I've come to terms with the fact that you can't make someone love you if they don't. That you really shouldn't trust anybody, because nobody is worth it truly. I've realized that love is just a game and like any other game someone loses. This time the someone was me.

As I watched those slender, long fingers wrap themselves around the door knob my heart shattered into pieces. It couldn't be, could it? Desperately trying to understand what was going on I gripped on to the only thing which really meant something to me. Unfortunately this was you and you surely weren't happy about my hand tugging on your expensive shirt. Your face scrunched up in disgust before you slapped the only link between us away, showing me once more that you stopped caring. "Stop it Donghae." Those words, spat with so much despisement caused me to choke on my breath, leaving me coughing as you simply stepped out of our precious flat, slamming the door close behind you. The loud bang made me realize that unlike me you'd never look back. Unlike me you wouldn't sit here and remember. Unlike me you would move on easily. Unlike me you didn't care... at all. Stepping back I took a deep breath before parting my lips for something, which happened to be the loudest scream that ever slipped past my lips. Not long ago we were moving in the same direction, holding hands as we laughed at the speechless faces of other persons. They couldn't believe that we showed off our love even in public, altough we were a gay couple.
"Eunhyuk." Your name left my mouth like a hiccup, mixed with so much pain and sorrow. Once again I tried to voice it, the pain which tightened my chest, but the more I tried, the more I saw it wouldn't change anything. Actually you shruged me off and kept moving since it was "none of your business". Slowly I should accept the fact that this utterly idiotic behaviour of yours your true character is. Altough the really idiotic person was me, since I was the one being blinded...no, fooled by those charming words you used to spill daily. How stupid was I? To fall for your lies, I could have done so much better.

Even if I knew that fact, just like a black shawl it wrapped itself around me, causing me to choke, to totter since I couldn't see. Dropping to my knees I tried to free myself only to notice it was endless. No matter whether I looked back, forth, left or right, all I saw was this back-breaking darkness, which people usually call lugubriousness. Never thought I'd be tangled up inside myself without any chance to flee. My mind came crashing down, leaving me restless, worrying about things which shouldn't even be recognized.
The more I fought against it, the more I got on to the wrong track. Where was the right one? I didn't know anymore.

Slowly I raised my gaze and starred at the door, silently begging it to open again and reveal your face. Fate seemed to be against me because in fact the door stayed close, instead my phone rang and as I opened the text message just to see your name my heart skipped a beat. The next moment it broke again. You sent me the message which was meant for her. You told her you finally broke up with the douchebag, which was me. It was like I could feel the pieces of my heart shattering into even smaller ones as my eyes scanned those words over and over again. Before I even knew it the precious item left my hand and smashed against the wall as another sorrowfull scream left my lungs. My fists met the ground while tears ran down my cheeks, again and again and again, until my hands became numb, just like my heart. Slowly I got up and looked around, noticing all the pictures of you and me hanging on the wall. Without even thinking twice I started ripping them down, throwing them to the ground where the glass shattered into a million pieces. Screaming on top of my lungs yet again I ran through the flat. Anything and Everything which reminded myself about you only the slightest bit got destroyed by my hands.

The plushie you gave me: ripped into halves.
The CD you loved the most: broken into pieces.
The necklace with fitting wristband: cut to slices.
The love letter: burned down

The list was long, but nothing satisfied me. Not even burning your face out of our pictures. As time went by that task became too exhausting so I sat down between the signs of destruction. Ignoring the cuts in my skin I lit up a cigarette, inhaling the smoke deeply, knowing you'd nag if you'd see this. You always disliked when I smoked. Said it would be bad for me. A joyless laughter echoed through the room, causing my brain to notice the emptiness yet again. Silent tears. Again. Questioning you, me, the relationship, your love, the whole world. No answers yet, so I took another drag. Still no answers. It seems now that the things I never wanted are the things I've grown the most thankful for. Yet the things I've wanted most are the things I've come to regret. Like You. I never loved someone more than I loved you, but it seems as if I suffocated you with my honest feelings. Maybe I wasn't enough. Maybe because I wasn't a girl. Maybe because I wasn't perfect. But I tried so hard. I never stopped trying to be perfect, just for you. Wasn't this enough? Did you start regretting being with me? Was it too embarrassing? Could it be, that you never loved me? Was I too fat? Not muscular enough? Was my laughter too loud? Was I too ugly? Were you annoyed by my clinging? Did you grow tired of me? Did your love die down due the familarisation? Have you had enough? Did my habbits bug you? Did my sense of music bother you? Was I too selfish? Didn't I pay enough attention?

My mind kept running in circles until I heard the soft click of a closing door. My head snapped upwards and there were you, standing in the door frame and starring at the mess speechlessly. Why did you come back? For me? Or did you forget something? A scoff was heard and at this moment I knew, you'd never come back for me, so I did the only thing I could think of. I got up and walked over to you then took another drag of the cigarette and exhaled it straight into your face. "Get lost." Were my whispered words before I shoved you out of my door again. "This is my flat! Leave!" I yelled, trying to deceive you. I didn't want you to think I'd be nothing without you. But you didn't want to be deceived. Your fingers curled around my wrists this time and your eyes met mine. Those eyes, which never failed to make me stumble. Those dark orbs, which left me drowning. Those eyes, which lit up so cutely when you smiled sincerely. Those eyes, which almost hid themselves when you laughed. Those eyes, which now were filled with sorrow and tears. Those eyes, which slowly shut down as you leaned in. Those eyes, which fluttered shut as your lips came in contact with mine. Those thin lips, which I grew addicted to. Those lips, which formed the promise we made long ago.
"You jump, I jump. Remember?"



_____________________________A/N____________

I finally managed to end this chapter.... I got to admit it was torture for me, because I used my own feelings in there... I still dislike the ending and ugh the whole chapter but i think i won't be able to make it better or worth it in my eyes since I poured anything of myself in. Except for the ending tho. Oh and -point on the chapter name- ELFS DID YOU NOTICE, HM HM? hopefuly you did >.>


anyways, enjoy guys