WARNING: This chapter contains a little bit of Khunfany. If you think your heart may not be able to take it, please do not continue reading. But that doesn't mean I ship them, it's just part of the story, part of te drama. This story is afterall all about Taeny. So haters, be warned. :) 

3. Unrequited love? 

"Going somewhere tiff?" Jessica said as she walked towards the couch where the most of her members are sitting at. 

"Dae." Tiffany replied 

"You're looking pretty tonight. Date?" Sooyoung asked as she looks at Tiffany who took a seat across her 

"Sort of" Tiffany blushed 

"Really?!" Sooyoung straightened up in her seats with excitement. "Who who who?" 

"Someone.." 

Taeyeon who was observing silently, kept mum, pretending to be not interested in the conversation and kept her focus on the TV screen. 

Tiffany took a glance at taeyeon who doesn't seem to be interested in the conversation, I'm guessing I'm right, it's just a one-sided love on my part. You don't even care or feel jealous about me going on a date. You didn't  even stop me? I'm guessing this is it, it's time I move on and find my own happiness. 

"Come on, fany who is it? Idol group? Actor? Host? Dancer?" Sooyoung continued to pry, snapping Tiffany out of her thoughts. 

"Don't know." Tiffany shrugged happily, her cheeks getting pink 

you sure seems happy about it huh? Oh wells, whoever it is I hope you'll always be happy. I love you. And I'll keep wishing you will be mine one day but I know we can't and it will never happen. Cause you don't feel that way towards me. I know its love because  I want you to be happy even if it means you'll go  on without me, even if it means it's going to kill me everyday, even if it means we can only be friends, even if it means you won't love me back. It's love, only for you, Tiffany. Taeyeon thought to herself but quickly brushed it away when she heard loud cheering and clapping around her. 

"Nickhun-oppa? 2pm nickhun? Really?" 

"Who asked who first? Him?" 

"Did he tell you where he's bringing you?" 

"Guys guys.. Enough with the questioning. You're making her confuse. You guys better go and rehearse your lyrics, dance steps whatever. Or take this time to rest, don't waste precious times. And fany.." Taeyeon paused, trying to control her expression. "Go enjoy yourself and don't be home too late. I wouldn't want to explain to Manager-oppa. And be careful." Taeyeon reminded Tiffany with a straight face but deep down her heart was aching so much. 

"Yes, leader!" Tiffany teases Taeyeon as she make her way out of the dorm 

why is my heart aching so much? It's just a date. Normal date. It's not like she's in love with him. It's not like they are together yet. 
Taeyeon watches Tiffany excitedly disappear out of the door as she sighed silently for the umpteenth times for the past few minutes and head to her room. 

*************

Taeyeon heard the main door to the dorm open and she slowly get off her bed, not wanting to wake her roommate up. She then ruffled her hair messily, purposely doing so, wanting it to look as though she just woke up from her sleep. 

"Hey.." She greeted the other woman who had just entered the dorm 

"Woah.. You scared me there. What are you doing up? Were you waiting for me?" Tiffany asked but she wanted to mentally slapped herself for asking such stupid question 

"Anniya. I wanted to get a drink." Taeyeon nodded towards the kitchen. Truth is, she can't stop feeling worried and was waiting for Tiffany to come home from her date. 

"Ahhh. Couldn't sleep?" Tiffany said, following taeyeon to the kitchen. 

Taeyeon opened the fridge and stood there, searching for a bottle of iced water. 

"Manage to get some sleep. But my throat suddenly felt dry. Was coughing and it woke me up from my sleep." Taeyeon lied once more as she took a seat in front of Tiffany 

"Coughing? You're having a sore throat? I don't remember hearing you cough the past few days." 

Taeyeon mentally slapped herself in her head. "Err, just feeling sore recently. Too much practice, I guess Err-hem hemmm." Taeyeon pretended to clear to further convince Tiffany. 

"Take care of yourself ok? Do you want any lozenges? I can walk to the minimart awhile and buy if you want" Tiffany said as she looked at taeyeon with full concern.  

Taeyeon saw the look. It took everything in her to control herself from hugging Tiffany. she's caring for me.. I miss this. I miss her taking care of me.. 

"Tae?" 

"Dae dae? Anni, gwaenchanha. This bottle of water should do the trick." 

