6.

Kyuhyun knew he should have seen it coming.

He had a series of events laid out before his eyes, and yet he didn’t avoid it happening.

He simply thought he was that strong.

At a plane back to Seoul, Ryeowook had his earplugs in, staring before him. Kyuhyun who sat beside, didn’t know whether it was a good idea or not to talk to him.

But they were best friends.

“Ryeowook-ah…”

He nudged him.

Was he selfish for still wanting to have his friend to lean on? When all he had done was to help Ryeowook believe something that wasn’t real?

The older gave Kyuhyun his attention, and their hearts shone from inside their chests.

That they did believe that everything could be blocked just because they knew that they were best friends was just another way to observe the unsmooth conversation.

Kyuhyun spilled his feelings about the stress he had suddenly felt, and the lack of passion in his heart for singing.

Ryeowook looked right through him, and Kyuhyun knew that.

He told the maknae that it would probably pass: everything passed eventually.

Everything passed.

Kyuhyun repeated what he had been told innumerous times, twisting it, putting it in different contexts without really getting somewhere with it.

Kyuhyun’s mother tilted her head when Kyuhyun came barging through the door with a misguided expression on his face. Her arms were already extended when her son had closed the door behind him, and it didn’t take much for him to run into her embrace.

He closed his eyes and let her pull her fingers through his hair; soothing him like she used to.

He relaxed, knowing that his mother would not discourage him when he was feeble, because Kyuhyun often kept strong. He had never wanted to be a bother to his parents although he knew that they would be there for him.

When Kyuhyun mentioned what seemed to hurt him the most – he had already told her everything about his stress and how Sungmin had been acting strange lately – she however raised her brow.

They were in the couch, and he was resting his head on her lap, feeling like he was back a child.

He had missed closeness without regret.

“Aigo, my Kyuhyunie”, she said, sighing. “Don’t let love come in your way.”

The 23-year old pursed his lips.

“But mom, it’s hard. I’ve never felt like this before, it has never happened.”

She had known since long that her son had a thing for the other gender, and she had been there for him when he announced to her that he was dating Sungmin.

She sighed again.

“Just don’t go breaking your own heart.” She pulled his hair gently. “I know my Kyuhyunie will find a way.”

He looked up at her.

He wondered what way would ever lead him forward.

What way would ease the pain.

What way would fix his burning heart.

“What if I can’t?”

“It wouldn’t be pain if it weren’t temporary. I know, son.”

She patted his forehead.

“A while after I met your father, I realized that I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him if I truly loved the partner I had back then.”

A horrible feeling started creeping inside of him. It wasn’t realization, nor was it denial.

“It doesn’t have to be intentional.” She pulled his son’s bangs and caught his terrified glance. “It can be really scary. It was scary for me too. I was 100 percent sure I loved both of them. No one could take that away from me, except myself.”

Kyuhyun was still confused.

“I accepted how I felt, and tried to do something about it. I tried to find out my true feelings.”

Bang.

His chest began pounding.

 “So when I spent time with them, I compared how I felt with them. I searched for something that would say ‘this feels right’.”

Bang again.

“So I kissed them both.”

Explosion.

“It was horrible having to do it, and it kept feeling horrible a long time after that, but I tried to be patient.” She frowned. “Kyuhyun? What’s wrong?”

He gulped nervously.

His eyes cried out admit.

His heart pumped out anxiety.

“Mom. That’s what I did too.”

She embraced her son, who gave her full access to his heart.

“You’ll find the answer soon, my Kyuhyunie.”

Sungmin bowed deeply when Kyuhyun and his mother met him at their door, but the woman merely stretched her arms and took Sungmin into her embrace.

Kyuhyun watched in bliss that for a moment overshadowed the fright.

He had realized that he needed Sungmin by his side at that point.

He was sure of what he had done, and it scared him.

It also caused him to miss Sungmin even more.

“It must be hard for you.”

Sungmin raised his brows, and Kyuhyun was the only one who saw it. The older band member smiled when Mrs. Cho patted his head and looked at him apologetically.

Kyuhyun wondered for what reason that was. But his mother wasn’t the sneaky type. She wasn’t one to purposely make her son feel bad either.

“You’ve got so much on your mind, don’t you?”

She proceeded in patting Sungmin’s head and shoulders but eventually led the two young men to the living room.

 “Are you eating well?”

Kyuhyun’s mother began examining Sungmin’s features, looking for any signs of physical devastation. The latter nodded, hands clasped together in his lap. He threw a glance over at Kyuhyun, and met it immediately.

