** July 2002 **

It’s Daniel’s fourth birthday and Louis had invited their families and close friends to his new home in New York City. They had moved to this city almost a year ago.

Unlike his parents who grew up in houses with a front yard, Daniel lived in an apartment. He still had a ride-on and a bicycle but there was no immediate open space for him to explore and run. However, the little fellow was not the one affected by it, it was Lydia who had problems adjusting to the change in environment. She missed the herbs and flowers in her little garden. Although she had moved to Louis’ apartment after their wedding and left her job as a kindergarten teacher shortly, her parents’ house wasn’t far away and she would spend her time there.

Lydia tried to make friends but most of her neighbours were working professionals. Many units of their apartment building were vacant during the day. Most mothers had placed their kids in the day care centres and she seemed to be the only stay-at-home mum in the block. She had applied for a job at a day care centre but she and the manager could not agree on having Daniel in the centre too.

Ever since the farewell party which Jessica had thrown for them, Jessica had not seen Louis and his family for the past year. She had been keeping in touch with Lydia via phone calls and the latter truly appreciated these conversations as they relieved the loneliness that she was having. Through these calls, Jessica had also been kept updated on Daniel’s linguistic and analytical abilities progress. Daniel was now a chatterbox who never failed to make her laugh with his innocent and candid questions and statements.

However, Jessica hardly managed to speak with Louis all these while. They tried to correspond via MSN Messenger but their conversation usually started and ended with a greeting. She often wondered how he was doing and she was looking forward to see him and his family during this trip.

Jessica, her parents and Louis’ parents had arrived on the day of the party. When Lydia apologetically told Jessica that she and Louis were unable to pick them up from the airport, Jessica simply assumed that they were too busy with the party preparation so she gladly reassured Lydia that she would lead the elders to the hotel and then made their way to Louis’ new house.

The folks had just settled down at Louis’ place when Louis returned home with the birthday cake. Jessica noticed that Louis was wearing his business suit. Once he had changed into his casual wear, he promptly mingled with the guests who were their parents and Lydia’s family members. Just like their high school days, Jessica had chosen to observe him from the side-line and she smiled at his charisma and wits. He was still like the “it” boy of their youth. Competing with him in the popularity contest was Daniel who was a crowd magnet like his dad. It was an enjoyable evening filled with laughter and Lydia’s good food. However, Jessica and Louis didn’t manage to converse with each other except for a few passing remarks.

The following day, Lydia met up with Jessica and the elders at the hotel after she had bid her folks farewell. Lydia had thoughtfully arranged for her family members to arrive a few days before the party so that she would be able to send them off and accompany Louis’ parents after the party. Noticing Louis’ absence and since she knew the elders’ preferences better, Jessica planned out their sightseeing itinerary with Lydia. Together they played tour guides to the elders over the next two days.

The evening before the elders left, Lydia had prepared another delicious dinner for them. However, Louis was unable to make it for the dinner. Although his parents seemed contented with their grandson’s presence, Jessica had known better. She gave Louis a call but reached his voice mail instead. She left him a message telling him to spend some time with his parents before they left. Despite delaying their return to the hotel after the dinner till the very last hour, they were still unable to see Louis. Jessica could sense his parents’ disappointment and she went to bed feeling disappointed too. Unknown to Jessica (until Louis’ parents mentioned to her many months later), Louis did visit his parents at their hotel room later that night after he listened to her voice message.

After their families had left, Lydia was left with nothing much to plan and look forward to again. She was grateful that Jessica was staying over for another week as she would be visiting some fellow researchers in the universities. Jessica became her dinner companion for the week.

Although Jessica was having dinner with Lydia at her place every night, she hadn’t seen Louis who came home close to mid-night and left for work before seven o’clock. She knew that he was hardworking and competitive, but she never thought that he would be such a workaholic. From her little chats with Daniel, she found out that Daniel hardly saw his dad too. Little children were highly adaptable. She noticed that Daniel would pepper his speech with mentions of his mother every now and then but his father was seldom spoken of. She was worried about Louis’ relationship with Daniel. She had never expected him to neglect his family due to work.

For almost her entire life, Louis had never failed her expectations. He had stood up for her while they were still kids. He had excelled both in academics and in sports. Although many girls had chased after him and he basked in his popularity, he never fooled around with their feelings. Despite the fact that it was a shotgun marriage, he had gallantly taken up his responsibilities and he was an image of a loving husband and father before he came to New York. She was so proud of him when he was headhunted to come to New York. To her, Louis could almost do no wrong. Hence, she was greatly saddened by her disappointment that someone she had admired for so long had failed her exceptions.

It was Saturday and she was leaving the next day. Jessica thought she might be able to spend time with Louis and his family together. But she was wrong. Louis had left for work as usual and she missed having breakfast with him when she arrived at his house at eight o’clock. She ended up spending the morning with Lydia and Daniel at the park. She gave her godson a good chase and tackled him onto the field. She then attacked him with loads of tickles.

That afternoon, while Daniel was taking a nap, Lydia baked Jessica’s favourite butter cake for their tea time. But when she took the cake out from the oven, the mix had failed to rise. Seeing the failure, teardrops escaped from the corner of her eyes. She tried to hide her tears but Jessica had already seen them. Taking comfort in Jessica’s hug, Lydia finally let the tears that she had been holding back flowed. She was so scared of her lonesome routine which would return once Jessica left and she felt like a total failure when she could not control her feelings and fears.

“I’m sorry. I had forgotten how to bake a cake.” Lydia swallowed hard and said to Jessica.

Jessica patted her back lightly and consoled her, “It’s just a cake. It will come back to you once you start baking again.”