"Alright then. Take care ok? Are you having a fever?" Tiffany said as she place her hand on taeyeon's forehead, feeling her body temperature before subconsciously took taeyeon's loosen fringe and tuck it behind her ears. 

Taeyeon froze when she felt Tiffany's hand brushing lightly against her face. She then look up and accidentally met Tiffany's lingering eyes. Both looked away awkwardly as Tiffany quickly retrieve her hands back. 

"How's the date?" Taeyeon asked after a brief second of silent. She tries hard to put on her best smile while asking when in fact, she felt as though she just stab herself in the heart as she awaits for Tiffany's reply. 

Tiffany blushes a little at the mention of the word date, "It goes well. He's such a gentleman. Pulling chair for me, paying for the bill, even offering his jacket when I was feeling cold in the theatre. And I guess me and him could click well." Tiffany paused as her lips curved upwards, remembering her little date earlier. 

 I'm glad you're happy then.. Taeyeon automatically smiled too when she saw Tiffany's smile. Even though it hurts to know that Tiffany was enjoying herself with someone else, doing what she wished she had done with her, taeyeon can't help feeling happy when she sees Tiffany being happy. 

"And I have to admit, it does feels good to be treated like a princess once in a while. To have guys showered you with love and affection." Tiffany continued. 

Tiffany was just smiling to herself when she noticed taeyeon was just staring blankly at her. She tried to read her expression but failed. She could see a little sadness in her eyes but yet taeyeon was smiling at her. 

"You ok?" She finally asked, to get rid of her doubts. 

Taeyeon shook her head and widened her eye, "huh? Oh ya ya. I'm fine. Sorry, was getting a little bit sleepy there." Taeyeon then opens , faking a yawn. 

"Ahhh. Well, let's go to sleep then. Goodnight taeyeon-ah. I'll see you tomorrow." 

"Dae. Goodnight." Taeyeon watches Tiffany's back as she walk into her room before she stood up and switches off the kitchen light on the way to her room. 

Taeyeon lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling. This is it, Taeyeon. It's over. She's happy with someone else. She don't love you and she's happy with someone else. But I'll always love you, fany-ah.. 
Taeyeon felt her heart ache when she mutters those three words in her mind. She tried to sleep it off but her mind can't stop thinking of Tiffany who was probably in the other room, smiling to herself. She suddenly thoughts of the what if's in her life. 

what if I have been honest to her? What if I had confessed first? What if she had love me too? But what if she didn't.. 

And once again her thoughts ended in negativity, the only factor that is pulling her back from confessing her love, that she may lose Tiffany even as a friend if she confessed and Tiffany didn't had the same feeling for her. 

She slowly closes her eyes as she felt tears b at the corner of her eyes.  Let her go, Kim Taeyeon.. She mentally reminded herself and for that night, she silently cry herself to sleep, the first for the many nights to come. 

However, in the other room, Tiffany was smiling widely to herself as she lay on her bed. She took her phone and reply the last message she got from him. She then places her phone back onto the nightstand, hugging her Totoro plush toy tightly. 

"Well, I guess it's worth the try. I'm happy with him, he makes me happy. I knew whatever feelings I had with taeyeon was just a passing phase, because I hadn't found the right guy.." Muttered Tiffany to herself. But her smile began to fade when she mention taeyeon's name. 

 Eventhough he is able to make me happy, it doesn't feel the same as taetae. It's not the same kind of happy. Taeyeon make me feel..happier? Aish.. No, Stephanie. No. It's a sin to love girl. So what if she loved me, it's a sin to be in love with girls. Plus, I have nickhun oppa now. He loves me and I should love him back. 

Tiffany tried to shake her thoughts about taeyeon and convince herself again and again that she have no special feelings for her. She then took her phone again, rereading her text messages with nickhun and unconsciously fall to sleep as she read those messages. 

**********

"Back from another date, tiff?" Jessica said from the couch when she saw Tiffany entering the living room 

"Dae.." Tiffany replied tiredly but smiled when she saw taeyeon beside Jessica. 

Tiffany opened to greet the latter but close it immediately when taeyeon abruptly stood up and walked into her room. She ignored it and thought that taeyeon probably had a bad day. Eversince she's been hanging out with Nickhun, Taeyeon and her seems to drift apart. It's like taeyeon was purposely avoiding her and when she asked or tried to talk to taeyeon, taeyeon would answer simply, wanting to end the conversation quickly. But of course, Tiffany didn't dare to ask, she thought that Taeyeon was just exhausted from her schedule plus she didn't want to think too much about it because she knew if taeyeon had something on her mind, she would tell her first. 

