Paper Heart - f(x)

_______________________________________________________________________________________________
30/5/14

    “I really like your parents,” Jessica smiled as she lay on Taeyeon’s bed, reading a book she had picked off her shelf.
“Do you wanna trade?” Taeyeon joked. Jessica fell silent
“I don’t think I would put you through that,” after a short pause, in which she blanked out for a bit, Jessica smiled sadly.
“Is…is family a sensitive subject for you?” Taeyeon turned her attention away from her drawing and looked at Jessica thoughtfully, with a willingness to understand anything she would or wouldn’t say.
“I—I don’t really like talking about it,” the plot of the book in Jessica’s lap had now been forgotten and overwritten by the tale of memories she had long thought to be neutralised and extinct. Clearly she was wrong because she felt the clench in her chest and the stinging in her eyes very well.

    Taeyeon stood up from her chair and moved over to the bed, where she sat next to Jessica and waited for her to calm down before cupping her face gently and looking into the slightly red eyes.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” she asked softly as she ran her fingers through Jessica’s hair and her face gently with back of her hand. The both of them were now facing each other, on top of the quilt with legs crossed and knees touching.
Jessica swallowed the lump in and began in a trembly voice, “Taeyeon…I—I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you so many things, I want to show you so many things but—but I can’t. I just can’t.” Taeyeon simply sat still, her hands now motionless and eyes clear and understanding. Jessica opened to speak again but was stopped when Taeyeon leaned in and rubbed their noses together with her eyes closed and when she felt Taeyeon’s warm breath on her lips.
“Don’t worry, Jessica. I don’t need to know everything about you at once, it’s okay. I loved you before I knew anything about you and I love you still, right now as I find out new things about you. So don’t be afraid of…of anything, but if you ever are, I want you to know that my hand will always be here for you to hold,” Taeyeon tilted her head slightly and planted a soft on her lips. Jessica found herself closing her eyes and her heart began to race again, this time without the pain in her head and chest.
“It’s okay if you can’t tell me everything now, you can just take small steps, tell me little things one at a time, just like how you told me you loved me today. I will wait for you forever if you want me to,” Taeyeon whispered.
“I love you, I love you so much Kim Taeyeon. I love you.”
“As I love you, Jung Sooyeon.”

    And so began the procession which started with kisses and ended with two bodies, spent and blissed out, wrapped in a warm quilt and each other’s arms, which we call love making.

    In the time spent so far with Taeyeon, Jessica found herself waking far earlier than she normally would. Perhaps it was because time with Taeyeon was too precious to waste being asleep. Looking the clock on the bedside table (after removing the pair of shorts from on top of it, of course) she saw that it was only six in the morning, and judging by the lack of noise in the house, Taeyeon’s parents had either left or were still asleep. Jessica turned over onto her stomach, propping her head up with her arms and staring at the sleeping Taeyeon with an unconscious smile. Taeyeon was curled up in a foetal position, her dark hair strewn over the pillow, mouth slightly open and chest rising up and down with every breath. Her eyes absorbed the image of this Taeyeon, at her most vulnerable and most serene state and she wished that she could wake up to this everyday. Taeyeon shifted in her spot, and the part of the blanket covering her chest dropped a bit and Jessica could clearly see her collarbones, well defined and sharp. Her s were now exposed. Her s were slightly erect, mainly due to the cold morning temperature of the room. Jessica found herself going red at the thoughts that flashed through her mind (which shall remain undisclosed).

    Taeyeon made a small noise and her eyes opened slowly, though not fully as she had yet to adjust to the light.
“Good morning,” Jessica smiled.
“Mmm…Morning…” Taeyeon yawned as she sat up and stretched. Jessica couldn’t help but look as Taeyeon’s upper body was exposed and her back curved.
“,” Taeyeon smirked. Jessica launched herself up from her spot and tackled Taeyeon in a bear hug. Taeyeon squealed a bit, struggling before she laughed and hugged Jessica back.
“I thought you were gonna tickle me to death or something,” Taeyeon giggled.
“…That thought never crossed my mind until now.”
“Please don’t.”
“I won’t. It’s too early. I’m tired. Kiss me.”
“Oh alright.”

    The two sat on a bench in a park near Taeyeon’s home, with Taeyeon leaning her head on Jessica’s shoulder.
“Sing for me,” Taeyeon played with Jessica’s fingers.
“What song?”
“Any song.”
“Taeyeon, I could sing any song. How does “twinkle twinkle little star” sound to you?”
“Uuughghhhhhh you’re so fussy~ Alright then, sing a song that…that describes how you’re feeling now.”
“How I’m feeling?”
“Yeah,” Taeyeon closed her eyes and waited for the song to begin.
“Hmm…” Jessica began the song slowly, singing softly and gently, eventually closing her eyes as she leant into Taeyeon.
“Monday, Better day 
처음처럼 설레이는 그런 날
(A day that makes my heart rush like the first time)
Sunday, Better day
종일 너만 생각하는 그런 날
(A day when I think about you all day)
욕심이 나, 우리 사이 요만큼만 더 가까이
(I get greedy, wanting our relationship to get a bit closer)
딱 한 발짝, 그만큼 더 가까이
(Just one step, that much closer)
혼잣말이, 속삭임이
(My monologues, my whispers)
너도 궁금할 순 있잖아
(You might be curious too)
네가 좋아서 그래,
(It’s because I like you)
나 차가운 척 표정 짓고 있지만
(Even though I have on a cold face)
내 마음은 그게 아닌데 거짓말인데
(My heart isn’t like that, it’s a lie)
바보 같은 네가 난 답답해
(But foolish you makes me frustrated (“Hey! I’m not foolish!” Taeyeon pouted))
너무 좋아서 그래,
(It’s because I like you so much)
나 시무룩한 얼굴하고 있지만
(Even though I have an indifferent face)
또 기다리다, 고민만 하다
(I wait again and wonder what I should do)
흘러가는 하루 끝에서 하는 말
(And at the end of the day, I say)
내가 널 사랑해
(I love you)”

“You’re so adorable. I love you so much,” Taeyeon beamed.
“Maybe someday I’ll get used to you saying that, but today is not that day,” Jessica sighed. Silence fell upon them once again and Taeyeon wrapped her arms around Jessica’s waist and rested her chin on her head.
“Do I have your heart now?” she whispered.
“Maybe. As long as you don’t hurt it,” Jessica replied.
“What makes you think I will?”
“I’m scared, Taeyeon. You’re too good to be true. I’m just—inadequate, in so many ways. Meanwhile you, on the other hand, are nice and smart and funny and just perfect and I don’t know why you picked me to fall in love with because I have so many faults and I’m not even good at anything in particular and my middle name is basically apathy and—” Jessica rabbled until she was stopped by Taeyeon’s lips on her own.
“I don’t care about all of that, about any of that. I do, however, care immensely about you and I won’t let you go even if you ask me to,” Taeyeon nuzzled her nose.
“I love you,” Jessica whispered as she tilted her head to meet Taeyeon’s lips to share a kiss under the darkening sky and in the soft spring breeze.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Uh hi

its been nearly a month

SOZ

f(x)'s new album is the best that has ever existed (apart from soshi but you get me right)