bored, but Donghyun had to come out, so I decided to join him." He grinned at me and drank some wine.

"Wow. It must be cool to have a twin brother. I guess you guys are like best friends, right?" Minwoo commented as he stared at us. I really hated being stared at. I sat by Youngmin and Hyunseong went near Donghyun.

"Not even close." Youngmin muttered, so only I could hear him.

"Well after talking to Youngmin, I like him. I hope we grow close as well, Kwangmin." Minwoo said, politely.

"Kwangmin-ah, its so crowded here." Youngmin whined, eyeing the people near us. "We should all go somewhere more...fun."

"We should! My father never lets me go out to cool places." Minwoo stood up excitedly. Youngmin turned and flashed a devilish smirk, before pulling Minwoo's wrist. I groan and followed them, with Hyunseong and Donghyun trailing behind. I knew that smirk, he was going to shatter that boy's innocence and make him into a party-goer like him. Youngmin used to this stuff all the time in high school.

We all piled into Donghyun's car. Youngmin called out shotgun, leaving Minwoo, Hyunseong, and me in the back seat. "There's this new club I wanted to check out. Let's go." Donghyun winked at us from the rear-view mirror.

"Minwoo. Are you sure you want to do this? Won't you get into trouble? Are you even old enough to drink." I shot questions at him. I was the only one who seemed to be panicking, even Hyunseong looked excited.

"It's fine. I probably will get into trouble, but that has nothing to do with you." Minwoo's business was my business. If my father heard what we doing, he'd kill us. "I'm not old enough to drink, but you don't look old enough to drink either."

"I guess you're right." I frowned. "I probably won't drink though."

"Yes, you will." Donghyun said, matter-of-factly. "I'll be the designated driver for tonight, so tonight you could let go."

"Kwangmin never let's go." Youngmin chuckled. "He's going to be like this all night."

"That's no fun." Minwoo scrunched up his face.

I stayed silent for the rest of the car ride. I really did want to relax, but I couldn't help think of the consequences. I pictured my father giving me the disappointed look he gives Youngmin. Memories of my mother crying because I smoked one cigarrette, flashed by. I swear I was going to give myself an aneurism. I hope I don't start hyperventilating, I tend to do that when I stress myself out. Before I could get too into my thoughts, Youngmin turned in his seat.

"Are you ready for the time of your life?" He grinned.

"Put your seatbelt on." Donghyun grumbled which made Youngmin pout. I chuckled a bit.

I was shaking in excitement and worry. Half of me was worried and wanted to stop the car and the other half wanted to do a happy dance. I settld for lookng out the window.

I swear if Youngmin screwed this up, I'll kill him.

HEY PEOPLE,

SO I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER....WHOEVER'S READING. WHILE I READ THIS, I'VE BEEN WATCHING MORE AND MORE BOYFRIEND VARIETY SHOWS. THEY'RE A REALLY FUNNY AND TALENTED BAND. I LIKE THEM. SO...I GUESS THANK YOU FOR READING. ^-^

p.s. I've decided to make this a  chapter fic