"How is it going?" Jessica asked, snapping Tiffany out from her thoughts as she took a seat beside Jessica. 

"Who? Me and Nickhun?" Tiffany replied but her eyes was still alternatively glancing at the closed door of taeyeon's room 

"Dae." 

"Going well. I think I love him. He makes me feel special. " Tiffany smiled widely as she describe what kind of person Nickhun is. 

"You think you love him? Think?"  

"Dae. Love? How do you define love anyway? But if he loves me and I'm happy with him, means it's love right." 

"No, you're wrong. Love is when you feel cold and warm at the same time, when you read over the same line for the tenth time, when your heart and thoughts appear to rhyme and when a simple name conquers your whole mind. That's when you know you're in love." 

"Well, I do reread his messages but fallen to sleep to it or I'll sometimes stop halfway to reread taeyeon's birthday messages to me. I don't know why but rereading that particular message always make me happy. Well, I do thought about him once in awhile.." Tiffany paused. (I) even though I think about taeyeon a whole lot more. "But whatever it is, as long as I'm happy, that really matters right?" 

"Are you sure you're really that happy? What about her? Don't you think you're hurting her?" Jessica whispered, not wanting anyone else to eavesdrop on their conversation 

"Who?" 

"Taengoo." 

"What about her?" 

"Still living in denial, tiff? I'm sure you should know by now she loves you. Look at how she's been quiet lately ever since you went out with Nickhun." 

"I don't know her feelings about me. Neither did she confess anything. But even if she confess, I can't jess. It's a sin to me. I'm afraid I just can't return her love for me. I'm sorry about that but I can't, I mean we can't." 

"Then have you talked to her about that?" 

"About what?" 

"Your feelings." 

"My feelings?!" Tiffany raised her voice a little but quickly lowered it down once again when Jessica signaled her to do so. "I do not have feelings for her. I like her as a friend and nothing more. Although I have to admit that it hurts me to see her avoiding me." 

"Talk to her then. Do you like to see her being hurt?" 

"No, I don't. But if I were to reject her love, wouldn't that hurt her even more? Wouldn't it better to let her be than to reject her and to make it worst, she have to face me everyday."

"Then you'll just be leading her on. Because you're not denying her nor accepting her love. So she'll just fall deeper in love with you. If you really think, nickhun is the one for you, talk to taengoo about it. Tell her where she stand. Don't lead her on and then crush her. It's going to be ugly if one day, you and nickhun got together. It will be a big blow for her." 

Tiffany sighed, for the past few days her suspicion of taeyeon having feelings for her increases for the same reason Jessica said, that taeyeon have been acting weirdly ever since she started going out with Nickhun. As much as she love to be with taeyeon, her mind was guilt tripping her with the thought of her religion. She knew, it's impossible to love taeyeon and she could never return back the feeling. 

"I'll talk to her soon then. What about you and yuri then?" Tiffany asked, trying to change the topic. She was already feeling very pressured and just don't feel like talking about her love life anymore. 

"Me and yuri? We're nothing more than friends." Jessica smiled weakly. As though in the same boat as Tiffany, she too discovered that maybe she have feelings for another girl, her member, Kwon Yuri. But being in the top girl group of the nation, she knew its impossible to be in such relationship. 

"You're advising me but yet you have trouble with your own love life yourself. " Tiffany shook her head slightly. 

"At least I'm not leading her on. At least I've talk to her about setting our priorities straight. At least I told her where she stands. Because I'm not ready to be in a relationship, what's more being in a relationship with a girl. At least, I've reject her but if she wants to keep trying and not give up, then that's up to her. Who knows one day, I may accept her. " Jessica shrugged it off, being as nonchalant as ever. 

"Sadly, my heart is not as cold as you. I'm afraid if I were to reject her love, I'll be hurting her more." Tiffany exhaled, heaving a sigh. "Argh.. Enough with these relationship talks. Shouldn't you be happy that I found someone as good as Khunnie oppa?" Tiffany grumbled, ruffling her hair before grinning widely to Jessica

"Khunnie oppa? Wow, even had a nickname for him. Progressing fast huh?" 

