We all have that one family member who's the best at something. The one who's the most athletic, smart, handsome, pretty, kind, caring, loving, lovable, and so on. In my case it's the one who tried to know me and play with me when I was young. As a kid I wasn't really liked. I was neglected by my cousins and even my aunts and uncles. In order to get their attention I acted out(which in the future I learned means most of my cousins hate me). What I can remember from childhood is that I had a lot of fun at my cousin’'s house. He had long hair and always wore a green hat. Of course being in his I think middle school days he wore his hat backwards and such. The first person I would always look for when I got there was my cousin. My cousin would play with me. He taught me Pokémon and Yugioh, video games, and played hide-and-seek with me. He WAS my first childhood friend. Eventually time went by, their family got busy, my family got busy, and I couldn't see him all the time. When I got to 6th grade that's when they would visit once in a while. I always got excited when I heard they were coming, but when they got here it was awkward. What were we suppose to do? Time went by and I learned how to handle the awkward encounters. He had cut his hair at one point and it wasn't bad. Just didn't notice him at first. I believe it was middle school when I started comparing him to the boys at my school. My cousin  was around 6' tall then, and I always imagined marrying a guy a lot taller than me. That my high school crush/bf would be just as tall as my cous. Now, I'm in high school where everythings awkward, but now we have things we can talk about. Now he’s in college and I'm stuck in high school. I didn't question anything, and I usually stare at the ground when talking to anyone. I don't know why, but recently I've started looking up. During the month of May I've seen him a total of 3 times so far. I've always loved how he acted. His carefree style, his deep voice, his playful tude, I can't explain it. When he came over the first time it was just like the same old. I decided to look him in the eyes...and I swear I didn't breathe for the moment. Then I came back to reality and walked off real quickly. I walked into the bathroom, and re-evaluated myself in the mirror. I put my hand over my heart, feeling a gap everytime I didn't breathe. I blew it off pretending it was just because I haven't seen him in a while. The second time my heart was filled with happiness and joy. He gave me a handshake, but I told him I still wanted hugs. I got my hug, but when it happened I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I waited until the left, and strided over to the bathroom to re-evaluate myself oncemore. My cheeks were flushed, my heart beat rapidly. The next 2 days I did some real thinking. I told myself this was wrong since he was family. I could never go past that barrier. The third time was a day later. We all went to the movies. I felt a bit jealous that my Brother was sitting next to him, and my sis next to my bro. His mum sat on his right. So, I ended up sitting 2 people away from him. After the movie we went back to my parents restarunt... We started talking a bit, but I looked up just to make sure about my feelings. I swear my heart had exploded. He smiled and laughed. I couldn't take it. So, I excused myself and rushed to the bathrooms and splashed my face. I knew my answer. I had a crush on my cousin, my childhood friend. I can't though. He's family, it's forbidden, but I can't tell myself no. I try to get the forbidden romance out of my head, but I can't. Instead I day dream of him taking me down, surprising me out of the blue, or me finding ways to trick him into having me do things... I can't believe the things I think up about. T~T... He seems to be on my mind a lot lately and I can't seem to focus. All I can think about is him and me together. I guess, this is my long way for the introduction. It may be teen hormones running around, but I might as well write down the daydreams...