It lingered.

“Aigoo, my Kyuhyunie says some of you aren’t feeling well lately; are they putting too much pressure on you?”

The youngest looked down, a silly smile glued to his face. As much as his mother wanted all the best, she couldn’t avoid being so cute.

Although below that cuteness there was a persuasion not even Kyuhyun could understand.

“Ah, our Kyuhyun isn’t feeling too well. But I said it would pass eventually. I wouldn’t say they’re taking it easy with us though. When our new album comes it will be even more stressful.”

Sungmin shot a glance at the maknae, but it was something more meaningful than that. Kyuhyun could only see it from the corner of his eye.

“Take care of him, right?” Mrs. Cho went on. “And take care of yourself, too.”

At that, Sungmin’s eyes darkened. Worry shot through Kyuhyun’s body when he recognized that gaze as the same unreadable one as before.

His feelings were so confused, so mixed at that point.

When his mother went to the kitchen to get something, Kyuhyun couldn’t help but to take his lover into his arms. He couldn’t help but embracing Sungmin and resting his head on his shoulder.

He couldn’t help missing him to the point that he felt like breaking down.

Sungmin pressed soft lips against his forehead and he breathed in.

Kyuhyun kissed the tip of Sungmin’s nose, and he breathed out.

“Take care of yourself.” Kyuhyun whispered.

They parted and Kyuhyun took his old seat back, on the armchair in front of the sofa where his love and his mother had sat earlier.

“Drink well” she urged the young men as they took their cups of tea from the tray.

Sungmin still looked insecure. He still kept the unreadable expression he had since a while ago.

He wasn’t taking care of himself. And Kyuhyun couldn’t take it.

“Is everything okay?”

Kyuhyun couldn’t help the words from slipping.

He wanted an answer. He needed an answer.

Sungmin pursed his lips very carefully, and nodded.

But his smile was not convincing to any of the others.

Kyuhyun’s mouth was quivering, and Sungmin refused to look at him. His gaze was stuck on his feet.

“Sungmin, I’ve told you that you’re allowed to come to me if you need anything”, Mrs. Cho said, her tone worried.

Kyuhyun was never surprised about his mother’s care; it was the fact that Sungmin hadn’t taken advantage of it yet that baffled him. Because Kyuhyun couldn’t recall any time Sungmin had spoken about his own parents let alone visited them.

It was hard getting along without someone to guide you.

“I know, mother.” Sungmin said, flashing a smile. “I’m thankful.”

His façade wasn’t working.

“If it’s something really bothering you, it’s important that you get an outlet for it, okay? Maybe you can talk to someone else if you don’t want us to-“

Sungmin took a deep breath, sounding almost like a gasp.

Kyuhyun exhaled.

“Sungmin-ah…”

He didn’t answer. Mrs. Cho put a hand on his shoulder, urging him to drink some more tea. She fixed his bangs and dusted off his back.

Sungmin’s body jolted.

Nothing hurt Kyuhyun more in the world than to see his loved one cry.

Nothing stressed him as much as watching Sungmin pained.

And nothing could hinder the feelings of guilt hiding within him, as he knew that he should have seen Sungmin’s tears coming.

Kyuhyun jumped out of his seat and came to sit beside his boyfriend, trapping him between himself and his mother. He brought his arms around Sungmin’s waist. Sungmin was already leaning against the other but that didn’t stop Kyuhyun from holding him.

“I’ve been stressed lately…” Sungmin’s misguided voice uttered into nothing. No one said a word. Kyuhyun braced himself for every possible scenario; they kept popping into his head, fragment by fragment and made a mess. He was a mess. Sungmin was a mess. They were all a mess.

“And things are not going well with, ah, my family.”

He paused to sniffle, and Kyuhyun tilted his head so that he would meet with Sungmin’s gaze.

He saw the pain in his boyfriend’s eyes, and with his own, assured that he would be there beside him.

Sungmin looked at his feet, tears beaming on his face and hands clasping on to each other as he finally told what Kyuhyun had been so anxious not knowing.

“My mom is not who she used to be… She isn’t proud of me and every time we talk, she asks why I can’t provide for her or why I can’t-, why I can’t be there for my family… And she says I’m a failure to all.”

“I don’t know why she is like that… It sometimes feels like she has been taking drugs or been drinking. I don’t know what’s going on at home, but I’m scared to go there.”

Kyuhyun lifted his hand to wipe one of the horrifying tears away.

He wished he could wipe everything away.

But a fresh tear replaced the earlier one.

Time was the only savior, yet the only enemy.