Seungri awoke to someone’s collarbone near his lips and his entire body being engulfed in a spine breaking embrace.
 

T-Oppa! He always hugs so tight!
 

As predicted, it was Top that lay beside/over him. He was always so protective of his youngest hyung. They were so close but not even Top fully knew or understood him. Only his family knew how he really was, his actual personality. At the same time they didn’t know everything either such as the fact he doesn’t have any plans to get married, they still try and push ever since they found out.
 

Then he heard it, THEM. Again.
 

Slap. . Slap. Moan. Slap. Growl.  Slap. Scream. Slap. Creek. Slap. Pant. Slap. Scream. Grunt.
 

He clenched his jaw, tightened his arms around Top’s body and tried to bury himself into the other man’s chest as to drown them out. He couldn’t, so he cried.
 

Top woke up for two reasons: One – His ribs were being crushed until he couldn’t breathe. Two – His chest was being soaked by the tears of his panda-hyung. 
 

He tried to speak but instead started to cough and splutter.
 

“St-Stop!” He finally managed to utter.
 

“Sorry, sorry” Seungri cried and loosened his grip.
 

“Eh? Stop singing Super Junior at me!” He joked, trying to lighten his mood.
 

“Ah I wasn’t UGH!” Seungri then buried his head back into TOP’s collarbone, clearly his attempt didn’t work.
 

“What’s up? This isn’t you” He started to say until he heard a snort from under him.
 

“Seungri, tell me; don’t expect me to just guess!”
 

Quick, lie, NOW! If people know the real you, nothing will have changed from before, they will be the same. You will still be-
 

“SEUNG-HYUN!” Top roared.
 

“What? It’s just the stress of having my solo album being out, now we are getting stuff organised for BIGBANG’s comeback and with-” Seungri stopped himself, he slipped beyond the lie.
 

“With what?” Top said while holding the panda.
 

“My family are trying to get me to marry someone”
 

“But YG rules” Top said while panicking for his hyung.
 

“I know. That’s what I said to them, it’s never going to be possible, they’re not happy about it.” Seungri slumped back onto Top as much as he could.
 

These were some of my problems but little ones and little ones build up too but they don’t bother me as much as that little bit-
 

“So? This is what you’re all worked up about, come on panda. Let’s sort this out.” He then seated them both up. Seungri nodded, if anyone could sort this, it was him.
 

“You’re album is going well, I get what you’re worried about though. It’s not really how YG has portrayed your public image, yet the more matured persona is obviously working. You just have to act the part more.”
 

Seungri felt like laughing the way he was inside.
 

This is basically what YG has done to the real me, covered it all up and portrayed me as something else, yet he doesn’t even know what he’s done. 

The advice about trying to act more mature, more like Seungri than I was already, that is what scares me the most. I didn’t want to but I’m now trying everyday to be more and more like Seungri but never Seung-hyun. No one likes Seung-hyun. No one wants Seung-hyun. Especially not J-.

“You shouldn’t be panicking about BIGBANG, just be the Seungri you have always been, then you will fine.” Top continued to say other things that were so close to his bigger problems that it hurt. It hurt because Top was insisting for him too continue acting out his personality instead of being himself.
 

“With your family, they know what they signed you up for. I’m sure they’re just worried, I mean you hardly seem the type to settle down, eh?” He nudged the thinking panda. 
 

“No, of course not. Never.” Seungri uttered without emotion.
 

“See? Come here, you’ll be okay” Top scooped his panda hyung.
 

Seungri leaned in to his T-oppa, just thinking of him…and her.
 

I can still hear them; I could hear them through Top’s voice. I had to put on the false act even while talking to my oppa, as if I couldn’t hear or care about him.
 

“Eugh! You can hear them through there, you shouldn’t be hearing this panda” Top laughed and covered Seungri’s ears.
 

No, I shouldn’t. I can’t anymore… sake, put the mask back on and move on, you won’t be together.
 

Seungri grinned “Ah T-oppa, stop covering my ears with your ape hands!”
 

“Ape hands?” Top questioned while looking deep in thought.
 

“Eh? T-oppa? I didn’t mean-” Seungri rushed thinking he said something to offend him.
 

“No, no. You will see what I have planned later okay?” Top smiled at him.
 

“Ah so secretive.” Seungri whines as Top sat up and made him do the same.
 

“And you’re not?” Top smirked
 

So he does see it then?
 

“Never” Seungri feigned confusion
 

“I can see your mask but not what’s behind it.”
 

Ah so he has, I tried to act in front of a great actor. Common sense isn’t really my strongest point; I wonder how long he’s noticed though…
 

“-you know? I mean you can’t just go from crying like that to the polar opposite, you’re not known for crying, so you can’t just bounce back, hm?” Top mused.
 

So not long at all, figures.
 

“But listen panda, you just gotta be you!”
 

“Didn’t you just tell me to act well?”
 

“Concerning professional work, yes. We all do. But you should never have to fake your personality in real life. If some people can’t accept the real you, then do they really deserve to be part of your life? Just know that you don’t have to ever pretend with us so don’t start.
 

He’s right but at the same time, this is all I really know now, to be the real me is too scary, it’s too much risk, too much pain.
 

“You’re right, it’s just wh-”
 

“AAH!” A woman screamed from the other room.
 

“That them finished, eh? I don’t get it, she doesn’t like him.” Top looked angry.
 

“How do you work that out?”
 

“You can just tell, she knows the risks from experience, yet she’s still so reckless with him, why do you think that is, hm? It’s not as if she couldn’t be subtle.” Top babbled, then stopped and blushed.
 

“You guys went out” Seungri was shocked.
 

So he’s just a rebound…from Top of all people.
 

“Yeah, but YG found out and well, I’m not allowed to date Bom so…”
 

“Because of your date restriction, hr stopped you from that?”
 

“No, he said that we would be out YGE for inter-company dating.” Top started crying, Seungri took his turn to comfort the other.
 

 “It’s okay…Why are they still together then when it’s so obvious?” He knew it wasn’t the time to ask but he had to know.
 

“YG is busy with the new trainee’s when he notices they won’t be, she knows that”
 

“Isn’t that a good thing?”
 

“I guess but if she does care for him.” Top cried more, Seungri knew not to ask more questions just be there for him.
 

You said she doesn't like him that much and you would know more than anyone, don’t worry Top”
 

“It hurts”
 

“I know, I know”
 

She’s going to break him, YG is going to break him and I’m going to have to be there to put him back together. But we can’t be together, even if we both want to be. 

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Don't worry, it's not finished. I hope you don't mind this Top/Seungri convo chapter. The next one will be up soon. 
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