"Could say so. " Tiffany shrugged 

"And I thought you'll end up with Mr American wannabe, Ok Taecyeon." Jessica said in English, teasing Tiffany 

"I'll leave him to you. You can have him if you want." Tiffany replied back in the same language 

"Eww, no thanks. He's mouth is too big for my liking." Jessica joked as both burst out in giggles. 

"Remember to talk to taengoo. Have to admit, I miss seeing her cheerful and joyful face." Jessica reminded Tiffany after both have calm down from their giggling. 

"I will." Tiffany gave Jessica a reassuring smile before standing up to walk to her room. 

************

"It hurts isn't it?" Sunny looked up from reading her book when she saw taeyeon entering the room. 

"Mwo? What thing hurts?" Taeyeon asked as she slumped her body onto her bed

"Unrequited love." 

"Hah. Love? Tell me the meaning of love again. " taeyeon sarcastically scoffed to herself as she took her peas and hugged them close to her chest. 

"Well well.." Sunny begin, "if you've ever been in love, you'll know that feeling." Sunny paused waiting for taeyeon's response just to ensure that the latter is listening 

"What feeling, soonkyu?" 

"The feeling of how you feel insane and how times passes so slowly when you're not with her. How she dominate your thoughts and you can almost feel them with you-.." 

"She don't dominate my thoughts." Said taeyeon but she was unconsciously smiling to herself as image of Tiffany appears in her mind as she listen to Sunny's words 

Sunny ignored whatever taeyeon said and continued talking, "how you can't help but smile when you know that she is thinking about you, like right now.." 

"I'm not smiling because of that!" 

"How when things ain't going well, it drives you insane and you can't seem to think straight.." 

"What?! No-..."

"How when she is not yours, you miss her so much and you feel that full emptiness in her chest.." 

"Hah.." Taeyeon bitterly sneer to herself when she got reminded that Tiffany was not hers and that she's happier with someone else 

"Most of all, you'll know how she's literally everything to you and nothing can change that. " Sunny finally ended her speech and grinned widely at taeyeon 

"She's not my everything." Taeyeon furrow her brows, pretending to disagree with Sunny's words. 

"She? Who's not your everything?" 

"Tiffany. Aren't you talking about her?" 

"Did I? Or did your mind automatically goes to her when you heard those words? The first person that came to mind was her right? Well, I guess you've answered your own question. That is love. You love her, taeng." 

"What?!.. Urm.. No... I." Taeyeon stutters nervously when she realised that she had blow her cover, "I just thought you were talking about her." 

"Stop denying yourself from true happiness taengoo. If you love her, just go for it. Why hold back?" 

"I'm not holding back!" Taeyeon retorts pridefully, "well, it's just complicated.." She lowered down her voice again, this time it trails off with a tinge of sadness. 

"Simplified it then." 

"Easy for you to say. But oh wells, whatever it is, it's all to late." 

"It's never too late, taeng." 

"It is. She have Nickhun now." 

"They may be hanging out but they are not officially an item yet. You still have a chance." 

"She's happier with him." 

"And you're giving up just like that?" asked sunny, feeling slightly irritated by taeyeon's pessimistic replies 

"I'm not giving up. I'm just accepting the cold harsh truth that the people I can't live without, can be perfectly fine living without me. " 

"Taeng..." Sunny calls out softly, wanting to change taeyeon's mindset and give her more encouragement. 

"Sleep, soonkyu." Taeyeon quickly interject, knowing what Sunny had in mind. She was in no mood to talk further because she doesn't want people to start pitying her. That is who she is. She rather keep everything inside and not burden anyone else. She would talk if people whom she truly trust ask her about it, but she won't reveal more than she would, not wanting people to start pitying her. 

Sunny sighed, knowing how stubborn taeyeon is, "Just one more piece of advise, don't lose hope in yourself Taeng. Once you choose hope, anything is possible. Because when the whole world says give up, hope whispers 'try one more time' "  

"Goodnight soonkyu!" Taeyeon quickly replied as she turn her back facing Sunny and cover the blanket over her head. She pretended not to listen Sunny's words but yet her words were ringing in her ears 

 hope huh? Keep hoping? For how long more? I'm just destined to love her secretly and my heart