The one thing I can’t do
is bring you to me
I wish I didn’t have this
useless power anymore

Jongdae walks aimlessly, bolts of lightning from the dark skies following him as he takes one step after another. Honestly, he can burn down houses with his lightning, or fire stray bolts at random people if he wants to but Jongdae isn’t a bad person. He may be sad – , he is damn miserable – but he isn’t a bad person.

The path he is taking is a only going ahead; there are no corners or dead-ends but instead, it’s only straight and he only has one option: to move forward but Jongdae thinks, how can he move forward if every turn, every step, every breath he takes, she is still there?

It’s true, he sarcastically laughs to himself, that when you love someone – when you truly, unconditionally love a person – you give a part of yourself. But what happens if you give not only one but two, three – damn it, what if you give your entirety to that person? Will you ever have it back again even if you know – you damn well know – that you will never, ever have that person back again? How are you supposed to move forward and live if you’ve given yourself to somebody and you know now that there’s no chance for you to get it back anymore?

He smirks. This isn’t like Kim Jongdae.                          

Kim Jongdae is a funny man. He always fools around and he is never serious. He isn’t sentimental and he isn’t emotional but somehow, Jongdae has to close his eyes for a moment to blink away the tears that are forming on his eyes, dangerously threatening to fall because it still goddamn hurts.

“,” he murmurs to himself, harshly bringing his gloved, clenched fist to his eyes and accidentally bringing another series of lightning to the place, startling people.

He pulls his gray scarf to hide more of his face, musing if those people around him know that he’s the one causing those lightning that are ruining their holidays. He wants to cover his face up through his eyes because maybe – just maybe – if he covers those eyes, then he won’t be able to see anymore.

From his right, Jongdae sees her favorite café, “The Café.” The name is simple and the café itself is nowhere extravagant or special but he guesses that’s what sets itself apart from the other cafés, it is simple. Then, it happens again. He sees her but this happened too many times already for Jongdae to rush over to where she is and beg her to come back. So what Jongdae does now is stare and watch – painfully stand there and reflect of what he let go.

He sees himself panting before her, his hands planted on his knees as he tries to catch his breath. She patiently waits for him to recover and when he finally does, she smiles gently at him. He can’t recall anymore what she said to him but whatever it was, he grins ridiculously and she chuckles lightly.

They are so happy but what happened?

Is it true when people say that all good things must come to an end?

Jongdae turns to his left and another reel of events play for him again. This time, they are simply walking side by side, their shoulders touching from time to time. He notices that they’re sharing a pair of gloves and he realizes this must be the time when he forgot to wear gloves again. She lightly scolded him and gave him one of her gloves. He was reluctant to accept it but she looked awfully concerned that he took it in the end.

He impulsively glances over at her and he thinks, she is so beautiful. She turns just in time to catch him looking at her and she offers him another smile and Jongdae thinks again, she’s the most beautiful thing that happened in his life – that will ever happen in his life.

But it hurts, Jongdae clutches the cloth over his heart and runs, stinging tears pouring down from his frozen face, bolt after bolt of lightning following his tracks. If he can forget her, he would. If he can erase her very existence from his own, he would. It he can stop seeing her damn place he goes, he would.

But he couldn’t.

She’s everything and she’s everywhere for Jongdae.

She’s gone, though, cool breeze touching Jongdae’s cheeks and drying the tears. He lets out a loud, painful cry to the skies because if they can give him bolts of lightning all he wants, then maybe – just maybe, they can give her back, too.

Two days before Christmas.