What do you do when your emotions get to you? When life get’s to you? Your down points your happy times, your most deep and utmost emotions are pulled out of you?

 

I was always a happy person, still am. If you ask any of my friends they’ll probably tell you they rarely see me frown. Of course I’m still a kid at heart.

I think it starts when I made a friend, Zack. We were great friends. When we were little I used to love going to my imagination for an escape route. The only place where I could be happy and feel loved. Even at a young age I knew when something was wrong and when something bad was happening. I remember this day as if it were a dream, it was probably the tears that were falling down my face. I sat at the edge of the playground. Behind me the kickball field, to my right the football players, my left the kids who wanted to play hopscotch or four square, and finally in front of me the kids who played on the playground. I could always see around me and the area that was around me. Though on that day you could say I felt the world was against me. The sun was shining brightly, the nice breeze flowing free, people came by and asked if I wanted to play with them, but I ignored them knowing that one of the teachers on duty told them to ask me. I remember looking down at the wood chips from the playground, and a flower between my legs. The tears hitting my knees and watering the dry dirt.

There was a boy he had light blonde hair, soft brown eyes, and a wicked smile. He was running around when he stopped to look at me. He stood in front of me and asked,” What’s wrong?” I wiped my eyes, and sniffled. I tried to calm my trembling voice,” I-Im having problems.” He looked at me with a funky look on his face,”Is it family problems?” How’d he know? I mean he was only 7. I nodded in response. He grabbed my face and wiped away the tears that were about to form again. I looked at him, stunned. He smiled at me and grabbed my hand,”Let’s play.” I can remember that dorky smile he had given me,”I’ll try.”I got up and he asked me what do I want to play,”I wanna play animals.” He looked at me like he understood then he started making a face. For a second I thought he was going to run away like everyone else, I could feel the tears start to form again. Then out of no where he howled and looked up to the sky,” Let’s be wolves!” I was shocked for the moment. He ran off. I stayed there stunned watching him run off. He stopped and looked back at me, realizing that I wasn’t running with him. He ran back and waved his hand in my face,” Hellooo, is anyone home? Come on let’s play!” I snapped out of my stunned little phase realizing that this was reality. I ran howling like it was nobody’s business,”AWHOOOO!!!!” He ran after me and we both laughed, climbed on the jungle gym, swung on the swings. We pretended like we were two wolves running around our jungle, with obstacles in the way.

    Slowly the world started to unravel in front of me. I forgot about the little girl who was crying on the playground, staring at a lonely flower which would be crushed one day by a kids shoe. I felt like everyone was my friend, I had a skip in my step, and I had a friend who actually cared for me. I wished this feeling wouldn’t go away. So that I and he could stay happy forever in our little fantasy world of animals, friends, and someone to love each other. The bell rang, and we had to go into our lines. We looked at each other out of breathe. While kids were scrambling to their lines it was like we both were in our own little world.

“Can we play again tomorrow?”, I asked.

“Yeah! We should do this everyday!”, he said.

“What’s your name?”, I asked still trying to catch my breathe.

“My name’s Zack!”

”I’m Macy”.

“Let’s meet where I met you today!”.

“By the flower?”

“Yeah! There! This way we ever forget where we met each other”.

“Sure! I’ll see you tomorrow right?”

“Yup!”

“Promise?”

“Let’s pinky promise.”

We pinky promised and hugged each other goodbye. Our class lines were on different sides of the playground. I thought our days together would last forever. This continued onto the next day, a pinky promise and a hug near the end. None of us would have imagined what would happen next.

    When the next day came around I saw him sitting on a swing. I wanted to surprise him, so I went around the playground and hugged him from behind. He laughed the way he did, like everything was fine. I sat to the swing next to him and asked him about his day. I really did come to like Zack, I was always happy when I was near him, he made me laugh, and importantly, he made me feel safe. Maybe we could stay this way forever, and maybe one day we could get married. That’s what I thought in second grade. We let the world go round around us, and we kinda just swayed there on the swings. He wiped his eyes and looked at me,”Macy, I’m moving”.

My smile dropped,”You’re what?”

“I’m moving Macy.”

Everything started to slow down, the kids running around faded away, along with the scenery which turned into a blurred grey. The soft breeze and the warm sun all disappeared in that one instant.

“Where you moving to?”

“I don’t know, but my daddy says he found better work, and that we’re going to live in a bigger house.”

I could feel myself getting a little mad.

“Didn’t you tell him you didn’t want to go?”

“I couldn’t say anything. You know, it’s always what the adults want.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t want to go either.”

“Will you be far away?”

“Yeah. I won’t be going to school here anymore.”

I looked out at the place where I sat that day. The place where we met.

“Will you come back to visit?”

“Definetly! I’ll come to my grandmas once in a while so I can see you.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

We hooked our pinky’s for the last time. The bell rang. We got off our swings and started heading toward our lines. We gave each other one last hug goodbye. Sometimes I wonder if that hug was a big enough hug. I always had a feeling that we would part one day. I gave him my best hug that I could, hoping that I could somehow give him my feeling through my hug. so that he wouldn’t forget me. We parted ways. We waved goodbye to each other, the last time we would see each other. While the teacher was giving out roll call, I felt something warm go down my cheek. I wiped my face, and stared at what I had collected in my hand. It was faint, but I remembered what that substance was. I tried to wipe it all away, but the more I wiped, more it came out. My name was called, but I didn’t raise my hand. My name was called out serveral more times, but I was preoccupied with trying to stop the tears from falling. One of my classmates yelled out to the teacher that I was crying.The teacher pulled me away from the group and told everyone to go to lunch. I was later led to the chair outside the office, and continued to cry. After a while my mother came through the doors. I ran to her side and began crying even more than before. My stuff was handed to my mother, while she carried me out to the car. I cried myself to sleep in the car, when I woke up I was in my bed. I felt warm, but empty on the inside.

    Being a kid I never really thought about it. Now that I’m older I realize that I tend to reflect on what’s happened in my life. My last memory from second grade was standing, and staring at the flower. The flower hadn’t been trampled or crushed. It just stayed as if nothing happened. I bent down and plucked the flower. Knowing three things that day while I walked away from the spot. One, the friendship, love, and care were all real. That Zack was someone who actually cared to make an attempt to be my friend. Even if we were in second grade he’s still my best friend forever. Two, that our promise was broken. The pinky promise that was made, by the place where I had cried, the place where we would meet, the place of great memories, were lost and gone forever. We would never see each other again at that same spot. Three, that the spot there will disappear, along with all the memories that were created. Now, I’m 16 and realize the reason why it was so heart breaking for a second grader. I had experienced love for the first time in my life. Even though you’re young you can experience love. It may sound stupid to you, but this memory of my first crush, first love will forever hold a spot in my heart.

 

I wrote this story in dedication to my friend in second grade. I don’t know where, who, or what's become of you. I hope you’re doing well, I miss you, stay safe. Thank you for expressing your care and love, something I had never had when I was younger. Thank you for being the one to have taught me the feeling of being loved. So thank you my friend, love, wolf, playmate, first crush, and first love.