At Jessica’s words, Lydia sniffed harder. “When I first moved here, I tried to pass my time baking. But I ended up eating what I baked on Mondays as my breakfast for the rest of the week.”

Catching Jessica’s puzzled look, she added, “No one else eats them and I can’t serve them to Louis every day, right?”

Upon hearing what Lydia had said, Jessica felt a pang of sadness for Lydia. “There is nothing wrong giving that guy overnight food. If you can eat it, he can eat it too.” Jessica thought but didn’t say to Lydia. She also caught the word that Lydia used – served. “Lydia, you are too submissive. He is taking this to his advantage!” Jessica wanted to say but didn’t utter.

As the past week progressed, Jessica’s disappointment had evolved into an anger which she could not quite comprehend herself. Perhaps it was the helplessness of seeing the person you loved so much doing something that was wrong and yet you can’t seem to be able do much about it. She had always seen him as the best person in the world and she wanted so much for him to remain so; she could not accept that he was hurting a woman whom she had grown so fond of and was one of her closest friends now.

Hence, while Lydia was attending to Daniel when he woken up from his nap, Jessica made a call to Louis demanding that he had dinner with her that night. Thinking that she wanted to dine with him before she returned the following day, Louis gladly agreed to it. Jessica then assisted Lydia in making their dinner. As she chopped the vegetables, each swing of her knife was stronger than required.

Although anger was seething in her, Jessica tried to be pleasant to Louis during dinner for Lydia’s sake. Observing the excitement in Lydia, she suspected that Louis had not been home to have dinner with Daniel for a long time. With some discreet probing, her suspicion was confirmed. Louis usually got home too late so he didn’t have dinner at home. Lydia would eat whatever she cooked for Daniel as dinner. She took a closer look at Lydia and noted that the latter had lost quite a fair bit of weight.

Louis had excused himself to his study room after dinner while Jessica helped Lydia washed the dishes so that the latter could put Daniel to bed. When the dishes were done, Jessica walked into Louis’ study.

She placed her two hands on the edge of his study table and waited. She caught the flash of annoyance in his face when he first lifted his head. When he saw her, his expression was replaced with a smiling face with a twinkle of playfulness in his eyes. He was getting ready to tease this old buddy when the opportunity struck.

“Can you send me back to the hotel?” she asked without smiling. She looked straight into his eyes and he knew from her look that she wasn’t taking no as an answer.

Sensing that she was not in a mood for him to fool around with, he sighed inwardly and stood up. “Let’s go,” he said to her.

Before she made her way out of their house, Jessica peeked into Daniel’s room and saw Lydia sleeping on a floor mattress next to Daniel’s bed. She padded softly into the room and woke Lydia up gently. After saying goodbye to Lydia, she planted a kiss on the child’s forehead.

The ride to the hotel was a silent one. Louis could sense that Jessica was fuming over something but he didn’t know what was burning in her. Knowing Jessica, he knew that she would blow up any time as she wasn’t one who held her anger for long.

Jessica disliked making scenes in the public so she invited Louis to her hotel room. The moment the hotel room door was closed, she unleashed her anger. “How much time do you actually spend at home?” she raised her voice at him.

He crossed his arms and frowned at her but he didn’t reply her.

“Where is the Louis who would play with Daniel and spend time with his wife?” she berated him.

Her attitude was causing his anger to build up. But he kept his tone calm and his volume low, “What is this about?”

Influenced by his calmness, Jessica stepped down a little from her aggressiveness and she said with a slight plea, “Louis, your family needs you.”

“I know. I’ve been trying my best to provide for them.”

“They need your time and attention. Not just money.”

The mention of money triggered something in him and he retorted, “The cost of living in this city is high and I’m the sole breadwinner.”

“Then move back to where you come from!”

“But this is where my career progression is!”

“So you are choosing your career over your family, aren’t you?”

He took the last question as an accusation which Jessica never meant to be.

He spread his arms and placed his hands on his hips. He argued defensively, “My family is just as important to me.”

“When was the last time you go to the park with Daniel? Do you know that he can spell his own name? When was the last time you had dinner with Lydia and Daniel?” Jessica quickly countered. And before Louis could reply, she added, “Don’t tell me it’s tonight!”

“Will you even come home if it wasn’t me who called you?” she asked.

He hated it that she was right. If Lydia had called him, he would have brushed her off. Then it occurred to him that Lydia had not been calling him when he was at work, even after office hours, for quite some time. Feeling slightly ashamed of himself, he attempted to mask his embarrassment by asking rather harshly, “What had Lydia said to you?”

Hearing the harshness in his tone, Jessica became protective of Lydia. “She had said nothing. Don’t you go home and interrogate her.”

The word “interrogate” cut a little too close to him as an attorney. His wife was not a witness, a plaintiff or a defendant. “This is MY family. I know how to handle them myself.”

Although slightly taken aback for his raised voice, it was his segregation of his family from her that hurt her. She always felt that they were a family. Gritting her teeth, she pointed to the door and said, “Fine! This is YOUR family. I shall not interfere anymore. Please leave.”

The moment the door closed after his exit, Jessica sunk to the carpeted floor and bawled her eyes out. It hurt so badly. In one night, she had lost her best friend, her brother and the person she had always been in love with – all in one fit of anger. The pain was so many times worse than when he got married. Of course they had their fights as they grew up, but this was the first time they shouted at each other past their teenage years. They weren’t little children anymore; they were adults and adults were supposed to mean what they said. He had cut her off from his family and she threw him out. Will they still have a place in each other’s lives?

(24.03.2014, re-edited on 09.06.2014)

Note: The marriage of Louis and Lydia broke down 2 years after their move to New York, i.e. when Daniel was five.