Then I started to see things I
couldn’t see, hear things I couldn’t hear
Because after you left, I received
a power I didn’t have before

Baekhyun lights the entire house with a snap of his fingers because maybe if the house isn’t as dark as the realm on his heart that are being clouded by stormy clouds, he would feel a little less sad. He doesn’t need to be happy really but the emptiness within him is getting too much to bear, too much for him to handle and it will actually be better if it will all just stop.

But he can’t close his eyes no matter how much he wants.

And he can’t pretend not to hear things no matter how much he tries.

Because it’s just her that has left, not the love she has left him and not the love he has for her.

Baekhyun actually wonders when it will leave or if it will ever leave.

He takes off his thermal jacket and even inside his house with the heater on, Baekhyun feels extraordinarily cold like it’s snowing itself on his living room. He settles himself on his couch and turns on the television, looking for something to amuse him that might just tear his thoughts away from her.

He stares at the blinking light of the television and wonders what the characters on a certain movie called ‘Fly Away Home’ that is playing when he flips the channel on HBO Hits. Their mouths seem to be moving but Baekhyun can’t make out of any words they’re saying. He increases the volume before indolently dropping the remote control on the floor and as he closes his eyes, he wishes that the whole house would just be engulfed in the sound coming from the television so he wouldn’t hear.

So he wouldn’t have to hear and he wouldn’t have to miss.

“I love you, Baekhyunnie,” a sweet voice, as sweet as their favorite pastries, comes from the kitchen. “I’ll bake you caramel cakes, chocolate cakes, mocha cakes and all kinds of cake as long as you want to eat them, okay?”

“Okay,” he hears his own voice agree to her as he remembers that scene, him pulling her into a back hug as she mixes egg yolks with flour.

“I’m baking, Baekhyunnie,” comes a soft giggle.

He opens his eyes and rushes to his room. He can’t take this; he can’t admit to himself that he can hear her, that he can hear them and yet, he can never be with her again, they can never be together again.

“I love you, Baekhyunnie,” the same sweet voice that he heard from the kitchen sings inside his room. “Even when you’re already old and even when you can’t carry me on your back anymore, I’ll still love you because I love you.”

“I love you, too. I love you, too,” he hears himself again and another reel of film plays on his mind, him pulling her closer towards him and their legs tangled under the sheets, the movie ‘Up’ rolling its ending credits before them. “I love you, too.”

“Why three times?”

“Because you told me ‘I love you’ three times. Whenever you’ll say those three words to me, no matter how many times, I’ll always say ‘I love you, too’ back.”

Baekhyun covers both of his ears harshly as he shouts, “Please! Stop it! Stop this already… Please.” He begs to the wind, feeling a rush of tears coming from his eyes. “I can’t take this anymore… Please. Stop…”

But he can hear.

“I love you, Baekhyunnie… I love you, Baekhyunnie… I love you, Baekhyunnie…”

His hands covering his ears slowly fall on his side and he slowly slides down to the floor, his back leaning against the wall. Hugging his legs and resting his chin on his knees, Baekhyun still answers.

“I love you, too… I love you, too… I love you, too…”

Thirteen days before Christmas.